I’m assuming by now you’ve heard the news. If you’re like me, you heard it being screamed on nearly every channel of your Citizen’s Band radio while driving, and, if you’re like me, you had to pull over to let it all just sort of sink in. It’s just one of those things the human mind is simply not capable of predicting. The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, arguably the world’s most important sausage-themed motor vehicle, easily eclipsing Hebrew National’s SalaMiata or Jimmy Dean’s Patty Wagon, had changed its name. It is now, bafflingly, the Oscar Mayer Frankmobile. What? Why? This doesn’t make sense, and Oscar Mayer’s stated reason for the name change stinks like rancid hot dog water, if you ask me. Something is up.
Everyone knows this glorious bun-length vehicle as the Wienermobile; what do they stand to gain by changing the name? I mean, it’s not like Oscar Mayer has ever attempted to really push the term “frank” or “frankfurter” for their products – generally, they’ve focused more on “wiener” or “hot dog”:
Sure, they sometimes use the term “franks,” but as you can see from the packaging, it tends to not get the same attention and focus as the term “wiener”:
And, of course, we can’t ignore the song! The lyrics are about one wishing they were transformed from a human into a bit of intestine stuffed with meats, an Oscar Mayer wiener, not an Oscar Mayer frank:
https://youtu.be/dm7nUU3tvaw
Plus, if we’re going to be really technical about this, frankfurters, from Frankfurt, are traditionally just pork, while Viennese-developed wieners can be a blend of any number of animal meats, like beef or chicken or otter. So, if we’re going to be sticklers, those “Beef Franks” up there are an impossibility.
CNN reached out to their sources embedded deep within the Oscar Mayer organization, who suggested that the name change was related to their first major change to their hot dog recipe since 2017, when they stopped using synthetic rubber as a filler and pledged to use only natural latex. I kid! I’m kidding, Oscar, don’t sue us! There is zero rubber in Oscar Mayer products! Let’s all just calm down.
Oscar Mayer spokespeople told CNN a bit about the new sausages:
“While some competitors focused on having strong flavors on a few aromatics like garlic and/or onion, our team worked to balance these out while still keeping strong beef brothy notes throughout the dog,…more balanced flavor profile and iconic beefy taste that is more delicious than ever.”
Again, if we’re being technical here, all this talk of beef should be discounting the frankfurter name, period, but you know, usage dictates language, especially when it comes to hot dogs.
So, even with the recipe change, I still don’t think this warrants a name change to the Wienermobile. I’ve ridden in a Wienermobile, people, and I take this shit seriously. My very own child spent time with me in the Wienermobile, and where I come from, that name is sacred.
Remember, the Wienermobile name goes all the way back to 1936! Look!
Prior to that date, Earth scientists weren’t even sure it was possible to construct a sausage-shaped car; Neils Bohr himself felt the very concept was “impossible, a mountaintop that man’s engineering prowess will never crest,” according to an unpublished letter to the American Novelty Meats Consortium. But Oscar’s cousin Carl Mayer proved everyone wrong with his original Wienermobile, and since then the Wienermobile project has gone through at least 10 generations, using chassis ranging from Willys Jeeps to Chevrolet vans to RAM 1500s to GMC W-series.
It’s the Wienermobile. Now, it’s possible, perhaps even likely, that the Frankmobile name will not be permanent, which is good, because it makes no sense. The only possible reason I can think of is that perhaps Oscar Mayer is finally caving into the fears that a wiener-focused name will have too many penile associations, ones they feel they can better avoid with a frank-based name, as “frank” is far less commonly used as a slang term for a penis when compared to “wiener.”
They may have looked at similar failures in the past, such as the debacle caused by Wang Computers and their ill-fated Wang Wagon, made from a Jaguar E-Type and featuring a large CRT display in the rear window that was a fully-functional Wang VT100-standard terminal:
Wang never fully recovered from the PR nightmare that the Wang Wagon inspired, and maybe Oscar Mayer is getting very belated nerves about the whole wiener business?
Be brave, Oscar. It’s the Wienermobile. It always will be. Just own it.
Well if there are worried about the name of the Wienermobile and any association with and sort of immature thoughts. I ask what about Moby Dick? I mean he was a big whale after all….
I once had a Chrysler as big as a whale…
About to set sail?
Frankly, if I’m invited to your funky little shack for a party I don’t think I should have to bring jukebox money.
Frankly.
Way to bring it back around to the punchline!
This baloney has a first name, for sure…
However, when asked to comment, fat kids, skinny kids, and kids who climb on rocks simply said “Eh, doesn’t affect us.”
Nice
But what about kids with chicken pox?
(Sorry, wrong brand. That’s Armour.)
It is the dog kids love to bite.
So, not a snarky question, but why did they not just name it Frank the Weinermobile? You could achieve the same marketing goals without messing with the name.. unless the name change was purely to get us all talking about it.. maybe they’re right.
Okay, I really want the Wang Wagon. That looks totally cool, and not in an ironic hipster way. I genuinely love it.
Other names rejected by management:
”Dickmobile”
”Cockswagon”
“Schwantz Utility Vehicle”
”PT Boner”
How about OM Bonermobile!
Now it’s the Oscar Meyer F****mobile. How is that any less susceptible to controversy?
(What controversy? It would have been apparent by now, that the Weinermobile is about to reach its hundredth birthday.)
The Big Schwing?
The Baloney Pony?
The Beef Chief?
I wonder if it’s powered by a Wankel rotary engine?
