A Tactical Truck To Go With Your Tactical Shades, Tactical Jeans, And Tactical Wallet: COTD

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Two of my favorite terms in marketing are “tactical” and “military grade.” Marketers want you to think that the product you’re buying is so tough that it could survive a war. Expect to see giant pockets, jagged edges, and general military chic. However, some people in the military are quick to point out that “military grade” often means “by the lowest bidder,” not something unusually tough.

Today, Lewin wrote about a tactical multi-fuel Ford Ranger with a stealth mode. Angrycat Meowmeow is sold:

Too bad they don’t sell these to private citizens. I really need a truck to compliment my tactical fanny pack when I’m taking the kiddo’s to Legoland.

Oh, and I’m not kidding with that headline, you can really buy tactical jeans and wallets. I wonder what’s the weirdest tactical product out there? Could I buy, like, tactical contact lenses?

Earlier today, Jason asked if a car is a public or private space. For the most part, your car is technically a public space, but that doesn’t matter for this Comment of the Day. What I love is how many people came to the same conclusion.

From Myk El:

Legally speaking, there are better choices to answer. But me, here in my car, I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors. It’s the only way to live.

To Saul Goodman:

Well here in my car, I feel safest of all. Not to mention I can lock all my doors. So I would say private.

Thanks for the laughs this week. Have a great weekend, everyone!

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69 thoughts on “A Tactical Truck To Go With Your Tactical Shades, Tactical Jeans, And Tactical Wallet: COTD”

  2. No thanks, apart from hauling stuff in a 5.11 bag and wearing cargo pants I avoid “tactical” stuff. MOLLE festooned bags, a wardrobe from a Recoil magazine photo shoot and a jacked up 4×4 with Magpul stickers and punisher skulls screams loot drop. I just want to look like every other hiker shopping REI, or a construction superintendent.

  3. No thanks, apart from hauling stuff in a 5.11 bag and wearing cargo pants I avoid “tactical” stuff. MOLLE festooned bags, a wardrobe from a Recoil magazine photo shoot and a jacked up 4×4 with Magpul stickers and punisher skulls screams loot drop. I just want to look like every other hiker shopping REI, or a construction superintendent.

  4. My favorite was the battle bottle. The army calls that a canteen but these Infidel Incorporated dudes made… A larger canteen and sold it for $60. Lol

  5. My favorite was the battle bottle. The army calls that a canteen but these Infidel Incorporated dudes made… A larger canteen and sold it for $60. Lol

  6. At some point during the pandemic, Meta opened up a firehose of dipshit right-wing “tactical” product ads on me. Definitely lowered my faith in humanity knowing there are dudes so deeply insecure in their own masculinity that they needed, for example, a baby carrier that looked like a military backpack

  7. At some point during the pandemic, Meta opened up a firehose of dipshit right-wing “tactical” product ads on me. Definitely lowered my faith in humanity knowing there are dudes so deeply insecure in their own masculinity that they needed, for example, a baby carrier that looked like a military backpack

  8. My gf is an art teacher. She works with a social studies teacher who claimed he knew for sure which kid threw an eraser in class because he “watches a lot of missle trajectory videos on YouTube.”

    Seems like the prototypical customer for bogus “tactical” gear.

  9. My gf is an art teacher. She works with a social studies teacher who claimed he knew for sure which kid threw an eraser in class because he “watches a lot of missle trajectory videos on YouTube.”

    Seems like the prototypical customer for bogus “tactical” gear.

  10. I kid you not, but there is a company that sells a “tactical toothbrush”. It is military green, and the head is removal and stows inside the handle (which is styled like a mix between a switchblade and a hand grenade). I’ll have to see if I can find it online again. It’s absurd.

      2. There is a review on that site that begins: “It has become an essential part of my hygiene routine.”

        I am so glad this presumably adult human has finally worked tooth-brushing into their hygiene routine …

        1. My brain immediately posed the question to itself of “Does that person brush his teeth like he is cycling a pump-action shotgun, and if so, does he make the sounds too?”

    2. Removable head and stows in the handle sounds great for traveling I’ll find a normal one though.
      I’m tired of using ziploc bags for toothbrushes.

      2. Yeah, it’s a travel toothbrush that you can find at pretty much any supermarket, pharmacy, or convenience store – nothing tactical about it except the silly design.

        I travel a lot for work and just got one of those travel toothbrush tubes that separates in half. It’s been working great for 15+ years and has tiny holes on each end to allow it to dry inside and keep it from getting funky.

  11. I kid you not, but there is a company that sells a “tactical toothbrush”. It is military green, and the head is removal and stows inside the handle (which is styled like a mix between a switchblade and a hand grenade). I’ll have to see if I can find it online again. It’s absurd.

      2. There is a review on that site that begins: “It has become an essential part of my hygiene routine.”

        I am so glad this presumably adult human has finally worked tooth-brushing into their hygiene routine …

        1. My brain immediately posed the question to itself of “Does that person brush his teeth like he is cycling a pump-action shotgun, and if so, does he make the sounds too?”

    2. Removable head and stows in the handle sounds great for traveling I’ll find a normal one though.
      I’m tired of using ziploc bags for toothbrushes.

      2. Yeah, it’s a travel toothbrush that you can find at pretty much any supermarket, pharmacy, or convenience store – nothing tactical about it except the silly design.

