Good morning, and welcome to your Thursday edition of Shitbox Showdown! This week we’re featuring suggestions by all of you, taken from our Discord server, and you have not disappointed. Today we’re upping the price range by quite a lot to look at a Fiero with delusions of grandeur and a very pretty old British lady.
Yesterday’s vote was, shall we say, decisive. That poor half-dead AMC Concord never stood a chance. Honestly, I wish somebody would buy it and fix it up, but that somebody won’t be me, and apparently it won’t be ninety-two percent of you either. The big green Dodge land barge sailed to an easy victory, despite not currently being able to make way under its own steam.
A derelict Mopar that color makes me think of my grandfather, and his cluttered property in Kansas. He had a house, a huge barn, and half a dozen other outbuildings of various sizes, all packed to the rafters with assorted junk. Some of it was really interesting, but most of it was just scrap, bits and pieces he’d collected over the years and then forgotten about. He was an inventor and engineer, and he gathered up parts for things he thought he might need for various projects. My cousin and I once found a Plymouth station wagon behind the barn, the same green as this Dodge, that he had simply forgotten he bought. It didn’t run, either.
Moving on: Exotics aren’t really our thing around here, but I know an intriguing car to write about when I see one, and you all have given me two. One isn’t really all that exotic once you get past the bodywork, and the other is far too classy to be seen in a rap video like its newer progeny. Still, either one would definitely turn heads. Let’s see what you make of them.
1985 Pontiac Fiero with Lamborghini Countach body kit – $20,000
Engine/drivetrain: Doesn’t say, but probably a 2.8 liter V6, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Odometer reading: 85,000 miles
Operational status: I think it runs and drives? Ad isn’t very clear
Pontiac Fieros are cool. Small, low-slung, mid-engined, and agile, they had an inauspicious start, but like many GM products, grew into themselves nicely – just in time to be killed off. Lamborghini Countachs are cool too. Also small, also low, also with an engine behind the seats, albeit with twice the number of cylinders, as well as fragile and unattainable except by a fortunate few. But what about a Fiero that has been made to look like a Countach? Is that cool?
Well, apparently some people think so. I think the idea is kind of silly, myself. But it’s a popular enough idea that full body kits exist. I can’t actually find any for sale, so I don’t know who made this kit. I did find images of other Countach kits, as well as Diablos, Murcielagos, even Miuras. Or at least, kind of; like most kit cars, they’re all just a little “off.” It looks all right at first glance – vertical doors, NACA ducts, and that signature big rear wing are all present and accounted for – but the proportions and details aren’t right.
Worse, the donor Fiero used suffers from one of the greatest indignities ever visited upon any small sporty car: an automatic transmission. The seller doesn’t specify which engine is in this car, but I can’t imagine putting all that work into an Iron Duke-powered car. I’m assuming it has at least the optional 2.8 liter 60-degree V6, but it might have something even spicier under there. 3.8 liter V6s are popular Fiero engine swaps; it’s still no Lamborghini V12, but it’s a step in the right direction.
It’s unfinished, and, somehow fittingly, wears Florida license plates, even though the car is in Pennsylvania. The seller says it needs interior work, and “some other work.” At least you know the exhaust is finished, I guess. I wonder how many of those pipes are functional?
1972 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow – $29,972
Engine/drivetrain: 6.75 liter overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Sheridan, IN
Odometer reading: 94,000 miles
Operational status: Runs beautifully, it sounds like
But perhaps you’re looking for a more subtle approach to a custom car. Something distinctive, but distinguished. May I interest you in one of the finest motorcars ever to come out of Crewe? The Silver Shadow was a technological masterpiece in its day, with disk brakes, independent rear suspension, and a self-leveling hydropneumatic suspension system licensed from Citroën. It was a handsome car to begin with, but this one has some custom touches that make it really stand out. The custom work was done when the car was new, in 1973.
This big Shadow is powered by the famous “six and three-quarter litre” V8, for which no horsepower figures were published by Rolls-Royce; contemporary literature only listed the engine’s output as “sufficient.” It’s backed by a GM Turbo 400 Hydramatic automatic transmission, which seems like an odd choice, but it’s one of the best automatics available at the time. Between the smooth engine and transmission, and that “floating on a cloud” French suspension, I can only imagine what the ride is like in this car. It’s something I’d love to experience someday.
