Pebble Beach – what a grand time! People looking fancy, cars looking fancy, food tasting fancy, pinkies tired from pointing next to fingers holding champaign glasses! But as they say, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and Pebble Beach’s caviar and crab meat may now be demanding their payment in the form of… prostitution? I know, I know — this blog is off to an extremely weird start. But my inbox is full of text messages from people asking for all sorts of things that — upon Googling them — I learned are not exactly, uh, family friendly. So proceed reading this article with caution.
Pebble Beach: What a great time to hang out with friends, talk with industry people, and look at beautiful cars. Am I more of a Woodward Dream Cruise guy? Sure, but if you can’t have fun at Pebble Beach, somethin’ ain’t right. Look at all this fun:
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Unfortunately, this joy was quickly replaced by horror, as — while driving the one-of-80 Lincoln Continental Coach Door Edition back to LA — I began receiving texts. Lewd texts. Ones with terminology that I’d never even heard before. Check it out:
What the hell is an incall? An outcall? I did a bit of Googling upon receiving these messages, and saw this:
OH MY GOODNESS. These folks think I’m a prostitute! I also got this message:
What the French Toast is a damn “QV” deal? Some googling revealed:
Jesus! What the heck!
Where were these people getting my number? After picking up the phone when one of them called (!) only to listen to them frantically hang up the phone when what they thought would be a sexy girl voice ended up being a 32 year-old car-dude’s voice, I replied to some and asked:
Escort Alligator? What the? I Googled it and found little. I also Googled “hh,” because I have no clue what that could possibly mean. Apparently it means a sexual encounter that lasts a half an hour.
And look, I realize this is a car website, and that — who knows — maybe these messages have nothing to do with the business cards I’d been handing out the prior days, so I understand if some of y’all are a bit uncomfortable, here. I sure as hell am. But let’s just lean into this since we’re already far down this road. Here are some other short solicitation texts I received:
- Hey love
- U available
- Hi babe. Interested in seeing you
- Hi there babe
- Hey
- Hello
- Wyd
- Wassup love
- Hi
- Wya
I also got a text that read:
Wats good wit you bro in teyna get some work done to my truck
[…]
You fixed me an my bro trucks the black one an blue one [sender’s physical address]
Not sure if the truck thing is connected to the prostitution thing and if “fixed me an my bro trucks” is some kind of euphemism, but I sure as hell have no intention of finding out.
I googled my phone number and found some shocking imagery that will require me to douse rubbing alcohol all over my body and pray at least three rosaries and Yom my Kippur at least 19 times.
Apparently I’m a 35 year-old from Kansas City named Jasmin who sees “men only” and has these rules:
no bb
no bbj
no daty
fetish friendly
no gfe
I don’t know what the hell any of that means, except that fourth line, which means they might be into just hanging out with Jason and looking at taillights. There might be more on that ad, but I literally cannot look at it any longer. I must avert my eyes and possibly wipe this whole laptop clean.
Naturally, my coworkers had a field-day with my misery:
As you can see, I wanted to include the listing, but with pixellated images. But I didn’t know if it was OK to ask employees to look at that kind of thing, so in the end, we just didn’t include the ad. Here we are trying to figure out how this happened:
Thomas did a bit of sleuthing, though I worry about his computer now that he downloaded those. More importantly, I’m a bit offended by this one-star rating:
Here’s everyone getting their jokes in. LAUGH IT UP:
Damn I hope I don’t get anymore texts from horndogs. I really would rather have remained ignorant about QVs and hhs and also just how many lonely dudes there are out there. But alas, Pebble Beach giveth, and Pebble Beach taketh away.
Being able to read about this single incident has justified my membership for the next decade at least. 😀
I can’t believe you aren’t leveraging this into a call for more memberships. “Keep DT from having to turn tricks, become an Autopian member today”!
Also, I was going to say, “call for more members”, but it didn’t seem appropriate given the subject matter
An outcall or an incall for more members?
Oh David, your innocence is too much for this world. The play on words had more to do with the connotation behind the word “member” than the word “call”. But between the two, it gets out of control pretty quick
Oh.
Well, anyway, the good news is that the calls/texts have stopped!
1 star. Got fleas from his jeep.
The AMC V8 stan is getting his revenge I think.
To think a trip to Pebble Beach would land you on the dark web with Eyes Wide Shut style propositions.
Who would have thought people would have interest for some felllatio alla shower spaghetti.
Listcrawler
Sounds like you guys need a completely new tier for your membership plan.
Maybe there’s a secret menu.
“Crushed velvet”! For $50 an hour or $350 for the night, David will…ah, you don’t wanna know what he’ll do.
Crusty velvet.
Are there calls from different numbers? What area are the calls coming from? What co worker ex co worker has a beef with you?
He did write that AMC V8 Engine article a while back…
I guess I can add all this to my list of reasons to continue avoiding having a cell phone.
David had to upgrade his wardrobe the first time he went to Pebble Beach.
https://www.theautopian.com/im-about-to-attend-the-fanciest-car-show-on-earth-and-im-a-little-nervous/
Sounds like he’s going to have change it up again. This time by slipping into something a little less comfortable.
Carhartt coveralls? Greasy?
Unf.