I’m not really someone who is into amusement parks as such, but I do have a bit of a soft spot for Disneyland.
This mostly comes from when I lived in LA, and we had one of the local residents’ annual pass things, which meant on some summer Wednesday nights after work, my wife and then-little kid and I could tootle down to Disneyland and spend a very enjoyable warm night there, when the park was relatively empty, the lines were short, the corn dogs were hot and yielded to a bite with just the right amount of resistance , the kiddo was delighted by everything, and all was right in the world.
On these Wednesday nights I grew to appreciate the peculiar charms of Autopia (no relation to the Autopian), the ride in Tomorrowland with the little cars, designed to celebrate California’s then-new freeway system. Disney has announced that the Autopia ride will be converted from gasoline power to electric at some point in the next few years. There’s a weirdly over-the-top column in the Los Angeles Times about the current state of Autopia, and it makes it sound like the ride is located in the middle of a petroleum refinery that’s being bombed with coal. I agree that, sure, it’s time to make Autopia electric, but I think there’s a lot of charm to the old gas motor experience worth preserving. And I have some ideas.
First, we have to talk about this LA Times column. Here’s how it starts:
The air tastes putrid. The traffic is terrible. The engines are loud, the oil-stained roadways ugly and antiquated.
This is Autopia, part of Walt Disney’s Tomorrowland, where kids from around the world come to dream about the future.
Holy shit, dude, relax! Putrid? I mean, yeah, you can smell gas fumes, and he’s certainly not the only person to complain about that, but it’s hardly like some dystopian hellscape. You’re still in Disneyland, for fudge’s sake. And traffic? What traffic? It’s a ride, not the fucking 405, those are just the other cars in the ride, it’s not traffic. And just how lovely do you really need your concrete roadways to be?
I mean, I agree, sure, it’s not exactly futuristic. The ride did get an upgrade in 2016 to new lower-emissions engines from Honda, specifically four-stroke 270cc iGX270 engines that made an impressive 8.5 horsepower at 3,600 RPM. They’re governed to a maximum speed of 6.5 mph, and the steering is governed, too, kept on a set path by that big central concrete median thing that rests between the wheels. I get that an 8.5 270cc engine feels a bit more like a postwar-European microcar, but I’ve always felt the whole of Tomorrowland was really more of a view to the future from a mid-century vantage point. Exhibits and rides age, which is why the famous EPCOT center seemed futuristic when it opened in 1982 but a strange and slightly sad if optimistic throwback in more recent years.
Really, it’s just not that unpleasant. I know you can’t smell any putridness from this video (if you are smelling any, maybe take a moment to assess some recent life choices) but this feels pretty much how I remember Autopia feeling:
People have been talking about converting Autopia to EV for years now; here’s a whole Reddit thread about just that from three years ago. The thread also notes that other Disneylands, such as the Hong Kong Disneyland, already have electric-powered Autopia rides:
Autopia is a perfect candidate for electrification, of course. It’s a fixed track, so range doesn’t matter, and neither do batteries, really, since this would be an ideal place for inductive charging systems to power the cars as long as they’re on the track. But even if certain smell-sensitive or otherwise soul-deadened people can’t see the appeal of a loud gas motor that vibrates and sounds like a Hitachi massager set to high while in a metal wastebasket while pumping out clouds of rich, creamery exhaust, then that’s their problem. Luckily, I have some ideas about how the charm of these combustion motors can be retained, even in an all-electric Autopia future.
Here’s what I’m thinking for the cars:
So, I’m assuming we can retain the same basic body and most components of the Autopia cars – they’re icons, after all, right? We just need to yank those Honda engines and drop in some little electric motors – maybe 9 hp or so, just so we can say there was an upgrade in power.
We’re not going to need to worry about batteries, because that would be nuts; these things are on a track, so we can have electrical conductors set into the track itself, with spring-loaded contacts below the car, or, if we want to be really fancy, a nice inductive system could be used that would require no physical contacts whatsoever, at the expense of some efficiency. This also could be safer than having any exposed electrical contacts, too.
