Cold Start: Look At This Lineup

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Are you having trouble getting motivated this morning? I get it; work is, well, work, and sometimes productivity is a hard thing to move into, saddled with the inertia of pleasant non-productivity from the weekend. You know what might help? Maybe a refreshing spoonful of schadenfreude.

Just imagine you’re 1978 Ford and almost half your lineup is this: a Pinto, a Granada, and the Mustang II. Somehow, you need to sell as many of these dogs as you can, and you know damn well what they really are: an exploding deathtrap (albeit with an excellent engine), a disappointing sequel to a legendary car, and a car that marketing keeps trying to insist is as good as a Mercedes, which it very much isn’t.

They got through it and now make things like the wonderful, cheap Maverick. If they did it, so can you.

You know, if I had to drive one of these today, I’d go for the low end: I’d genuinely like a first-gen Ford Fiesta like that yellow one there, and I’d be lying if I said that Pinto doesn’t have some appeal, too.

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Mercedes Streeter

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57 thoughts on “Cold Start: Look At This Lineup”

  1. My first car was a ’78 T-bird, white with maroon vinyl top and maroon interior. It wasn’t new either, this was mid 90’s, man that thing was a boat!

  4. The Fairmont is a Fox body, so lots of potential to have fun with a Fairmont wagon

    The Mk1 Fiesta is cool

    There’s also the Capri from Germany, which we got as a Mercury. I like the MkII Capri

  6. The first car I can remember riding in was my parent’s 1979 Fiesta S, dark navy blue with the white ‘S’ stripe. IIRC it had sort of black and gray mini-checked cloth interior, and I was obsessed with the shift knob – it was a 4 on the floor, and it had the shift pattern sort of stamped into the top of the knob, rather than having an inset piece with the pattern printed on it, or whatever. To this day that car is very fondly remembered by the whole family. I’d love to find one to buy, but they seem to have all gone the way of most ‘disposable’ economy cars and have all ended up scrap, at least here in the US. I’ve vaguely considered importing a left hand drive car from continental Europe, as some of the sporty spec (XR2) Mk1 Fiestas have been saved there, but haven’t gotten serious enough to start navigating the red tape.

  7. I remember a relative (great aunt and uncle, I think) owned an LTD very similar to the one in the ad.
    Tons of room, but slooooow, and handled like crap, but very smooth ride.
    Everyone in the family borrowed it for long trips where you just needed to eat up the miles, say from South Jersey to Cincinnati to attend a wedding.
    Three adults, two teenagers, a trunk full of luggage and twelve hours each way, and all the LTD asked was a gallon of gas every 12 miles.

  8. Good friend bought a top of the line Pinto as his first new car, treated it like it was a BMW, and enjoyed the experience except for the abysmal lack of power.

  9. Had a 1971 Pinto with a 1.6L Kent 4 cylinder 4 speed manual. Fun little car. Later put a 2.0L into it. Great mileage peppy but not fast . Fun on the back roads and it handled off road and winter pretty good with the right tires and a little bit of a lift.

  10. First car I ever drove was a Ford LTD Brougham back in 19Zebedeesomething, aged 14, around the parking lot of an Ottawa, Ont, mall. As a young Scotsman who had only seen the Yank Tanks on TV it was absolutely amazing experience. Talk about slow? My cousin made sure I never went above 15mph: tectonic plates move quicker but I was so hyped up it didn’t matter.

  11. I’d sell them like this, ” give your future grandchildren something to LS swap and go drag racing in!”

    I mean come on! Best sleepers EVER!

    and hotrods and kustoms crave the Mustang II suspension….still sold to this day! Hell I got a set in my shop for a customer right now!

    It may not be much now! But give it 40 years!

  14. I’m a Ford guy, but I hate this era, all the way through 1980 or so.

    Fiesta is acceptable, as would be an Inline 6 Fairmont 2 door, although I’d MUCH rather have the Mercury Zephyr version (had two, great cars for their time). The rest? Meh.

  15. Fuck it.
    Gimme the land barge with Barcaloungers, throw something with enough torque to alter planetary rotation under the hood and a GPM rating, and find a thousand miles of rail-straight interstate.

  16. Ah, the memories!
    My mom drove a Pinto wagon before I started driving. (Upgraded to a Cordoba afterwards, which is what I learned to drive in).

    I drove a Mustang II hatchback for in high school after rolling my Spitfire (Triumph, not Supermarine, unfortunately, since Supermarine Spitfires can generally survive rolls).

    Threw a rod in the engine of the Pintostang (4-cyl), and wound up buying a Mercury Monarch (i.e., Granada). It had been my dad’s before he sold it to a neighbor who then sold it to me. It was actually a really nice car for the time, as my dad had optioned it up: black 2-door with burgundy leather, power everything, vinyl roof, and a 351 V8. Had that until I smashed the oil pan while driving like a teenager on a dirt road.

  17. If the Mustang II was named something else, and never pretended to be a Mustang, would people hate it so much still? Now I’ve never driven one, but I’ve always thought it was a sharp sporty little car for back in the day.

    1. For that matter, is a Mustang II really any worse than a smog choked F-body, or do those just get a pass because they looked way more bitchin’ than their specs? For that matter, if the Mustang II looked like the Maverick (the 70’s one, although I’m here for the chaos of a hybrid Mustang pickup), would it be less despised even if it kept all the same Pinto stuff underneath?

    2. 100% agree. If Ford had called it the Palomino or something, it would be remembered much more fondly at this point.

      Kinda like how (IMO anyway) if Ford hadn’t called it the Mustang Mach-E, there’d be no residual enthusiast anger right now and no awkwardness later when Ford actually does debut an electric real Mustang.

