In spite of holding onto a vast store of automotive knowledge, our own Jason Torchinsky is not regularly pedantic in Slack. Sure, he might revel in the odd bit of correction on the pages of this blog, but his general demeanor in the chat is quite chill.
Everyone has a line that must not be crossed and Jason’s line, apparently, is the proper classification of the the parvorder Catarrhini!
This came up because our main guy Peter not only makes the reels and tweets you all love, he also makes many of our top shots, including one for Mercedes and her Honda Monkey post:
Just to clarify, the monkey in question is not the real Harley Davidson.
We try to be extremely efficient so we’ll often reuse the little Adobe stock image people you see in the posts. If you can be one thing, be efficient.
I don’t want to completely skate by Mark’s excellent “CHiPs” joke. If you’re unfamiliar, CHiPs is an enormously silly television show.
And here’s “Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp,” an extremely serious show.
To clarify, a “chimp” is an “ape,” but the bike is a Gorilla.
Man, “Are you Chimp Enough For A GORILLA?” is great.
[Editor’s Note: I’d just like to explain myself here a bit. This is a thing for me because to pay my expenses for my first two years of college, I had a job at the Yerkes Primate Research Lab, where I was a Bioelectronics Engineering Assistant. I made minor repairs on things, basically. Including something I called the Simian Ejaculatron, a thing shoved up an ape or monkey’s butt to make them ejaculate. And, relatedly, we had one chimp there who was famous for his advanced tool usage.
See, we fed the chimps Purina Monkey Chow and, more significantly for this story, yams, cut in half. This one chimp would take his yam, carefully eat out just the inside, forming a long sort-of-bowl, and then he’d, um, oh boy, jerk off into his carefully crafted bowl and eat the natural product of his efforts. With delight.
Gross, sure, but it’s also future planning and pretty advanced tool construction! Keep in mind, non-members don’t get this kind of information. You’ve spent your money well.
–JT]
“…if primates ruled the earth…”
I, um, I was under the impression that we do.
I can’t even come up with a cogent, witty comment for all this – just… can’t.
But I will say as someone who has sworn never to own a motorcycle the pimped out Monkey/Gorilla/whatever would have the potential to change my mind. Also, the Hardly Davidson/chimp lede picture was absolute perfection.
And just like that, you’ve helped me with my fast. I don’t think I’ll eat for two days.
I used to work with a woman who had once had a job at the university swine research facility. Her job was to retrieve hog semen, and she didn’t get any fancypants electonic items to put up their butts. She did it the old fashioned way, hand-in-glove, so to speak. She said that as soon as she walked into the barn, the hogs all ran to the front of their pens, obviously very happy to see her. Not sure who had the better job, her or you, Jason.
Now, who else can provide an animal research ejaculation story?
That explains that See-N-Say toy that said, “The pig says Oink-oink, Baby.”
Keep in mind, non-members don’t get this kind of information. You’ve spent your money well.
Anyone else feel like renewing their membership early?
Not what I was expecting to read at 10am on a Saturday. Now I’ll have a story of a chimp playing soggy yam with himself in my head all day. Can we get another HardiLeaf liveblog range test to cleanse the palate?
What the fuck did I just read?!?
Yes.
“Editor’s Note: I’d just like to explain myself here a bit. This is a thing for me because to pay my expenses for my first two years of college, I had a job at the Yerkes Primate Research Lab”
That explains a lot.
The hell you must have gone through…
Clocking in just to sit in that cage?
So wait… isn’t that how yams are generally prepared for consumption?
Am I doing something wrong?
Same as my grandparents old recipe.
Note to self: that isn’t a sweet potato pie over there
Boy have I!
What, no mention of Adam from Ark II? Didn’t we obsess about the show’s Brubaker Box scout vehicle last year?
Ha, just the other day I was watching a newer episode of Beavis and Butthead (don’t judge, I grew up in the ’90s and sometimes irreverent stupidity is what I want at the end of the night) and Butthead beratingly corrected Beavis that a chimpanzee is not a monkey. Of course what made this funny is that you’d never expect either of them to know this and it came out of left field.
So now I’m wondering who is the Beavis vs Butthead here, heh.
Some of the best Simpsons bits are where Homer busts out some amazing piece of knowledge or cultural reference, much to everyone’s surprise. And they often turn to Lisa, who, astonished, confirms it.
“No, you’re envious; jealousy is when you’re worried someone will take what you have, envy is when you want something someone else has.” “He’s right!!”
Kind of reminds me when Archer or Cheryl/Carol whips out a horribly obscure historical or literary reference. “Well who am I? Alphonse Bertillon?!” https://youtu.be/cRGTTp2j3SM?si=oz19079wUev2CTLN
I’ve always enjoyed the counterpoint of Ray’s willful obtuse-ness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DigFMi-hwtE
On Archer I always enjoyed, “How could you know that?” Followed by, “How could you not?”
You wouldn’t SPANK your CHIMPANZEE, now would ya?
(Gosh, we need image comments so I can sloppily edit this over “you wouldn’t download a car” and post that instead.)
https://youtu.be/cy6CFTMnYa4?feature=shared
(Planet of the Apes, the Musical)
It’s the part I was born to play, baby!
To be clear, there is nothing silly about CHiPs. That show saved an entire generation from terminal ennui during sick days.
Granted, it was no Fall Guy…
I might jump an open drawbridge…
or Tarzan from a vine…
Nothing silly about CHiPs??
-perhaps you’ve forgotten the Disco roller skate episode?
What I love about the show (aside from showcasing the cars) is how it captures the zeitgeist of the time: a mix of dystopian dismay and manic, all-things-are -possible -if-we-just-try, optimism.
And lots of physics-defying fiery wrecks, of course
I said what I said…
…and viewed within the context of that era, there was absolutely (if unfortunately) nothing silly about Disco Roller Skating.
I LOVE you, Dr Zeus!
Does a monkey bike have monkey bars for handle bars? Do all the fittings require a monkey wrench? Do they operate in S Florida out of Mon Key? You got a gorilla fine let’s all remember BJ and the Bear. Bear was a monkey. Then BJ and the 7 Lady Truckers. Anyone remember that show?
But the best thing about Chips and now the worst thing about NCIS is no matter what the topic karate, hang gliding, alcoholism you name it one of the stars or costars has/knows it.