We’ll actually want another electric motor in there, but not for propulsion; this one is for vibrations! Yes, we’ll have a motor with an off-center weight, like a giant cell phone vibration motor, mounted via springs inside the car, to emulate the vibrations and rocking of the old combustion motor, because it’s fun, dammit.
We’ll also have a couple speakers for synthetic engine sounds (selectable by the rider!) because who wants these to be silent? It’s not a damn library.
Finally, to reclaim the joy of smells and the visuals of exhaust, we’ll need two more components. The first is some sort of (ideally) non-toxic and environmentally safe chemical stench system. I’m imagining a few tanks of basic stinks that can be mixed by the rider to craft an optimal smell-sperience. It needn’t just be exhaust and oil smells! There could be any number of olfactory components, swapped out seasonally, perhaps? An aerosol spray system would spray the scents out the car’s “exhaust” pipes.
Along with the smells, the exhaust pipes will also carry colored powders that can be blasted out to create large, festive clouds of colorful “not-exhaust.” Think those colored powders used during the Hindi Holi festival to get a sense of what I mean. You’ve seen the videos of people playing with this kind of stuff; it’ll be messy and colorful and fun, the ideal combination.
One thing the ride always needed more of was stuff for the rider to do; you can really only affect the speed, since the steering is mostly guided by the central rib thing. And the passenger needs something fun to do. My EV Autopia enhancements give plenty to do. The dash, formerly quite barren save for the steering wheel, can now have controls for sounds (mimicking a variety of drivetrains, from V8s to futuristic EVs to turbines or whatever), vibration intensity, the smells mixing panel (each slider would be labeled for whatever stench tanks are installed) and a set of red, green, blue sliders and a button for the exhaust clouds, which can be re-colored and launched on demand!
There’s so much fun stuff to do this way!
Now, what about powering all of this? Electricity is neither magic nor free, and that power needs to come from somewhere. The good news is that Disneyland is crammed full of sources of energy, energy that is currently not being tapped at all: the people.
Yes, the people! Expending all that energy that no one is harnessing! Well, I have three ideas how to reclaim some of it:
First, walking. There’s people walking all over Disneyland. Why not transform those footsteps into usable energy? People are already trying this out, via piezoelectric sidewalks and similar sorts of things:
It’s a near constant flow of walking people at Disneyland; surely there’s energy that can be reclaimed there.
Those people also produce prodigious amounts of waste; instead of pumping all of that rich, energy-filled nightsoil into the sewage system, why not turn it into biogas and feed a local power plant? Let the tourists shit their way to fun!
And finally, and most revolutionarily, it’s time to harness the considerable energies of toddlers having tantrums. One of the paradoxes of places like Disneyland is that it’s often stressful on everyone, and tired, excited, and overwhelmed kids – and sometimes adults – can lose their shit and throw a full-blown tantrum. A tantrum is really just a way to expel excess, misdirected energy, so why not harness it?
This system would involve installing Tantrum Energy Harvesters (TEHs) at strategic points in the park; when a child or adult starts to lose their shit, they’re carefully wrestled onto the treadmill, their limbs connected to the energy-reclamation tethers, and then allowed to have a full-on tantrum right there on the machine until they exhaust themselves. The kinetic tantrum energy is harvested mechanically via the tethers, connected to flywheels and gears, and the treadmill, and then pumped back into the grid or stored in large lithium-ion batteries.
Trust me, it’ll be great! Wow, I think I just solved everything here! Hot damn. Even if Autopia never smelled “putrid.” Jeez.
I have some ideas.
1) want today’s zero-carbon emissions but still keep that old-timey NVH and smell? Just run the existing ICEs on synthetic methanol! Make no other changes. It’s the future, or would at least be part of it if people who make our decisions could understand engineering.
2) you want EVs, fine, but if you’re going to replicate the smells and vibrations of obsolete transport you need a dial that goes all the way back to “horse”.
