“It’s about two-thirds the height of a standard beer can,” Australian Autopian reader Laurence Rogers told me over a video chat, describing the diameter of a giant Huntsman spider he lets crawl freely around his house in New South Wales. I had just agreed to spend a month with him fixing a 1969 Chrysler Valiant kangaroo-hunting ute he’d bought for $900 on my behalf, and I was now deeply regretting my choice.
To be clear, I will not be hunting any “roos” (as he calls them). The only hunting that will take place during my trip to the center of New South Wales later this year will involve this spider hunting me, possibly in my sleep:
You thought I was kidding about that Huntsman spider, eh? That’s okay; I, too, figured Laurence was joking, but as shown in the video-chat screenshot above, the crazy bastard actually does live harmoniously with enormous, frighteningly-quick arachnids. It’s been nice knowing you, folks.
Anyway, let’s back up for a second and talk about how I ended up the owner of a 1969 Chrysler Valiant ute located in the Australian bush.
Actually, I really don’t know how it happened, in the same way that I don’t know how I ended up bathing in the Baltic Sea just prior to driving a diesel Chrysler minivan to Koenigsegg, and in the same way that I have no clue how I ended up with trenchfoot off-roading a rusted-out Forward Control Jeep near Seattle.
These things just…happen. One moment I’m chatting with a new friend on social media, then they’re telling me about a cool, dirt-cheap vehicle they’ve found nearby, then I black out, and the next thing I know I’ve wired money to a stranger 10,000 miles away. It seems like a bad thing to make a habit of, but then again, just look at this glorious machine!:
Check out the scaffolding in the back. Laurence, owner of a 1970 “VG” Valiant Wayfarer and a 1974 “VJ” Valiant Charger, tells me that it’s there to facilitate kangaroo hunting. I guess one would rest a weapon on the foam to stabilize a shot?
See those little rear bumperettes with integrated turn signals [Hi, it’s Jason Torchinsky here. I just thought I’d hop in since my Someone Is Discussing Turn Indicators implant started pulsating. You know what’s cool about those bumper-mounted amber indicators? They can also be reverse lamps! Yes, Australia and New Zealand were the only countries that allowed amber reverse lamps, primarily to accommodate U.S.-market cars brought over, where the clear reverse lamps could be repurposed to be amber indicators and back-up lights.]? Those allow the ute’s tailgate to fold not just flat, but also in the downward position so one can better reach stuff near the front of the bed. That’s right, Chrysler Australia had the MultiPro tailgate well before GMC did. Check it out:
Even if you are a Mopar fan, you’d be forgiven for scratching your head in confusion right about now. Because this machine, and many old Australian Chrysler vehicles, was quite different from what Chrysler sold in the U.S.
Laurence, who spends much of his time talking with farmers (who tend to own amazing old vehicles) as part of his job, broke it down for me, saying:
…Chrysler Australia…were always the smallest of the big three. They never had much money, and so did their best to disguise that the same platforms and parts were carried over for several years. We had Valiants from 1961 to 1981, the last two years were actually made by Mitsubishi under licence because Chrysler Australia was broke and sold the factory to them
Getting back to the misfit status of Valiants, they had a reputation as a car bought by immigrants, particularly Italians and Greeks of which we had thousands settle here in the 50sThey were often derided as ‘[derogatory term] Chariots’Farmers liked Valiants though, as the Hemi six pulled like a V8 and Valiant utes were often much cheaper than their equivalent Holden or Ford
Now with classics sky-rocketing in price, quite ironically many of the die-hard Holden and Ford guys that used to give me shit for owning Valiants are now very interested in them and ask me lots of questions
Unlike many of today’s “global vehicles,” which are pretty much exactly the same regardless of the market in which they’re sold (with some differences in standard content and powertrains), Australian Chryslers were thoroughly different than Chryslers sold elsewhere. In fact, Chrysler Australia had its own engineering team that developed its own bodies and powertrains, using basic designs provided by Chrysler engineers in the U.S. as the basis.
Take the “VF” Chrysler Valiant Wayfarer ute that I now own (woh that feels weird to say). As you can see in the little orange box in the brochure below, there’s a little storage area behind the bench, below the front part of the bed. This is actually just a byproduct of using the American Plymouth Valiant wagon platform as the ute’s starting point. That storage area is shaped exactly like the wagon’s rear footwell.
