What’s This Glorious American Beast Doing In France?: Cold Start

Cs Vistacruiser Ac
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This morning, our very own stylish and cranky car designer Adrian Clarke emerged from the Chunnel, like an infant being reborn, and stepped onto French soil, with Le Mans as his destination. Almost immediately, he was greeted by a wildly improbable sight: a 1971 (a commenter says it’s ’72, so okay, ’72) Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser, a car about as well-suited to France as baloney and spray cheese are to a croissant. Look at that thing! These were huge even in America, but on French streets the proportions have to be genuinely Sasquatchean. Let’s just look at this thing.

The car is actually a UK car, and Adrian told me there’s some kids watching all the cool UK cars emerge from the tunnel into France, and I’m sure this – and Adrian’s own Ferrari Mondial, seen in the background there – didn’t disappoint. There’s some good details on the back of this thing worth pointing out, too:

Cs Vistacruiser France Ac

First, look how clever this is: cars need to have amber rear indicators in Europe, and this Yank Tank never bothered with such frippery, so instead of clumsily tacking on some amber trailer lights to the bumper, look at this fantastic solution: lights hidden in fake dual exhausts. I’m normally anti fake exhausts, but in this particular case, I love it. The lenses are clear, but I’d bet Euros that the bulbs inside illuminate amber. I love it.

Also, see that little notch in the rear bumper? You know what that is? It’s the sorta-hidden hinge for the Drop-or-Swing tailgate! Look at this!

Ah, that’s so cool.

Oh, one last detail, very unfamiliar to Americans like me are these:

Cs Vistalight

See that funny sticker on the headlight? Those are headlight beam deflectors. UK cars driving in the rest of Europe need them so they don’t blind people driving in oncoming traffic, because UK headlights are aimed for RHD driving.

Man, what a glorious American unicorn that is over there. I wonder if seeing this for French people is similar to how I react when I see a Citroën DS Break over here?

45 thoughts on “What’s This Glorious American Beast Doing In France?: Cold Start

  1. “I wonder if seeing this for French people is similar to how I react when I see a Citroën DS Break over here?”

    Do you REALLY want to know what French people think when they see this?

    Sacred Bleu! Yet another fat/ugly/slow/old/smelly/ravenous/pushy American.

  2. A friend of mine is of Swedish ancestry and still has cousins living there who’d come visit the US from time to time. Apparently there’s a fanbase in Sweden (and other parts of Europe) for big American iron. My friends family particularly liked the fairly unloved here 4 doors of the malaise era. The more couch-like, the better.

  3. Applause! I wonder if those tires came with the car or were ordered to complete the look? 45,000 bonus points for the turn signal solution. I wish I could buy them a tank of gasoline….koff…petrol.

  4. Sorry to bubble-burst Torch, but the bumper notch is NOT a hinge, but rather a step to aide entry into the rear seat; the hinges are on the sides of the tailgate. I’m old, i grew up with & know these things.

    1. I’m old too and I remember it being a step. Look at the photo with the rear seat passenger. The tailgate is hinged on the driver side and the step is on the passenger side.

    1. Lots of UK American car owners do this. It’s about as legal as a £7 note but plod usually turns a blind eye (like they do if you still have flashing red indicators on an older American car).

  5. I’m reminded of Kevin Klein’s utterly disgusting character from “A Fish Called Wanda”. Drove a mid-’70’s Conti around London like it was a Golf. And constantly on the wrong side.

  6. My father was in the Air Force – and we were stationed in Germany and England for a good chunk of my youth. We brought a ‘73 Chevy Chevelle Malibu over with us. It went to the same mechanic who took care of our Audi. They laughed whenever we brought it in.

    1. Did about 1000 miles to Le Mans and back, didn’t miss a beat, and was surprisingly comfortable (this trip was by far the longest I’ve taken it on).

    1. UK law mandates that the front plate is white and the rear is yellow. There’s nothing to say you can’t have fake foreign plates, but there are size requirements for the letters. I’m not sure if this example is legal.

      It has a K at the end because if the car had been sold in the UK when it was new, that was the series it would have been allocated. One year later and it would have had an L plate. And so on. When they reached Y (Z wasn’t allowed) they reversed the format, starting with A the next year.

    2. You can look up UK registered cars and see their current MoT status (check-mot.service.gov.uk). So I can confirm that that is the UK number plate, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal (because the digits are too small, and the worng colour*). Also, you can see that the MoT expired in 2021, so this car is doubly illegal on UK roads.
      Good thing they’re in France really.

      (*There’s a whole DVLA leaflet about numberplates, INF104)

      1. See my comment above. They’re not legal but the police are not really bothered. They’re more concerned about the current fashion for not having a front plate.

        1. We have a version of this in the States.

          Some states require front plates, others don’t. And in those that do, there’s a growing number of people who want to omit that plate. They usually put it inside on the dash b/c you know, it was falling off, officer, need to fix that right away. Usually on a car that clearly has no front plate bracket at all.

            1. Also a lot of European cars that have the front bumper cutout sized for a Euro number plate look ugly with the standard American sized plate installed. The American plate is a lot taller (152mm vs 110-120mm).

  7. If the French do notice, they’re either going to pretend they don’t see it or they’re going to rant about Americans defiling their local culture.

  8. Certain Europeans need to bury bodies in ditches too. You can’t just stuff a body in a Vauxhall and call it a day.

  9. I never realized, until that video, that there were sunvisors installed in the 2nd floor for the Vista roof window.

    It’s lovely. It’s pretty impressive to drive one of those in Europe. My first car in the mid 90’s was a ’72 Cutlass S coupe. It was my daily driver through part of high school and most of college. It got about 10 mpg no matter what I did (city, highway, AC on, or windows down). It was a 350 with a 4 barrel carb. The Vista Cruiser is likely in the single digits for MPG. I wonder if it has the 350 or the 455, or if they swapped it for something else.

  10. I miss big wagons… Classy and comfortable, but still practical. And I’ve always had a soft spot for the Vista Cruiser’s glass roof panels.

  11. What a glorious beast, and in terrific condition!
    The wagon, not Adrian, though he also is a glorious beast.

    I especially appreciate the Vista Cruiser’s ersatz California number plates.

    Also (pushes up glasses), the egg-crate grille is from a ’72.

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