      I mean would it have been so bad to say bring back the Galaxie name instead?

      1. I mean I do like the cross-over with the styling of a Mustang look. A neighbor just got one and I think it’s really sharp. However, it does create some confusion, and you’re risking pissing off the purists.

        1. The more Mach-Es I see in the wild the better it looks. I still don’t like the Mustang badge on a large crossover, and the name Mach-E doesn’t fill me with Good Vibrations, but the actual car itself makes the argument that Ford finally hit a hot streak.

          1. Totally agree. The rear end is esp. good looking.

            I just think Ford messed up name-wise by not fully committing to/believing in it. The Mach-E stands on its own and doesn’t need Mustang affiliation to give it street cred. It could have been the start of a whole new vehicle family.

          2. It is a good-looking car, but I think they should have named it the Maverick-E and given it a full-on Grabber package as an option. They could then call the Maverick truck the Courier and we wouldn’t be so confused or pissed off.

    3. I think you might be distracted by the fact that the Mustang picture above is from an overhead angle, so its full aesthetic isn’t in your face.

      1. That is an excellent point – Ford almost always did the overhead shot in Mustang II advertising, didn’t it?

        The direct side shot is esp. rough, as the small wheels are fairly overwhelmed by the bodywork.

    4. Not gonna lie, I still think the Mustang II is by far the best-looking Mustang. I had one for a while. To me it looks fully American with Italian influences. The hatchback version looks especially Italian, but I always liked the notchback better, with no vinyl roof. Vinyl roofs look awful no matter what car they’re on.

      The Mustang II was never more than basic transporation, even with the V8 installed, and that’s why the performance guys hate it. It was never a fun car like prior versions. All looks and nothing more.

      I also used to drive a 78 LTD II. Not a bad car, but definitely a malaise-era boat. You had to stomp hard on the gas if you needed decent acceleration, and even on premium the engine would rattle like a pop can full of nickels. I can’t imagine how much less enjoyable it would be to have that powertrain in the 78 LTD full size.

    5. I think it being hated is actually extremely important. If it was just some Ford, it would have been forgotten entirely. But it being a Mustang II did something important.

      It proved that people still wanted a muscular Mustang rather than a sporty commuter car. It functioned as a way to focus the development of the next gen, and make it more in line with what people wanted. The Ford Probe actually served the same purpose in the ’80s – Ford likes to go off the script on the Mustang and it tends to revive the brand when they do. They keep New Coke-ing the thing.

      I assume it’s bad because it’s an American car from the ’70s, but while it might be better regarded if it wasn’t a Mustang, if it wasn’t I’m not sure we would still have the Mustang.

      1. People wanted the Mustang II. They sold a shit ton of them. It was the right Mustang for the moment. Then they came up with the right Mustang for the 80’s. Really, Ford’s never failed when it comes to the Mustang.

      2. I agree with you that the Mustang II was a stepping stone to reviving the follow-on design, mostly by showing Ford what Mustang buyers really wanted.

        I also agree that the main problem with the car was that Ford brought all its Malaise Era powers to bear on it when it was built. Lee Iococca wanted a return to what the original Mustang had been–small, nimble, and sporty. The engineers took those marching orders, looked at the parts bins, and built the Mustang II.

        Honestly, later year models of the Mustang II, when Ford got the message and started focusing on making it a decent sports car, weren’t all that bad.

    1. I had a 1976 Pinto Wagon (no portholes). Unless Ford found all 57,468 rattles and loose parts by 1978 I would discourage you to even consider a Pinto.

      1. The ’78 was better. I was in one that was T boned by a deer running into the passenger door while we going about 60mph. Other than dragging the deer (antlers caught in window) 300′ or so, the deer then ran off, and the Pinto needed a new door skin and alignment. No explosions at all.

  20. in ’78 Dad bought a Mercury Marquis Brougham which I later bought from him in ’89 and used till about ’94. It was…okay.

  21. The Fairmont would have been a reasonably modern, sensible choice, assuming you got one that was built on a day when the plant’s QC manager decided to work

    1. The official color was Terra Cotta.
      Bought one new in ’81.
      4 speed manual with 12″ tires and maximum torque steer.
      Man, I loved that car.

      1. I had a terra cotta ’80 Fiesta in the early ’90s, a low-mileage car that replaced my rusty red ’79. Wonderful little cars, although when I bought a new ’93 Mazda Protege, it was a different world.

  23. Pintos actually weren’t mobile fireballs looking for a place to happen, less than 1% of all fatalities involving a Pinto were from fire. On top of that, the Corolla, VW Bug, and Datsun 1200/210 of the same era all had more average deaths per year.
    Gary Schwartz debunked the fireball myth back in 1991 in a paper published in the Rutgers Law Review

    I get that now its just a feature of automotive legend, James Dean’s Spyder is cursed, Smokey Yunick raced a 7/8 scale Chevelle, and Pintos explode when you tap the rear end, but those are all just myths

    Gimme the Pinto.

  24. I’d agree with your assessment of what cars would be worth driving from Ford of that era; in the long run, the only thing people decided was worth keeping from the Mustang II was the front suspension.

    I’d love a Fiesta with a warmed-over Kent engine.

        1. Some of us still are lmao. I am actively looking for one that doesn´t break the bank but that is not in a terrible condition

    1. The four-bladed ones on the Pinto in the top pic are pretty sharp too. They look appropriately sport coupe but not muscle car (I mean, relatively, you know).

      Do they have a style name?

        1. Thank you! That must be exactly why I subconsciously liked them…MG wheels!

          (I didn’t even know the name. Learn something new every day, and I feel my wheel game is dangerously weak as it is for this crowd)

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