This is a long-wheelbase Silver Shadow, which in the car’s second series was renamed Silver Wraith. Some of these had limousine dividers, but I don’t see one here. It’s still a car you’re more likely to be driven in than drive. It’s in lovely condition, with perfect glossy paint outside and just the right amount of wear on the leather and wood inside. The modern aftermarket stereo in the center console is unfortunate; if it were me, I would have installed a completely hidden modern sound system. But what to play on the stereo in such a magnificent automobile? I have my ideas, but you tell me, in the comments.
I quite like the custom work on the front of this car, with the large single headlights and “Frenched” fog lights. Combined with the classic waterfall grille, they give the car a ’50s Bentley feel, and that’s not a bad thing. The rear wheel skirts, I’m less sure about. But maybe that’s just me.
You won’t be able to fly under the radar in either one of these. The Fieroghini is going to draw a huge crowd, and a ton of questions once onlookers realize it isn’t a real Countach. Any Rolls-Royce, parked anywhere except Rodeo Drive, will get attention, and anyone who knows what a stock Silver Shadow looks like will want to know more about this one. Subtle they aren’t, nor cheap, but fun? Oh yeah. Which one is more your style?
(Image credits: Fiero – Facebook Marketplace seller; Rolls-Royce – Craigslist seller)
Even a botched project Lambo clone isn’t as expensive to keep on the road as a Rolls Royce. The good news is that with the GM transmission, it’s easy to swap an LS in the RR 😉
I voted for the Rolls
You could probably swap in a modern I3 and get to 60 just as fast as that old boat anchor.
I instantly went to the LS as well. Not sure what those roller motors are worth, but I’m betting you wouldn’t be too far out of pocket once you sold it on.
Besides, if you added a modern transmission as well, you could do skirted roller burnouts for days. That would properly piss off the purists.
All of these fiero kit cars to look like ferraris and lamborghinis just makes me wonder, has anyone ironically made a fiero kit car for a 308 or 328? Not saying it’s a good idea, but it would be funny
Both are Crack Pipes priced. though I suppose a running and stopping early 70’s rolls is a pretty rare thing. Had the Firearrow ben 10-12 k cheaper I might have considered it for a project, I have always wanted to try a FWD 5.3 LS swap into one of those. But not so much that I would likely ever do it and the FWD v8’s are not being saved or really well taken care of.
Jesus, those exhausts. Urgh.
My greatest automotive shame is that I once bought a fake M3. It was an E36 323i Coupe with the full exterior M3 kit including mirrors and loads of M badges.
I’d owned it less than an hour before I’d removed all the Ms and the M3 badge on the back, and it rewarded this by being by far the least reliable piece of crap I’ve ever owned. Several of the 13 previous owners had been utter bastards.
Anyway, I couldn’t own a fake anything, so despite hugely preferring sports cars to limos it’s got to be the Rolls. I can always wear a suit and pretend to be the chauffeur if the class disparity gets too much for me.
the funny thing is that BMW actually does that from the factory now 😀
BMW calls it M-Sport 😛
One of my automotive guilty fantasies has been to buy a clapped out e30 325e, put the cheapest, shittiest M3 body kit on it, a LS1/T56 and redo the trunk badge to read GMW 357M. Maybe the licence plate too if it’s available.
I’ll buy it off you when you’re done with it.
As per my fantasy when I’m done with it there will be nothing left to buy.
It is either 2 or 3 pipes PER CYLINDER depending on engine. It is so terrible that it is almost good. I could never drive a fake Lambo and still look at myself in the mirror.
The Rolls would be so cool to drive, and I am sure I could make a few bucks as a Chauffer for weddings or the like.
So they want $15k more for a Fiero than they should because they messed it up? There are some kits that make the Fiero look a little better, that’s just terrible, I’m sure they had a vision, possibly alcohol or drugs were involved. Have to roll for the Rolls.
Fieros are cool. Fieros made into shit like this, are not.
