There’s a story making the rounds right now about how noted Scientologist and star of the 1985 cult classic Legend (it’s possible he’s had some other gigs since then, I didn’t check) attempted to enter the car of UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak’s presumably state-owned and armored car while at a heliport in London. I was asked to write this up, since it’s, you know, car-related news about multiple famous people, and I agreed, but now as I really think about it, I think the real story is the fact that this incredibly minor incident is getting all the attention it is. And now I’m contributing to that attention! So, screw it, let’s look at what happened, and why this is blowing up.
And it is blowing up; the tweet that shows what happened has over 4.3 million views at this moment, and there’s a ton of news stories out there discussing what happened.
Here, look at all of these:
I like the headlines that say “nearly hijacks” because that implies a whole other level of intent here. Much more exciting. Let’s take a look at the video from this, um, event so we can decide for ourselves just what level of thrilling this is, on a scale from, say, Mission Impossible II to Cocktail:
Tom Cruise almost jumps in Rishi Sunak's car while out in Wandsworth, London pic.twitter.com/GVLbNi6gFO
— UB1UB2 West London (Southall) (@UB1UB2) June 3, 2024
Okay, yes, it happened, but exactly what happened? Tom Cruise lands at a heliport, knows he has to get into some hire car that isn’t his, so he tries to open the door of a black Audi, but, oops, that’s not it, so he goes to the black Mercedes-Benz next to it and our exciting, two-fisted tale of walking up to the wrong car comes to a satisfying and climactic end.
I do get why it was deemed newsworthy, of course: it’s Tom Cruise, one of the best-known movie actor fellas of our time, and Rishi Sunak is the leader of one of the biggest beans-on-toast-eating nations of Earth, and it’s in the middle of an election campaign. So I get that the interaction and intersection of these two humans would be deemed newsworthy, but is this really an interaction? Dude walked up to the wrong car. That was it.
I guess if Chamomile Bandersnatch or Menchavik Thunderscratch or Benedict Cumberbatch or whoever were to attempt to enter the American Presidential “Beast” limo, that would make news, too. I guess.
This whole thing just feels ridiculous. For one thing, Cruise had a perfect opportunity and squandered it. That dude has been trained in spy movies for decades. He couldn’t have found some way into that Audi? Please. He didn’t even try.
Also, a bit of this reporting kind of struck me as, I suppose, disheartening. This is from the Politico article:
Famously the two men share a likeness beyond their choice of vehicle — their diminutive stature. Both stand at around 5ft 7 inches, and Sunak in particular has been mocked by his opponents over his height.
As a person of “diminutive stature” myself, I think I can comfortably say what the fuck, Politico? The fuck does height have to do with anything? Does it really matter so little what someone accomplishes that somehow being short is what’s most relevant? Ridiculous, but, whatever, that’s how the world works. What’s also maddening is the “share a likeness beyond their choice of vehicle” because neither of them chose those vehicles: Cruise had some car-service-supplied Mercedes, and the PM had the official Audi (they can’t use a Jag or something British?). They didn’t go out of their way to select these things!
Well, now that I wrote this up, I’m even more convinced it’s all sort of stupid. Happy to be of service!
Wait, the PM of Great Britain has an Audi? Not a Jag, or Land Rover, or Rolls, or Bentley? WTH?
Wait, the PM of Great Britain has an Audi? Not a Jag, or Land Rover, or Rolls, or Bentley? WTH?
I regret that I clicked this now after I read it. It’s sort of not interesting.
I regret that I clicked this now after I read it. It’s sort of not interesting.
The funniest outcome would have been if they both stayed in it until their egos suffocated them both.
The funniest outcome would have been if they both stayed in it until their egos suffocated them both.
Slow news day huh?
Slow news day huh?
Cruise could have found a way into the Audi, but he’s too smart to be seen in one.
Cruise could have found a way into the Audi, but he’s too smart to be seen in one.
I don’t know where people get 5’7″ is “short” at all. 5’5″ like me? Sure. I can’t even reach the top of my pantry to get my slow cooker out and thus have to climb up there using the shelves like a monkey. But 5’7″ is within the standard range of height for an adult man.
I’m 5″4, and have been mocked for it until I finished school at 24 years old. Countless times have I been told by would be romantic partners that I was “cute and funny but too short”.
First I used the frustration as a motivation to become my best self (engineer, pilot, DIY wrench, entrepreneur). Then, I just rolled with the jokes, found a lady who didn’t care and now my life is awesome.
Who’s laughing now?
We can fit in the back seat of a Mustang and can wear tight fitting shirts without them riding up, so there are some benefits.
Being a short guy and a gear head is indeed a blessing. No “the Miata is too cramped” for me!
