Over the weekend, I stopped by one of my local taillight bars, The Crimson Glare, to grab a Yoo-Hoo-and-gin and catch up with my fellow taillamp fetishists. This time, though, something seemed odd; maybe it was the thick column of acrid smoke billowing from the bar’s rear patio, maybe it was the din of hundreds of ragged, screaming voices, or maybe it was the Range Rover on fire. Who knows? Could have been the new carpet, too, I’m not sure, but something seemed off. I grabbed the arm of a woman I sort of knew from the scene, who was rushing to the burning Range Rover with an armload of gasoline-soaked taillight lenses. I asked her what the hell was going on, and she just said “Range Rover taillight recall! They want to take away amber rear indicators from five of our people!” She ran off, screaming, and I realized I needed to know more.
The Range Rover being burned in effigy – well, maybe not in effigy, since they managed to find a real Range Rover to burn, though it was an old heap from the ’90s that had been parked in the lot behind Crimson Glare for decades– was ablaze because the Ambears, a radical group of pro-amber rear indicator lamp activists, were appalled to find out that Land Rover had issued Recall 23V251000 for 2023 Land Rover Range Rover Sport cars, specifically five cars for the American Market that had European-spec taillights.
Here’s the official recall consequence and summary [Editor’s Note: Though this may seem to be entirely fiction, the absurd recall is actually real news! -DT]:
Recall Consequence:
Taillights and brake lights that do not illuminate correctly can reduce vehicle visibility or cause confusion for other drivers, increasing the risk of a crash.
Recall Summary
Jaguar Land Rover North America, LLC (Land Rover) is recalling certain 2023 Land Rover Range Rover Sport vehicles. The vehicles are equipped with incorrect rear taillights that do not illuminate correctly. In addition, the brake lights may not illuminate correctly. As such, these vehicles fail to comply with the requirements of Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standard (FMVSS) number 108, ” Lamps, Reflective Devices, and Associated Equipment.”
Mainstream, non-taillight subculture media reporting has tended to peg the fact that the turn indicators will flash amber instead of red as the reason for the recall, but this is not the true cause, if one digs just a little bit, and stating this as the cause is incredibly offensive to the pro-amber-rear-indicator community, which is why the Ambears were rioting and burning Range Rovers at the bar, and possibly similar things were happening at taillight bars near you.
The truth is that amber rear indicators are not just perfectly legal here in America, but tests and research from our very own NHTSA have determined that amber rear indicators, instead of just red flashing ones, are safer and less prone to confusion, as they cannot be mistaken for brake or tail lamps, among other things.
… and here’s a GIF of the lights in action:
No, the amber color is just a scapegoat here; the real problem is one of size. That’s because FMVSS S5.1.1.26 states:
On a motor vehicle whose overall width is less than 80 inches:(a) The effective projected luminous lens area of a single compartment stop lamp, and a single compartment rear turn signal lamp, shall be not less than 50 square centimeters (7 3/4 square inches).
I think this is the problem here. For all markets other than our taillight-backwards-asses in America, 2023 Range Rover Sport has amber rear indicators that don’t just blink, but animate sequentially and amberly, in this very appealing and I think eye-catching manner:
That’s cool, right? That’s the sort of turn indication experience I’d expect – no, demand – if I just dropped over 100 grand on a big fancy-ass SUV, like these tend to be.
For the U.S .market, though, the indicators have been dumbed-down to an extraordinary degree. Look at this shit:
So, the whole damn thing just flashes, in the exact same way that, say, a Dodge Neon would have done it in 1995 or how those $20 auto parts store box taillights have been doing it since 1968 or so. I’d argue these all-red rear indicators are more confusing than the sequential amber ones, which cannot be mistaken for any other taillight function.
They also don’t look as cool, and if you think that’s unimportant, you’re wrong, very wrong, as even Land Rover themselves are so excited about their new taillight design overall that they’ve made it a talking point in dealer videos:
Taillight design is a big deal now more than ever, since EVs tend to drive more similarly to one another than gas cars; design is an important distinguisher! And, I know many designers have actually preferred the American idiosyncratic red rear indicators because it allows for a cleaner, less complex rear light graphic, because many designers are hard-ass minimalistic snobs who can’t deal with an extra color being introduced into their exquisitely distilled-down design.