I’ve never understood who these kinds of replicas are for. If you own it, of course you know it’s not a real Lambo. Driving it gives you absolutely none of the Lambo experience, and it only fools the kind of mouth-breathers whose attention you really don’t want.
The Roller though. Now that’s how you make an entrance.
“it only fools the kind of mouth-breathers whose attention you really don’t want.”
This is Florida were talking about. Who else is around?
It would be amusing at 4-5k. At 20, it’s very much not. Rolls please.
That fake Lambo makes me irrationally angry.
I would have to drive the fake Lambo with a bag over my head, and that somehow seems even more dangerous than driving while texting, so I’ll go with the Rolls
These do not compare. Definitely the Rolls.
My soundtrack for the Rolls: Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five (The Message, Freedom) with a smooth transition to Prince (When Doves Cry, Get Off, Sign of the Times), followed by a hard turn to Rage Against the Machine (Bulls on Parade, Killing in the Name, Take the Power Back) and close with Linkin Park (Breaking the Habit, in the End). All so we can start with The Message and close with In The End. It’s usually a bad call to end a mix tape on an angsty downer, but I think anyone riding in a Rolls needs that splash of melancholy too. Like those slaves who had the job to remind a Roman general during his Triump that he too would die.
I’d call it the Monocle Drop Mix Tape.
I dig it. Work in Eat the Rich by Motörhead somewhere, and you have the perfect mix for that car.
I’m going with the Rolls. I don’t feel the need to justify my vote in this instance.
While I can’t stand replicas, I can see why someone would be interested in the Fiero. I have not driven a Fiero nor a Countach, but I have heard Fieros are fun to drive and are acceptable as a daily driver. On the other hand, the Countach is the prime example of why you shouldn’t meet your heros. Everything I have heard suggests they are horribly uncomfortable, nearly impossible to see out of, unreliable, and expensive to maintain. If that is true, the best use for a Lamborghini Countach is to buy one to look at (or to be seen driving it, if that is your thing). From that perspective, a car that looks like a Countach and drives like a Fiero is actually a good thing. So while I would rather get herpes than drive that Fiero, I can see why someone else might want it.
> So while I would rather get herpes than drive that Fiero
Doing the latter may lead to the former if you don’t have it detailed first.
Rolls in a second for me. Only thing I don’t like on it is the rear wheel skirts. And that hatred isn’t limited to this car, I’ve just never liked the look of them on anything.
I’m not against kit cars in any way either. I’d just much rather have one that looks like its own thing rather than poorly copy an existing car.
Wait, I seem to remember that the black Cannonball Countach had all the pipes like that at one point in its history. I mean, it’s still tacky—but much more acceptable as a call-out.
This may be the biggest blowout ever.
At least since that Taco Bell free taco day fiasco.
Rolls in a landslide, the only question is whether the Fiero will get more votes than yesterday’s AMC
I would not call a Countach, or any of its successors “small.” Low? Yes. Small? No. The first time I saw one in person I was shocked by how long and wide they are. Compared to the Fiero, Countachs are massive. Hence why the proportions are so far off on these kits.
I would much rather have a real Rolls versus a Lam-faux-ghini.
Plus you can make extra cash with the Roller by chauffeuring newlyweds away from their weddings.
Have you ever stood next to a Countach? Those things are LOW, which is why they look wider than they are. I was impressed with how small the Countach really is when I saw one up close decades ago.
Edit: the Fiero is the SAME length as a Countach, 5 in taller, and 9 inches wider. (Much of that is wheel arch flares.)
The one time I saw one on the road, I was in my friends Toyota Celica (1st gen Mustang-aping one), and we were amazed at how much lower the Lambo was than the Celica, which is not a big car by any measure. Maybe that lack of height skewed perception, but it seemed longer (it isn’t) than the Celica and it is definitely wider (10 inches!!!).
From the specs I found, the Lambo is actually 3 inches shorter than the Fiero, which I am shocked to see. As you said, it is 5 inches lower, which I agree, is impressively low. However, the Lambo has a 3 inch longer wheelbase and is 5 inches wider than the Fiero. So it definitely has a bigger overall footprint, which still accounts for the odd proportions of the Lamfauxghini.
