There’s a lot of things I don’t currently have at this very moment: a reliably-running car, hair in a small yarmulke-sized patch on the crown of my head, and any non-embarrassing clothes to wear when I head out to Pebble Beach to cover all the rich-people cars there next week, for example. But that last one I’m solving thanks to something important I do have: a wonderful friend I’ve known since I was five years old who has great clothes and is about my size. This friend also finds himself in a position where he needs a car, so I figured I’d try to return his clothes-lending favor by asking the best crew of car-selectors in the known universe. That’s you.
My friend is named Jeremy, and unlike all of us, Jeremy is a successful, well-adjusted person with a real job and a wife who went to 9th grade prom with me and dogs and a house and no painful obsession with cars. He’s a huge F1 fan, sure, but when it comes to cars he’s very much a normie, in that his needs are rational: safe, reliable, all that. Oh, but he does play a double-bass, so he needs something that can haul around an instrument the size of a corpse.
He had a 2013 Subaru Impreza Wagon that was just wrecked and totaled, which is why he’s in this position. Insurance gave him about $11,000 for the car and he’d like to spend up to about $20,000 total, which is actually a good number, because here at The Autopian we’ve informally decided that if we ever do regular Help-Me-Pick-A-Car posts, we’d like to make it so they have a $20,000 cap. It just feels right that way.
So, what can we find for Jeremy here? He wasn’t that attached to his old Subaru, so don’t worry about brand loyalty. My fear is that his set of requirements will mercilessly shove him into the arms of that safe, reliable, but boring triumvirate of the Toyota RAV4, Honda CR-V, or Nissan Rogue. Maybe that’s fine, but I’ve never been crazy about the Rogue’s CVT, and, dammit, I just want more for him. But it can’t happen at the expense of usability or reliability or just overall ease, so my dream of him shoving that bass into the back of a Citroën DS Break probably isn’t realistic.
We were considering a pickup like the Ford Maverick, but the bed is just too small for a bass, and most other pickups aren’t what he wants, either, because a bass isn’t just a bunch of lumber or bags of peat moss. You can’t just fling it into a truck bed, so he’s not really interested in the truck route.
With this in mind, I’m going to ask Team Autopian to come up with three choices for him: a safe one, a bold one, and, yes, a bonkers one, because I’m here to entertain, too, dammit. And you can vote on the best ones!
And, then, of course, I desperately want your choices in the comments! Because you’ll likely have ideas we didn’t consider! So let’s get to it!
Torch’s Picks
Safe: Mazda5
The Mazda5 is a rational, useful reliable car that happens to be a blurry mix of SUV and minivan. I always liked the swoopy character lines, and the side sliding doors should be great for getting Jeremy’s dogs in and out. Seats folded, there’s plenty of double bass room. Maybe even triple bass room. You can find good ones of these for less than $20,000 still.
Bold: 1990s Buick Roadmaster Wagon
I have a bit of inside information here because Jeremy told me that he kinda wanted a big car for a change. And, if nothing else, a Roadmaster is a big car. Plenty of double-bass room, ideally that wood paneling, and, really, it’s not hard to keep going. Parts are common and relatively cheap, and sure, it’ll drink gas, but that’s a small price to pay for living-room luxury and class out the ass. You can find these in great shape for between $10-$15,000 or so, too.
Bonkers: Nissan Rasheen!
I’ve always thought these were cool. This JDM little SUV has all kinds of boxy charm, should be able to fit that bass fine with the rear seat folded, and has gobs of right-hand-drive weirdo charm. If it’s anything like my Pao, it’ll be a reliable daily driver, too. Duncan Imports has these for a very reasonable $6,900!
Matt’s Picks
Safe: The Honda Element is likely spacious enough for large stringed instruments and is efficient to boot, with an interior that can be washed if your dog makes a mess.
Bold: A Ford Transit Connect has enough room to hold both a double bass and the longing regret your significant other feels at not locking down Jason after junior prom.
Bonkers: I still think the 1st gen Subaru (GF) WRX wagon was the best looking WRX and it’s a shame we never got it here, but this one from Oishii Imports is half your budget and not Concours-clean so you can actually use it without fear of harming a future classic.
Mercedes’ Picks
Safe: Toyota Prius
The Toyota Prius is not a car that will excite you with its driving dynamics. Instead, it’s meant to do one thing and one thing only: Reliably pass fuel station after fuel station. The one in my shared fleet has been a reliable workhorse and even fits a surprising amount of crap in it.
Bold: AMC Rambler
The good thing about not having kids is that you don’t have to worry about if your daily driver is safe or not. So why not get a classic? An AMC Rambler has solid classic style and you can find them for cheap all day long. Plus, they can be found in a variety of body styles.
