Inside You There Are Two Saab Drivers: Cold Start

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Inside you are two Saab drivers. One is going in reverse. The other is also going in reverse. You are going in reverse.

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Inside you are two Saab drivers. One has picked blue interior upholstery and wears a suit and tie, like Carl Jung. The other has selected a kelly green interior and wears a turtleneck and blazer, like Carl Sagan. They both probably work for a community college. One day you must decide which Saab driver/Carl/community college employee you are or are meant to be. Today is not that day.

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Outside you is one more Saab driver. His eyes are icy blue, like his Saab 99GL, and he’s coming for you. Your two Saab drivers inside you are reversing, perpetually; this one drives forward. You must not let him find you. You must be more clever, more swift, more cunning, more able. One day, he will find you, but you can choose where and when.

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Also, look at this fabulous Saab interior; it feels like the car seat version of Tudor architecture.

May your two interior Saab drivers guide you carefully and true today.

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Mercedes Streeter

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34 thoughts on “Inside You There Are Two Saab Drivers: Cold Start”

  1. Damn. I work at a community college. I need to start shopping Saabs. I want green seats, but I don’t want a turtleneck. Is that against the rules?

  3. “Inside you are two Saab drivers. One is going in reverse. The other is also going in reverse.”

    I wouldn’t have guessed this to be true but I admit it does help explain my poor lap times.

      1. I could only aspire to be Barry White. Sadly I will never, ever be cool enough to pull that off. I’m also not pretty or talented enough to pull off peak-era Barry Gibb.

  4. As a multiple Saab owner and driver, I can say I’ve never owned a turtleneck or a blazer with elbow pads….. I did, for a semester in grad school teach Sociology 153….. Damn you!!!

  6. Be honest with yourself Jason – if your back seat was as handsome as that mock-Tudor Saab, you’d be admiring it over your shoulder too.

  7. Okay, fine, I’ll take the hint and drive my 96 to campus today. I’ll warn you that my attire is more along the lines of “slovenly geology instructor” for reasons that I suppose are self-evident. Suits, ties, turtlenecks, and blazers do not feature prominently in my wardrobe. I do have a suit somewhere… Also the car’s interior consists of a racing seat, a five-point harness, and a fire suppression system, but, given the condition of the original materials when the car was pulled out of a farmer’s field around twenty years ago, this isn’t as much of a loss as one might think.

    At least I can usually get a good spot in the parking garage.

    https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51539214093_a7df39f6f3_c.jpg

    4. I’ve got to agree w/Beer-light Guidance: had a seen something that cool in the parking lot of the community college I went to before moving on to a much costlier 4-year school, I’d have inquired as to which professor owned that car, and then immediately registered in whatever class they taught.

      Your old Saab is awesome! Thanks for sharing it with us. 🙂

  8. The guy in the turtle neck is looking back at the guy in the suit disgusted by his embarrassing actions and the guy in the suit responds with his own look back while muttering, “Who did that? Wasn’t me.”.

  9. Is it just me, or are the “two” drivers going in reverse the same model? Looks like the same guy to me, just with gray hair in one ad. The younger version looks happier, looking forward to the new career he just started, backing into his assigned parking space at Stockholm University, ready to shape young minds and foster the next generation of free thinkers. The older version looks a little less happy, no smile, looking at the small box in his backseat, filled with trinkets that he cleared out from his desk, as he backs out of his assigned parking space for the last time, after being fired for sleeping with an undergrad.

  10. You can fight me on it if you want, but vintage SAAB interiors are some of the best there ever were. Nothing screams thriftshop tweed jacket with some library smell like they do.

  12. No one knows what it’s like
    To be a SAAB man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

    No one knows what it’s like
    To be unsated
    Because you’re fated
    To driving only Chevrolets

  16. I must digress and imply there is a another Carl option…
    Carl Brutananadilewski
    He has a twelve pack, sweats, flip-flops and loves air-guitar. He reverse…..forward.

  17. Icy Blue Eyes is coming for the Community College Boys from the opposite end of a dark, narrow alley. Their only escape is to reverse. Suit guy thinks this a fun adventure that will end in a J-turn. Turtleneck guy is more perturbed. He’s met Icy Blue Eyes before. As when running from a bear, he only has to be faster than his companion.

  18. My godfather had a 99EMS with that interior although I remember it being browner. All the benefits of a cloth interior lost because the vinyl strips would magically find a way to make contact with your legs in summer and inflict third degree burns.

  19. I also enjoy how only one of them is wearing a seatbelt. The other is apparently in a 1980s tv action/adventure show that was always at least 40% tire squealing, powersliding car chases but 0% safety for anything (even cardboard boxes) in the vicinity. I miss those.

  20. I thought I only had one not yet fully flourished SAAB driver in me. So thanks!

    But you are right: One is driving a 1967 96 V4 on small country roads, and the other is driving a 1991 900 4-door on the highway. So many decisions!

  21. The only SAAB driver in be is the one that, if I had a bit more disposable income, would have a Sonett, is some wild bright color in my garage.

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