Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown! Today, we’re sailing the high seas of Minneapolis/Saint Paul in a pair of gigantic ’70s sedans. But before we leave port in those, let’s settle up with yesterday’s New York convertibles:
Comfortable win for the basic Mustang from Brooklyn. I agree; I’m a VW/Audi fan from way back, but basically anything after the late ’80s scares me. And I’m one of those weirdos who actually kinda likes the New Edge Mustang.
In the late 1970s, downsizing was the word of the day. General Motors shrunk their full-size cars in 1977; Ford and Chrysler followed suit in 1979. It’s been years since most of the pre-downsizing cars disappeared from the roads, and it’s easy to forget just how big they were: the Cadillac featured here is four inches longer than a new Ram Quad Cab pickup, and the same width. It’s a big-ass car. And the Lincoln isn’t any smaller. The engines are equally huge – between them, these cars have almost a thousand cubic inches of displacement. Not much horsepower to speak of, though; it was the ’70s, after all. But either one will float serenely down the interstate at 70 MPH, sucking down regular unleaded like a fraternity bro at a Friday night kegger, making you forget there’s any pavement under you at all. If you’ve never experienced one of these monsters, it’s a treat, a ride unlike anything you can get in a car made in the last forty years or so. Let’s see which good ship you’d rather set sail in.
1975 Cadillac Fleetwood Sixty Special Brougham – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 500 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Saint Cloud, MN
Odometer reading: 67,000 miles
Runs/drives? You betcha!
A big long ostentatious car needs a big long ostentatious name. Cadillac’s model distinctions in the mid-1970s are a little hard to keep straight, but as far as I can tell, this car’s full name is the Fleetwood Sixty Special Brougham, and there may or may not be a d’Elegance tacked onto the end there. Whatever you want to call it, it’s two hundred and thirty-three point seven inches of the very finest Detroit had to offer during the Ford administration. This was no Sedan DeVille; the Sixty Special was a limited-production model, made only for big shots (and limo companies).
As befitting such an imposing car, it’s powered by the granddaddy of all Caddy engines, a 500 cubic inch beast that made – are you ready for this? – 190 net horsepower. Whatever; if you’re important enough, they’ll wait, right? This giant V8 runs great, according to the seller, and its big Rochester four-barrel carb has been converted to a manual choke, something I’ve done to a couple of Quadrajets myself in my day. It’s an extra step, but it makes cold starts so much more reliable. The seller says the car is completely roadworthy, and has taken a few out-of-state trips.
I think it might actually be against the law to paint a Cadillac of this style any color besides black. This one would have been originally fitted with a black vinyl roof too, but this one has had the vinyl removed and the roof coated in truck bedliner. It looks pretty close to vinyl, and it’s probably more rust-resistant. The missing rear wheel skirts are kind of a letdown, but the black steelies and beauty rings make up for it. The seller does include the original wheel covers if you’d prefer.
Inside, it’s basically a conversation pit with a steering column. The extra length of this car over the DeVille all goes into rear seat room; this was originally a car in which you were driven, not a car you drove. This might be the one car in which none of your friends would call shotgun.
1978 Lincoln Continental Town Car – $4,000
Engine/drivetrain: 460 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Champlin, MN
Odometer reading: 106,000 miles
Runs/drives? Yeppers!
Looking for something a little less sinister? A little more, I don’t know, yellow? Here you go. Lincoln’s Town Car was part of the Continental line until 1979, when the next-size-smaller model was introduced. Maybe they renamed it because it was only as big as a town, not an entire continent like this one. This car checks almost every box in Seventies Lincoln Bingo: oval-shaped opera windows, a big waterfall grille topped with a crosshair hood ornament, and of course, covered headlights.
Ford’s massive 460 cubic inch big-block V8 propels this big slab of Americana down the road though a simple, sturdy C6 automatic transmission. Like the Caddy, it’s woefully underpowered for its size and weight, but performance is hardly the point with cars like these. This one runs and drives well, but it has sat for several months, so it could probably use a little exercise and some fresh fuel. Lots and lots of fresh fuel – these things get about twelve miles to the gallon.
The seller includes only two photos of the exterior, and eight of the interior. To be fair, the interior is the star of the show here. It’s in gorgeous shape, and absolutely nobody today would paint a luxury car pale yellow, much less equip it with a russet-red interior. It looks comfy and inviting, and oh so very seventies.
This car does have a bit more rust showing than the Cadillac does, but neither one of these is ever going to be a show car anyway, so it’s best to just let it be. The seller included a few underside photos, and they don’t look too bad, especially for Minnesota.
Big soft cars like this are no more, and we won’t see the likes of them again. But then, an argument could be made that modern technology could make an amazing land yacht: Smooth electric power, electronic stability control to tame the wallow, and a little extra battery weight is no big deal if you’re already clocking in at two and a half tons. Opera windows optional, of course. In the meantime, we have these two gas-guzzlers. Which one would you dry-dock?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
There’s an identical Continental near me, except for the paint (it’s more of a copper tone). It is SO FLIPPING BIG. Double-take big.