Specs show that the smooth-sided Countach LP400 is 4.5 inches narrower than the later, flared-wheel arch Lambos, so aside from wheelbase, the Fiero and Countach are surprisingly close! The height and wheelbase are what make the kits look a bit off.
Modern Lambos are also unexpectedly small.
Golly, you are correct! I never really stopped to check. All I know is the Gallardo doors are pretty large since they open horizontally. Our local dental school has an influx of Lamborghinis on graduation weekend. I witnessed a very slow egress from one after parallel parking.
What happened with that exhaust? It looks like a display at a Lowes where they just stacked all the pipes for easy access.
I love it. It’s ridiculous, just like the whole concept.
And I thought the three exhaust pipes on the Honda Civic Type R were excessive.
Festivus for the rest of us!
Pep Boys must have had a sale on the “bright, shiny things” aisle.
And some idiot had an extra 18 bucks to waste.
Upon pain of pain, you would not be able to get me to pay $20k for a Fiero.
That being said, the Rolls wins anyways as I cut my wrenching teeth on them and other English exotics (as well as Itallians)
Chuck, my mentor, said that every car he got into his shop needed an “Italian tune-up” performed on them. Which is where you just get in it, head to the nearest interstate and blast down them as hard as you can. He always liked the Rolls and the Bentleys because he could be doing 100MPH and pass cops and they’d never ever pull out to try and give him a ticket. Something about the presence of the car, he assumed.
Still works, even in camera ridden England, they are truly remarkable machines,
We see a fake Lambo, and we say FUCK NO.
The Rolls wins by default.
If you’re trying to compensate for something you lose the advantage when you buy the small sized condoms.
I went with the shadow.
I was actually quite impressed by the Lamfaux until I saw the conduit exhaust pipes.
The custom Rolls is both tasteful and beautiful. Gimme the Frenched Roll.
The Rolls, if only for the opportunity to get ready for work and say “honey, I think I’ll take the Rolls in today.”
In the fake Lambo, you’ll always be the person “in the fake Lambo.” It’s kind of like taking an 80’s Dodge Charger and painting it up like the General Lee – it might kinda sorta work, but everyone knows it’s not the real thing.
That said, I do wanna hear what that exhaust sounds like.
That said, I do wanna hear what that exhaust sounds like
Church music?
I imagine something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho9rZjlsyYY
I think the worst thing would be knowing “I own a fake Lamborghini.” Even if you somehow fool others, you can’t fool yourself, and at least from my pov, you know you own neither a Lamborghini nor a Fiero at this point.
And in this case, you wouldn’t even have built it. And answering the inevitable question of how much you paid could be awkward.
But there’s something for everyone out there I guess, even people who buy Truck Nuts unironically.
Would anyone really buy this to try and fool others? I feel like the point of it is it’s obviously NOT a Lamborghini.
We already know the truth – The Rolls listing has been taken down, and the Fiero kit car is still up.
I have a feeling this is going to be another lopsided victory.
Rolls for me.
Fiero see me Rollin’
They hatin’
They are both ruined, but the Rolls has a bit of a fun George Barris / Stutz / Mitsuoka feeling to it, so it’s kind of excusable, also a good story that the mods were done many years ago.
I love the original fastback Fiero GT (not so much the notchback one), so just makes me sad to se one ruined with bad taste.
Au contraire. The Rolls, including the rear skirts and padded top, is *chef’s kiss*.
I’m more in the don’t mess with perfection camp: I’d take a non modded one any day over this, even if it was only a third as shiny as this one.
But is IS fun, we agree on that, and I would love to take it to a saturday cars and coffee and piss off the old(er) purists 😎
If this was a pre-war Roller I would agree with you but Shadows are not rare, the customizations were done in-period, and they are tasteful and in line with the nature of the car.
At this point, the car is not a historical preservation candidate or a daily driver. It is a fun toy to make a statement at a car show, social gathering, rally, or just going out to dinner. I would argue that it is better suited to that task than a stock Shadow.
Agree. And it’s customization applied to a vehicle, not a vehicle customized to look like a totally different vehicle.
In the novels, James Bond’s personal (not work) car is a Bentley convertible he’s customized to his liking. Fairly extremely IIRC correctly – he turned it into a two-seater – but still similar to the Rolls ethos here.