Good morning, and welcome to another Shitbox Showdown! Today it’s Two-Door Tuesday, as we take a look at a mismatched pair of sport coupes with branded titles. But first, let’s take a look at what you thought of ze Germans:
The Audi has it easily. I am not surprised, nor do I disagree. The words “BMW” and “head gasket” are enough to strike fear into the hearts of the most seasoned shitbox aficionados.
You know what else is a scary phrase? “Salvage title.” A car that has been totaled, stolen, or junked and then returned to service is something of a wild card. What exactly happened to it? How well was it repaired? It’s possible you’ll never know. Worse, in some places, cars with “dirty” titles can be difficult to insure, and sometimes lenders won’t give you a loan for them. I’ve only had one car with a dinged title: a 1991 Nissan Pathfinder for which we paid the princely sum of $1,300. It served us well for three years, so I can’t complain.
But what about the oddities, the rarities, the cars that would be priced much higher if that one little box on the title were blank? What about, for instance, a Firebird plucked from a junkyard, or a V12 Aston Martin with front end damage? Are they worth the hassle of figuring out the title? Let’s take a look and see.
1980 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am – $4,500
Engine/drivetrain: 4.9 or 5.0 liter overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Issaquah, WA
Odometer reading: 134,000 miles
Runs/drives? Yep!
All right, get your mullet jokes ready for the comments. Yes, it’s the fabled Trans Am, Pontiac’s top dog in the Firebird line, the muscle car of so many young men’s dreams throughout the 1970s and 80s. But before you get too excited, I have the same bad news for you that Trans Am buyers were faced with in 1980: this car is slow. To meet emissions targets, Pontiac dropped the big 6.6 liter engine choices, leaving only their own 301, or a 305 cubic inch small block borrowed from Chevy. A turbocharged version of the 301 was available, but those were so rare and special that if this car was a turbo, the seller would have mentioned it. They didn’t. So what you’re looking at is a small V8 fueled by a Quadrajet four-barrel, wheezing out somewhere around a hundred and fifty horsepower through a compulsory Turbo-Hydramatic 350 transmission.
This Firebird has a completely unknown provenance. The seller bought it from a junkyard, and apparently drove it home. They shined it up, and it came out pretty good. The red paint isn’t original, so the “screaming chicken” decals are long gone. Fear not; reproductions are available. The interior is intact but worn, and there is a little bit of body damage; the car’s rubber nose looks a little sad. But really, it’s not terrible.
Let’s not kid ourselves: Burt Reynolds or James Garner aside, these cars are more or less crap. Firebirds and Camaros of this era were slapped together quickly and cheaply, with no regard for reliability or durability. They were meant to be used up and thrown away by young men, who were then supposed to come back and buy another Pontiac or Chevy of a more respectable sort. Pontiac sold half as many Trans Ams in 1980 as they did in 1979, likely due to the lackluster engine choices, but the swoopy lines and gaudy decals drew buyers into the showrooms, and that is what they were meant to do.
But even these sad slow malaise-era cars have always had a following, and they’re slowly gaining respectability as collector’s items. So how did an intact, functional 1980 Trans Am end up in a junkyard outside Seattle? There’s no way to know, but we can be thankful someone had the good sense to pull it out.
2005 Aston Martin DB9 – $18,900
Engine/drivetrain: 5.9 liter dual overhead cam V12, six-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Woodland, WA
Odometer reading: 93,000 miles
Runs/drives? Runs, but not driveable
Yes, I know this car is well outside the normal price parameters of this column, But a shitbox is a shitbox, no matter the cost, and how often do you see a banged-up Aston Martin? It’s just too interesting to pass up, so to hell with the normal price range.
The DB9 was designed and produced during Ford’s ownership of Aston Martin. Its V12 engine shares some DNA with the Duratec V6 in your aunt’s Taurus, but this is still a handmade luxury grand tourer, a fast, wasteful, glorious two-plus-two-seater that is both expressive and impressive. You drive an Aston Martin DB9 so that people know you can afford to drive an Aston Martin DB9.