        I travel a lot for work and just got one of those travel toothbrush tubes that separates in half. It’s been working great for 15+ years and has tiny holes on each end to allow it to dry inside and keep it from getting funky.

  12. I was working on a military base replacing some floors and used the one attached to an office. There was a package of what were called “Dude Wipes”. Apparently the difference between those and baby wipes is that Dude Wipes come in a package decorated with American flags, smell more like Axe body spray than baby powder and they cost like three times as much. Apparently even people who should know better fall prey to these marketing techniques.

    1. Garbage like that is what kept the money flowing for Alex Jones. Once he realized he could fleece his sheep whenever he wanted to, all of the commodified toxic masculinity and prepper bullshit appeared on his store and in his show.

  13. I was working on a military base replacing some floors and used the one attached to an office. There was a package of what were called “Dude Wipes”. Apparently the difference between those and baby wipes is that Dude Wipes come in a package decorated with American flags, smell more like Axe body spray than baby powder and they cost like three times as much. Apparently even people who should know better fall prey to these marketing techniques.

    1. Garbage like that is what kept the money flowing for Alex Jones. Once he realized he could fleece his sheep whenever he wanted to, all of the commodified toxic masculinity and prepper bullshit appeared on his store and in his show.

      1. It’s true, though I’d speculate that this particular product smells like gunpowder or something, rather than being an odor-killer.

          2. middle school teachers have been saying this to middle school boys for a very long time:
            “axe body spray is not the same thing as an actual shower!!!”

      1. It’s true, though I’d speculate that this particular product smells like gunpowder or something, rather than being an odor-killer.

          2. middle school teachers have been saying this to middle school boys for a very long time:
            “axe body spray is not the same thing as an actual shower!!!”

    2. I went to combat flip-flops and they (of course) have a blog about politics, decrying the attacks on the second amendment and all the usual cowboy bullshit.

      This is next of a video of a guy doing a quick draw of his flip flop while firing an actual gun. I suppose this is, technically, a fetish website about feet and guns.

      That place depleted my allotment of can for the day. I’ll go back to bed.

    2. I went to combat flip-flops and they (of course) have a blog about politics, decrying the attacks on the second amendment and all the usual cowboy bullshit.

      This is next of a video of a guy doing a quick draw of his flip flop while firing an actual gun. I suppose this is, technically, a fetish website about feet and guns.

      That place depleted my allotment of can for the day. I’ll go back to bed.

  22. If you want this thing to be truly tactical, then it should be sold from the factory as a technical. Mount a .50 cal rifle in the bed of the damned thing! You’d sell a buttload of them in Africa…

    1. Too expensive and unneeded. All the world’s terrorist guys just buy the cheapest Toyota pickup truck they sell over there and mount their favorite high-caliber weapon in the bed. Watch TV news and you’ll see them in every video footage clip about terrorists. And why I would never buy a Toyota vehicle, even if it were the last brand on earth (which it probably will be).

      3. I was about to say: selling it for purpose means it’s not really a technical, right?

        Besides, the homebrew technicals are just so much more interesting. Hell yeah, go strap a big ol’ gun to a BMW M6 and see which group of invaders wants to Find Out.

  23. If you want this thing to be truly tactical, then it should be sold from the factory as a technical. Mount a .50 cal rifle in the bed of the damned thing! You’d sell a buttload of them in Africa…

    1. Too expensive and unneeded. All the world’s terrorist guys just buy the cheapest Toyota pickup truck they sell over there and mount their favorite high-caliber weapon in the bed. Watch TV news and you’ll see them in every video footage clip about terrorists. And why I would never buy a Toyota vehicle, even if it were the last brand on earth (which it probably will be).

      3. I was about to say: selling it for purpose means it’s not really a technical, right?

        Besides, the homebrew technicals are just so much more interesting. Hell yeah, go strap a big ol’ gun to a BMW M6 and see which group of invaders wants to Find Out.

  24. Milspec readings ain’t all BS- Back when I ran ham radio gear in rough riding big trucks, a mil spec rating for vibration resistance meant that radio would probably outlast it’s one year warranty.

      1. Those round high density aircraft connectors with the orange gaskets are the best. Just don’t wrap the wires with flammable tape like Boeing.

    2. I agree. My LG V20 phone is MIL-STD 810G-rated for resistance to shocks

      That was put to the test when the POS handlebar mount I was using broke when I hit a hard bump. I was going at a good clip and the phone hit the ground hard, right on a corner. The screen was fine but the plastic bezel was damaged. No problem, a new bezel was $3 on Ebay and replaced in a couple of minutes.

  25. Milspec readings ain’t all BS- Back when I ran ham radio gear in rough riding big trucks, a mil spec rating for vibration resistance meant that radio would probably outlast it’s one year warranty.

      1. Those round high density aircraft connectors with the orange gaskets are the best. Just don’t wrap the wires with flammable tape like Boeing.

    2. I agree. My LG V20 phone is MIL-STD 810G-rated for resistance to shocks

      That was put to the test when the POS handlebar mount I was using broke when I hit a hard bump. I was going at a good clip and the phone hit the ground hard, right on a corner. The screen was fine but the plastic bezel was damaged. No problem, a new bezel was $3 on Ebay and replaced in a couple of minutes.

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