Good morning! Today we’re in the Sunshine State, the Land of Awesome Headlines, the Realm of the Hanging Chad, looking at two completely useless toys. Why? Because yesterday‘s low vote and comment count shows me that you all don’t care about boring-ass “normal” cars any more than I do. So screw it; let’s get weird.
But we’d better at least look at the results from the yawn-fest. It was close, almost within the range of sheer probability. Fess up; how many of you just flipped a coin to decide? Or voted for the Subaru because it wasn’t silver? Or voted for the Jetta because it wasn’t a Subaru?
For me, it’s no contest, and I think I was probably a bit biased from the start in my presentation. I’d take the Jetta any day of the week and twice on Sundays between these two. I don’t mind slow cars if they handle well, and I prefer simple drivetrains. I’ll forego the Subaru’s slight foul weather all-wheel-drive advantage to avoid all the other baggage that comes along with it.
All right; enough of that. Let’s check out some sketchy shit from Florida.
1989 Suzuki Sidekick – $3,500
Engine/drivetrain: 1.6 liter overhead cam inline 4, five-speed manual, part-time 4WD
Location: Orlando, FL
Odometer reading: 100,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great, but head straight to the tire shop
Suzuki’s little Jimny mini SUV took America by storm when it was introduced in 1986 as the Samurai. Everybody loved the little Japanese 4×4 – well, everybody except the killjoys at Consumer Reports. The biggest complaint about the Samurai was that it rode and drove like that mining cart that Indiana Jones rode in. Enter the Vitara, sold in the US initially as the Sidekick, with an independent front suspension and coil springs in place of the Samurai’s primitive straight axles and leaf springs.
This suspension arrangement, especially the independent front end, makes lifting the truck more complicated. It can be done, however, and this one has been lifted, a couple inches it looks like. It has also been repainted – badly – and somewhere along the way it lost its rear bumper cover. It also wears what might be the worst tires I have ever seen on a car that’s being sold as drivable. Dry-rot doesn’t even begin to cover it; the tread is coming off in chunks. I’m amazed they’re holding air.
The good news is that the little fuel-injected 1.6 liter Suzuki engine runs great, and sends its power to a five-speed manual gearbox through a brand-new clutch. Whoever did the work was smart and replaced the engine’s rear main seal while they were in there. It’s always a good idea to replace things like that while you have the thing apart, even if it isn’t actively leaking. Because, invariably, shortly after you put it all back together, it will start leaking.
You don’t expect luxury appointments from a little beach 4×4 like this, and the Sidekick doesn’t disappoint. Gray plastic abounds, rubber mats cover the floors, and there’s probably not an ounce of sound-deadening. The advantage to an interior like this is that it’s durable; there isn’t much to break. It starts to look like hell after a while, but everything probably still works.
2016 Polaris Slingshot – $3,000
Engine/drivetrain: 2.4 liter dual overhead cam inline 4, five-speed manual, RWD
Location: Hollywood, FL
Odometer reading: 5,100 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives fine
This goofy-looking thing is a challenge for regulatory bodies: It’s clearly street-legal, but as what? It isn’t really a car in the traditional sense, with its belt-driven single rear wheel and near-complete lack of bodywork, but it does have traditional car controls including a steering wheel, three pedals that do what you’d expect them to do, and a shift lever in the center console. So you can’t call it a motorcycle either. Instead, it occupies its own category: “autocycle.” You can drive it with a regular driver’s license in every state except Massachusetts, which requires a motorcycle endorsement. Some states require you to wear a helmet, some don’t – but honestly, you’d be mad not to.
This first-generation Slingshot is powered by a General Motors Ecotec four-cylinder, backed by a five-speed manual transmission. 173 horsepower in something several hundred pounds lighter than a Miata, with only one rear wheel to put the power to the ground, sounds like a recipe for donuts to me. I get the feeling it would be fun, but maybe tiresome after a while. The beauty of a really lightweight old sports car like an Austin-Healey Sprite or something is that you can go balls-out through a school zone and no one would bat an eye. Give this thing the beans at the wrong moment, and it could teach you a dangerous lesson.
Inside, it’s primitive, and – one would hope – waterproof. You can get a roof for these, but this one is open-topped. There’s barely a windscreen, and no wipers. Get home before it rains, I guess. This one has only a little over 5,000 miles on it, and the seller says it’s in perfect condition.
I don’t see many of these here in Oregon, even during the dry summer, but I hear they’re popular in some areas, and often driven obnoxiously. You certainly won’t blend into traffic no matter how you drive it. This is not a vehicle for introverts.
You could technically commute or go grocery shopping in either one of these, I suppose, but it’s not really what they’re for. They’re toys, one for the dirt and one for the pavement. Which place would you rather play?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
The Polaris? I can’t even. But the Sidekick looks like a boatload of Suzuki fun. Yes, please.