It gets less impressive when you smash it into something and discover that the front clip is a bunch of plastic, like some common Altima or something. But don’t expect to just go down to the Pick N’ Pull and find a new front bumper for this sucker. Worse, the impact damaged the radiators – yes, plural – so this Aston isn’t going anywhere under its own steam (so to speak). And I checked: Rock Auto does not carry radiators for this.
I’m not sure who the buyer is for this car. First, you have to want an Aston; second, you have to be willing to fix a banged-up one; and third, you have to be able to do the work yourself, because taking this to a shop for repair would probably make it as expensive as a real Aston. But if you simply have to have one, this might be the least expensive way to get one.
So how about it? Are you up to the challenge of reviving a half-assed muscle car, or patching up a busted British thoroughbred? And are you willing to jump through the hoops at the DMV to get its papers in order?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Well, me and my Wife ( who also is my cousin) both voted for the TA. ʘ‿ʘ
So you live in Alabama too?
1. Part out the Aston.
2. Profit!
The Aston is the correct choice. Both are going to suck to register. Might as well have a cool car at the end of the process.
Rad can’t be THAT bad. Couple tubes of JB Weld ought to do it. Instead of fixing the grille, you can just put a lift, and big tires on the car and then weld a brush guard to the front.
My first car was a 79 firebird formula, black on tan, with the 301/th350. I had the same steering wheel and rally gauges. It wasn’t fast but it made all the right noises. Voting for the trans am for nostalgia.
No one ever mentions how the second-gen Trans Ams and Formulas with rally gauges, engine-turned bezel, and Formula steering wheel had one of the very best dashes on any American car ever.
Which is why I’m saying it here.
A TA with no rust is worthy of a project. But the front ends on the 79-81 turned me off. Non turbo, since turbos didn’t have the shaker hood.
Actually either cars is worthy. But I cannot see the Aston being viable to mod. Just keep it running.
A 1977-78 “mean look” nose will bolt right up. Which is what I would do. The four iterations of front end on the second-gen Firebird went like this:
1970-73 split nose: “Wow, nice.”
1974-76 “catfish” nose: “WTF, why?”
1977-78 “mean look” nose: “Hey, now we’re talking!”
1979-81 “aero” nose: “Not as bad as the 74-76, but still, WTF, why?”
A friend had a TA like that one and it made me laugh that the doors wouldn’t open if it was on a jack. It was, however, very fast. The 301 was gone and the 6.6 in its place had domed pistons and a cam. We couldn’t find a transmission that would survive it for any length of time.
Trans am. I’ve always oddly liked the look of these even knowing they were complete crap. Endless aftermarket support would make it easy to take care of. I’d definitely crank some 80s thrash metal and go cruising in it. Plus my neighbour has an 80 Vette so we could joke about the awful build quality of that era GM.
Suspension upgrades, especially subframe connectors, go a loooooong way on these.
Quick look on Auto tempest and the cheapest DB9 is $36,000 although it has half the miles of this one. That makes me think this is worth maybe $30,000 in perfect condition. If it can be fixed up for $10k (unlikely unless most of the work can be done by yourself) it might pay its way.
The Trans-Am is calling out for a LS swap
An LS in the Aston would piss more people off…
The need to have a ratchet handy may be a tad concerning. But this car is not being sold as a DD for a soccer parent.
T/A all day long.
The TA is an easy engine swap and some cheap re-pop parts away from being a TON of fun for the price. As long as it’s not a bondo-bucket. Check the front spring pockets of the rear leafs for rust. Those have a habit of punching through into the interior in the rust belt.
Well, all things considered…..