Chrysler Australia vehicles — which absurdly mishmashed American nameplates to bring the world vehicles like the “Chrysler by Chrysler” and “Chrysler Valiant Charger” — had styling that might look familiar, but it’s not quite same as what Americans are used to. That’s because Australian Chryslers’ sheetmetal and bumpers were often a blend of parts from various U.S. Chrysler model-years, and grilles and lighting was sometimes totally unique for the Australian market.
More fascinating than styling differences and vehicle platform adaptation, though, is the existence of the Hemi-Six. My 1965 Plymouth Valiant, and every Valiant offered in the U.S. through the 1970s, came standard with the Leaning Tower of Power — arguably the most reliable engine of all time, the slant six. The heaping pile of crap 1969 ute that I now own (still feels weird) also came equipped with the unkillable motor. But in 1970, the base motor became the Hemi-Six, an Australia-designed straight six that allegedly has its roots in an old U.S. Chrysler design that never was. As rumor has it, Chrysler sent blueprints over to its Australian division, the Ozzies actually finished up the development process, and started building the iron-block 215s, 245s, and 265s for Valiants and Chargers and more until the early 1980s. It’s become a legendary engine in Australia, right up there with Ford’s hallowed “Barra” straight six, which could be modified to handle immense power.
Needless to say, I will be removing the slant six from my rustbucket and chucking in a Hemi-Six and three-speed column-shift manual Laurence has sitting around (apparently the motors and transmissions are as ubiquitous as Kangaroos).
The engine swap should be easy, as the underhood packaging is the same between slant six and straight six Valiants, but I just had a chat with Laurence the other day, and the farm insurance agent just had to point out this white ball by my motor:
It’s an egg sack from a Redback spider, which Laurence says is “not generally deadly.” Between that comment and the beer-can reference to his house-Huntsman (both made with a smirk on his face), I’m beginning to wonder if the man is messing with me, or if I’m about to be rid of my arachnophobia through exposure therapy.
Anyway, let’s have a look at what I’m in for. The slant six appears to be in good shape, and I bet it runs just fine, but I must have the Hemi-Six, so I’m selling this to one of Laurence’s friends to offset the Hemi cost.
As for the rest of the vehicle — well, it’s rough. [Jason here again–look how cool the front turn signals are, integrated into the body as those two rectangles over the headlamps.] As a general rule, if you buy a vehicle with only three wheels, it’s almost certainly a massive pile of crap; it means someone yanked a wheel and thought the vehicle was so far gone, it wasn’t worth the immeasurably low effort needed to bolt the thing back up.
Laurence went out to a local woodcutter who had bought the ute from a nearby farm, and jacked up the machine he had bought for a random American journalist halfway across the world; then he threw some rubber onto that front right corner. But that didn’t exactly help the ute roll, as the brake in that corner — along with the rear brakes — was locked up.
As shown above, the Mopar fan and his buddies had to resort to some drastic measures to get the ute onto a trailer, with the result being that the ‘roo hunting bars in the back took a bit of a beating.
While we’re talking about the ’roo bars in the bed, it’s worth mentioning that there are some rust issues with the shotgun shell-covered bed floor:
Also, the exhaust basically doesn’t exist:
And the front right frame rail is a bit tweaked from an apparent impact:
But overall, the body looks mostly rust-free. Check out the underside:
The rear left quarter panel is rusted out, sure, but the main unibody rails look solid:
And the interior isn’t too bad, either. Sure, the dash is cracked, and the seat is a bit rough on the driver’s side, but the former doesn’t matter, and a seat cover will clean the latter right up.
The floor does look a bit perforated there under the disintegrated milk jug with a shotgun shell in it:
Laurence ratchet-strapped the Ute’s hood shut (I’ll have to figure out what the deal is with that, too) and towed the vaguely vehicle-shaped carcass from Tottenham (a city in New South Wales with roughly 300 inhabitants) to his place near Dubbo (which has nearly 40,000 residents).
I’ll be lugging my tools onto an airplane and flying there this September. My plan? I don’t really have one, other than: Wrench my heart out and pray I can get the ute into good enough shape for an epic road-trip through the Australian outback, where I plan to learn as much as I can about car culture in the region, with regular dispatches making their way onto The Autopian for your enjoyment.