Bonkers: Volkswagen Touareg V10 TDI
Look, you aren’t spending money on feeding, clothing, educating, or otherwise keeping children alive. That means that you can spend more money on cars! Why not spend it on one of the wildest SUVs to ever grace the planet. Yes, the Volkswagen Touareg V10 TDI requires you to drop the engine to do any repair, but the second you hear the sound of that engine (like a Lamborghini mixed with a shaking can of bolts) and the thrust of the torque you’ll fall in love. Then you’ll fall out of love when your mechanic buys a yacht with your repair bills.
Thomas’ Picks
Safe: Prius V
Everyone knows about Toyota’s archetypal hybrid, and the Prius V is an immensely practical MPV variant of the popular battery-augmented fuel-sipper. It’s about as exciting as unbuttered toast but its deeply pragmatic nature is exactly what most people want in a daily driver.
Bold: Audi A7 TDI
An economical and wonderfully-appointed diesel luxury sedan that just happens to be a cavernous hatchback. The first-generation A7 may be getting older, but it still looks and feels like an $80,000 car. You’ll have to look really hard to find one within budget, but wallet-friendly examples are out there.
Bonkers: BMW x5 M
Why not throw sensibility out of a fifth floor window and pick up a fire-breathing 555-horsepower super SUV with a manufacturer-claimed zero to 60 mph time of 4.5 seconds? It may be rated at 14 mpg combined, but it’s less catastrophically unreliable than its N63 V8-powered little brother, so that has to count for something, right?
[Editor’s Note: Thomas has assured me all of these can be found for under $20K, if you’re willing to look. – JT]
The Bishop’s Picks
Safe: Subaru Crosstrek
The reliable Japanese choice (now that the head gaskets in these aren’t made of wax paper anymore), you can at least get it in REAL COLORS, like bright orange and the not-grey-not-blue like a Fiat Strada, so you can’t lose it in a parking lot
Bold: Audi Allroad
I think that twenty grand could get you one at the bottom of the depreciation curve but not in full meltdown mode just yet…maybe
Bonkers: LaForza
A handbuilt off roader with an American V8, but Italian electrics, in a constant fight…and you can guess who’s gonna win THAT one.
Okay! David’s being interviewed for an AMC documentary, so you’ll just have to imagine his rust-saturated selection of Jeeps. Now, let’s see what you like best from each category.
First, which Safe choice do you prefer?
Okay, now pick your Bold choice:
And finally, the Bonkers:
And, of course, comment! Give us better ideas! Jeremy needs a car!
Hang on, you went to 9th grade prom with a girl and dogs and a house? I think the real answer is whatever vehicle you took that fit all of those things.
Ooh, stepping on the old site’s turf. I love it! Let’s get some drama going like a trashy reality TV show. Infinity respect to whoever throws a drink in the fucking herb’s face.
Hands down, without a doubt, Volvo 245… there is no other choice. And, whatta ya know… mine’s for sale on Cars & Bids at the moment:
https://carsandbids.com/auctions/9a2Gq05l/1988-volvo-240-dl-wagon
Safe: Volvo V60/XC60
Bold: Porsche Panamera
Bonkers: GMC Yukon GT (2dr)
Note that if you make this a regular feature, this is the way to do it, always wanted a poll on “that other site”.
This pretty funny because the 2 people I know that play have a Roadmaster Wagon and the other a Honda Fit (I think, It could be a Mazda).
Also…
THESE days, no one pays attention to anyone. EVERYONE stares at their device.. all the time. Even If I was a woman with big ol tiddies… no one would notice…
Even driving my 05 Element.
Impossible to find pick: 1st-generation (1979-82) Toyota Tercel hatchback. I only suggest this one because I knew a double bassist who transported his instrument in one of these. I also haven’t seen one of these Tercels in over a dozen years.
My dad? His regular ride was an ‘82 Corolla, but he did fit the bass in my mom’s Tercel hatch from time to time!
Did you guys actually confirm the cargo capacity on some of these? A double bass is huge. Like more than 6 feet long in the case huge.
I don’t see a lot of these fitting it flat, and the couple sedans are definitely not getting it through any folded rear seats pass-through.
My Sportwagen is a capable transporter, but I’m pretty sure it’d require the passenger seat to be shoved forward, and the other small vehicles are going to be as bad or worse. His wife may like to go with on occasion.
they need to do it with an Octobass… that’s when they will understand the sheer size of these humongous sized violins.
Here’s a video by an expert on the correct way to place a double base instrument in a Mini Cooper and seat belt it in. This opens open lots of options.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=samNHsF2NhI
This video was an absolutely perfect fitting end to my day of diving down the internet rabbit hole trying to solve an automotive issue…thanks, dude!
