If you told me I’d be driving Valtteri Bottas’s car in a few weeks, I’d be freaking out. Not only because I’d be one of the handful of souls to ever drive a Formula 1 car, but because I don’t have the skills or the body to handle it. As it turns out, I will not be driving Bottas’s race car, but his second car. Thankfully for me, it’s an altogether less intimidating Holden ute.
It’s all down to a promotion for Uber CarShare in Australia. Corporate promotions are usually lame and uninspired, but this is a fun one that somehow slipped through the cracks. Uber built Valtteri a truly Australian vehicle, and now he’s renting it out to the public. Sounds expensive, right? Actually, no! “You can rent it for free, because I am very rich already,” says Valtteri in the ad. It’s good to hear he’s doing well.
I saw the ad for this in the mid-afternoon, I chuckled to myself, and moved on with my day. Three hours later, Matt’s on the blower asking if Laurence or I could rent this thing. “Oh shit!” I thought to myself. “Why didn’t I think of that!?” I figured it’d take me a couple of seconds to dial it up on the Uber Carshare app. Thanks to Valtteri’s star power, though, it was a little more complicated.
Meat pie warmer? ✅ Budgie Smuggler clothes line? ✅ Kookaburra horn? ✅
Your first car could NEVER… So we made a second car that could. Purpose built for an Aussie road trip.@Uber_Australia #UberCarShare pic.twitter.com/2AkyvBYYUu
— Valtteri Bottas (@ValtteriBottas) March 20, 2024
Now, if you haven’t been on the Bottas hype boat the last few years, you might find this ad confusing. Here’s the deal. Bottas is in a relationship with Tiffany Cromwell, a South Australian professional cyclist. It’s given him a close connection with the country and he visits regularly. He’s even been to Adelaide, which most F1 drivers have forgotten about since 1995. He’s also adopted the local culture, too. He proudly sports a mullet, dons his budgie smugglers, and he’s even learned to stomach the poisonous local lager known as VB.
In turn, Bottas’s ute is outfitted with lots of uniquely Aussie features. It’s got a bike rack, fishing rod holders, and roof racks, of course. But it’s also got thong storage, a pie warmer, and a shower on the back for washing off at the beach.
I have some suspicions not all of these features will be on the car when I pick it up from Uber Carshare in a few weeks time. It would be hilarious trying to see past the clothesline on the road, for example. Regardless, the prospect of renting a bright blue Holden ute with a vague connection to an F1 driver has me excited. It got me rushing into the app just as Uber intended.
There was just one problem. Valtteri Bottas is a Very Famous Racing Driver as the ad suggests. That means his ute was in high demand right from the get-go.
I fumbled and fussed with the calendar but so many days were already blocked out! Aussies love a ute, especially when it’s free and has a vaguely Finnish connection. I persevered though, and after submitting a few times, I finally got a booking through. The stars had aligned. I would be driving the ute.
This is gonna be good. https://t.co/6x82PMXHKf pic.twitter.com/nQYaAdg7Kq
— Lewin S. Day (@rainbowdefault) March 20, 2024
You might say that this is just a cold-hearted promotional effort and that Bottas has very little to do with it. To that, I say… yeah. You’re right. It’s not really his ute. But that’s him sitting in it, right in the ad! And it’s blue! And it’s fun! You don’t hate fun, do you?
Honestly, I’m gonna trip down to Melbourne, drive around in a bright-ass ute, and have a damn good day doing it. As a car journalist, these are what we call the good days. The ones where you’re not shackled to the laptop and the news cycle. The ones where you’re actually in a car, doing what you do best. This is why we get into this field!
I should state, too, that we’re in no way being paid for this by Uber. We just saw this ad and wanted a piece of the action. Sometimes you gotta let yourself enjoy things!
Next month, you can expect a full review of Bottas’s second car. I’ll be driving it around suburban Melbourne, and maybe even out to the sticks if conditions permit. Most of all, I’m interested to see just what Uber managed to pack into this thing, or if all the goofy features were just for the TV spot. All I can say is I’m genuinely excited and ready to have a right old laugh.
Image credits: Uber Carshare
Bottas is a bright spot in what looks to be a dull F1 season. His car/team sucks, but that’s not stopping him from enjoying life, and his mullet and mustache make me enjoy life just a little bit more too!
Google image search at work.
Pretty sure my network ID just got added to some company watch list.
The rare bird trade is a vile but moneyed industry
All cars in the US have a thong holder, even if it is rarely used, it also doubles as a rear view mirror.
Huehuehue
This seems cool and all, except for the bit about The Autopian doing Uber’s bidding.
Yeah, I get that.
I don’t know who this Valtteri Bottas fellow is.
Never heard of him before.
Based on this brief introduction I can tell he’s got life right in his pocket.
Were I to meet him purchasing a beer in a pub I would happily call out it’s my shout.
He’s definitely in a better place these days. He used to be deadly dull and overly serious when he was trying to beat Lewis Hamilton on a weekly basis.
You kids enjoy it while yous got yer ute.
The two utes?
I’m sorry your honor. The two *youths.*
Aren’t thongs and budgie smugglers basically the same thing? In the US at least?
I think that a budgie smuggler is a racing brief. A thong is a thong. Big difference.
Thongs are flip flips in the land of Oz
In Australia things are footwear (ie flip flops)
I mean, anything is footwear if you try hard enough.
I wonder how many tires this ute will go through being rented for free like this. Personally I’d try and use up all the tread I was given in my time with it.
Oh man if you did a local Melbournian Autopian meetup with this thing, I’d be there before you could say ‘budgie smugglers’.
I’m sure there are, what, three or four of us living here at least? =)
A dozen. Maybe dozens.
A ute-load then!
Depends on how many jump seats are bolted down in the bed of said ute I guess?
That would be hilarious to have a meet up with a crowd of ur-Bottasses
Do ittttt 😀
Hopefully, it isn’t crushed and placed on the front lawn of Parliament due to hooning violation.
This sounds like a good time and I’m looking forward to the article. You should spend some time figuring out silly things to do in/with it. Lean in!
Well, it’s one for the money, two for the show
Three to get ready now go, cat, go
But don’t you set on my blue shade ute
Well you can do anything but stay off of my blue shade ute
You can burn my house, steal my guitar
Drink my liquor from an old fruit-jar
Do anything that you want to do
But uh-uh baby, lay off of my ute
But don’t you set on my blue shade ute
Well you can do anything but lay off of my blue shade ute
Go cat uh
Blue, blue shade ute oh baby
Blue, blue shade ute uh ha
Blue, blue shade ute oh baby
Blue, blue shade ute
You do anything but stay off of my blue shade ute
love it when people make a parody and respect the poetic meter
Meter is my métier.
My meter is meatier.
Can’t wait for the story!! Hopefully you can take it down to Frankston and do a couple of “blockies” Ha ha
“Matt, I’m invoicing you for $200.”
“I thought you said the rental was free?”
“They charged me full price because I got the ute impounded in Dandenong.”
I am sure you will look great in the outfit. #picoritdidnothappen
if it comes with the car I think I’m honor bound to wear it
Even if they’re Valtteri Bottas’ second-hand budgie smugglers, they’re still second-hand budgie smugglers. I don’t think I could do it.
I suppose you could launder them, hang them to dry for a few miles and then sterilize them in the pie warmer, but still…
I think when you are wearing second-hand budgie smugglers you have “hit rock bottom”.