3) generating electricity from waste is a great idea, but biogas isn’t fun. You know what is fun? Urinal-mounted waterwheels! Put a digital readout on it to measure your wee-energy and you have a genuine amusement. People would line-up to have a go, just like they do now, but with more anticipation.
Turn it in to science: stand on a box and watch your high score go up.
For players unhindered by an actual penis there are cup-and-spout devices that could be a technical improvement for accurate power generation.
Plus, of course, every drop of that liquid has to be replaced at Disney prices! Free electricity and increased drinks sales.
4) change nothing but the sign that says “Autopia” to read “Distopia” instead. Then all the bad things become features. Stop maintaining it and leave it critically understaffed.
“unhindered by an actual penis”
Going to start introducing myself like this.
“Yes, we’ll have a motor with an off-center weight, like a giant cell phone vibration motor, mounted via springs inside the car, to emulate the vibrations and rocking of the old combustion motor, because it’s fun, dammit”. I had something like that on my bike in the min 60’s, a Mattel Varoom “motor”. All it made was noise.
My God that Japan EV Autopia ride just looks so soulless. Slow, quiet, and directionally controlled? It is a sit down version of the automated sidewalks at the airport. Why not just hook them all together and run them like a tiny monorail around the track?
The “go karts” at Lagoon in Utah, the ones in the kiddie area, are almost exactly that. The steering wheel isn’t even connected to anything if memory serves. Last time I was there with my kids and my parents was several years ago.
I was at Magic Kingdom (Disneyworld) with my kids a couple of months ago. It is a slow ass ride and the only fun parts are the “bad” parts. The stink. The noise. Jacking the wheel from side-to-side to bang the wheels against the center track thingy. “Accidentally” rear-ending our family members in the car in front of us.
Speak the truth brother. An EV Autopia is like riding a roomba in a large room with no furniture.
I was traumatized for life by Autopia circa 1976. I was tall enough to drive by myself, but didn’t quite comprehend the one pedal braking thing. So I got to the end where you’re supposed to stop and instead kept my foot on the pedal like I was heading to a Santa Monica farmer’s market. The cast members (did they call them that then?) had to throw tires in front of me in the parking lane to get the car to stop. Scary but more embarrassing than anything. But I lived to tell the tale!
1975 for me. That ride really sucked.
And always preferred Knott’s Berry Farm vs Disneyland, anyday.
As a teenager in the early 80s, I was somehow sent out early on Disneyworld’s version. At the point in the track where the center guiding bars are lowered to remove cars, they were down, and I took the opportunity to get between them and enjoy some open-road freedom—until the yells of the poor shmuck running red-faced after me became to strident to be ignored 😉
I want one of these cars to restomod into the world’s best riding lawn mower.
If they don’t like stinky gasoline just run them on clean burning propane:
Problem solved!
If they want “the future” make it a REXEV:
Problem solved!
If they demand the energy source be “green, run them on biopropane:
https://www.alkcon.com/biopropane/
Problem solved!
We know that’s you, Misters Strickland and Hill.
Well gosh dang, what gave it away?
Whoa whoa whoa!
Steam is the future! Convert all the Autopia cars to steam driven, powered by coal.
Think we’re looking at this through the wrong end of the telescope.
.. wait, think maybe its me that has the binoculars on backwards – carry on
Hold on Mr Burns we need to do these with nuclear power. A small nuclear power plant in each car. No smells no sounds 500 mph of course crashing may create sounds and flesh melting off the bones might create a scream or two.
The screams would be mercifully brief, I think. At any rate, anyone close enough to hear wouldn’t have to worry about it for long.
How about kerosene powered turbine engines?
I’m in
You’ll see me off in the distance, I hope
At the other end of the telescope. – Elvis C.
The cars could easily handle just a 750w motor to get up to 6.5 mph with 2 passengers. I also imagine Honda wanting to keep the sponsorship, so they may end up with battery swapping, like the Honda scooters have. So many opportunities for branding, and imprinting that battery swapping on small mobility devices is feasible, and sustainable.
