I’ve always liked how car brochures like to show how much stuff a given car can carry. Usually, this is in the form of extremely well-Tetris’d-in suitcases, but occasionally you find something different. Like how Chevy decided that the best way to show off the Corvair’s luggage capacity was via the universally-understood metric of how many apples it could carry. Though, really, they kind of half-assed the number of apples they put in there. That front trunk could have held a hell of a lot more apples, and the fold-down rear seatback could really have crammed in a lot of apples, too.
I’d personally have jam-packed this motherlover full off goddamn apples. Plus, I’d have had a shot of the rear seatback up to show how many apples could be crammed into the luggage well/parcel shelf back there, as well as with the seat down, because potential buyers may want to know how many apples they could carry along with a full complement of five passengers.
Really, the Corvair brochure is shamed, apple-cramming-wise, by what Eastern European apple orchardists (is that a word?) do with their old Ladas. Look at this shit:
That, my friends, is how you cram a car full of apples. If Chevy had the ‘nads and foresight to show a Corvair absolutely crammed to the rain gutters with apples, I’m almost certain the next press car on my list would be a 2023 Corvair CUV.
‘CUV’ – Crop Utility Vehicle?
Peter Piper picked a Corvair of Pristine and Pink Pearl apples. If Peter Piper picked a Corvair of Pristine and Pink Pearl apples, how many apples did Peter Piper pick?
I’d guess less than a Ford Falcon’s worth….
I’m more of a fan of Audi’s PSC metric: https://twitter.com/audiofficial/status/1519965836655697920
Ralph, you little scamp. You weighted that Corvair with a shifting load so it would be easier to turn over, didn’t you?
Ladas are not for transporting apples, they are for fermenting. They are very handy for cider production when all other semi-enclosed vessels are rationed by local apparatchiks.
Apples. Never thought about that use. We always loaded my Corvair’s frunk with ice and beer. GM was prescient with the built-in cooler drain plug, too.
Would you spell it Corevair? You like apples? How do you like these apples?
With a deep trunk well and rubber plug drain holes, my Corvair will hold one tailgate of ice and cold beer.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/TnzeuGzjgizbMBdz9
Plus a few spare fan belts.
Always!
This ad really hits my core.
How do you like them beans?
https://thinkingouttabox.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/68vwbusbeans.jpg
Might help explain why the other air-cooled car lasted so much longer than the Corvair did, they didn’t half-ass it with showing off the interior capacity.
The true art lies in the apples you don’t show.
Alright GM, it’s time to bring the Corvair back. Make it a modular RWD electric skateboard platform that you can sell as a sedan, wagon, van, 2 door convertible, and a compact pickup. Give me a call to discuss this and Uncle Regret’s many other amazing ideas to go bankrupt too.
Was thinking the same thing. I would buy an electric Corvair Monza if they didn’t mess up the lean styling.
While we’re asking Santa GM for things, please stick that same powertrain in the Corvette midengine layout and make it the new Fiero. E-ero. Whatevs.
The best time to do it was pre-bankruptcy, when GM owned a plurality in Fuji Heavy Industries, because Subaru H6 availability.
Fruit Stand: “How many apples you want?”
Eastern Europeans: “Like, All Dem Apples”.
Ron Swanson: Wait, I worry you heard me say ‘Give me a lot of apples.’ What I said was ‘Give me all the apples you have.’
Ron did drive a red GM car…
2023 Corvair CUV.
You’ve summoned it Jason, and now it’s going to happen. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
Wait: I thought trunk-load units were dead hookers? Corvair looks like 1. Maybe 2 if you do some disassembly?
But, we’re not in the 90s anymore: maybe someone should update the units. How many vegan turkeys = a dead hooker?
Or Tiktok influencers, maybe?
Trunks are measured in dead hookers. Frunks are measured in soup. Those are the rules.
I’m really enjoying this dose of misogyny with my coffee.
It’s a great look and is certain to ensure a diverse readership.
Related tangent question brought to mind – I’m assuming the current Corvette C8 can no longer be had with a red interior, now that it’s a proper worldbeater racecar and all?
The C8 that Mr. Regular reviewed was white over a red interior. It looked super sharp and modern too, and not like some half-assed effort at paying tribute to the C4. If I bought a C4 I would want a red interior to really bask in that 80’s GM kitsch. Few things go together like weirdly shaped and poorly fitting plastics, early digital gauges, and and gaudy red seats. If I bought a C8 though I would want the red interior because it looks awesome.
Yes! This makes me happy, thank you!
I always think red when I think Corvette interiors, as it’s one of the few vehicles where it feels appropriate if only b/c of the uniqueness of it in GM’s lineup means it should have some non-performance uniqueness too.
That’s a Lada apples.
Gotta love a Lada!
The ones I like are the 3 goats inside & a sheep in the trunk ones
With a 12’ log across the open back windows.
I both hate you and respect you.