Just when you think the world has shown you all she has to offer and you’ve allowed yourself to slip into that deceptive but warm hot tub filled with the bubbling waters of apathy, out from nowhere comes a blast of icy cold unexpected newness, waking your ass up from complacency and reminding you that this absurd planet still has surprises for you. For me, that blast of frigid water was an email we received this morning from a reader named Seb, currently in France, who informed me that he has spotted “boats with freaking tank treads.” Seb, you have my attention. My friends, allow me to introduce you to Iguana Yachts, the company building amphibious boats with deployable caterpillar treads.
Yes, a boat with caterpillar treads. This is the rarer sort of land-water amphibious vehicle, the one that’s a boat first and a land vehicle second, unlike the car-based designs like the wartime Volkswagen Schwimmwagen or the Amphicar 770 or the Gibbs Aquada or Watercar or any of those. In the case of these Iguana boats, the land-traveling part, which seems to be limited to about 4 mph or so, is mostly for maneuvering or getting into and out of the water, possibly driving to your waterfront home’s garage or your supervillian lair’s vehicle elevator that will lower your boat hundreds of feet under the dormant volcano you’ve repurposed into a clandestine launchpad for your rocket, ready to launch your GPS-scrambling satellite into geosynchronous orbit unless the governments of the world meet your demands.
Here, watch one of these in action!
Why risk sinking your land rover into the ocean by backing your boat trailer into the sea when you can just drive your boat right into the water? In fact, in the situation shown in that video, it’d be kind of absurd to connect a boat trailer to your SUV and drive about an eighth of a mile to the beach to launch your boat. But if your boat can just drive that distance, over whatever terrain? Perfect
Holy crap, look at this video:
You see a person like that whipping around the sea and then driving out onto the land like it’s nothing and you have to wonder who is this dude? The Emperor Of The Beaches?
Often when I’m sent links like this for novel engineering designs for exciting and expensive-sounding vehicles of some sort, further reading on those respective websites reveals that all the images are renders and the company is still in the process of convincing people to give them lots of money to get started. That’s not the case here! Seb sent us a picture of the Iguana treaded-boat he spotted in the wild:
And, there’s even some used ones for sale on sites like Yachtworld, where you can feel the sting of reading those prices:
Yikes, the cheapest one of those is house-priced at $328,303. That’s a lot. But, if you need a fully-capable boat that you can at least sort of drive on dry land, where else are you going to go? Also, I’m guessing the target market for these isn’t daunted by a six-figure price when this is a blurb in one of their brochures:
Yes, that island-owning demographic isn’t really one known to be pinching pennies, except perhaps for sport, or as part of some highly-focused workout/wellness program.
It’s hard not to let your imagination run wild when seeing pictures like these. Sure, the (optionally electric, which look like they have a battery life of about 3 hours – I’m not sure about the range of the combustion-powered variant) motors that drive those treads only will take it about 4 mph, but if you’ve already got the money for one of these, couldn’t you hire some clever engineer to get those babies up to, say, 50 mph? Then you could drive your boat out from your island/converted oil platform off the coast of California, then drive right onto the beach and take it through Malibu, sit in traffic on the 405 and then the 5, and meet your buddy at a diner in Echo Park before driving your land-boat through a fence and doing donuts in the Silver Lake reservoir? Sure you could!
I bet there’s some rich people towns where you could slowly putter your boat from your house, through residential streets and through town, and down into the water, then emerge later at some other coastal rich-people town and drive the damn thing right to a sushi restaurant. This feels like an achievable dream. I mean, not for a broke-ass like me, but for someone.
Look at that. It’s driving over loose rocks and little mossy boulders? All while being the color of the accent rug at a beach-community realtor’s office? Incredible.
Here’s what the treads look like as they deploy; when stowed, they conform to the shape of the hull:
Man, this feels like such a better way to blow a lot of money than, say, a Rolls-Royce Cullinan, which costs about the same but is absolutely ruined the first time you drive it off a beach and into the water. Who wants that kind of crap?
I wonder if Iguana does press trips? Or has press boats? I want to drive one of these through a Taco Bell drive through then straight into a lake so badly.
I like that one version is called the Commuter. Like you’re going to be stuck in a bottleneck at some Mediterranean grotto.
That is some straight up Tintin gadget level shit, I love it.
Also, you need to somehow unite your shonky canoe and a ditch witch so you can have one of your very own.
Stuff like this keeps me coming back. It’s so dead-on. How you pull the perfect description of that color out of thin air is truly a gift.
Also, this seems like a sick form of evolution. Like the first fish to grow legs and start walking on land. It even has the weird proportions of some imaginary weird sea-turned-land creature.
Imagine being around Jason IRL; he’s probably always excitedly testing descriptions and wordings on everyone in his surrounding.
