Four weeks. That’s all the time I have to turn the cars you see in the photo above — two dilapidated late 1960s Chrysler Valiant utes (a “ute” is essentially a pickup version of a car, for those not in the know) — into something that can not only handle a 400 mile drive to the wildest and largest Ute show on earth but also sneak through Australia’s rigorous inspection. If you looked at the image above and thought to yourself “four weeks ain’t enough, Dave,” then you’re preachin’ to the choir. I know, and I’m worried. But also excited. Let’s talk about the task at hand.
I can’t believe I’m just three days from my trip to Australia, a place I’ve only ever seen in my dreams — dreams that have all included the beautiful purr of a Chrysler of Australia-designed “Hemi Six” inline-six engine.
Located in the center of New South Wales near the town of Dubbo sit two absolutely decrepit Chrysler Valiant Utes, one of which I aim to pilot to the Deni Ute Muster, the Burning Man of Australian car shows. If you were to google “Deni Ute Muster,” you’d happen upon videos like the one below, which require you to certify that you’re above the age of 18 to watch. In fact, when I spoke with one of the event’s organizers, she told me: “There are parts of the event that we don’t want the media to see…sometimes our men get a little ‘happy.'” What the hell that means, I don’t know, but I’m both alarmed and fascinated.
I’m not entirely sure how I ended up the owner of two extremely broken cars on a continent I’ve never set foot on. An Autopian reader named Laurence had found me on Instagram during my wild 1958 Willys FC build, and when I bought my 1965 Plymouth Valiant (there was no “Chrysler” Valiant in the U.S.) he reached out to say hello, as he’s a huge fan of the A-body Chrysler vehicles. It turns out, Chrysler Valiants were quite popular in Australia. Per Laurence, when he was younger, there were laws that forbid teens from driving eight-cylinder vehicles, so cars like the Valiant, with its Hemi Six, drew in quite an enthusiast community. Anyway, eventually he sent me a listing for a Valiant Ute, and — since I have very little restraint when it comes to car purchases — I joked with him about buying it on my behalf. He asked if I was serious and I, the mind behind the phrase “Buy First, Think Later,” said “Why the hell not? I’ll figure it out later.” Laurence bought the Kangaroo hunting ute shown on the left below, then a parts Ute a month or two later (on the right), and now it’s officially the “later” that I promised would be accompanied by “think.” So I’m off on Friday to fulfill my end of the deal and begin the thought process.
In fact, I’ve gotten a bit of a jump on that, with the outcome being the realization that the odds are stacked heavily against me, here. Like, heavily.
[Editor’s Note: I like that the ‘should look like’ ute is still pretty beat to shit. – JT]
I fly out on August 26th, and the earliest I can conceivably start working on the cars is the 28th. Even then, I bet I’ll be absolutely exhausted and probably install a distributor 180-degrees off. Hell, that’s a best-case screwup after a 24-hour flight; I’ll be lucky if I don’t drop a starter motor on my head. The Deni Ute Muster shitsho—err, car show, begins on September 30th, giving me 33 days (or just under five weeks) to produce a running, driving, inspected vehicle capable of handling a 400 mile trek from Dubbo to Deniliquin.
That second bit — the “inspected” bit — is the one I’m most concerned about. In the off chance that Laurence and I can turn these rusty hulks into something that can propel itself down the street, we’ve then got to get the local Australian government to sign off on it. I don’t see that happening.
In a way, this project is like a mashup of my 1958 Jeep FC-170 project:
And my diesel manual 1994 Chrysler Voyager project:
I’m basically taking a vehicle in my Jeep’s condition and trying to get it through the rigorous inspection I had to get my much newer, much nicer Chrysler minivan through. What’s more, unlike the two aforementioned projects, this ute undertaking will require me to juggle wrenching with running an entire publication. When was the last time you saw an editor-in-chief of any website fly across the world to wrench on crappy cars for four weeks? Literally never — they’ve got to manage people and make sure that the Jason Torchinskys of the world don’t run amok publishing a bunch of fictional stories about taillight cults. My current plan is to ignore conventional wisdom and just let Jason go ham. What will be left of this website upon my return, I do not know. But of course, I will be around to watch the inevitable blaze as it builds, as my greasy hands will be blogging frequent updates from Down Under.
