I Think Facebook Marketplace Is Starting To Take My Sanity

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I believe it was Aristotle who said that nature abhors an open parking spot, ergo the sudden and surprise addition of a second place to put cars in my life means that I feel supremely drawn to filling that space with something. Anything. Normally, I’m a casual Craigslist/auction fan, but I’ve started dabbling in Facebook Marketplace and, around the same time, I’ve started to lose my mind. It’s impacting my friends and my family. My mood. I may have a problem.

How It Started

I love having oddball cars, but I tend to assume the universe will bring them to me as they’ve always done. One day a few years ago I was bored and on the Internet and decided to look and see what Volvo 240s were going for on eBay and, magically, I had a Volvo wagon in my driveway a week later. Not long after I acquired the Volvo a Greek clubowner friend-of-a-friend needed to stash a ’60s Mercedes sedan and that, too, ended up in my care (a friend of Alex Roy, of course, which is also how I ended up with a Tesla Model 3 for a bit). How does one become a Merkur owner? Unintentionally.

Merkur
My Merkur, which I did not plan to buy but I ended up with somehow.

A move to a new apartment with only one parking spot necessitated me dropping a car and, with a kid, the reliable Subaru crossover had to stay. Goodbye Volvo with 225k miles and some questionable mods! I like my Subaru just fine, but I felt bad not having a crazy project car. Now that I work with this crew I feel extra bad. We’ve got an old Yugo, an old F-150, a Beetle, a Changli, and a Nissan Pao in the fleet. And that’s just Jason! Beau’s collection is amazing and weird. David’s cars are largely tragic, but appealingly tragic.

Parking spots have been at a premium where I live, just outside of New York City, and so I was delighted last October to find out that the parking pass I’d applied to more than two years ago was suddenly available.

“I thought I’d be dead before I got this spot” I told the nice woman who was calling to see if I still wanted it.

I snatched it up right away and began waiting for the heavens to smile down on me with a Hillman Imp or something equally batshit.

For the first few weeks it didn’t bother me that the heavens were a bit quiet. David gently suggested I buy his $700 Tracker and I gently suggested he needed to stop drinking wiper fluid. Fall changed to winter and still, nothing.

I always seek my wife’s input on project cars, but the general understanding is that I can get whatever I want so long as it’s not more than what I got for my last car. I got $3,500 for the Volvo (pre-pandemic) so I’ve got $3,500 to play with now. It’s time to stop being passive, I thought to myself.

Renault or Re-yes?

CandbreanutlI like bidding sites because they’re a real commitment. There’s no waffling. You’re in or you’re out. When I saw this uniquely modified Renault Super 5 SR on Cars and Bids I had to put in a low-ball bid. Just to see. I joked with Doug that I’d be pleased when I got outbid because I wouldn’t have to try and explain it to my family. I was outbid and it eventually went (barely) for more than my no-veto budget. The rush stayed, though, and I needed another fix.

This led to Craigslist. There’s a ton of waffling on Craigslist. I religiously looked at every listing within a couple of hundred miles only to find even interesting cars in my price range that were either too expensive, too rusty, or both. I don’t need a car. I want a car. And I don’t just want any car, I want a car that’ll help me tell a story.

I did a project for a TV show I won’t name right before I took this gig and they asked me to spend time looking for the highest mileage cars for sale in the United States. This was a great gig and I learned something: W210/S210 Mercedes E-Classes of the late ’90s and early ’00s have incredible longevity if treated right. I kept finding cars with 200k, 300k, even 400k on the original motors and transmissions. Maybe I’d grab one of those?

Craigslist had some decent leads, but nothing great. I needed a better fix.

Saab Story

FbmarketplacetwoOne day I’ll own a Saab. A couple of weeks ago was almost that day. A college professor in Connecticut listed a late ’90s Saab 9-3, red, with a stick. The transmission needed a little work, but it was super cheap and would be a great story. Alas. I was too slow.

This kept happening. I’d find a car I liked, then it would be sold. I consulted with Kevin Williams, an expert on finding weird stuff on Facebook Marketplace. I asked him what the secret was.

“If you keep searching the marketplace will show you what you like, but you have to be really creative with your keywords,” he advised. “When I’m in a mood I search multiple times a day. Or hour.”

“Ok, so the secret is to be young and not have kids,” I joked with him.

It wasn’t a joke for long.