(lights lighter and raises it high)
…MOTORIIIIN’….Whaaaat’s your price for flight?!?…
Trans Am all day. I’ve always wanted one, and it wouldn’t be expensive to either keep running as stock or modify. The Aston? No. Just no. I’ve worked on cars for a living for 20 years and want nothing to do with the ownership experience of a European car.
“And are you willing to jump through the hoops at the DMV to get its papers in order?”
I most certainly am not willing to do so. These cars are both in Washington, where we don’t have a DMV. We have a DOL.
https://www.dol.wa.gov/
Malaise era TA vs a V12 anything???? V12, I’ll take the risk.
See, you’d THINK that.
A V12 is the hot girl that you know will break your heart, but you can’t help falling in love anyway because she’s just so damn sexy, yet it still comes as a surprise when she screws all your friends, despite the fact that you knew in your heart that’s exactly what would happen.
Catback delete on the Aston? Even James Bond says, “Dude! That is uncool!”
It all depends on why they were salvaged. I’d bet the Aston was salvaged because whoever crunched it got a scary quote from a dealer to fix it, and took the payout. But If you can DIY it and don’t mind the project, you could fix it and make a bit of money for your effort.
It’s not quite the right vintage, but I think with some yellow paint, creative fiberglass work and the addition of a fifth wheel sticking out the front, I could possibly build some kind of Sweet JP Redline tribute car out of that junkyard TA. It would garner an immediate wtf? from most of the town I live in, but my daughter would absolutely love it.
A GM F-body is about the closest you can get to Lego for car enthusiasts.
You can build so many projects out of it because someone else has already done them, and parts are cheap and available. That car is solidly worth $4,500 in the rust belt as a shell for someone to transfer clean VIN plates onto, or as a relatively rust free starting point for someone’s ground-up build of their dream car. A branded title isn’t much of a ding against a well-documented full rebuild of an F-body.
For the Aston, you’re either buying everything dearly from the factory, or making everything from scratch. With a near $20,000 starting point, this is a car that requires a garage, a long-term plan, a budget, and a hell of a lot patience sourcing parts. And you have to know in advance that you’ll love the result because the branded title guarantees that you won’t get most of your money back when you sell it. The pool of potential buyers is very narrow indeed.
Firebird for the easy win.
“That car is solidly worth $4,500 in the rust belt as a shell for someone to transfer clean VIN plates onto”
Advocating illegal activity… nice.
He’s not doing anything illegal… he’s just replacing some parts. It just so happens that one of the parts just *happens* to be a body shell. But it’s just a part like anything else…
*shifty eyes*
I’m not advocating it. I would advocate the use of it as a fully documented restoration project because as I mentioned before, a salvage title isn’t really much of a negative if the restoration is documented well enough.
But you’re 100% right. Even though we all know what happens sometimes, it’s better left unmentioned.
Our Lawtopian correspondent looks the other way.
On the “heinous crimes” scale, I would slot “VIN-swapping a 1980 Trans Am” somewhere in the neighborhood of “tearing off one of those ‘do not remove under penalty of law’ matters tags.” Who is even going to care enough to investigate this terrible violation of the law?
I’m with you there. Here in the rust belt, by the time a car gets 40 years old, I’m already hoping it’s had some major frame repairs done. Or at least a teardown to that level, to allow the frame (or unibody) to be fully restored or replaced as necessary.
The Trans Am, just because it’s the one I have the mechanical and financial ability to take on. Although having just bought a shit box XJ6, perhaps I’ve reached my pain tolerance.
I can’t in good conscience vote for either. Both are massively overpriced for what they are. the pncho is maybe worth a grand in parts. If the right buyer was perusing EvilBay. Other wise it is the worst of the Fuselage era T/A’s. I almost bet it has the 301, which might have been an ok motor for the era, but it ended up not being. On paper a 4 inch bore, with a 3 inch stroke should probably allow for good High RPM fun, but the smog heads and weak cam’s made them just enemic for power.
