Our Angriest Contributor Went To The Hospital And Logged Onto Slack ‘High As Balls’ And It’s The Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Week

High As Balls Chat
ADVERTISEMENT

Adrian Clarke might be a softy in person, but our dark goth car designer gets so argy-bargy online that we frequently have to edit out his more colorful insults lest we all be sent to The Hague. What’s the trick to softening him up? Sending him to the hospital, of course.

This was a planned event, unlike the previous trip he took to the hospital in the back of an ambulance, and some light sedation was expected. What was less expected was that he’d, you know, log on and start talking to us.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. We all Slack all day, all night, because we can’t be in person but we enjoy the company.

Ok, that’s enough preamble. It’s getting wild in here, be warned.

Img 4179

As we all know, Jason almost died and has had a large tube in him for a few months. A tube, I’m happy to say, is hopefully coming out today. In the interim, I think Adrian was getting jealous of the attention. Jason asked if was getting a PICC line as well.

Slacktales 4166 Large

Lol at “it’s where the hood drugs are going in.” Clearly, he meant “Good drugs” but this would be the first of many things Adrian would fail to type basic words.

Slacktales 4167 Large 2

I’m going to spare you that photo. We went back to talking about other things and I guess Adrian got more dugs because:

Slacktales 4169 Large 2

Lololol.

Slacktales 4170 Large 2

See, he’s much nicer when he’s high. He’s also helpful. We were trying to think of different Autopian Asks (AA) posts and he had some ideas:

Slacktales 4171 Large 2

Ok, so Erica has entered the chat with the full Dan Neil brag.

Slacktales 4172 Large 2

Is sex in a pickup truck bed sex in a car? Not even if you write “I has sex” like some sort of Zyn-addled Clemson Freshman. That is, at best, sex on a car, which is called giving the full Tawny Kitaen.

Slacktales 4173 Large 2

At this point, I was dying. To clarify, I think he’s talking about the Rover Sterling and not a river he made up:

Roverit

I’d bone in that.

Slacktales 4174 Large

Sex in a minivan is sex in a car, but barely.

Slacktales 4175 Large

Slacktales 4176 Large

Welcome, SWG, to the chat. And then let’s all welcome David who was…

Slacktales 4177 Large

Donnying his way into the conversation:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=820830958776095

Forget it, David, you’re out of your element!

Slacktales 4178 Large

looool. And I agree with Erica, it is sort of romantic to have sex in a truck, underneath the State of North Carolina, next to a river conceived by your imagination.

Also, just to clarify, I asked Adrian this morning if it was ok to post this since he was not of full mind yesterday:

Screen Shot 2024 06 28 At 2.55.54 Pm

About the Author

View All My Posts

64 thoughts on “Our Angriest Contributor Went To The Hospital And Logged Onto Slack ‘High As Balls’ And It’s The Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Week

  1. 1989 XJ Laredo that had lots of adventures. Plenty of room for activities. Also plenty of room for 10 people to fit while driving 110mph on I84 in NY. The XJ speedo only goes to 85mph, but the Nissan Sentra we were side-by-side with went up to 120ish, and they were with us.

  2. Honestly, TFTS is a highlight of this site. I am deeply jealous that I’m only in the Autopian Cinematic Universe in my head, and not in this Slack channel.

  3. I love this. Excuse me but i have to drink seven more beers and inappropriately drunk text some old friends and also some work acquaintances. The fact that my pretend Autopian internet friends are all actually friends with each other in real life is heartwarming to the maxxx. Is this the last real place in cyberspace?

  4. Joined as a member because of Torch and Tracy, keep subscribing because of gold like this from Adrian.

    And for the record, a 70 VW beetle and a 76 T-bird.

  5. This one is funny and sad. Don’t read if you can’t stand sad dog stories. We were gifted an elderly floof of a dog. I mean extremely floofy and soft. The kind where you just want to stroke constantly and bury your face in it. But this dog was not a snuggler at all. If he was on the floor and you sat next to him, he immediately got up and walked away. If you sat on the sofa with him, he would climb off and onto the other sofa. He was otherwise a normal dog and an awesome catcher of Frisbee, given his advanced age. Unfortunately, he came down with intestinal (mesenteric) torsion, which is 90% fatal. My wife and son were delayed getting to the Vet to say goodbye, so the Vet shot him up with powerful painkillers so they had time. When he was high as balls, he became the snuggliest dog ever. He went to each of us and rubbed us repeatedly, and curled up on the floor with us. So as tragic as the end was, we still laugh about how he had to be high as balls to allow us to snuggle him. He was a very good boy.

    So, yeah, I can see Adrian getting all friendly and snuggley when he’s high as balls.

  6. Backseat of a 1990 Ford probe. I’d been trying to bang this girl for all of highschool and I wasn’t going to let that pathetic back seat stop me when I finally got the chance. Luckily, she was skinny and flexible.

    Also, much loving was had in the back of my XJ with the rear seat pushed down. But that was just too easy. May as well have been a double bed at the Holiday inn.

    Shit, I just remembered, I did the deed on the front passenger seat of that same Probe with a different girl as well.

    No wonder I smile when I think about Ford Probes…

Leave a Reply