The Two Mercedes Weekend

Am I addicted to Facebook Marketplace? I went from perusing maybe 10-20 car listings a day to looking at… hundreds? A thousand? I started looking at Facebook Marketplace the same way that people can look at the Matrix and understand what’s happening.

Mostly, this happened at night. I started finding myself waking up in at 3:00 am and checking my phone. I started setting alerts for cars. I found out that on your phone they’ll show you listings that have recently had their price recently reduced! Jackpot.

And then I saw it. A W210 Mercedes sedan. For sale. Right down the street from my parents. It was only 115,000 miles and they wanted $2900 for it. I knew I could get it cheaper. I texted the guy and asked my parents to go look at the car, which they did.

This wasn’t what I was looking for, right? I wanted a car with a manual. I wanted a Saab with a manual. How did I end up with a Mercedes sedan? Oh well, it’s a car. Where did it come from, I asked the seller? He bought it from a Craigslist auction. A lot of red flags, but I went with it. I eventually talked him down to $2,300.

That deal fell apart when the guy mentioned he didn’t have a title. I don’t think he was trying to be scammy, it’s just that Connecticut doesn’t re-issue titles for cars over 20 years, which makes it a pain to register in New York where I live. So long Mercedes.

Then, just a few hours later, I found a too-good-to-be-true W212 Mercedes E350 with blown Airmatic suspension in Boston! Thanks to our man Gossin I knew this was fixable. I quickly reached out to the seller and my friend in Boston to see if he’d grab the car. At first he thought I was telling him to buy it, and then he realized I was asking him to drop what he was doing and buy a car for me. To his credit, he agreed.

That Mercedes sold before he could get to it. I felt bad. Legit bad.

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All of a sudden I felt like I had to look at Facebook Marketplace every 10 minutes to not miss anything. My wife pointed out that, well, maybe it was impacting my mood? My daughter asked me to get off my phone. This was not good.

I’d hit rock bottom.

Do I want a crazy silly car to write about? Absolutely. Do I need a car so badly I’m willing to test the patience of people I love? Probably not.

Why Facebook Is So Insidious

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I do not need reasons to not like Facebook. It is extremely unlikable. It has cracked the fragile limbs of one half of my family tree. It has likely played a role in at least one genocide.

Facebook Marketplace, though, is a casino. It’s a casino that learns your behaviors and shows you only what you want to know. Kevin was right. The more you look at Facebook the more Facebook looks at you and Facebook is good enough to know the shitty person I am and the shitty cars I want. It is borderline dangerous.

I thought I was too smart to get played by an algorithm. I thought I was too sophisticated. But, as the man said, “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” I am definitely the sucker here.

So, I’m gonna slow down. I’m going to have a regimen. At the beginning of the day I can look. At the end of the day I can look. I will not look more than once every three hours. I will not keep going over the same cars again and again. Most importantly, I’m not going to buy anything unless it’s something I actually want.

Maybe I’ll text Alex Roy to see what he needs stored. He’s always got too many cars…

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Photos: Author, Facebook Marketplace, Cars And Bids, Top Art: Sally Torchinsky

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58 thoughts on “I Think Facebook Marketplace Is Starting To Take My Sanity”

    1. Oh gods… GovDeals is gonna get me in real trouble one of these days.

      Matt, if you haven’t wandered through there, do so. Do it now. Drop what you’re doing, stop playing with your kid, ignore your wife, go look.

  2. Marketplace is great for finding hidden gems randomly.
    I collect small CC motorcycles as a hobby, and FB marketplace opened up a whole new universe.
    Obscure mopeds, rare East-German MZs, Czech Jawas, and so on that I never thought I’d find in the US.
    I even found and bought bikes imported from the Dominican Republic, without knowing any Spanish.
    I’ve never would’ve found those neat Suzuki RX100s without Marketplace.

  3. Y’know, if you want a questionable Mercedes, I see a whole lot of those. If you want a somehow mindbogglingly both questionable AND reliable Mercedes, I see a fair selection of those too. It’s a bit of a schlep from New York to here, but what’s 2500 miles on an already 200,000 mile Merc?

  4. You Sir, are an unmitigated asshole. Halfway through your musings I suddenly realized that I too wanted another car. Consequently, I stopped reading and went to a reverse loan calculator, found that I wanted a $20K car. Off to FB MktPlc with new knowledge in hand.

    Now I am mostly committed to a 2006 Miata w/56K miles.