” …emerge later at some other coastal rich-people town and drive the damn thing right to a sushi restaurant”
I think rich people have moved on from sushi, I was in Toronto recently and COULD NOT FIND a sushi place. If only I had this thing, I could have driven off the beach and sailed to Buffalo or something!
If you really want to make a beach landing that’ll get you the respect (and fear) you so crave you’re gonna need the Caspian Sea Monster:
“Despite technically being an aircraft, it was considered by the authorities to be closer to a boat and was assigned to the Soviet Navy, but operated by test pilots of the Soviet Air Forces. The KM was documented as a marine vessel and prior to the first flight a bottle of champagne was broken against its nose, a tradition for the first voyage of a watercraft.”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caspian_Sea_Monster
I’d rather have a Gibbs amphibious truck.
Is it cool?
Sure.
Is it necessary?
No.
Can’t people that rich afford docks and or piers?
Shoreline ecosystems are fragile enough. Must people be able to trample over every square inch of Earth with the greatest of ease.
I get the same shiver up my spine looking at this as I do seeing overlanders for the ultra-rich.
“Hey Chad! Your dad’s yacht is dope, but I’m kinda bored. What da ya say we pack a cooler of cocktails in the tank boat thing and head to shore for a bit?”
“Fuck yeah man! Let’s go get some of those awesome tacos from the locals!”
(somewhere a doomed sea turtle breaks through its shell and sees the moon for its first and last time)
Hyperbole?
Maybe.
Maybe not though.
It messes up the shoreline less than building a pier on it
Might turn your brain on next time you write something
Conclusive proof, if ever it were needed, that Jason is in fact a time-traveler visiting from the near future.
I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. The correct response to Jason’s sentence is “Devon?! Whaddarruuuuudoooinnneeeer?”
For us plebes Buster Keaton demonstrates an affordable alternative:
https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PFIUCZYx5q8/Wvt3rBwk8ZI/AAAAAAAADXI/K47FPRSzQ-4nuuzixy6P1OLCi-6diFu0gCLcBGAs/s1600/balloonatic.gif
give me a sealegs Stabi over this everyday
https://stabicraft.com/stabi-x/
Dig it. Definitely looks more robust, and doesn’t compromise the hull. Bet it could run circles around that tracked elitist on parade float.
A shame Gibbs went out of business. The amphibious Terraquad was claimed to reach 50 mph on land and 45 on water. Smaller than the Iguana (only a 2-seat sideXside), but would have been <$100k.
https://quadski.com/terraquad
Sure $328K sounds expensive but if you look at the cost of buying a bulldozer AND a boat suddenly it starts to make sense.
Well, no. It doesn’t make sense.
Can you buy one with a backhoe?
I’d rather have a mounted canon.
Surprised that the great states of TEXAS and FLORIDA are not already using these to patrol their borders and deter the illegals. Now that would be a good use of taxpayers money everyday. Twice on Taco Tuesdays…
Still needs rocket launchers though.
When I want to enjoy some tea in the desert, I used to ride a camel to get there. Not anymore!
This is another kick-ass engineering feat for a “tender” boat. It doesn’t go on land and I think they only made 50 of ’em, but it’s pretty rad.
https://kormaran.com/product/
Yet another example of the French quirky brilliance .
Jason: I love your work. I mean, this story is pure gold, but then you sprinkle diamonds and whatever-the-next-one-up-from-diamonds-is on top. All of it is just so joyful too.
My dream island now has one of these things sitting on the beach with my Grumman Goose carelessly tied to it while my Unimog sulks by the beach house.
Also my fiancée is an interior designer, and this bit: “being the color of the accent rug at a beach-community realtor’s office?” made me guffaw so much she put down her phone and gave me a stare.
Clarkson actually drove one of these on the Grand Tour, series 2, episode 9.
It’s just the thing for the fisherman who mainly wants amphibious fish (mudskippers, etc.). You can stalk the fish no matter where it goes (if it doesn’t climb a tree, as some do).
Private islands, where anglers fear the treads.
Well done there. A bit of a reach—but totally unexpected. I’d give it an 8.2.
-and a deserved smiley
Is it one of these (or just something similar) that Clarkson drove briefly in the Top Gear when they broke the amphibious car speed record?
https://www.nwemail.co.uk/resources/images/8237173/?type=responsive-gallery-fullscreen
Get off my island, and take that dang creepy crawly thingy with ya !
Would be perfect for those cheap lighthouses i keep hearing about.
This is like the opposite of a DUKW, which gave you an almost normal road truck and a boat that sank if you looked at it the wrong way.
All it really needs are some wings up top and a big ol’ jet engine. Then it will TRULY be ALL terrain.