Safe – Toyota Venza
Bold – Dodge Magnum
Bonkers – Volkswagen Vanagon (he owns a Subaru, so it is not to big of a stretch).
Id reverse that… safe = boring Venza / Sienna.
BOLD is the Vanagon…
BONKERS is the Magnum. Thing had power, but no room to work with.
It had more room than an Audi sedan.
Seriously? Did none of the participants get the dimensions on how big a doghouse bass is before they made their suggestions? I’m honestly a little surprised the thing even fit in his crashed Impreza.
Safe: Infiniti EX35/QX50 – essentially a G35/Q50 hatchback.
Bold: Nissan Pulsar with the optional wagon hatch/roof.
Bonkers: 70’s custom van. With an abundance of shag and a wet bar.
As a hooman being.. who is definately borderline clincically depressed, a short strand of hair from being locked up in a mental facility… and with no mental facilities (bA-DUM-DUM-TISS) of his own to work with, I need to correct you…. sliiiiighty.
The EX35… is such a rash of crap. SURE, the luxo Murano was nice when it first came out. WHEN you figured out NO ONE was buying the model with the good engine or the good paint. The EX.. cramps my style.. cause the hatch is at a 15+deg angle. If it cant be near vertical = +5 or -5deg… then its pointless.
A PULSAR… no one has seen that since 1.10 for gas.
A 70s Van. Finding one, is worse than trying to find a girl in california who hasnt had aftermarket work done.
That bull fiddle ain’t fitting in no Pulsar. Period.
My list would be:
Ford Flex–I can find a reasonably good example for 10k, so it should come in under budget and do all that is needed.
VW Sportwagen–a nice one is near the top of the scale, but it might feel a little more fun than the Flex
Bonkers is difficult, because everything I think of is ending up over 20k. I looked for the most fun thing available in the price near me. I found a 1990 Bronco under 10k that is said to have a newer engine and transmission, so I pick that (and would maybe be tempted to buy it if I had the cash).
Flex is a GREAT idea!
Or its sibling, the Lincoln MKT, for hooning and hearse vibes.
Safe: Volvo V60. Plenty of room, most comfortable seats of any car I’ve ever been in, seem to be pretty good on the reliability front based on my roommate’s GF’s experience with it.
Bold: E39 5-Series touring. Timeless styling, excellent driving experience. Budget for maintenance and they are pretty reliable, especially with the I6.
Bonkers: UAZ-452 “Bukhanka”: Pretty much a Soviet VW Bus with 4WD, dead simple mechanically, and will tackle some nasty stuff offroad. Plenty of surface area to get creative with as Mark suggested
Yes! I changed my mind on the Audi Allroad last minute but couldn’t get it under the wire. I daily an E61 but my mom’s E39 touring is really the better car.
Be nice if we could add options, thinking big old Van would be good, especially as a musician, get a sweet mural on the side of like a Norse Valkyrie riding a pegasus wielding a big old double bass with lightning hitting it. I guess you could throw some shag carpeting in the Transit and get the mural and you’re halfway there.
Get out of my head! If I won the lottery, I would get a 70’s Econoline and paint a chain mail bikini clad woman on the back of a unicorn reared up on it’s hind legs. The woman is holding a sword aloft with lightning striking it. Then I would get some sweet 70’s mag wheels, side exhaust and maybe some of those little round windows on the back. Throw in some fuzzy dice, shag carpet, and a vanity plate like Vantasy or Vantasia.
He needs to check with his insurance agent to see how old he can go and still get full coverage so an idiot t-boning him doesn’t do him out of his instrument as well. Unless he already has catastrophic insurance on it, in which case I’d endorse the Studebaker wagonaire someone else suggested : musicians gotta have style.
Unfortunately, the Toyota Classic is out because it’ll come in over budget.
How about a Nissan Atlas Loco? It has more than enough space, funky fresh styling, a window in the lower part of the passenger side door (which is always cool), and you’re probably not going to find another one in your town.
https://www.goo-net-exchange.com/usedcars/NISSAN/ATLAS_LOCO/700060001230220604002/index.html
While I didn’t vote a straight ticket, the Bishop definitely had the most reasonable set of vehicles for these needs.
1. Volvo Wagon
2. A Hearse
3. Isuzu Vehicross
A hearse is the right answer.
Hearse with a sweet mural on the side…
A mural of a chain mail clad female death riding a skeleton unicorn wielding a bass instead of a scythe?
STOP! I CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT!
It’s really the only answer. Find an old Superior with 3-way loading and you can even parallel-park (if you can find a long enough space) and get the bass out either side.
The Vehicross is absolutely tiny and won’t fit that instrument.. at least not without a sawzall. I like where your head’s at with the other two tho.