Unlike all my other hopeless wrenching projects through the years, the vehicle itself — which I’m naming Project Roo until I can think of something more clever — is, despite its horrible condition, somehow not the most likely thing to kill me this time around. And that’s a bit alarming.
Just finished reading and then sparked up a cigarette to savor the satisfaction.
David, can you do me a favour while in Australia? Please figure out the definition of ‘ute’. I heard a lot of australians refering to stuff like a Hilux or a F150 as utes. To me, it seems that they only call comercial trucks as trucks, and pickups as utes.
Utilities, or utes are meant to be a car with a trayback – akin to the El Camino.
However 4wd trayback vehicles like the Hilux or Ranger have become a lot more common over the years. They are called utes but the trend nowadays is to call them trucks, partly so they can be marketed as a tough vehicle that can handle anything you throw at it.
this will be “fun”
This is great news!
No not the shitty car ,lol. I mean the honor of having you visit us.I hope you have a ton of fun.
If i think of anything to add to your must-see list i’ll be sure to mention it.
I would straight up NOPE out of this one after seeing that Huntsman on the video call. Visiting Australia is would be a bucket list item of mine if everything there wasn’t trying to kill you. That said, can’t wait to read about this adventure and learn more about the country and it’s car culture!
OT site feedback: Can you move the comment box above the comments? Slightly annoying having to scroll down past them all to post. Loving the new place though!
Huntsman spiders if they get defensive can mess you up a bit but aren’t very fatal. They eat the stuff you should be worrying about, so they’re pretty cool.
Below is better. It kind of makes people read others posts prior to posting. That way we don’t have the same post dozens of times.
Longtime friends of ours spent a year RV’ing starting with the purchase of a RV in Sydney from a dealer that helped with registration and stocking up for the trip. Other than a transmission failure that waited until the end of a “no services for 100mi” stretch of the outback they had a great adventure. Started the trip almost exactly 8yrs ago.
I’ve always thought it was funny that while the American Falcon Ranchero and Australian Falcon Ute were based on the same car, the American Ford Falcon, they were developed independently and thus are actually entirely different vehicles in the ways they differ from a regular Falcon sedan. It’s like convergent evolution, from the same source.
That’s why we love you David Tracy.
I fully support buying weird old stuff and fixing it up… but dude… why do you buy rusty stuff?! It just makes it 1000% harder to do anything, and at the end of the day it will still be worth almost nothing when you finish. Why not just buy a rust free $1500-2000 Valiant that’s been sitting a long time, and fix that? Easier work, and you might make a profit.
Good luck finding a rust free $2000 Valiant!
Rust issues? So not enough rust then?
Man, I love love love your bravado.
But you’ll probably die on this mission.
Here’s to hoping you don’t! 🙂
The drop down tailgates were on all three major manufacturer’s Australian built utes, I thought that they would have been elsewhere as well. The Huntsman are prolific in lots of Australia but aren’t generally regarded as harmful or aggressive, we have plenty of them around our place in South East Queensland. The comment about after market air con is a good suggestion, if you are coming over in September David, that is the start of the warmer months, probably considered hot to extremely hot compared to where you are living now. Temperatures in the Outback areas over here, or pretty well anywhere not near the East Coast can easily climb into the mid 40’s C, which is about 110 F +.
DT, I hope you’re well aware that along with my own gem hiding in the Australian countryside, I will give you heads up about, and expect you to adventure to find some real treasures to write about while you’re down here!
Give my regards to Marty and Moog.
Any overlap between you and the kids at Mighty Car Mods would be weirder than Captain Kirk meeting Han Solo on Firefly.
Great idea!! I loved the MCM/Roadkill episode with the WRX ute (the boys dominated imo). This could be even better!
I had the same take! The Roadkill/MCM shows were awesome!
Does it have a VIN…just saying
For real. I am in a bad situation now trying to get my project back underway. The gentleman I bought it off of had a waterlogged title so he put in for a new one and its been 8 months with no new title and the VIN is missing from the car so I dont really have a good route to do it on my own now. Just stuck on this old guys schedule, which sucks.
A nice story about a rusted out wreck, with David Tracy. This time with giant spiders.
Things are looking up. Thanks!
This is the coolest and most interesting shit-box you’ve bought yet! I love it, and can’t wait to read and watch all about it, and your adventures in it. I hope you intend to import it back to the US when you’re done. I very vividly remember seeing an Australian Valiant at a cruise night about 20 years ago, with a Hemi-6 in it, and it blew my fragile little mind. Imagine it being in a Ute?