    Then I returned to your essay to find out that you weaseled out!

    Oh well. ;>(

    1. Turns out to be a 2011. Asking $15800 offered $15500. Waiting to here back. I say 4 yr loan. Wife, God love her, says pay it out of savings. Time will tell.

      2. He went for $15,500 and it’s now a done deal assuming it looks as good in person as looked online. Still can’t believe how fast this whole deal went together. Looking forward to yet another summer of driving fun with the top down. Haven’t missed a summer in 58 years!

  6. you want a manual saab you say? come take the 97 9000 CSE i wrecked 6ish years ago and the 97 9000 CS i bought to fix it with 6ish years ago out of my driveway

  7. The one thing that keeps FB Marketplace from being the end all be all is its absolute shite location algorithms. First thing I do whenever I go in is click the local button. Next thing I know I’m seeing stuff for sale in Cambodia. Usually, the first hint its gone off the rails is when you see a Honda CB125 for $100,250.

  8. You won’t likely find anything super weird, but you can find some “bargains” that will work for someone that can spin a wrench on state surplus/police auction websites. Almost talked a coworker into a buying a bus from one. It will definitely be a story-worthy purchase.

  9. I find quite enough stuff on eBay, TYVM. Generally I’ll fine-tune a search and then bookmark it, especially if I’m looking for an item that’s NLA (which is a lot of the time) and/or searching by part number.

    Sometimes things just magically appear in random searches, like the NOS one-model-year fuel tank for a bike from 1981. I had to grab that, obviously. (Yes, I have the bike for it.)

  10. I keep my FB profile alive solely so I can look at FBM.
    I do not have FB on my phone. I do not look at FB on any device that isn’t in incognito mode. If I could limit it further, I would. Such an insidious service. Good luck on limiting it and still getting something from it.

    I also keep my searches random as a bumblebee playing with a wooden ball. Hopefully the more I do that, the less FB gleans what I want.

  11. Check out Mr. Moneybags over here with an extra parking space! You should get a tall vehicle to park there so you can look down at us single-spacers.

      1. When we got our first fliver back in the Roosevelt days, they weren’t nowheres to park nearby, but Pa had a plan. He sold th’ parlor couch an’ bed, and, bein’ as we lived in a carriage house, he’d back that ol’ Stanley Steamer right inta th’ parlor. He and Ma set they bed linens onna front seat, and made th’ back a crib for th’ tots e’ry night. Me and m’ brother slept narrow on th’ running’ boards-ifin ya rolled off them rats’d get ya.

        Street parkin’ — what are ya, a Nob?

  12. FBM sucks. I mean COME ON, they’re a billion dollar tech company. The least they could do is make their site usable.

    Do you want a 90s diesel minivan by any chance? 😛

  13. You need to just bite the bullet and put all your effort into finding a good Saab. (Or paying me to locate you some.) The problem of course is finding a good Saab. One that hasn’t suffered years of abuse at the hands of people who whine that replacing bad wheel sensors is too expensive, and that POR15 is a ‘fix’ for a rotted through subframe.

    1. My ’67 SAAB 96 has neither wheel sensors nor a subframe but I thought it was understood that the preferred fix for rust-through is to haphazardly slap a layer of fiberglass over the completely unprepared surface followed by an extensive and painstaking course of pretending that nothing is wrong. So far, so good.

  14. I have the problem that I love trolling FBMP for weirdo cars, BUT I’m also actively looking for something extremely normal for my wife. My algorithm is screwed 8 ways from Sunday.

  15. When I bought my pickup, I was similarly browsing all the sites way too much. I did have a bit of a time crunch: I wanted to buy something before my car went in for some work, since I didn’t want to rent something for an indeterminate period. I’m sure you’ll continue to be frustrated, but then find something fun.

    1. I got my pickup via Facebook marketplace. The listing neglected to mention that it had a new engine put in 30k miles previous and that it came with a set of snow tires. I don’t know what made me even inquire about a white Silverado, but it was well worth it once I knew more.

  16. I have been tempted once I weed out the obvious scams, 2017 F-150 for $1000 I need to move today in your area that has palm trees in the pic (wrong part of the country) and the “minor” rust speed hole rotted frame that only need $50 at autozone to fix.

    But darn money thing, looking a weekend warrior work trucks. Though I have seen a few examples of my first car going for 20k, 1969 f-100 ranger.