Well, that argument is bullshit today, because as you saw in the video clip of the Euro indicator, you can’t even see the amber until it illuminates!
This is all just absurd. Why didn’t Range Rover’s designers just make the amber rear indicator area just a tiny bit bigger to meet the 50 centimeter/ 7.75 inch US area requirement, and just have one global taillight? Wouldn’t that be cheaper? Easier? Better for everyone? The US lights feel like a half-ass afterthought, just brute-forcing it by blinking the whole damn thing.
I can’t legally suggest this, but if the five 2023 Range Rover Sport owners were to refuse to deliberately downgrade their taillights because of what Big Red Rear Indicator tells them they have to do, then I would say many Ambears in the taillight community would see them as heroes, undertaking an act of civil disobedience on par with heroes of other movements, but, you know, about taillights.
When I’m Emperor of America, one of my first acts will be that any carmaker to pull this sort of anti-amber-rear-indicator bullshit will be forced to install these school bus turn indicators on all their vehicles:
Either that, or the carmaker’s CEO can spend six months working on one of the mining colonies I’ll be establishing in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. Their choice! It’s still America, after all!
In South – excuse me, Garbage – Carolina, turn signals only come on after the brake lights have been activated, if at all. Least wise, I’ve yet to see turn signals activate before braking here, so it doesn’t matter what color or size they are, they’re useless for signaling intent. Probably it works OK if you’re traveling backwards in time, which, of course, South Carolina is.
Yes! This is superb writing…the last 2 paragraphs were amazing. This is why we all come to this amazing site! Free the amber! (Waves of grain)
Jason seems like the right type to have listened to Soul Coughing and Mike Doughty singing “sits and drinks a velvet crush, and that’s Kool aid and gin…
I am aware of the “7-square-inch” rule, but there are cars out here in the USA with signals that don’t seem to be any bigger than this Range Rover. Like the Tesla Model X or the outgoing Toyota Prius.
And the previous-gen Honda CR-V’s vertical signals were only one LED wide, but they were long. So does the regulation allow for a measurement of linear inches in lieu of square inches? If so, then how did the CR-V get through but not the Range Rover?
RE: CR-V reference
It’s the illuminated area, so the interior mirrored section also counts. It’s probably ~1/2″ W x 14″ L so meeting the requirement.
The interesting thing about size of the exposure is that one is more likely to see an edge of the CR-V light from two cars back then a 2.6″ square signal.
“Ambears” seems to be a variant of a different niche subculture of which I am a member.
I prefer the amber european lights but the bigger american ones were more visible to me.
Except…if you can only see the one taillight it communicates only 1 of the two functions… you can’t tell if brakes are being applied only that the indicator is on.
If the vehicle had it’s hazards inadvertently left on the only way to tell if the vehicle is applying brakes is the CHMSL … Which is the whole point as to why amber indicators are the safest lighting solution as it delineates the only two* reasons taillights are even a thing.
*Reflectors and reverse lights have their important purposes, but very secondary to the first two reasons.
It’s not like they actually work anyway 😛
Lucas, is that you?
Nobody who buys (or leases) a brand new Range Rover is going to skip a recall.
I just love how David has to break in to assure us that this is a real article and not some sort of cognitive dementia side effect of the lead battery experiment. Keep that Torch lit!
Torch for President!
Run Torch, Run!
These lucky Land Rover owners will have to avoid getting their vehicles inspected at the dealership – it’s possible that once you bring it in, the recall gets done, like it or not. Lack of inspection means they will eventually draw the ire of the local sheriff, who will make it his mission to bring these rogue signallers to justice. This will turn them into fugitives, wandering from small town to small town, dodging local sheriffs and never getting to use those turn signals in unfriendly territory.
This is a show I’d watch, man. This is like what the movie Convoy could have been.
Also, if this happened with a BMW nobody would ever know.
COTD
I’d leave the recall unfixed, too, but then I’d be worried if someone rear-ended me that the insurance company might try to avoid the payout by pointing to an unresolved safety recall.
Yes and RR says we told them many times it was dangerous but they ignored us so we arent paying for it either.
“Gin and Yoo-Hoo”
Gross! Just gross!
Rollin’ down the street
With a chainsaw
Sippin’ on Gin and ‘Hoos
Laid back
With my mind on my taillights and my taillights on my mind
You magnificent bastard!
