Ever since the car was birthed into existence, a handful of customers have bought vehicles and then spent even more money on aftermarket bits to make their machines a little showier. Obviously, high-end automakers don’t like that, because it means less money on the table for them. While some may have slightly more litigious reputations than others, there’s another solution, especially for companies capable of in-house customization — just beat the tuners to the punch. This is the Rolls-Royce Cullinan Series II, and well, just look at it. Seems like a pre-emptive strike against aftermarket customizers of questionable taste, right?
First, a little background: While many high-end automakers have internal terminology for facelifted models, Rolls-Royce is one of the few to have a consistent signifier in each actual model name. From a branding perspective, it’s an excellent idea. Not only does it instantly date Series I models, it has this traditionalist ring to it that fits oddly well.
The Cullinan was already one of the oddest-looking luxury SUVs on the market, offering the visual impression of a Hackney carriage for people with Cayman Islands accounts. However, while old one was never accused of being pretty, the simple front valence elements with horizontal emphasis worked. The new one? Well, it looks like the stylists for Goodwood have discovered a copy of “Need For Speed: Carbon” because it’s rocking angular air inlets like it’s the mid-to-late aughts. There’s also more than a whiff of Lamborghini Reventón to the new front bumper, which is odd, because the Cullinan is about as performance-focused as a narrowboat. Add in dripping daytime running lights that run down the fascia like ruined eyeliner, and the bright beacon of an illuminated grille, and you get a sense that Rolls-Royce could be trying to give Mansory a run for its money.
Around back, the theme of oddly outdated cosmetic alterations continues with new false exhaust tips that look far chunkier than before and a shiny faux skid plate befitting of a mainstream crossover. The false exhaust tips are particularly funny because we’ve spent the last decade or so going for thin bezels on everything — flat-screen televisions, mobile telephones, laptops, watches, all that stuff — and yet Rolls-Royce is surrounding the new Cullinan’s exhaust outlets with chunky chrome pieces that would’ve made great bangles 15 years ago. Is this a minor quibble? Sure, but in this price bracket, nits matter.
However, I certainly can’t complain about the new 23-inch billet alloy wheels on the Cullinan Series II. They are absolutely fabulous rounds of twisted, polished metal far more interesting than anything available on the outgoing model. Attention all manufacturers doing the black-wheel-with-machined-faces thing: This is how you fill a wheel arch.
Likewise, the interior seems sensational, as it should be in this echelon. Rolls-Royce has been busy porting over features from other models, so the new Cullinan gets the infotainment system from the Spectre, along with the illuminated fascia panel from the Ghost and Spectre, just to smarten things up a bit. However, the real showstoppers lie in the materials, because they’re what makes a Rolls-Royce cost so much.
For those who find the creaking of leather vulgar, a new fabric option called Duality Twill. According to the marque, “A full Duality Twill interior can incorporate up to 2.2 million stitches, 11 miles of thread, and is the product of 20 hours of construction.” Astonishing, isn’t it? Oh, and if you’d prefer to sit on hides, you might be interested in the new Placed Perforation option, which uses leather perforations like pointillism to effectively paint a picture in the leather. In this case, a depiction of clouds. How cool is that?
So, the Rolls-Royce Cullinan Series II looks even more fabulous on the inside and even more gopping on the outside than ever before. Perfect for valeting at Nobu, right? Expect it to start at a price that’s eye-watering to most, and for production to run through 2029 at the maximum if Rolls-Royce wants to keep its promise of going all-electric by 2030.
(Photo credits: Rolls-Royce)
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When I visited BMW Welt, the BMW-brands super showroom next to the BMW Museum in Münchkin, it was nice to see all the cars together in a pleasant, welcoming atmosphere, except for the Cullinan, which exuded an obnoxious air of “Fuck off, peasant, you can’t afford me.”
Munchkin? You mean Munich?
Yes. A friend always refers to it as Munchkin, which appeals to my under-developed sense of humour.
I fully support this energy. I refer to the formerly Torro Rosso/Alpha Tauri F1 team as “Arby’s” for simuler reasons.
It looks like a car designed in that Automation game
I thought this was one of Jason’s, “Look what AI came up with” stories. Mom was right, money does not buy class.
Oooh – can Adrian “fix” it?
Nothing but gasoline & a match will fix that.
Are the gauges digital? I’m sorry, but at 400 grand you should be getting physical gauges. Nothing about a two-dimensional screen says “craftsmanship”.
YES, FINALLY, SOMEONE DOING CLOTH (oh, sorry, “twill”) SEATS!!!!!