I think the 88’ Wienermobile had the best body style.
It seems to have just, I dunno, a little more wag in its tail.
I remember C&D did a road test of the Wienermobile around then. Was memorable journalism for 12 year old me.
Either Wangwagon is a great photoshop and funny joke or it was a real thing. But I’m at work and will absolutely not google it to find out.
It’s a shop of the E-Type hearse from Harold and Maude
Thought I recognized it. Thanks for being my memory!
“Patty Wagon” is good but “SalaMiata” is inspired. This post is the Torchiest piece all week!
Meat Wagon
#WeinerGate
I’ve always thought Oscar Mayer’s beef franks tasted like crap.
I much prefer Nathan’s or Hebrew National for beef dogs. At least you have a decent idea what parts of the cow they’re stuffing into them.
With hot dogs it’s all in the lips-assholes ratio.
Don’t forget the FDA-allowed amount of rat excrement and rodent hairs.
I could roll with Frankenfurter mobile
https://rockyhorror.fandom.com/wiki/Frank-N-Furter
I hope you live in Florida.
If so, please consider parking it in front of the Governor’s Mansion.
It’s just a jump to the left.
Was that Niels Bohr the physicist, or Neil Bohr, the Sausage King of Copenhagen?
All of this is giving me a flashback to the shortlived Nickelodeon childrens’ TV show “Weinerville” where I recall some characters repeating “weiner weiner weiner” over again in a high pitched voice sounding like a European ambulance siren. When I see the word, “weiner weiner weiner” starts looping in my head.
Thank you Youtube for validating my fuzzy childhood memories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AclI2PE_R7E
We’ll have to get Dr. Lippschitz’s opinion on that.
! I remember “Weinerville,” too, haha. Gosh, now I’m wondering if it’s really Camp Idon’twanna or Camp Anawanna, the latter of which would’ve been the ideal “Salute Your Shorts” crossover. I don’t know why the Weinerizer was the most memorable thing in that show, but probably because it was so bizarre. “We’re going to, uh, take some random person and smoosh them into a trapdoor under this set, I guess.”
Holy crap at those commercials. Even the dumb commercials on Nickelodeon were good.
Try John Dillermand, a children’s how on Danish TV. John has a very long “member”.
https://youtu.be/1_qcDrEbFm4
I can only show you the introduction because the show is banned here in the US.
Oh, I’ve heard of that one.
(There may or may not be an entire Lemons group-chat simply labelled “#dong.”)
I am outraged!! Ok, I’m better now. Thanks for bringing us this breaking news story, Jason. Since my CB radio is on the fritz, I hadn’t got the news yet. Also nice automotive call back to Harold and Maude, which is One of my favorite films.
Welp, didn’t have “discussion of VT100 terminals on a car site” on my bingo card for the day…
This is pretty serious. If you know your history, you’ll realize things started to get ugly at the end of the Wiener Republic.
On the other hand, I totally thought this was going to be about them changing the taillights.
I propose the new name to be “the D Mobile”
(Please forgive me as I am feeling a little bit cocky today) ヽ(͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ﾉ
Question: Did they poach the “International House of Burgers” guy? Because that’s what this reminds me of. Generate a bunch of press around everyone who hates a temporary name change, then go j/k, we know it’s still called [original name].
Yeah this seems a lot like “o no mr peanut is dead, everybody pay attention to us”
Kind of like Voltswagen, now to come to think of it…
My first thought was that this HAD to be leftover from April 1. But no!
That’s is what this is, for sure
Maybe they no longer wanted the penile association with Anthony Wiener.
I’m amused by how quarter-assed this name change is. Wienermobile still comes up in the filenames when you hover over any of the pictures on the site.
This is such an amazing tidbit of information. Thank you for your service.
I have to say the 2008 cocktail frankmobile makes me giggle.
Yeah, we all saw you point at it and laugh at its size! ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )
This just in: the American Kennel Club has announced that dachshunds may no longer be referred to as wiener dogs, but will henceforth be known as frank dogs.
It’s so silly. I’ve always thought the Wienermobile was one of the best marketing icons going, aside from that whole Peyronie’s disease appearance. Saw it tied up in Boston traffic years ago; made my day.
Oscar Meyer should just frank off.
I mean to be fair the rest of the world just calls them sausage dogs, I’ve never called my Frankie a Weiner!
To be fair …
They can plaster whatever name they want on it, it’s always going to be the Wienermobile.
I dont know about Frank. It is pure male. Not even a name that could be a man or a woman or gender inclusive. I think at least some percentage of the population will be
upset. If noone was complaining changing is just too darn risky.
don’t be so sure: https://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/A-PASSION-FOR-PLASTIC-Lesbian-folksinger-2908156.php
What about Anne Frank?
Also, Frankie is a common nickname for girls named Francis/Frances.
Of course, there is also Fran. That is 80% of Frank. There. Mathematical proof that Frank is not 100% male, but rather 80% feminine. Sorry all you Franks out there who thought you were 100% dude.
Don’t forget Ani DiFranco she’s five elevenths Franc.
They could call it the Lisa Frankmobile, travelling the country peddling overpriced beads and colorful school supplies to all and sundry in return for their parents’ hard earned cash and isles of Manhattan.
That way they still sell the same amount of plastic junk to us that Oscar Mayers did!
I guess you didn’t hear that Mike Lindell bought Oscar Mayer.
“I stand firm in what I believe in. I’m going to do what God wants me to do – and always have an Oscar Mayer wiener in my buns.”