I really have no idea how I’m going to pull this off, but meticulous planning is going to be step one. Laurence and I (okay, mostly Laurence) have put together a list of parts we’ll need. Here’s a look:
| Part | Source | Price | Notes | Status | Extra Notes |
| Front Suspension | |||||
| Upper control arm bushes | local store | $72 full set | Purchased by DT | ||
| Lower control arm bushes | local store | $72 pair | Purchased by DT?? | ||
| Strut rod bushes | local store | $32 pair | |||
| Ball joints – Upper | local store | $68 pair | Purchased by DT | ||
| Ball joints – Lower | local store | $118 pair | |||
| Tie rod ends | local store | $120 full set | |||
| Pitman Arm | local store | $50 | |||
| Idler Arm | local store | $50 | |||
| Shocks | local store | $365 | All four corners, Gabriel’s. Also on Ebay for about $259/four | ||
| leaf spring bushings | local store | ~$70 | Polyeurethane | Have hanger bushes, just need front eye | |
| Wheel bearings – front | local store | $30 ea | |||
| wheel cylinders – front | Online | $100 pair | Purchased by DT | ||
| wheel cylinders – rear | Ebay | $40 pair | Purchased | ||
| Drum brake spring kit | online | $45 per axle | F & R same kit | Purchased | |
| Brake flexible hoses | online | $120 | Purchased | ||
| Brake master cylinder | Online | $50 USD | Purchased by DT? | DT also acquired distribution block | |
| Tyres | local | ~ $85 ea? | 175/70/R14 – Winrun (better than Losewalk?) | ||
| resurface flywheel | local store | ~$50 | Carton of Great Northern! | ||
| clutch kit | local store | $290 | Inc. throwout bearing | Existing 215 clutch may be okay | |
| Clutch linkage kit | online | **Will check what I have here first** | |||
| shifter bushings | May need to make up from stuff if req. | ||||
| Speedo cable seal | online | $8 | Purchased | ||
| Trans rear output seal | online | $20 | Purchased | ||
| 3-speed man. gasket set | online | $40 | Purchased | ||
| rear brake lenses | online | $200 pair | Purchased | ||
| front indicator lenses | online | $112 pair | Purchased | ||
| radiator | $50 | Big-block radiator, will need testing | Acquired | ||
| radiator hoses | local | $52 set | I have a new CL/CM model upper hose we can use | ||
| water pump | local | $50 | I have some decent used thermostat housings | ||
| Fanbelt | local | $14 | |||
| Universal joints | local store | $32 pair | |||
| motor mounts | local store | $180 | |||
| Trans mount | online | $40 | Purchased | ||
| Fuel pickup screen | online | $25 | Purchased | ||
| Fuel sender seal & lock ring | online | $18 | Purchased | Will need to save original rubber seal and double-up with new seal | |
| Fuel pump | online | $50 | Purchased | ||
| Hemi six gasket set | local | $160 | all excl. rear main seal (I have some if needed) | ||
| Hemi six crank bolt and washer | online | $35 | not installed as stock! | Out of stock, not entirely necessary | |
| Bosch style RE55 voltage regulator | local | $52 | |||
| Rebuild parts for Alternator | online | ~$90 | Brand new Alternator approx $350! | Purchased | My mate Gordo should be able to rebuild it in his sleep! |
| Seatbelts | Ebay | $278-$295 | Either non-Retractable or Retractable lap/sash plus centre lap | DT to check US stocks? | |
| Front windscreen seal | online | $190 | We have two used windscreens to choose from | Purchased | |
| Lock set + keys (ign. and doors) | online | $120 | Purchased |
I don’t think I fully understand the scale of this operation, but when I see the utes in-person that should become clear. Expect one of my patented “Here’s Everything Wrong With” posts on Monday. Gulp. (My biggest concern is that seatbelt line-item. Can I just snag a shoulder belt from a U.S. junkyard? $300 Australian seems like a tidy sum for some nylon and some buckles).
I’m excited to be staying with a total stranger in his spider-infested home in rural Australia; the prospect of Laurence potentially harvesting my organs in a damp, meat hook-and-vinyl-curtain-filled cellar isn’t really my biggest concern, all things considered. That’s because I know deep down that trying to get a functional, legal ute made of those two highly dysfunctional utes to the Ute Muster so I can listen to Brad Paisley sing “Mud On The Tires” over the sound of vomiting, half-naked Australians is going to be borderline impossible. I’m actually sweating a bit just thinking about it.
