Here at The Autopian, we love it when you send us tips either through our email line or through our Discord. It doesn’t have to be something groundbreaking like a leak of an upcoming car or a clue for Mack Hardigraw’s next taillight mystery, it can simply be a great story idea.
Today, our Discord had a brainwave: Why don’t we, the writers, make haikus for our cars and see if you can guess which car goes with which? Now, Jason’s played with car haikus before, so while the professional adults here were otherwise busy, we hatched a plan. Think you’ve been keeping track of our cars? Now’s the time to test yourself.
Fair warning: We’ve got ten haikus on the docket today, and not every writer had time to get a haiku or two written, so don’t expect every car in the collective fleet to be here. With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s begin.
1.
Had it since 18
Stolen and then returned home
Two carbs and no rad
2.
Once owned by Smokey
The bear, not Jackie Gleason
Lovely shade of green
3.
Cheers to Grant and Harm
As the organ notes come in
It’s time for breakfast
4.
A machine that is
just ultimate enough for
this simple driver
5.
Artful perfection
Yet oh so approachable
Magazines were right
6.
Born in Abingdon
Better known as a drop-top
But this one is a coupe
7.
Car you can shit in
Got me from LA to here
Now it’s just a house
8.
Transmission suspect
Silver, yet not valuable
Cursed decision
9.
Seemed fine at the time
Then I lived with the damn thing
A Toyota next
10.
Butch little Pike car
Less than a liter is fine
Keeps hitting those deer
Think you’ve kept track of our cars and figured these haikus out? Make your guesses in the comments, then hop this link to see how you did.
[Hat-tip to Discord users Dalton and Not-Alex Alex!]
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I knew 8 or 9 referred to Matt’s car, just that both sounded valid for it.
Stupid metric rims
Global continental tour
Four Magna PI
Little but its not
Its heart comes from Germany
Union Jack on top
Too easy.
Yeah, I’m not good with subtlety.
Car 1:
Australian Coupe
American V8 heart
Ticket Me Yellow
Car 2:
Burgundy on Tan
Jesus never spoke of it
Surprisingly quick
Bavarian bomb
Natural breathing six speed
Leaks like a Leyland
I believe I took
That pic of Torch’s Yugo
Like two years ago
I got 1, 7, 9, and 10 right. I knew 4 and 5 were BMWs but I guessed the wrong BMWs
Fun and fast lil coup
Has horsey in the logo
But no Ferrari
Slush box and turbo
As Japanese as they come
A hair dressers dream
Nitrogen and oil
The engine’s in there somewhere
But the design wow
You’ve guessed it: Frank Stallone.
I mean: 356, Figaro and DS
Stretched in the middle
Powered by Down Under fish
Henry’s legacy
Compact but not here
Press the button for motion
Tailfins at both ends
Mongrel of two dads
Utilitarian shape
Taking forever
Acres of woodgrain
Not one single tree was cut
Buick Roadmaster
Muffler rusted out
Louder than it ought to be
V8 noise go vroom
1.4 litres
Turbo housing please don’t crack
GM LUV
Nice!
KL-ZE please
Sibling of the MX-5
Few are still alive
They say it’s unsafe
But we all know what is true
It is the driver.
Well thought of V-6
Three row SUV for fam
Unreliable
Dodge journey?
Honda Pilot. It’s a shot at David Tracy!
Trusty cheap old clone
NUMMI built with blue bow tie
My Rocinante
Prism?
Small ground mammal once
Post diesel-gate a new life
Electrified sport
E-Golf?
Teutonic machine
Chain guides go bad and the belt
Service position
Jeep of Theseus
All the parts are replaced
So reliable