How pissed is Patrick George that you started your not-Jalopnik site by finally buying a not-Jeep? 🙂
Congratulations, you found a new rusted out POS on a new continent!! You’ve handled Europe. After this, onto Asia!, Africa!, the Indian Subcontinent!, Antarctica (?). The good news is the Australian Emergency rooms are well stocked with a variety of snake and spider antivenoms.
I’ve got plans for South America and SE Asia…
This is the DT content I was hoping for. Moab was just the warm up for you, wasn’t it.
Wow! Finally commenting on a site and I am digging the content.
Get it running, and go visit the guys at Mighty Car Mods. That would be fun. Freiberger and Finnegan from Roadkill did a great pair of shows with those guys, and they are NSW Sydney.
Cheers!
Ha !
Came here to say the same 😀
Hey David, congrats on the new sites. Love your work. Amazing that your coming down under. I live in Sydney and would be happy help in any way with your Australian adventure. Provide transport, accommodation or anything else that may help.
I can smell those pictures from here. Never change, David!
I kinda figured you’d name it Project Huntsman, especially given for what the ute was apparently used. 🙂
Oh, Project Huntsman is good! The double meaning for David’s arachnophobia immersion therapy that he’s going to endure makes it all the better.
Plus it was a hunting car! Second Project Huntsman!
Awesome. Just one small piece of advice. NSW requires an annual roadworthy check to keep it registered. I suggest you make friends with someone a bit further north across the border… you just need an initial road worthy and you’re good provided you never sell it… good luck and if you need someone to find you something equally if not more awful in New Zealand let me know!
You could find me a camper in NZ. Maybe not in such a bad shape as Tracy would love it…
Trademe.co.nz it’s our eBay. You can find anything on there. There are heaps of converted vans on there. Depends what you want. If you want like an actual camper van they aren’t cheap even if they are ancient. But you could probably pick up a converted JDM hiace or granvia for under $10k. Or something like an ancient previa/estima for around $5k(nzd) like this https://www.trademe.co.nz/motors/used-cars/toyota/auction-3502062507.htm
That is true, however the roadworthy inspection in QLD is a lot more brutal. Mind you, registration is cheaper so it’s worth getting it done.
Just depends who you take the car to for the roadworthy… I felt particularly aggrieved when we moved from NSW to QLD. NSW priced a portion of registration on vehicle size, we had a Toyota Kluger and a BMW 135i so one car was mildly cheaper to register as it was a lot smaller. QLD went by engine size (this was in 2014)… two 6 cylinder cars so both were the maximum I think.
The rear tail lights are 65 Canadian Lancer wagon. The cluster is 64-65 US Valiant I believe.
What I want to see when you go back – the hot mess that must be happening on the “driver’s” side of the engine. The slant 6 dizzy was always a pain to work on, since the engine is leaning over top it. Now you’ve got a steering column that wants to be right there too? Crazy.
Also – do their toilets flush backwards?
The steering box being on the right hand side requires the slant six to use a remote oil filter, since there isn’t room for it to fit straight to the oil pump as per US spec cars. You can see it in the pics mounted on the other side of the engine just behind the water pump. Our steering boxes mount to the chassis rail, where most of the early US Valiants mounted them on the K-frame (front crossmember). My 1962 SV-1 actually has a mounting plate on its K-frame for a left hand drive steering box. Plus the distribution block for all the brake lines is on the left side of the firewall just below where the master cylinder would be in a left hand drive car. It has one larger diameter brake line from the master cylinder across the firewall to the distribution block, then another smaller one runs back straight back across the firewall to the right front brake!
Also, because of the snakes, it’d be a good idea to just weld over those holes because that’d be a very unwelcome surprise. Do they make aftermarket A/C units for those?
Ok. It looks in far better shape than that old FC from Wash. State. Just hose it out good, make sure to physically stick a long “dryer-style” brush in those tight corners where you might be sticking your paws into. Also, no snakes please. Glad to hear someone is going Down Under. Tell us about the the whole travel process (security, health stuff, etc. etc.). I guess you’re in good shape to travel that long down there.
You know, of course, it’s less than 10,000 miles by water from Miami to some part of Australia, if you can just find a broken, rusty Amphicar you can avoid those extra baggage charges for your tools…