  17. Facebook marketplace has been quite useful to me to sell some stuff and I’ve even bought a couple of items listed there. I still can’t believe I bought my RX-8 off of Craigslist and about seven photos and ten states away.

    1. I hate selling things on marketplace. Flaky people, absurd lowballs, bad communication, no-shows, it’s a mess. Selling through specialized groups on facebook or local pages i’ve had much better luck with.

      2. I seem to have had better luck than you. I think I have also become skilled at telling who is serious and who is not. Asking any sort of really question other than “is this available?” is a good sign the person is serious. I’ve yet to have a no show, but thought I was going to get one this weekend. But then she miraculously appeared right before I was going to message her to not bother coming.

  18. I could never get anyone on Facebook marketplace to respond to my messages.

    About a year ago I decided it was time to buy a BMW e39 and drop an LS into it. So I needed a ’98 – ’04 540i 6-speed. I’d seen these in good condition in the $3000’s but suddenly they were 3 times that price and were selling in minutes.

    For six months I checked Craigslist and Facebook multiple times a day. Every day. And nothing. I almost dragged a trailer 1200 miles to buy one with a blown engine but it had been lowered and that’s a big red flag.

    Finally I gave up and made an appointment to buy a ’04 Acura TSX with a manual. Not what I wanted, but a good car I’d likely enjoy somewhat. As I was leaving my house, I checked Craigslist. One. Last. Time.

    And there it was. Posted an hour earlier, ’98 540i, M-Sport, 6-speed, looked great, needed some work. 10 miles away for $3000. I replied immediately with “TAKE MY MONEY! TAKE MY MONEY!”. To my surprise, I got a call a few minutes later. An hour later I was driving it home. The seller said he got a half dozen other replies as I was on the way.

    So keep looking. The car you want is out there somewhere.

    1. I can identify so well with this story, trying to find my e39 540i/6. So many messages sent, cars sold or otherwise ruined by neglect or previous idiots, so I eventually gave up the search. Then FOUR MONTHS later I get a message from the owner of the first car I inquired on. Couldn’t get down there fast enough, and now it’s sitting in the garage. You’re right in that they’re going up in value

  19. I like how in referencing the vehicles in the Autopian staff fleets, you simply passed over Mercedes. Because simply making reference to her fleet is like poking at the abyss and ye might not return safely! ;P

  20. Man, I was there too… you can come back from this, but it’s always there waiting to lure you back in. Was just searching for an XR4ti just last night…

  21. I hear you man. Right now my temptation is one of 2 mercury capri XR2s. One low miles, with hardtop option, for 4k… or a cheaper one that doesn’t fire for 800 bucks. Facebook is an evil temptress with these things.

  22. I’m glad that there’s no interesting cars on FBMP in my area…like ever. I’ve said it before, but south central North Dakota is a desert for good cars, cheap or otherwise. Anything that’s remotely interesting never belongs to a seller who communicates, either.

    1. Craigslist doesn’t show me anything other than spammed dealership ads. I search for “integra” and it shows me a bunch of crossovers and SUVs from boring dealers around the area, like 300+ results. It’s broken and useless now.

      3. I’m guessing that the Craigslist areas with the most active users who actually bother to flag the spam are the most pleasant ones to browse.

        The last few times I looked, Austin, Texas was a pretty good place to browse. The East Coast, not so much. But sometimes it changes over time. It’s odd.

        Browsing Craigslist auto listings feels a little like watching an organism evolve as selfish parties change their tactics and people who want the tool to remain useful fight back. In general, I think the selfish are winning more often lately.

      1. I’m surprised, too, although I haven’t tried contacting the seller. It’s well over a decade newer than any car I’ve owned and the asking price would tie it with the most I’ve ever paid for a car (which was also a grey-market French import), so between those two factors it’s not quite tempting enough for me to pursue. I keep looking at the ad, though.

    2. The regular 406 is just an average sedan, you Americans weren’t missing out on much.
      What you actually want is the 406 *Coupe*, as designed by Pininfarina. They’re 25 years old now. Go on, what are you waiting for, just look at one, they’re fantastic! It’s not like you need that money, not like you need a Peugeot in your life…
      😉

      (A friend of mine had one, but sold it without asking me first. He’s not my friend any more).

  25. Fortunately for me and probably my friends, marketplace no longer works on the mobile chrome browser and says that you have to use the app. I do not have the Facebook App and I will not be getting the Facebook App, so that is that.

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