You might think that Facebook Marketplace is designed to help you sell things, like cars. Really, though, the purpose of a system is what it does. In the case of Marketplace, then, it’s a system whose purpose is to waste our time and play with our emotions. Or, you can just use it as a place to openly brag.
But how do you brag on Marketplace? Well, you simply post something you want to show off, whether you’re intending to sell it or not. You don’t even have to pretend to sell the thing. For example, you can post a deal on some rare Beanie Babies that your ex would totally go for, while you and your new beau are barely visible, glistening and toned in the reflection in the mirror. It’s not mature, but it works.
But maybe, just maybe we found the greatest brag of all. And it was in the humblest of places.
“Caravan windows 06” read the ad on Facebook Marketplace, listed at the fair price of $1. Not since Hemingway’s “For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn” has an ad conveyed so much in so little a space.
You see, this owner had all the glass for a 2006 Dodge Caravan lying around, except for the windshield and rear hatch. In fact, the owner wasn’t looking for money—the ad stated they were free if you needed them.
The twist that makes this a brag is all in the last line. “I cut the roof of [sic] my caravan for the summer.” And there it is. We get to see the glorious Dodge minivan in all its topless glory. Seating for seven under the sky, sun, and stars. Who wouldn’t be jealous of that?
Yes, the ad does feature two pictures of the glass itself, leaned up against a garden fence. But far more prominent are the two glory shots of the roofless van o’ swag. If you’re selling glass, are the pictures of the van really necessary? Or are they just awesome?
Now it’s entirely possible this wasn’t a brag. The owner might just have been getting rid of some old parts they didn’t need, helping out someone else with a Caravan in the process. Heck, maybe I totally misunderstood what Matt was going for when he assigned me this article with the headline above. But I get it, I do. Sure, the ad is an opportunity to clear out the garage. But it’s also an opportunity to show off your sick-ass whip to the neighborhood.
I’ve gone the chop-top route myself, in fact, and I know how fun it can be. The wind whipping through your hair is all the more satisfying when it’s in a vehicle you built (destroyed?) with a Sawzall and your own two hands. After hacking away at the roof, seatbelts, and support structures, who wouldn’t want to crow about their success?
Honestly, the ad was successful in more ways than one. It let one Mark Mason of Ohio show off his great build. Based on the “sold” status, he was also able to offload the glass to a worthy recipient. Let me be the first to thank you Mark, not only for this humblebrag of an ad, but for doing your part in the automotive hobby that we all love to share and enjoy. Cheers.
Image credits: Facebook Marketplace
“Will accept a tarp as trade.”
When I went to sports camps as a youth, some of the volleyball coaches had “chainsaw convertibles”: buy a shitbox, do the bare minimum to get it legally on the road, and then once it was registered, cut off the roof with a sawzall. They kept tarps in the trunk in case of rain. The cars weren’t pretty, but hey — summer cruising.
On the bright side, this thing now likely now has the torsional rigidity of a wet noodle. As you power out of the apex of a turn, it is likley to twist itself apart, before it actually rolls over…..