In Edgar Allen Poe’s haunting short story “The Cask of Amontillado” (read it in full here), the narrator, Montresor, is pretty steamed at his frenemy Fortunato. Rather than hug it out, Montresor decides to lure the oenophilic Fortunato into a wine cellar to enjoy the eponymous rare cask of Italian wine. Once Furtunato is drunk, Montresor literally builds a wall to entomb his buddy. It’s pretty dark.
It’s a pretty shitty way to go and I feel kinda bad that I may have accidentally done this to Jason. See, we made a media partnership with a company that involved Jason speaking at a conference and listening in on some interesting panels. Unfortunately, and for reasons we don’t entirely understand, the panel was cancelled. This wouldn’t have been a huge deal as Jason was already going to be in town for the Detroit Auto Show and, at the very least, he could go hang out for a day.
Then Goodwood happened and, at the last minute, Jason went flying across the ocean to England and then had to fly back for this conference. In theory, Jason could have just rolled in late, but our partner (and we do our best to be a good partner) informed us he was going to introduce Jason to everyone in the morning during the keynote. It would be rude not to be there. Which meant that Jason would have to skip all the fun The Autopian staff was having and go to a conference very early in the morning.
Let’s see how that went:
Allegedly, one of our members used our free/discounted code to go. I hope you said hi to Jason and had a great time!
The Internet seems to have eaten all records of this, but Spinelli can confirm that in around 2008 two journalists got into a fight in the New York Auto Show press room and one threw a chair and yelled “I’m from the streets.” I would be very grateful if someone could locate that video.
Again, my bad you guys. Please don’t share this with the nice folks at the conference. We are trying to be nice.
Then, for the rest of the day, Jason just dropped in occasionally with bits of wisdom.
See, it’s fun!
Well, that’s nice. Maybe it was worth it.
This is important.
I think this presentation is: Can You Imagine Heating Each Interior Surface? We Can!
I love the “We Can!” at the end of that title.
Things were starting to look up when…
Fuck. I forgot everyone was going on an adventure without Jason.
I actually want to read about the movable knob. I’m sure it’ll be great. Right? Right…
And this is how I got fired.
There’s nothing wrong with cinnamon bagels.
Dying to read about Beau being on MrBeast >.< cannot wait for tomorrow
Did Jason arrive late enough so that all that was left were cinnamon bagels, or is that ALL they ordered?
If the latter, that borders on a human rights violation. The panel/conference hosts ought to be taken before the ICC.
“I’m from the streets” that’s a laugh out loud line. We need that video.
I need to know who this partner is, that looked like quite the conference.
Great…
Now I’ve read it. How can I un-read it?
All topped up on nightmare fuel.
Fascinating. Points for the EAP reference. Well played Matt!
It almost seems like you enjoyed it, actually.
The drawing of cigar smoker: Is that John Romita’s work or is Peter that talented?
Huh huh, “knob.”
And I thought the Slack conversations with my coworkers at an annual arts event were laced with non-sequiturs.
Okay read this as Jason trapped in an armadillo position. So I demand a t-shirt JT Head with an armadillo body.
Hold up, heat every surface? As a lizard person, I need this in my life…
From what I just read, the movable knob appears to be Torch. 😮
Why do I feel like ya’ll just pack up Jason in a box with a couple cans of potted meat and a cocktail napkin with vaguely-phrased instructions and then ship him off to his next location? And why does Jason let you do that?
Potted meat? He got a raise?
Before you get fired, some of us (just me, really) are trying to get Jason to pose next to a brown and black bear for a size comparison. Can you make that happen?
Count me in on this. Enquiring minds, and all that.
I came for the headline. The English degree holder in me loves to see it. Thank you, Matt.
It was a good literary reference. I hadn’t read CoA for a long time.
Not an English major, but I was a little disappointed by the lack of the subjunctive on the HMI slide.
My iPhone autocorrects “were” to “we’re,” presumably assuming that most people don’t know how to use apostrophes, but that those who do also double-check spellings before sending. But even still, “if branded HMI were love” still needs a colon (or at least an ellipsis).
Now I keep hearing Jason in my head saying, “For the love of God, Hardigree!”
Two things.
One, I LOLed enough at this article that my wife came from her office to investigate.
Two, I thought Furtunato was already drunk when they went down the stairs? Maybe that’s just how I remember the story, it’s been a while since I’ve read it.
Wasn’t Fortunato doing the wife or daughter? That tale has been used in many a tale from paper to TV.
I don’t remember what the perceived insult was. Gonna have to read it this weekend.
And I may be remembering a knockoff as well.
I read it again (turns out there’s a link in the first line, thanks Hardigree!). It doesn’t say.
Did you do Evelyn Woods? Age check!
Never met her.
Yeah that’s what I remember too.
It is going back to high school English for me, half a century ago, I thought instead of a cellar it was in catacombs and remember the unFortunato complaining of nitre and dampness. I think the cask was merely a lure to get him down there, I’m not sure it existed. Now I’ve got to read it again I guess, ’cause those memories were in my hazy days.
He was drunk. Even so, I don’t think I could be persuaded to go into the catacombs with a man carrying a trowel. Fortunato deserved his end, even if only by this lack of simple perceptiveness.
John Deere, of course, that explains The Autopian’s staunch opposition to Right to Repair laws.
Where the cask at? If y’all are taking Saudi/Deere blood money, I want in this cellar.
Boy, the jet lag must of really kicked in. Poor Jason
Re the Detroit Historical Society, do they have the Mustang II concept on display, or is it in that storage area? I understand it drives even. It’s on my bucket list to see someday.
And I’ll be the first….please refrain from tasting the knob!
It’s in the storage area, we got to check it out! We’ll be posting our tour soon!
Woo hoo! Can’t wait!
Is this the sister to the car at the Henry Ford?
https://revsinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Revs-The-Henry-Ford-Lamm-002.jpg
Yes it is! Dave the tour guide described it as a bridge car between concept and production.
I’ve been seeing this car since I was a kid, and at first was confused why a Mustang II didn’t look like a Pinto… Would love to hear more about this one.