Being sensible after a Torch post?
What’s up with that?
I’d like apologize for apologize for that, because you are right. I’m sorry.
Really, I’m surprised they didn’t go after Tesla for corporate sponsorship on it, I mean, they’re almost 5x bigger than GE in market cap and like 15x more valuable than Monsanto’s entire parent company, Bayer.
Would kind of add to the retro future aesthetic with 1950s-style corporate branding – Autopia presented by Tesla, Amazon House of Tomorrow, SpaceX Rocket to Mars, Boom Super Sonic Flight Circle, Brightline Train of Tomorrow, Apple Carousel of Progress, etc.
But you need to deal with Elon who I believe is in a fight with Disney
Just watching this degrade into another inevitable Florida culture war will be enough fun for me. WOOHOO!!
Yeah, some state representative is going to introduce some bill in Tallahassee banning battery electric amusement rides excluding ones installed prior to 1/1/24
Aah I believe that Disneyland is in California and Disney world is in Florida. Not sure how Florida will affect California Theme Park.
Disney World has the same basic ride – Tomorrowland Speedway in the Magic Kingdom, uses the same Disney Imagineering Autopia Mark VII cars as in California.
Yes but article was about Disneyland and Florida legislative branch has no control over it. I am sure the California legislative branch will be fully capable of sucking the life out of it on their own.
Yes, I’m saying that if this turns into a culture war thing, some legislator in Florida will move to try to stop Disney from doing it there (it would be pretty weird if they didn’t spread it company-wide, there’s Autopian attractions at basically all their parks, and the all use pretty much the same cars, currently)
No you just did the liberal blame conservatives and didn’t even consider it was in different sides of the country. Jason clearly said California but you just hopped on blame conservatives. Admit it.
No, because that’s not what I did, the article is clear it’s Disneyland, the above comment referenced the ongoing culture war RE Florida, Disney, EVs, etc, and it would make logical sense for Disney to roll out the upgrades to all parks later on. There was already a state legislator in Texas who introduced a bill trying to make it illegal for businesses to offer complimentary EV charging for their customers, those sorts of attitudes are out there. Florida has already revoked Disney’s right to build a nuclear reactor on their own property
You took a story about California and blamed Florida for trying to publicize it. You are stuck in your world. And frankly Florida and California are morons on different sides of the same argument and if you didn’t have beaches you would be the Iran and Iraq of the United States. Why do you think hundreds of thousands of legal citizens are leaving California and the state is trying to offset that by allowing millions of illegal immigrants to move in? Your cities are 3rd world quality. Wake up.
You’re making a lot of assumptions about someone who made a flippant comment on a car blog, will just say that. A lot of assumptions.
Maybe take a deep breath, relax, fix yourself a drink
Just stop engaging with him, and hope he goes away.
Disney is a trigger word in Florida. It doesn’t matter which location, there is bound to be blow back. Communist gun hating LGBTQ+ EVs (even as toys) are going to set some of these flunkies off and it will be entertaining. In fact I’m going to say Disney as much as possiblisney in my Disney post just so it freaks someone out. Disney, Disney, Disney, and so on, like some Craigslist ad…
Yeah and the liberal Disneyland isn’t just as loopy and one sided as Florida? Funny how people from California sees the conservative over reaction and blames them for the normal people fighting the liberal over reaction in California an entire country away.
User name checks out.
The user you’re replying to is a total troll. Just avoid engaging and move on.
Last time I was at Disneyland I wondered why Autopia wasn’t electric yet. Especially with all the techno-branding Honda had in the ride queue. And yes, Autopia still stinks and is very anachronistic.
I think the cars should have small batteries and induction charging at the station only. This would be safe by not having open contacts, and promote more efficient charging due to being able to line the coils up better while the vehicles are in line. You don’t need charging throughout the entire track.