The Aston seems like a better choice until the price is laid by the fact that a seemingly simple repair is not being performed prior to the sale. Convenient that it results in no test drives. the cheapest of these I have seen lately went for 20k with possibly a blown head gasket. it did not and the guy got a deal, but it also did not have the stigma of a salvage title and other obvious damage items to fix. For about the same money in Portland, I would go get this Volvo 122 all day everyday instead. https://portland.craigslist.org/clk/cto/d/camas-volvo-122s-122-amazon-123gt/7581851705.html
It’s also a cheap SBC/suspension upgrade away from being big fun for small cash.
your “maybe worth a grand in parts” estimate is hilariously low.
He should go find one in similar condition for similar money to prove us wrong. Hint: he won’t.
The Aston costs four times as much, but it is an Aston Martin, and it has a V12. Expensive bumper and radiator(s) for the win here. Why is this even a question?
it is not a question as to which is better as much as which is the worst decision financially. the Aston my never work properly again without replacing that motor. It could have overheated or just did aston v12 failure things at that mileage. the Trans am is cheap to swp the motor, and an LS fits there pretty simply. strangely the 79-81 front end is even liked by a few people. but really the price is way too high for a salvage title crapola year. Both are massive no’s to me.
I agree, didn’t really go into that, but if the Aston Motor is toast that is a whole different proposition. I am going to assume Aston Owner had more sense than to run it without an operating cooling system, but on further thought that is probably not a real smart assumption.
I thought the TA was stupid money for a ratty salvage title, but then I checked my local listings.. huh.. Not saying it’s right, just saying..
Comic gold here: ” It has the optional, nicer upgraded interior” then look at the listing..
https://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/cto/d/maricopa-1978-pontiac-trans-am-top/7580526858.html
That is possibly the crackiest crack pipe I’ve ever seen. 3K as a starting point. How expensive are replacement T-Tops and glass? That’s all that’s left.
OMG, he knows what he’s got, snort, rofl, s t o p please I can’t take any more!
You should troll that idiot by asking him something stupid… like if it comes with a warranty… LOL
I have a friend who is deep into F-bodies as his hobby. I watch listings of them regularly as a favor. If you haven’t looked, you will definitely be shocked by what a decent condition shell goes for these days.
I’ve seen cockpit/trunk combos with nothing forward of the firewall selling for over $3,000. But that Maricopa listing is, well…. special. I’m not sure where the valuables are hidden, but there has to be something stashed somewhere in there to be worth $3,000.
“Only six more payments and that baby’s all mine!”
That TA definitely doesn’t have the turbo engine – if it did, it would have the “TURBO 4.9” hood, since it was required to clear the offset air filter.
A guy I went went to HS with had a turbo T/A that his father bought him as a graduation present (need I say he was Italian?). It had the cool boost lights on the hood (Normal, Medium, High TURBO CHARGE). The thing was, it was not very fast – we all thought it would be the fastest thing in the parking lot but it was not even close.
Back in the day, the Trans Am became a blue collar icon, but – to paraphrase Billy Joel – “Working too hard can give you a Pontiac (ack, ack, ack, ack, ack), is that all you get for your money?” No, thank you.
As for James Bondo, it may be “shaken, not insured,” but it’s a freakin’ Aston Martin.
Fix up the Poncho and you might get a date with Kitty from the strip club. Fix the Aston and you could find yourself riding with Pussy Galore. I must be dreaming.
The Pontiac will get you Kitty; the Aston will get you Pussy Galore. However, at the end of the day (well evening) the Aston will cost a lot more money to end up in the same place. It’s the difference between the smell of sweat and odor of perspiration…
As long as Pussy Galore doesn’t mind you picking her up in the car on a rollback, a’la Archer’s Ferrari.
I despise second generation F-Bodies. Maybe the only car I hate more than a C3 vette.
That Aston is calling me.
Greetings my opposite. I really like 2nd generation F-bodies and C3 vettes. One of us is clearly someone of refined tastes (it is you).