Fictional British agent James Bond famously orders a vodka martini in the film “Goldfinger” and — as he has for the past 60 years — specifies that this should be “shaken, not stirred.” By doing this Bond is actually making a weaker and more watered-down drink. But what if you wanted the perfectly blended martini? A group of automotive designers and engineers have crafted a cocktail mixer that costs $3,755 and purports to make the perfectly mixed drink in just 15 seconds using turbines and science.
Much of being rich seems to be creating problems and then imagining increasingly more convoluted and expensive solutions to those problems–think Jeff Bezos and the smaller yacht he bought to follow his bigger yacht to carry his girlfriend’s helicopter. Apparently, poorly-mixed martinis were a concern of the upper echelons of British society and so a solution has been proffered by CALLUM, the engineering and design firm helmed by ex-Ford/Aston Martin designer Ian Callum and made up of a bunch of engineers who worked on projects for Aston Martin.
I regret to inform you that it looks incredible. My initial instinct was: This is silly. After looking at all the photos and reading about how it works my new sense is: How successful do I need to make The Autopian to justify buying a cocktail mixer that’s worth about as much as my E39? Maybe when we reach 10,000 members this will be my gift to myself.
It’s unclear how this idea came about, but CALLUM paired up with British Airways, mixologist Mr Lyan, and watch company Bremont to make the ideal cocktail mixer.
“Aviation is at the heart of this fun yet engineering-inspired design. At CALLUM, we aim to create products that ‘stir the imagination’ – we’ve taken it more literally this time, and hope that all who taste a cocktail from the Martini Mixer enjoy it as much as we’ve enjoyed making it,” said Callum in a press release for the mixer.
You don’t have to ask me twice, Ian.
The problem of mixing a drink is an interesting one. We’ll forgive Mister Bond for asking for a weak martini since, in theory, he was on the clock. That’s not so good for the rest of us.
The main goal in making a cocktail like a martini is usually to blend the ingredients so that the constituent parts synthesize into something that has a uniformity of taste. For something like a martini, you don’t want to blend it too hard as you’ll aerate the beverage. At the same time, a martini, whether composed of gin or vodka, should be served as cold as possible without resorting to putting it over ice. Therefore, a long-necked and thin teardrop bar spoon is often used to blend the drink and chill it without chipping too much ice.
Or, you could dramatically over-engineer a solution, which is what CALLUM seems to have done:
The Martini Mixer’s main body – or ‘combustion chamber’ – has been machined from food-grade stainless steel 316 billet, which encases a borosilicate glass vessel, resistant to thermal shock for the ultimate iced cocktail. Fixing atop of the combustion chamber is the ‘turbine’, which is the mixer’s control unit. Inside, a motor and rechargeable lithium-ion battery powers a hollow stainless steel mixing paddle. CALLUM’s engineers executed Mr Lyan’s precise instructions to ensure the specially-designed mixing paddle rotates at the optimum revolutions per minute (rpm) – between 120-160 rpm – to deliver a perfectly blended and cooled martini in under 15 seconds.
Amazing. In keeping with the aviation them, the design was inspired by the aircraft of British Airways and features a lot of interesting details.
“A sleek, almost aerodynamic design, it has no external switches to disrupt its lines. Within the mixer’s control head unit, and encased in glass, is a decorative turbo fan machined from aluminium and inspired by turbofan engines on British Airways’ aircraft. It is finished in the brand’s signature ‘Gold’, echoing the décor in the exclusive Concorde Room. In the centre of the turbine is a replicated fan nose cone, hand-painted with a white swirl design as per the aircraft.” Adam Donfrancesco, engineering director at CALLUM, explains.
It looks the business, no doubt, and with an internal LED you can actually watch the cocktail being mixed. There’s a rather large lithium-ion battery inside that can run the motor for 120 minutes or, approximately, 500 martinis per charge. That’s a lot of martoonies.
If you want one, you can pay CALLUM a vodka-chilled $3,775 in American dollars, which includes a 10% deposit. If you’re curious and don’t want to spend that much money, British Airways will be using it in their first-ever Concorde Room at London Heathrow Terminal 5, which I assume is where you go when you’ve got an extra expensive ticket. There you can enjoy a drink imagined by Mr. Lyan:
Travellers will now be able to sip the perfect ‘Turbine Martini’ ahead of their flight, an exclusive recipe curated by the airline’s award-winning partner mixologist, Mr Lyan. The Turbine Martini takes on the elegance of an original martini with a modern twist, combining classic ingredients such as vermouth, custom bitters and a bespoke garnish, with the British Airways’ newest gin partner, Aviation American Gin. When martini lovers are ready to enjoy the cocktail, the airline’s Concorde Room colleagues will mix and pour the Turbine Martini seat side.
That sounds nice. Also, my personal preference is making a martini with gin so I deeply respect this move.
If anyone is going to be traveling through Heathrow please check this out, because I’m not sure I’m bold enough to ask for a press cocktail mixer.
Photos: CALLUM. This post contains an Amazon link and we may get a commission if you decide you can’t afford a $4k mixer and just get the spoon.