Thank you 🙂
Much worse than shower spagetti.
I think you all know my opinion on this matter.
I hate hate hate all-red turn signals on American-spec vehicles. They are dangerous and just about useless. I’m glad to see the scourge of red turn signals getting more attention. I bought Euro rear light clusters and reprogrammed things so that I have amber rear signals on the back of my daily driver ‘17 VW Golf SportWagen, just as the lord intended!
Had to do the same on my 16 GSW, never got the Euro units but at least had the decency to separate the functions out as they should be
I thought of doing the same for my Ford Focus wagon, but I truly hate the car and see no need to make it nicer.
You pointed out something very important – it’s possible to have the lights that look all red when not illuminated but amber when they light up. It accomplishes having more aesthetically pleasing red monotone designs AND the superior amber illumination that meet requirements in other countries without having to manufacture a different version for the US market. Seems like a win-win-win and I don’t know why more manufacturers don’t do that.
As dumb as it is, Audi figured out how to make a dynamic signal work in the US. As did Ford.
Red indicators and indicators that occupy the entire brake light should be illegal.
Tons of people in the south still turn on their hazards when it’s raining. That means the only brake light left, in a downpour, is the CHMSL which is usually small and commonly burnt out.
And on some cars the CHMSL flashes with the hazards, so you’d get zero indication of braking in that case.
Ugh those are the worst
I want these euro ones in the aftermarket! Those are really cool!
Dealers are not obligated to do recalls if you tell them not to.
I’ve ducked a recall on my truck for years that has zero safety implications but will lower the quality of my own driving experience.
What’s the recall
The DRLs stay on when the low beam headlights come on.
Which is literally how basically every car on the market is…
When the most recent GM-focused ones came out, I made it a point to look at every vehicle on the road with DRLs and low-beams on at the same time.
Spoiler alert: it’s practically all of them. And I was blinded by none of them.
Were/are the GM ones capable of ‘dimming’ or is it just on/off? I know some vehicle LED DRLs will run at a reduced brightness when the headlights are switched on.
Alternately it could be about how “close” the DRL and the low beam are in proximity to one another but that’s usually seen more with turn signals and DRLs.
but if you sell the car to a dealer, they can’t re-sell without fixing the recall.
That’s no longer V10’s problem!
The US is just as backwards about headlights, too. The rest of the world gets headlights that can be brights just in the lane of travel and dim for the oncoming lane, for example, but not in the US, because we need out lights to function just as they did in 1962 or something.
Fortunately that should be changing fairly soon, the 2021 infrastructure bill directed NHTSA to approve adaptive headlights and NHTSA came up with a set of regulations that allow them. The remaining sticking point is they need a test to verify cars meet those regulations and they don’t have a methodology yet (according to an article from ~6 months ago)
And convex drivers side rear view mirrors, as opposed to aspherical mirrors the rest of the world uses. Also, a pet peeve of mine, gearshift patterns on motorcycles.
But if a vehicle is 25 years or older, all these fly out the window and anything goes.
Do you really think it would take any force at all to get an Autopian to install school bus turn signals?
I mean, really, the automakers are leaving serious money on the table by not offering school bus turn indicators as an option on everything they build.
Were I one of the owners of an affected car, I would ask for the old tail lights at least.
Could you just take them off at home and then drive the car in for the recall work?
That’s stupid. All they have to do is reprogram the signal to turn on completely, then dissipate towards the side of the car, as other manufacturers have already done.
It’ll save them even more money because they only need 1 set of lights for the entire world.
Amber turns all the way! What do you think of the trend of low mounted signals on the bumper? To me seems like a terrible idea.
https://www.theautopian.com/turn-signals-in-rear-bumpers-are-just-bad-and-thats-all-there-is-to-it/
Just turn signals? The bumper-mounted brake lights are similarly infuriating.
It seems like such a petty thing, but I’d be pissed if I got ’em and then they wanted to take ’em back. It’d be one recall I would flat out try to refuse.
Yep, I’d take out my taillights every time it went in for service.
They probably won’t have the lights in stock and will take a month to order anyway. Just don’t go back.
Or put in some broken junkyard lights and let them swap in the new ones, that’ll clear the recall notice on the VIN.
It’s a land rover. Not going back in for service isn’t an option.