Top-photo credit: Jan Rogers
I’m so looking forward to this just like the FC updates on the German lighting site. I’m not sure what correlates between U.S. spec Mopars and their Aussie cousins but as a connoisseur/glutton for punishment of rusty muscle era Mopars I’d defininitely include a ballast resistor on the list if they share that electrical gremlin. Also, a ball joint socket, U.S. spec Mopars of the era have the upper ball joint thread into the upper A-arm, having that socket has saved me many an hour of cursing and wrench throwing. Also. I’m assuming gallons of penetrating oil have been pre-positioned at your destination….
As far as the ball joint socket goes, you have to be careful you get the right one as there are actually 2 sizes – the smaller A-body type is the one you need. But when I did mine I made my own giant ring spanner – because the ball joint has 4 sides it is easy to use some 1/4″ plate to make a square box of the right size, welded onto a 4 foot length of tubing as a handle (you need LOTS of leverage!)
That’s right, and if memory serves the later A-body’s also use the larger socket, although don’t take that to the bank, it’s been a while…
I sure hope you’re flying business class. And, if you are cause you guys can afford it, my advice is to upgrade these comment sections so we can add photo’s and edit stuff. Where is THAT money? I thought the B-man had loot????
Have fun, it’s going to be great. Go through Malaysia on your way back, spend a day, and check out the Myvi’s and Protons.
ha! I’m flying coach. With the cattle and chickens.
You have my sympathy.
Everything in Australia is backwards and upside-down. So down there, it’s righty-loosy, left-tighty.
Also, don’t listen to me.
You’re not 100% wrong – early Valiants used left hand thread on the wheel studs on the left side!
My best advice would be to parrot back your own advice to you: Get it running first. And in fact, if it were me, I’d focus on getting the slant six that’s in it running, just in case the Hemi turns out to be a bust. (As I recall, there’s some question about its condition?) The slant six is an engine you’re familiar with. See if you can get that one going, then you know you always have it to fall back on.
And wear eye protection. The last thing you need is a chunk of rust in your eye in the middle of nowhere in an unfamiliar country.
Take the spiders seriously, David. Don’t just jump into an old wreck without doing an inspection.
The locals call one type of common spider there “redbacks”; sounds kinda folksy & cute huh? The cousin of that same spider is known here as a Black Widow… And the Peppa Pig episode “spiders can’t hurt you” was banned in Australia. Yeah, it’s true, check the googles…
Sweet Jesus. It’s true.
So Australia is like Florida, but with upside down gravity and spiders for Florida Men (TM).
Try get to Flynns motor wreckers in Cooma NSW before it closes! Also watch ‘the cars that ate Paris’ on the flight over to get the vibe of outback australia
I love the optimism of the Cluck Linkage line: “**Will check what I have here first**”
We all know what you have here…
Find the largest, most intimidating prisoner and fight to show dominance. Wait. I’m being told Australia has not been a penal colony in some time. Don’t fight anyone.
I’d say order every part you think you might need right now, because you’re really not going to want to be 3 weeks in when you decide to test the supply chain. But you probably know that.
As an Aussie expat I’m very excited to read about these adventures! Man, I’d be tired just flying to Australia after a week of putting on a car show and then attending one of the biggest week-long car shows in the world. I’d need a week to recover from that already, but here you are going to wrench for a month! Thanks for being a cautionary tale for our enjoyment 🙂
And don’t forget the word “bogan” that I taught you at GAS. That’s the Aussie equivalent of a redneck or hick. I suspect the term will come up quite a bit at the Ute Muster.
Bogan is my favorite word to teach people here!
I dated an Aussie while she was on vacation in NY and she used bogan often. I ended up adopting the word for a few months after she left. I might need to start using it again.
Countdown commencing for Torch Unleashed(tm)
Ah yes, the Autopian with no adult supervision!
Wait a minute, that just may be the status quo.
I’m definitely just as excited to see what Torch posts as I am to read the Australian wrenching saga articles. I simply can’t wait for Torch to run amok.
Don’t forget your knife
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rne8pOxGuwM
My advice is to get counselling.
Fellow QLD based Australian chiming in. It is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to get a car on the road up here, trust me, it’s part of my job.
NSW is a hellscape of red tape for vehicle inspections. The above advice is some of the best here, I was coming to make the same comment.
Also, Winruns are absolutely fine as a budget tyre, I’ve burnt through a few sets on my MX-5.
This did not reply to the person I intended it to… My bad.
This was in reply to V8 Fairmont Longroof.
Watching that video, thinking about how you’re going to feel when you have a full-on five week thrash to get the car together…
David, you might legitimately die. If you do get there under your Ute’s power, you are going to be so dadgum wiped out that I don’t know if you’ll survive that level of debauchery.