Drivin’ in a slick black Cadillac
It’s got solid gold hubcaps
It makes me feel like a king
I only need one thing
And that’s a slick black Cadillac
Ooo, give it up
Now I got a fully equipped rock ‘n’ roll machine
At speeds that take me high, high, high
At dead man’s curve
I only hear one word drive, drive, drive
Drive, drive, drive
My machine is making headlines
It gives me love and everything
It’s like an institution of revolution
Feels alright, oh yeah, feels alright
Wanted to vote Lincoln because of that amazing interior but the overall package is better with the Cadillac.
Thanks for the memory lane trip. The Cadillac wheels pictured here were standard issue for all of us young, broke, wanna be car nuts. Paint the rims black and get some chrome trim rings and lug nuts. This usually replaced the dog dish hub caps.
The lack of fender skirts make it Lincoln all the way.
Plus – a bedliner roof? Really?
That Cadillac is…questionably modified on the visual side. Bed liner? Really?
Meanwhile, that Lincoln features a cheery yellow exterior and my favorite opera window of all time: the oval! It’s perfect. Lincoln by a long shot, not even a contest.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… LS swap that Caddy when/if the ol’ big block finally shits itself and have an extremely rad goin’ to town rig.
It’s interesting to think that Cadillac existed only about half a decade before GM puked out the Cimarron. Funny that Ford didn’t follow suite and put a fancy grill on an Escort.
You’ll drive me to drinkin’ if you do start drivin’ the not-rod Lincoln.
My vote goes to the Cadillac. 500cid > 460cid. And the Caddy looks to be in better condition and seems to be better maintained… and no rust.
There’s a little voice in my brain right now cackling evilly and saying that both of these have enough room in the engine bay to yeet the ICE motor and Tesla swap, just to piss people off and make stealth luxobarges.
well considering the tesla motor takes up less room than a 4 cylinder, your brain just maybe doesn’t get it. but certainly the huge by large trunk and possibly extra space up front for battery packs is possibly a good thing for range.
Perhaps I should have clarified: The motor wouldn’t be the only thing up there. There’s more than enough space for the inverter, coolant pump, etc. etc., and still have room left over for a good number of 5.3kWh modules. You’re removing 600+ pounds of iron and rubber from the front of the car, so you need to replace that with something. The motor itself isn’t going to take up nearly that much, nor are the rest of the electronics. With that much space freed up, 6 or 8 modules should easily fit up there and provide the weight necessary to offset the difference.
Plus with no longer needing a gas tank, there’s always that as a location for more batteries. Or even putting the motor itself back there.
(Yes, none of this is bolt on, but it’s an interesting hypothetical to me)
Why not both? You have plenty of room to go hybrid. Big block hybrid!
I like your style.
Ohhh I love this.
I’m a brougham stan. They’re supposed to be quiet and smooth. An electric drivetrain does that well.
The Lincoln sold me with the Cartier by Kmart rolling digital clock..
Jesus, look at the trunk on that Cadillac–it’s big enough to park a whole other car in there.
Yeah, Caddy all the way.
When your escape pod is literally a Ford Escape…
I remember when the Minnesota Land Barges held the AWA World Tag Team Titles in 1982. Wrestling sure does put a body through hell…
I should word this carefully: in the mid-seventies I worked a summer or two for a beef company at the 14th Street Meat Market in downtown Manhattan. Part of the job involved transferring sides of beef from trailers which arrived from as far as Iowa, Idaho, maybe Kansas. There were overhead tracks with travelling hooks in front of the rows and rows of buildings and you’d hook up a side, swing out of the box, and push it into the building for processing.
The company was a family business.
The owner, I’ll call him Vinny, had a Fleetwood similar to this ‘cept it was light colored with a sunroof. And it had a remote start. Yes, you heard that right.
And every time Vinny would leave the job he’d push the button so the car started with him standing a good 200 to 300 feet away, sometimes it was even down the street.
Now I’m seventeen, eighteen years old and I honestly didn’t know why he did this in the middle of summer. So one day I asked him very innocently, “Hey Vinny, what’s with that pushbutton starter?” He hesitated, looked me right in the eye with creased, hooded lids, “Just push the beef, kid.”
I voted Caddy.
I like the Cadillacs better in general, but the interior of this one is a bit scruffy, plus the bedliner roof really lets it down. I’ll take the Lincoln this time around. It presents a little more honestly.
I’ll take the Cottonmouth Cadillac.
That’s a negatory on the cost of this here mo-sheen. You might say I went down to the factory and picked it up; it’s cheaper that way
If you take the Caddy, mandatory you put Back in Black by AC DC playing on the stereo…loud so all can hear it!,
Who paints valve covers white? Was that the last rattle can you had? Did you wipe your fingerprints off after installing them? Put a coat of clear on them for a high gloss finish? Inquiring minds want to know. But yeah a 75 is smog exempt here in Cali…Caddy…shack? Just stop it!