If you somehow missed it, our co-founder and great friend Jason Torchinsky had to have emergency heart surgery this week to repair a malfunctioning aorta. This sucked. Jason’s strong and recovering well, but it is scary. There is no Autopian without Jason.
Your support and well-wishes have been greatly appreciated by Jason, Sally, and Otto, as well as the GoFundMe set up by readers. [Ed Note: Torch’s wife, Sally, has set up an Amazon registry in response to the outpouring of support. She thanks all of you. -DT]. The road to recovery will probably be long and we’re going to give Jason as much time as he’ll let us give him to recover.
But just because Jason isn’t actively blogging right now doesn’t mean that we don’t have some nuggets of goodness from him for Tales from the Slack. Specifically, I was looking for something funny from Jason from earlier this week and I realized when you search for Slack messages from a user you just get all of them, without context.
This is extremely amusing to me, so here you go, a bunch of Jason’s comments from Monday before his heart decided to go into limp mode, with absolutely no context from me:
Get better, buddy! We need these insights in Slack.
Also, side note: If you’re reading this, you’re a member. If you’re one of our early members please consider renewing your membership! We need them now more than ever. Above all: Thank you!
The next meetup should be to fix one of Jason’s many broken cars for him.
Is the Beetle still down?
Glad you are recovering Jason. We miss you. Get well soon.
Didn’t know that about the Mormons, thank you Autopian I always learn something here.
The sunlight ruins GODs favorite side dish. Green Jell-O salad.
The Mormon GOD is a strange god.
Not as far off the rails as the Irish Catholic GOD for sure, but the two probably both stand in corners at religious parties, silently judging all the patrons.
Why are you replying to me?
I thought we worked this out.
This is my space, you’re not allowed in here.
I’m not allowed?
Hahaha! Check this out…
You’re the worst.
Who are you, me? Replying to your own posts is my bailiwick! I will not allow it!
It’s my shtick that only I, and for some unknown reason one other commenter, enjoys.
Sand blows into Brigham Young’s potato salad ONCE and outdoor eating gets banned for centuries. Wild stuff, man.
I figured he’d have blamed it on one of his wives. I think it was #52, she was always the fall girl.
Well she was eleven when that started. She didn’t know how to defend herself.
It might have had something to do with the crickets.
Do your research.
https://www.theautopian.com/a-nevada-town-has-been-overrun-by-mormon-crickets-that-turn-streets-into-oil-slicks/
I was hoping that was about elderly, polygamous Hillmans imported by Plymouth, but unfortunately, it was not.
There’re many different ways to interpret the holy scripture.
That’s kind of the problem with it all.
It reads like legalese at a used car dealership.
Yet people are so imbibed by the nonsense that they literally go to war over it.
Potato salad with dill pickle, yellow mustard and sliced black olives…
As god intended of course.
And if you interpret the golden tablets upon which the religion was founded correctly, you will discover that it wasn’t sand that ruined outdoor eating for generations of the Mormon religions followers…
It was ants.
Formicidae 3:12
But the word of the LORD was to them, “Precept upon precept, insect upon insect, Line upon line, line upon line of them, Here a little, there a little, The ants, Working for the devil did devour the spoils of the land.
BRB just starting a new Twitter account: No Context Torchinsky.
Brilliant!
When I was a teenager I took mental notes of the most bizarre sounding one off sentences I’d hear throughout the day.
I would write them all down, line by ridiculous line in a journal, simply labeled in sharpie, with the words “No Context” on the cover.
Where is that journal? I know I had over fifty pages of total nonsense in there because I numbered the pages myself.
I need to find it. Before someone else does and large men in lab coats show up at my door to take me away in a big white van.
Anyhoo… I guess what I’m getting at is that I basically invented (before the internet mattered) Twitter when I was fourteen.
The bathing wipes are still up for grabs.
First David and his shower spaghetti, now Jason is bathing in bed.
What’s next? Is someone gonna start sleeping in their kitchen?
Whoever beat me to gifting the “Medline Toilet Safety Rails“, bravo! That’ll be a good story to tell at one of the Autopian Meetups. My prayers and wishes to Torch on a speedy recovery <3
This reminds me a lot of Garfield comics minus Garfield.
https://garfieldminusgarfield.net/
Never seen Garfield minus Garfield, really sorry I clicked on that link.
Edit: Nothing to see here, I missed the original article.
Praise Jeebus, Torch is on the mend; and so happy the GFM surpassed its very modest goal the first or second day! As said, ain’t no ‘Topian without Torch ????
Question: So Okay, so I am a member (Cloth membership) and all I see with this post is the image
https://images-stag.jazelc.com/uploads/theautopian-m2en/Jason_Slack_Tales.jpg
of this article.
Am I missing something here?
(It would appear, based on the comments here, that there is additional content that I am not seeing?)
There is! Let me get Matt on this.
Thank you!
I still cannot access the members only content, even though I am a paying member!
┗(･ω･;)┛
Hey shooting brake! Sorry this is happening, can you email me: matt@theautopian.com
Email sent Matt.
I didn’t get an email?
They show in my “Sent” file as received by you. I still cannot access the members only content, even though I am a paying member!
┗(･ω･;)┛
Thanks for posting this Matt and thank you very, very much to all donors.
Yeah, but are we sure about the truck?
I was amused by the idea of Torch mounting a .jpg to the car behind him, then realized the time stamps were in the opposite order. 😀
(Thank you for the link to the Amazon registry)
I was amused by the mental image of Jason getting out of whatever little thing he’s driving and approaching some random stranger in a car behind him and insisting that something (a roo bar?) be mounted to the front of their car.
“Fumbling the buzz” is going to be my euphemism for any heart condition now. It warms my cold dead robotic heart… I mean… fumbled buzz… to see the GoFundMe rising steadily. On the old site, there was an article about the relationship between a Chemex coffee maker and the Dymaxion car. That’s the kind of shit that makes me a member here. I mean, I read pretty much all of the articles, but Jason Torchinsky is why I’m here. No shade to anybody else, but it would not be the same without this level of weirdness.
Agreed about here for Torch. I wish I could remember which of his bits from the old site appeared as a preview just before the great AVClub exodus that prompted me to start looking for his byline…I hate to admit it, but were it not for GMG’s shameless cross-promotion tactics I never would have discovered Jason’s wit and wisdom!
Torch is the light that guides this site, for sure. Now I’m gonna go check out that gift registry…
Ah ha ha ha – Sally has a wonderful sense of humor! I couldn’t resist buying Torch a case of Liquid Death spring mountain water. You’ve already cheated death once little buddy – now you can drink to it!
Hurry on over so you can be the one to send him some ass-wipes or toilet bars!
Wut?
I am not buying him alcohol markers—I know how he is with forbidden fluids and such.
The toilet seat is a biggie: it’s important that he doesn’t bend for awhile. But I can’t: I’m flat tapped out. Not gonna whine: I’m just happy to be back at work—and next week will be better.
Someone please do step up on that.
She has too! Look who she married! Without a sense of humor she probably would have killed him long ago.
Oh yeah, 100%!