What a waste of money, there are fine cocktails in many a bar mixed by skilled artisans to your precise requirements or willing to provide suggestions based on their vast experience.
I particularly recommend the bar in the Hotel Britania in Lisbon.
Here’s how to *really* make a proper martini, no stirring or shaking required:
“…a martini, whether composed of gin or vodka…”
I’d make a remark along the lines of “oh, so either a martini or not a martini” but as a geologist I am required to be acceptive of any alcoholic beverages without complaint.
But do you take yours on the rocks?
Weak, schmeak. Gimme the slightly icier martini because I live in Lucifer’s sweaty taint and prefer my drinks as cool and refreshing as possible.
Don’t be shaken because you are poor. Cash a Bond because Aston Martin has ginned up a stirring way to take your money. It’s a great time to be olive.
Looks hard to clean. Looks like it pours like ass. Looks like all marketing fluff act the actual detriment of being a good mixer.
British Airways just put up a YouTube video of it; it looks horrible! Even if you wanted some way-overbuilt powered mixer, it seems like you could make one that was far more functional for the same price. Plus, god damn, “Mr Lyan” has his head so far up his ass, he probably gets a second taste of lunch before it even has a chance to digest.
Yep. Extremely pretentious in presentation and underwhelming in function. Imagine paying 4k for a steampunk nutribullet.
BA is offering a high-falutin’ martini in their high-falutin’ lounge at Heathrow, mixed with an appliance crafted in tribute to their design motifs, and they’re using an AMERICAN gin? It’s probably wonderful gin, but do hotels in Edinburgh serve Japanese scotch on Burns Night?
There are a number of very good American gins these days, Aviation is one of them. In my taste, the classic London dry gin (Bombay, Beefeater, etc) are actually not that good in a martini- you need something with more citrus, and Aviation is definitely citrus heavy (mostly orange).
Nearly 4 large and the turbine is freaking decorative?? Absolutely pathetic. Also I recommend visitng the website, they have someone throwing digital calipers on a turbine blades but it doesn’t even look like it’s on.
Also from what I’ve read, the “shaken not stirred” Bond thing was to show that he was trying to act classy but failing at it, since he didn’t realize this is the ‘wrong’ way to make a Martini (which begs the question of why it’s even an option…)
Sort of reminds me of when I ask for my fine red wine to be put in a blender to “aerate” it properly. Just to see the look on the sommelier’s face.
Just so long as the internals don’t fail spectacularly, like a Callum-era Jaguar…. But that’ll be the problem for the second or third owner.
I’ll be refreshing Alibaba until I can get one of these for $15 shipped.
Strong Fancy Kristin vibes.
OK, you have to read this in your best Sean Connery accent…
“I do not love this item. It’s over-engineered and brutally expensive for what it does. It leaves me shaken, not stirred. Ha! That’s my best joke!”
Expenshive*
“The Turbine Martini takes on the elegance of an original martini with a modern twist”
High fructose corn syrup?
Of course, based on appearances every martini shown on screen was actyally stirred, not shaken (Shaken martinis are cloudy; Bond’s are always clear). So I don’t think Bond or his many bartenders actually cared that much what he was asking for or what he actually got.
Am I the only one who read that as “Stirred Not Shaken(車検)”?
Probably.
Did you make that cut with a Masamune Katana? It’s pretty deep.
Per your description mix pour over ice then strain. Refrigerate both ingredients blend and stir. Frost the glass no ice. Use a frozen floater. Have a frozen sculpture with a pour sluice. Or taste a martini realize they suck and order a Yuengling.
You are so right.
90% right.
It’s hot out. I’ll take a Raspberry Crush sour.
Aston Martini
(It’s right there!)
Well Bezos’ girlfriend cost him a 27 Billion divorce, so I’m sure that the little tender yacht for the helicopter is pocket change by comparison.
I bet Putin killed his traitor militia guy for less.
Putin probably got this last one gratis on the “buy 10 get one free” deal.
Enough drops from windows and you get an upgrade to a plane.
“ has been machined from food-grade stainless steel 316 billet,”
Oooh! Fancy!
It’s also one of the grades of stainless that car exhausts are made from. Except that’s a tube already, which really cuts down on the machining.
I’m pretty sure most auto exhausts are 304 ( which is still good ) or 409 / 410 ( magnetic, cheaper ” barely stainless ” ) .
For some reason it reminded me of https://eleiko.com/en-se/heavy-mug
I don’t think this qualifies as shaken or stirred. Looking at it, I’d categorize the results as emulsified (albeit with a very small bit of olive oil). Mmmm…martini dressing.
Edit: wait a minute. Is that turbocharger? Hmm…turbo martini.
Just gimme straight gin with an olive.
Ah, the Noel Coward martini. A large gin, waved in the general direction of Italy.
Hold the olive for me, ha.
Do I have to tip this thing when I get my drink?
You have to tip it to pour your drink out.
Or use the optional $2,000 straw machined from a solid billet of narwhal tusk.