About the steering though: Torch, you are wrong. If you’re just “hands off” the car bounces all over the place and it’s a pretty unpleasant ride. I always played a game of skill and tried not to hit the center guide at all. It’s an engaging and smoother way of riding. It’s a good arm workout, too 🙂
Maybe scrap the cats and put the kids in a giant hamster ball. Do we need are children to be even more susceptible to diseases because of sterile environments? Of course the kids can’t be expected to expend physical activity so power the ball and put in a phone charger and wifi and have the kids just play on their phones.
I swear to George Washington Carvers sainted memory the real biological attack we need to worry about is terrorists breaking into schools at night and placing tins of peanut dust in the HVAC System. It would take down the entire country and you couldn’t arrest them because peanut dust isn’t a weapon.
Honda has been weak/slow on EV introductions, especially in North America, and they hold the naming rights on the ride, wouldn’t surprise me if that was part of the lack of motivation around not doing it earlier
Thank you, Torch, for illustrating my iconic Autopia car, but they haven’t looked like that for probably about 20 years, maybe closer to 30. I always thought they looked like little Fiat X1/9s—I’m sure the cartoonish bumpers were part of what made me think that.
Back when I was piloting those little faux-Fiats as a yoof, the smell wasn’t quite as noticeable because, well, all of the LA-Orange County metro area kinda looked and smelled brown back then. Things have changed a lot, and that throwback experience doesn’t exactly gibe with the concept of “Tomorrowland.”
Smelled brown. I think I just found a new expression for use at my work, thanks. You likely have no idea what a prison smells like and I hope you never have to find out, but it’s very distinctive, not pleasamt, and an unidetifiable brownness, not smog brown but maybe closer to compost brown.
Last time I was at Disneyland in 2019, I was struck at how toxic the air was around Autopia – because no emissions.
The car shells are no longer “iconic” either – I believe these are about the 3rd iteration – more “Toon Town” than 50s Retro-Futuristic.
It’s waaaay past time for Autopia to be electric runabouts.
I think it would be better if Disney just made the cars fly.
FINALLY. Only 2 decades overdue at least. Sure, they upgraded the engine, but riding around in something powered by a rototiller engine is hardly an ideal motoring experience. The throttle response is awful, braking non-existent, then add in the NVH, it makes for a very disappointing ride currently.
“The throttle response is awful, braking non-existent, then add in the NVH, it makes for a very disappointing ride”
That sums up my childhood recollections of Disneyland: Expensive, overcrowded, overrated. I can think of more fun ways to spend my time and money than stand in lines all day among anti-vax measles super spreaders as a living cautionary tale to encourage others to cough up even more money to buy the fast pass or to hire a “guide” to jump the lines.
I will say I enjoy most of Disneyland as an adult, most of the rides are great. Autopia stands out because of how it’s not at the same level as other rides.
To each their own I guess.
The Autopian
Shit Your Way to Fun!
Now THAT’S a license plate bracket I’d sport.
Speaking of which, are you still taking merch ideas? Something tells me the majority of your audience members–many of which wouldn’t dare affix an adhesive bumper sticker–have license plates. Somebody get on that!
I’d rather be
THE AUTOPIAN
My other car is
THE AUTOPIAN
Stop with the horn. I’m reading
THE AUTOPIAN
Follow me to
THE AUTOPIAN
A frame with narrow edges that don’t hide the state or slogan.
Or just the state!
THE AUTOPIAN
Is for lovers
Just replace them all with Columbia Phaetons. If Hartford’s finest automobile was good enough for Queen Victoria, it’s good enough for Disney. You could even steal Teddy from the Hall of Presidents and reenact the first presidential automobile ride. Keep the tiller, lose the tracks, it will be great.
Okay new thought instead of this with driver and passenger how about one rider steers the front wheels the other instead of passively riding sits facing backwards and steers the rear wheels like those old big fire engines in close corners?