5’7″ is Hollywood short, but I don’t feel too short at that same height.
Many actors are much less tall than you imagine. I think 5’7″ is dating app short, but not Hollywood short.
I’m 5’10” and I get told I’m short all the time. The goalposts for height have been moved an awful lot lately and I’m not entirely sure why.
I don’t know where people get 5’7″ is “short” at all. 5’5″ like me? Sure. I can’t even reach the top of my pantry to get my slow cooker out and thus have to climb up there using the shelves like a monkey. But 5’7″ is within the standard range of height for an adult man.
I’m 5″4, and have been mocked for it until I finished school at 24 years old. Countless times have I been told by would be romantic partners that I was “cute and funny but too short”.
First I used the frustration as a motivation to become my best self (engineer, pilot, DIY wrench, entrepreneur). Then, I just rolled with the jokes, found a lady who didn’t care and now my life is awesome.
Who’s laughing now?
We can fit in the back seat of a Mustang and can wear tight fitting shirts without them riding up, so there are some benefits.
Being a short guy and a gear head is indeed a blessing. No “the Miata is too cramped” for me!
5’7″ is Hollywood short, but I don’t feel too short at that same height.
Many actors are much less tall than you imagine. I think 5’7″ is dating app short, but not Hollywood short.
I’m 5’10” and I get told I’m short all the time. The goalposts for height have been moved an awful lot lately and I’m not entirely sure why.
Bro I guarantee if Cumberbitch Bundersnatch tried to enter Biden’s Beast, that would be totally different news
That’s the weirdest part, that it’s just parked there with the rest of the executive chauffeur cars.
Besides being basically a box truck with an armored limo body, the beast would probably be in a lot cleared of everything but secret service vehicles/police.
Bro I guarantee if Cumberbitch Bundersnatch tried to enter Biden’s Beast, that would be totally different news
That’s the weirdest part, that it’s just parked there with the rest of the executive chauffeur cars.
Besides being basically a box truck with an armored limo body, the beast would probably be in a lot cleared of everything but secret service vehicles/police.
I have to drive a silver Prius.
Tell me about trying to figure out which car is yours.
I have to drive a silver Prius.
Tell me about trying to figure out which car is yours.
Which one is which? They’re both short, I can’t tell them apart from up here above six feet!
Which one is which? They’re both short, I can’t tell them apart from up here above six feet!
Sunak = dead PM walking. Zombie administration. After the nightmare that is Brexit, they’re going to throw those Con bums out.
Careful now, the British public has a strong history of voting against their own self-interest.
Hey, just like us ‘muricans, and probably most other ‘freely’ voting populaces in the world! Turns out making educated voting decisions is not particularly easy or common… who knew :p
Sunak = dead PM walking. Zombie administration. After the nightmare that is Brexit, they’re going to throw those Con bums out.
Careful now, the British public has a strong history of voting against their own self-interest.
Hey, just like us ‘muricans, and probably most other ‘freely’ voting populaces in the world! Turns out making educated voting decisions is not particularly easy or common… who knew :p
If only the British Secret Service had opened fire on Cruise. Now that would’ve been news worth reading.
If it was some parts of the US, the cops would’ve have opened fire on Sunak.
What is this, Jalopnik?
Truth is truth regardless of where it comes from.
If only the British Secret Service had opened fire on Cruise. Now that would’ve been news worth reading.
If it was some parts of the US, the cops would’ve have opened fire on Sunak.
What is this, Jalopnik?
Truth is truth regardless of where it comes from.
I was surprised to see that the Daily Mail and The Sun didn’t run headlines along the lines of “Crazed foreigner tries to invade Rishi’s ride”, with perhaps a subtitle in The Sun promising “TOM’S TITS – PAGE 6”.
Too normal for british tabloids … it would be more like:
“Tozzer trousering Rishi-rickshaw” or
“Cruizzo cabbaging Premmies pap-pap”
I was surprised to see that the Daily Mail and The Sun didn’t run headlines along the lines of “Crazed foreigner tries to invade Rishi’s ride”, with perhaps a subtitle in The Sun promising “TOM’S TITS – PAGE 6”.
Too normal for british tabloids … it would be more like:
“Tozzer trousering Rishi-rickshaw” or
“Cruizzo cabbaging Premmies pap-pap”
Tom Cruise’s costar in Cocktail was in my high school graduating class. Does that make me part of this story?
Elisabeth Shue?
Yep, and my wife’s college roommate graduated with Cruise. The high schools were about 5 miles apart.
Don’t f_ck with the babysitter!
Unfortunately, Disney cleansed that line to don’t fool with the babysitter. They messing with a classic
This gives bummer.
No. I went to high school with James John Liautaud and I’m still waiting for my free sandwich.