If it doesn’t have a top why do you want it to be waterpoof? To trap water in? I went sidekick.
With one convertible in my fleet already and living in an area where “soggy and gray” is about 10 months of the year, the Suzuki makes at least a little more sense than the Slingshot. Heck, it could even be considered an ABG-style winter beater.
Slingshot at that price if running as noted is a bit of a steel. the one caveat to replacing deep dive things that are not in need of replacing is making sure the parts are legit and not some Evilbay crap. and of course know what you are doing, if you don’t have the correct tools, don’t do the job. still since I would not really have much of a use for a school bus yellow (House Paint?) mini suv in stock condition, the weird little trike would win in this case. Not sure I would want to be seen in it very much I suppose, but it would be kind of fun to bomb around some back roads with my daughter.
I remember the Suzukis from when they were new and I have no interest in offroad or sort-of offroad capability, so I have less than zero interest it to start. Add the color and condition and it’s outright repellant. I am an introvert and misanthrope and the Slingshot is ugly with a douche demographic that tend to own them, but it’s a lot more interesting, newer, it’s a rebody away from something useful and economical and I’ve long ago learned how to discourage people from annoying me. Cheap enough that I’d check it out to buy were it close by (and hope I don’t get jumped).
I don’t even click on ads when the prices are ridiculously low. I wonder how many absolute steal-of-a-deals I miss out on because I assume they’re scams.
I’m an introvert, and I’d GLADLY take the Slingshot.
It’s just begging to be re-bodied similarly to an Aptera so that it can get over 100 mpg. Or maybe 200 mpg with a TDI swap.
Similar thinking.
Even IF the Slingshot price was legit and not (as the Autopian I-Team may have revealed) a scam, it’d be the Sidekick for me. It’ll be the canvas on which I learn bodywork for the cars I actually DO care about.
I have a thing for Slingshots. I would add the top and be on my way.
I remember how crappy the Samurai and Sidekick were back in the day, so I’m not falling for that again.
The Slingshot is something I could drive on crazy-assed rush-hour expressways without the extreme stress inherent in a motorcycle. It would also be a hoot and a half in a California Canyon or West Virginia Hollow.
How crappy the Samurai and Sidekick were back in the day? You mean not? I see about as many Sidekicks/Trackers as any other car of that age, they seem to hold up just fine.
I meant the bare-bones roughness, cheapness and piss-poor on-road performance, not the reliability. Also, I’m too tall.
Gotcha, that makes sense. How tall are you that’s too tall? I’ve never been in a Sidekick but 6 foot me fits in a Samurai with room to spare.
It’s the legs. When they’re folded up like when I’m on a bar stool, I’m not happy. I would find plenty of large SUVs uncomfortable for the same reason.
I picked the Slingshot, but only under the condition that, you know, it’s not a scam. If we’re assuming everything is on the up and up, that’s a freaking ridiculous deal. Naturally, odds are that price is a lie.
In the event that the Slingshot is a lie, or even if it was priced within 50% of it’s actual value, I’d take the Sidekick. Sidekicks and Trackers totally rule. This particular example seems fine I guess, though at that price it’d be nice if it had functioning tires or a rear bumper cover.
The Slingshot is priced like a pre-divorce revenge sale. Don’t trust it. The Sidekick is rough, but the roof alone makes it more desirable as a cheap knockabout.
Said in Bruce Campbell “Boomer” voice from Sky High “SIDE-KICK!”
The slingshots are cool but Sidekicks are cooler. Just need to get it to Maaco for some teal paint and get some 90s side stripes back on it.
Sidekick all day. I can’t think of many vehicles I dislike more than the Slingshot so it wasn’t even a consideration. A set of tires is no big deal and then I’d have a solid, perfectly usable vehicle that’s also actually fun off road too.
The Sidekick is the one to buy, regardless of the price on the Slingshot. I mean, if it were legit and you just wanted to flip it, power to you. But you can’t beat a beat-up Suzuki 4×4 for a fun side project.
I actually might pick the Slingshot against other competition, but the Sidekick is the car my BFF in HS bought with his Grand Union paychecks, and my god did we have fun in that thing. The paint job is a joke and the tires are hideous, but that ugly-ass interior still brought a nostalgic smile to my face.
Bonus story: he bought it with a stick due to my influence, and I taught him to drive it even though I A. didn’t have my license, and B. didn’t exactly know how to drive a stick. But my mom had taught m the principles, I’d observed my dad’s Supra, and the Suzuki had an incredibly forgiving transmission.
PS – Do you think my HS GF would let me pick her up and go camping in it, like we did after prom? I’m sure our spouses would understand.
