I have a lot of ideas that have been praised by media critics as “sub-moronic” and “insipid wastes of the human spirit.” A former member of the Pulitzer committee once even honored me by fake vomiting when I entered a dinner party, but did so with such enthusiasm and vigor that it turned into real vomit within seconds, completely re-coloring my ivory Sansabelt slacks into something that resembled a casino carpet. That’s just a taste of how respected I am in literary circles, which is where I found the confidence to present to you my new series that I may forget about after this post, Objects That Remind Me Of Cars. What’s this series about? It’s about things I see that somehow remind me of a car, and then I draw over the object the car that was conjured up! It’s what people come to respected automotive publications like this one to see!
This time, the object was a rectangular slab of ice cream on a wooden stick, covered in a lot of little aquarium-gravel like edible thingies that I don’t really know much about. I think officially these are known as Blue Bunny Chocolate Eclair Bars, but around our house we’ve come to call these (and their strawberry variants) “sparkle bars,” for reasons lost to time.
Anyway, this was the moment in time when I paused my ravenous eating and looked, really looked, at the sparkle bar. This is what I saw:
Something about that cross-section of ice cream bar, poking out in the middle due to the internal wooden stick, reminded me of a whole host of cars of the early 1970s, when a certain kind of owl-like beak was popular.
This was primarily an American phenomenon though not exclusively. The amazing, air-cooled Honda 1300 comes to mind:
Anyway, you get the idea. Something about that ice cream bar really reminded me of these sorts of front ends, so here’s what this object feels like to me, as a car:
Some big, owl-beaked American sedan. I’m thinking of the white part there as the chrome grille bezel, and the interior chocolate as the grille itself. The innermost of those dual headlamps would be integrated into the grille bezel, maybe.
Man, I feel better for having showed all of you this! Now you can enjoy your weekends, secure in the knowledge of what general sort of car a particular half-eaten ice cream bar looks like to me!
If any of you have pictures of objects that remind you of cars, send them in, and I’ll see if I can quickly sketch The Car Within! Why not?
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Jason, you live in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, less than an hour’s drive from my worthless podunk here in the wilds of Chatham County.
You know well and good that that bar is a Good Humor product and I’ll remind you plenty well not only of that but that it’s been so since my mother was in law school in Durham in the late 1990s. (They also had an almond one back then, but that’s long gone, so you’ve probably forgot.)
Now, since I’ve been forgetting to ask — what the devil’s a fella got to do to get you thirty minutes down the road in a Changli?
Here’s an object that makes me think of Chevettes:
https://pcobern.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/9e231-cowpatty.jpg
Pure Pontiac
I put the 1967 Oldsmobile Delta in the suggestion box.
https://www.classicautomall.com/vehicles/4337/1967-oldsmobile-delta-88-convertible
My favorite car related treat are the bilar gummies from Sweden.
https://www.amazon.com/Bags-125g-Ahlgrens-Bilar-Original/dp/B06WPBXJ6N
If you want a car-resembling treat, there is a Kinder bar here that immediately struck me as resembling a Mk1 Twingo headlight – and as the Twingo Memes Facebook page demonstrates, I am not alone!
Now I want one of those ice cream bars! I like those cars too