Safe: Volkswagen Jetta Sportwagen TDI. I can sleep in the back of it at 5’6″ with my 5’7″ spouse using a full-size twin mattress without having to move the front seats around. More space (LENGTH ESPECIALLY) than many small crossovers, good fuel economy, and provided they have a decent VW shop nearby, can be very reliable. Easily found for under $20k, and in later models, you can swap the head unit for a VW Chinese OEM one with Carplay and Android Auto for under $300.
Many still have their Dieselgate fuel-specific warranties too. Surprised Mercedes didn’t pick this.
The SportWagen was on my mind! It was a hard choice because it and the Prius are the two most reliable vehicles in our fleet, but the Prius wins because it’s not currently dealing with failing emissions equipment like my SportWagen is.
Mercedes before I die I am going to sell you on the 17-19 gsw 4mo stick. While not diesel in the US you get turbo noises, three pedals and awd in a wagon body. If you come through Cleveland I’ll let you take one for a spin. And it’s a 1.8t so if you hate money you can go fast.
Sportwagen is an excellent choice. Fairly new ones in decent shape look to be available for under 20k. Oodles of practical space, easy to live with, fun to drive, and good economy. Manual, diesel, and AWD options available.
Going Volvo for similar money is probably a bit riskier, but I’m seeing some V60s and even some XC70s in the high teens that might be worth rolling the dice on.
Going a bit weirder (but not that weird considering where we are), cargurus just showed me a 2014 B Class electric for $19k with 36k miles.
Good choice for the safe choice. My own one (called a Golf over here) has just ticked past 177 thousand miles and passed its MOT last week with zero advisories despite my getting dates mixed up and not getting it serviced until after the test rather than prior as intended.
Utterly reliable (touch wood), I’ve done 70k miles in three years with only tires, brakes and wipers needing replacing.
So, so dull though.
I’d love to see you guys fit a double bass in a Prius. Any Prius.
And it has to be in the case. Because no self-respecting musician throws his baby in the car unprotected.
*Looks up double bass sizing*
CRAP
Look, just start removing seats until it fits.
The Prius V has a respectable amount of space, on par with most small wagon things. It’d be fine there.
I say Jeremy’s gotta buy a Studebaker Wagonaire. That sliding rood panel in the back is the perfect solution for additional headroom.
Can probably get parts — the important ones, anyway — from Manny, Moe and Jack.
Besides, they look kinda cool.
I’m surprised a Regal TourX or *any* Volvo wagons didn’t make the list, but I also don’t have a first-hand feel for just how big a double bass is.
By my math: twice as large as a single bass.
Large mouth or small mouth?
Billy.
Regal TourX.
I was also going to steal this answer from today’s WCSIB on that other site. $20K will limit the number of available choices, but there are some out there.
Argh, I was going to give you some picks but they made me do real-job stuff. Oh well, I’ll add ’em in here:
Safe: Ford Flex. Commonplace, reliable, but you won’t lose it in a parking lot, and it’s got cool old-school wagon vibes.
Bold: Mercedes 300TE W124. An actual old-school wagon, from back when M-B still made cars that last, and it’s classy as all get-out.
Bonkers: 1968 Chevy van, preferably with Cragars, mural on the side optional. You’re a musician, you have an image to keep up.
There’s a guy in my area that has a Ford Flex that looks like it’s been lowered, aftermarket wheels, a big racing air splitter up front, and his DJ name as windshield graphics. I keep trying to get a picture of it to use as a “Weird Flex, but ok” reaction image but I’m not fast enough on the draw.
In general, you can fit a surprising amount into a flex, they offer a very comfortable ride in every single seat in the thing, and they’re not as bad on gas as you’d expect.
Flex was my first thought but the poor fuel economy would rule it out for me.
I like the Honda Element for this and a nice one can be had for 2/3 the budget leaving the rest for repairs or ice cream.
Especially the ice cream.
My parents had a ’10 Flex from new til severe engine trouble (apparently coolant or something got into it? Not sure but it would’ve been expensive to fix) in 2018.
After, they got a 2014 Sienna and it’s hilarious that it’s bigger, peppier, but also more fuel-efficient.
Too bad you didn’t get in there, because these are solid picks. The Ford Flex would be basically perfect.
The mural on the side is the key here. I remember a picture I saw of Mr T riding a unicorn in front of a rainbow. This sort of thing is exactly what’s needed. Find an artist who can airbrush Justin’s image on the side. I’m thinking something like the album art to Meatloaf’s Bat Out of Hell on a black van. Maybe change the motorcycle out for a double bass… Maybe Bat Out of Hell II…
Why didn’t I think of it before!
Bass Out of Hell!
Took the words right out of my mouth.