If you take the four seconds if requires to google the VIN of the Slingshot, you see an add with it for sale for $19,995.
https://www.imperialcapitalcars.com/inventory/2016-polaris-slingshot-gloss-black-57XAASFA4G5107702
If you google the phone number in the ad, one of the top results is a website that shows listings of cars for sale that are “sourced” from Craigslist ads. Several cars on that website are associated with this phone number; most of these cars are improbably priced. I don’t know if this is a scam per se (although it probably is), but responding to that Craigslist ad will not get you a chance to purchase this vehicle at this price.
I usually refrain from being critical of errors on this website since mistakes happen, but this vehicle is so improbably priced that someone should have taken a moment to see if this is real before posting.
I looked at a few other ads associated with this phone number, since I apparently have too much free time. The other ads include a disclaimer stating “Price posted is Down-payment and is NOT the full price.” The other ads also correspond with vehicles for sale at Imperial Capital Cars. So it appears this is not a scam, but an advertisement that forgot to include a disclaimer that the price listed is only the down payment.
“forgot”
I would still call that a scam.
The other ads all have the disclaimer, so I think it was an honest mistake.
Of course, it is still deceptive to show the “down payment” price where sellers are supposed to show the full price. I guess this is a case of an honest attempt to be deceptive?
Yep. Florida. Sounds about right.
Nope, this is still a scam, perhaps even more of one.
Craigslist “for sale” rules state that you have to post the purchase price of something listed for sale, not just a down payment.
Flag that every time you see it, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get the original poster to change their ways or be banned.
Yeah, I probably should have checked. I was distracted and in a hurry, and it looked like something interesting to write about. I will do more due diligence in the future.
Mistakes happen – I hope I didn’t sound too harsh in my comment. This one struck me as egregious since the price was so low, but I presume you aren’t interested in buying of these and don’t know what they sell for. I like the Slingshot (which appears to be a minority opinion here) so I occasionally look at listings for these. I am not interested in buying one for what they sell for, but there is a price point where I would buy one. If this was really for sale for $3,000, I would be driving to Miami to pick it up right now.
Thanks for writing Shitbox Showdown. It is something I genuinely look forward to reading every morning.
This is standard operating procedures for sellers in SFL. Whether craigslist or marketplace, most (talking 99%) list the “down-payment price”
Not sure how this hasn’t been banned, but also not surprising considering Miami is the fraud capital of world.
I am surprised that Mark did not exercise any due diligence with the Slingshot with such a ridiculously low price.
The Slingshot price has to be a scam. I want it, but I don’t want to be found dead in some parking lot. I’ll take the Sidekick to be on the safe side.
Probably one of those assholes who list the down payment as the price. Otherwise yeah it’s a scam.
Are used slingshots really this cheap? How is this thing cheaper than a golf cart? Something is not right here.
KBB shows a typical listing price for a 2016 Slingshot as $20,845 and a trade in value of $16,400. So this is either an error or a scam.
It shows how much a lot of people hate these things, though, since a scam/error Slingshot advertised for 85% off is still losing to a janky Suzuki. Yikes.
Slingshot because it’ll scratch the motorcycle itch without the downside of nobody seeing you. Everyone will see you. When it gets boring sell it to someone else.
This cracks me up b/c you’re right. At least at the, er, optioned out levels I’ve seen, they do seem to give truth to the HD crowd’s frequent justifications for straight pipes. It’s just better done with Batman and Robin-esq neon and blaring Limp Bizkit I guess.
Might as well embrace the lunacy of these vehicles and make it wild. Own it. And yes, the ridiculous mohawk helmet is absolutely a requirement for ownership. This will get a pulled over by Trooper Stateman for 64 in a 65 so be stylish.
Since you’re asking, I voted for the subaru yesterday because I’ve actually had quite good experiences with all of mine at least,and it looked better. Regarding today, I am going with the sidekick because its an actual car you can use for car things.
Suzuki, no question. I’d bring it up to my folks place in the woods and leave it there as a vehicle to bomb around in for anyone who feels like it. (It would mostly be me.)
Picking the Sideflip over the Viagra bike
https://www.imperialcapitalcars.com/inventory/2016-polaris-slingshot-gloss-black-57XAASFA4G5107702
Slingshot seems a better value, but I think I’d prefer the Suzuki just b/c I’d feel more confident driving it around.
Slingshots seem to me to simultaneously provide the worst of cars and motorcycles in a single vehicle – less stability than a car but without the handling ability of a bike.
And with three tracks instead of one on a motorcycle and two on a car, you are guaranteed to hit every pothole.
I read a review of them in a motorcycle mag, and they said exactly that – anytime there were multiple road imperfections, especially in an iterated manner, they’d get confused which way to move when, until they just gave up and got used to rolling over them.
I deal with this on my custom-built trike and my Milan SL velomobile all the time. Potholes have once destroyed a steering spindle on the former at 40 mph. Luckily, I was able to stop, drag it onto a sidewalk, pull it into a parking lot to inspect it, and then pushed/dragged it back home 15 miles on foot over the next 8 hours(it weighed only 91 lbs).