Sidenote to Torch: Have you prepared the obit yet?
Having met him already David was an engineering nerd in college. Unlike most of us, His liver is not prepared for this despite is Germanic blood. This festival will kill him well before the tetanus does him in,. Godspeed brother
Remember when you flush the toilet, the water spins the opposite direction that you’re used too
I see you’ve played spoony knifey.
Why are my comments not posting?
Of course this is the one that gets through…..
What I was trying to say is that installing a distributor 180 degrees off is probably correct in the upside-down half of the world. Apparently the comment system doesn’t appreciate a good dad joke.
“And that, children, was the legend of David Tracy. After rebuilding every imaginable rusted out Jeep in the United States and miraculously breathing life into a German diesel minivan, he went to the land where everything wants to kill you to try to do the impossible.”
“What happened, Father?”
“Nobody knows, children, for David was never heard from again. Legend has it, though, that if you are awake late at night in the outback, you can hear a voice screaming curses at Walter Chrysler in an incoherent form of English.”
HEAR, not here. Dammit.
I crave an edit button, like an addict craves their next hit.
I got your back. 🙂
This ain’t one body’s story. It’s the story of us all. We got it mouth-to-mouth, so you got to listen it and ‘member, ’cause what you hears today you got to tell the birthed tomorrow. I’m looking behind us now, across the count of time, down the long haul into history back. I sees the end what were the start. It’s Pox-Eclipse, full of pain! And out of it were birthed crackling exhaust and fearsome tyres. It were full-on winter, and Mr. Rust chasing them all. But one he couldn’t catch, that were Captain Tracy. He gathers up some tools, takes to the air and flies the sky! So they left their homes, said bidey-bye to the Jeepers-creepers and what were left of the knowing they left behind. Some say the wind just stoppered. Others reckon it were a gang called Turbulence. And after the wreck some had been jumped by Mr. Rust but David had got the luck, and it leads them here. One look and they’s got the hots for it. They word it “Deni Ute Muster.” And they says, “We don’t need the knowing. We can live here.”
Australia is indeed a great place, half of us in my family are dual US/Aussie. Now one little thing most folks don’t realize, until they are in the thick of it is; Everything imported is painfully expensive. Everything is imported. So silly things, like tools will break the bank. Now on the plus, you can have an excellent Flat White anywhere, even gas stations. The worst coffee in Australia is better than that awful, overpriced swill Starbucks pours down American’s throats. So unless your near a Bunnings (Aussie equivalent of Home Depot, everything is red, vice orange) the tool bag and things like jack stands will astound you in their heirloom pricing structure.
You have already decided to do this stupid impossible thing, so I have no relevant advice.
Get a tetanus booster.
I’m pretty sure David already gets one annually when he gets his flu shot.
The site will be fine. I mean, since you and Jason have, to use that hoary old phrase, “skin in the game” with keeping it a going concern.
I’m looking forward to the Aussie “rego” inspector caught doubled over in laughter at the sight of the ute when it comes in. And calling you a 4 letter word that means something quite different there than here.
When going to backup a car in Australia, fight your reflex and swing your left arm over the passenger seat to look out the back.
Signed, my right elbow after I nearly smashed the driver’s side window with it.
Also, driving with your arms out the window in Australia is illegal so that could have gotten you a ticket 🙂
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Bluey’s dad do it…
como say what, that is a weird law to pass
Ha! I found shifting gears with my left hand to be a surprisingly easy transition, but I was forever turning the wipers on when I meant to signal a turn. It was particularly flummoxing, since turning corners (for me, at least) was when I was apt to also go into the right (i.e., wrong) lane.
Can confirm, windows were wiped at most corners.
Advice? Don’t do it.
It’s Australia, so remember: everything there wants to kill you.
As a result, I’m sure the car does too.
Swing by the Village Bakehouse when you’re in/near Dubbo, get a meat pie. Do this often.
Go to Parkes and visit the telescope.
Oh you meant advice on the utes?
Yes, get your fill of meat pies for sure
Is a meat pie anything like a fur burger? Asking for a friend…(JT)
I was there today….
I would wager you will find your Australian every bit as the Pebble Beach Bunch.
You do still have your organs, no?
I’ve admittedly spent limited time in both Monterey and Australia (especially rural Aus). Yet the two seem about as far apart in White Culture as you can get. But I do still have all of my organs!