The Toyota Century would like a word in your shell-like.
we don’t get those here
🙁
Cloth seats are better than leather in every way. I will die on this hill, (reclining in comfort, the cloth neither too warm nor too cold)
no need to die on a hill when you’re correct
Volvo’s been offering wool for a few years now. It’s lovely, much like in the Century that LP500’s son mentioned.
Hell yeah. I missed Volvo’s wool, but I really, really hope it keeps catching on. If Rolls — Rolls! — can offer a compelling cloth, darn near anyone can and feel okay about it.
Congratulations, Rolls-Royce. I didn’t think you could possibly make the Cullinan any worse, and yet you’ve outdone yourself. Hands down it’s the most hideous thing being made on the road today, and I’m not feeling that as exaggeration or a hot take.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
A face only a mother could love matched with a babyshit green-yellow interior.
Yes, but does it come with a Rich Corinthian Leather subscription as standard?
Those DRLs are totally trying to look like monocles, right? I can’t be the only one seeing this……I swear Rolls just thought, “How do we make people seeing our car feel poorer? I know! Monocle!”
I have not even read this yet, but my first reaction is that every other electric SUV fell off the top of the ugly tree and this landed on the ground. Woof woof.
Ooof that’s one ugly car.
I don’t see a problem. It’s not really mimicking any other design language in any meaningful way, and that’s all that really matters to these buyers. It doesn’t have to be the most capable or best value (which obviously it isn’t in either way), it just needs to be distinctive, comfortable, and white-glove certified.
In a way, it just comes down to the cache. Slazengers may not be the best tennis ball for all styles of play, but it certainly lets one know that they are playing with something different and expensive. All that really matters is that it’s not a Dunlop that’s found at the YMCA or the multipurpose public park.
Your analogy is gold.
The angled intakes on the front look remind me of the BMW iX. I hate it.
I used to disliked iX. Started crossing with them more frequently. Given the fact that this is the closest to a wagon that i can get from BMW where I live, I am starting to look at it with other eyes.
The front end I really don’t like the rear end is fine, but the interior is extremely neat, and given both BMW and EV depreciation, once they get into the 30k range in a couple of years they’ll be an extremely interesting used option.
Yes, exactly! Finding one with a decent battery pack or under warranty will put them into the “buyable” territory. Even with that front end, which I totally agree is not desirable at all.
It is just following the angular design trend from its parent company.
I want Adrian’s take about this. No offense about your opinion Thomas, just like his opinions too.
I don’t care, I would like mine with the leather of 20 and something of the finest cows available. If I could/would buy something like this.
It’s been a few decades since I have found a Rolls Royce to have an attractive design, so I was prepared to find this ugly from just the top shot alone. Looking at the remainder of the photos just made me think “This looks like what a non-licensed video game version of a Rolls SUV would look like”. The proportions are certainly awkward, and the styling is terribly inconsistent, but worst of all is it still somehow manages to look rather generic. I have my doubts that I’ll ever see one on the road, but even more I have my doubts I’d even notice it if I did.
I’ve seen a few of the old ones and a few Bentley SUV’s too. They definitely don’t stand out like you should expect from a Rolls or a Bentley. When I see a Continental or even an old Rolls I notice. Not so much with the SUV’s.
Exactly. I think Bentley does better about having presence and being noticed, but even the Bentayga blends in more than it should. But as you say, the older cars just…have presence you notice.
If there is an antithesis to what I want from a car this is it.
There’s a Kuwaiti Prince who lives in BelAir who took delivery of a Cullinan shortly after they were introduced.
He immediately sent it out to be wrapped in his signature shade of Purple.
“A full Duality Twill interior can incorporate up to 2.2 million stitches, 11 miles of thread, and is the product of 20 hours of construction.”
Ironically this is overtly stating that the interior isn’t handstitched (200k stitches an hour is not humanly possible), at which point who flipping cares how many hours it takes a machine to stitch a pattern? Multiple machines likely, since a sewing machine sewing at 5,000 SPM at 14 SPI will sew 9.9 yards of seam per minute (3 hours per mile).
You think the rich can do math past how much their dividend pays out????
If I could build a fully upholstered interior in 20 hours myself I would be amazed. That isn’t an impressive amount of time for “hand crafting”. Well, it is, its impressively SHORT.
Exactly. I seem to remember ultralux cars constantly bragging about the handcrafted of all their stuff, so it was extremely amusing to just say “yeah humans don’t do this”.
Remember, in Rolls-Royce parlance, this is a “High-Riding Car (HRC)”, because “SUV” is vulgar or something.
From the people who brought you “SAV”