How much for one of these Tantrum Energy Harvesters (TEHs)? I could install a couple here at the office. Every time a user gets turned down for a new iPhone I’ll carefully wrestle them into it and finally turn the IT Dept into a profit center.
And people claim the auto dealership model is Evil and corrupt. The whole cell phone industry is dealership model on Crack. Just in my opinion though
Logically, it makes absolute sense to make this ride electric.
Emotionally, I think all children visiting Disney World (and Disneyland) need the experience of breathing in two-stroke fumes; having their still-fresh eardrums beaten by the sound of the engine; burning their legs on the shiny metal seatbelt buckle; bouncing side-to-side on the track because the steering is complete shit; and getting whiplash because their dad keeps rear-ending them from the car behind.
It’s all part of the experience.
This is the experience I want for my children as well. I think the last time I was on Autopia it was with a bunch of plywood cutouts of the characters from Gummibears…pretty sure the boats were still there too
I went to Disneyland as an Adult in 2016 and fuck that noise. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough between the insane lines and utterly insufferable man children running around.
If they’re going electric, I think they should make Autopia into a giant retro slot car ride. Electrified strips would solve the power delivery issue, and pin-in-slot steering would eliminate the need for straddling a concrete berm. Maybe goose the speed governor on a few sections of straight track.
That was exactly my thought. A life sized a lot car set, really lean into that. The smell can just be from ozone and burning carbon brushes from the motor. Kids could take turns controlling the speed of their siblings cars from a controller on the sideline. When the contacts get dirty, a ride operator has to go around with a big piece of 400 grit to make the metal strips shiny again. A friggin loop the loop, the possibilities are endless!
This is a great idea. Also, having the electricity buried in a slot would mitigate safety issues.
Since putrid refers to rotting organic materials (and their associated odors), if something does smell putrid in Autopia, it’s not the cars and may indicate a larger problem for Disney. Maybe very lost kids? Molding corn dog remnants? Kinder chunder or used diapers? Built on a Native American burial ground? The possibilities are unlimited. Whatever, I love the smell of putrid in the morning; smells like misery.
Geez, I remember all of the noise and vibration from the Autopia cars back when I was a kid (and that was a long time ago). Since you couldn’t really steer the things much, getting off the line was the best part.
But the real question here is, will they actually replace the gas-powered cars and if so, how do I get my hands on one?
https://www.motortrend.com/features/disneyland-autopia-mark-vii-first-drive-review/
Great article. And ya gotta love, “For three years, it was: smoke a blunt and go sit in the car in the backyard and pretend I’m driving it,” Menotti says.”
I remember visiting Disneyland in the ’80’s on a smoggy summer day and the exhaust from the old (2-stroke?) engines was just fumigating the line for the gondolas next to it.
https://www.motortrend.com/features/disneyland-autopia-mark-vii-first-drive-review/
“…270cc engine feels a bit more like a postwar-European microcar…”
Such extravagance! Here I was feeling pretty good about having a 125cc engine in mine instead of the 50cc of the Gad’Jet:
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53628512640_6a7d0db9f2_b.jpg
I assume this is the Disneyland equivalent to the now defunct Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride at Disney World.
No, this is the equivalent to Walt Disney World’s Tomorrowland Speedway.
Oh thank you, I had completely forgotten about that ride. I am sure I rode it back in the 80’s, but I don’t recall riding it with my daughter circa 2007.
Mr. Toad is alive and well at Disneyland. I fully support a ride that sends kids straight to hell.
When I took my kids to Disneyland circa 2002, my wife was obviously pregnant and the operators were trying mightily to Prop 65 her off the ride. “No really, we drove here, I mow the lawn, what’s the difference?” They reluctantly let her ride (because our 2 kids had to be accompanied by an adult apiece). The son who rode the ride in utero is now a car guy, so it can’t have damaged him that much (or maybe it did!).
Love this comment!
Here I am trying to figure out how someone born in 2002 could possibly be old enough to be a “car guy.”
I’ll go take my Centrum Silver now.
It was the fumes.