Meet The Unkillable Mini: Tales From A Service Advisor

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It all started about a year and a half ago. As so frequently happens, a Mini showed up in our parking lot. The owner, Kellina, was new to the car, and as far as she knew, the previous owner had put the front of the car into a snowbank. The car had been reassembled somewhat haphazardly and in fairness to the previous owner, they didn’t try to sell it in “good condition.” As it was October, this would have occurred sometime before this little blue car with suspicious ride height came to us. But it was no big deal, as we see cars with new owners and all sorts of backstories all the time. Since the car was new to the owner, we thought it would be wise to do an inspection too; let’s see how much work this “runs and drives but needs some work” car actually needs.

And thus began the journey of a 2004 Mini Cooper that by all logic shouldn’t be alive today. As soon as I took it around to the back lot, I knew something was up. The brief 100-yard journey revealed a cacophony of alarming noises from the steering and suspension, but at least the car was running somewhat. Which is to say it started on the first try and made it the whole way without dying. 

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Photo: via author

The diagnosis from the snowbank misadventure and overall inspection wasn’t pretty. Many Mini Coopers have a radiator core support that seems to be made of the flimsiest plastic it is possible to get away with. I swear, if you merely sneeze too close to the front of the car, the support breaks. We see them frequently destroyed by owners who pull into a parking spot and stop when they feel the front of the car touch the curb. Acceptable behavior in an SUV can be an expensive bill in a Mini, especially if it’s been lowered. Naturally, it didn’t stand a chance against a snowbank. The suspension had also taken a good bit of damage too though if that was from wintery misadventure is anyone’s guess. On top of this it was leaking oil, about half of the steering components were toast, there was no air filter for the engine, and it was showing a few warnings on the dash. (Editor’s Note: Standard Mini stuff, basically. -PG)

This was the kind of car where I need take a moment to prepare before I break the news to the owner. This wasn’t one of those cars that will be fine a thousand dollars later. It also wasn’t a car with a five-figure value. This was a car where the repairs were going to eclipse the value of the car pretty quickly. This was going to take more than the 600-character limit on the text message, Kellina’s preferred form of contact. 

Using my soft and gentle text message typing, I laid the situation out and much to my surprise the answer was to get it lined up for repair. As I soon discovered, this was no ordinary Mini, this was Minnie. 

Minnie had quickly become Kellina’s darling and she was prepared to take the repairs in stride. I like to encourage owners to tell me their car’s name as it makes them more like a beloved pet and in theory, they’ll take better care of it. My own herd consists of Ibisco, Speranza, Lucretia and Death Wedge and my husband has Fishy, Sushi, and Snowball. I quickly found there was zero chance of Minnie being marched the six sad blocks to our local junkyard.

We set it up as a segmented repair, breaking it up into A and B sets; in this case, some quick stuff we could knock out then the bulk of it a couple of weeks later. Splitting up the repairs on cars with a large number of issues is something we do pretty often and helps to reduce the overwhelming feeling of such cases. It’s easy enough to prioritize a drive belt over hood struts for example. We’d rather our technicians have to prop your hood up while replacing that belt than have to fish out forbidden spaghetti while the hood supports itself. 

In time, Minnie got a pile of new power steering parts, her radiator core support, control arms, a new oil filter housing, a new A/C condenser and a couple of other odds and ends. All things seemed to be in order, or at least progressing in that direction.

Then Minnie made it about two months before she was back. 

Some of it was just bits held off from the original list, the “C” group. More pressing was a new check engine light and a new oil leak. Something had hit under the car, smacking the oil pan and radiator, causing the fan to work overtime and be much louder than normal. The CEL was just a good ol’ fashioned cam position sensor. For once it felt nice to write up a diagnosis that seemed oddly normal. Once again, Minnie spent a couple of days on the rack being revived from a state that a lesser owner would have sent her to the junkyard for. 

We thought Minnie was all patched up and would behave herself, but as it turned out, Minnie had other plans. Every month or two Kellina would report something new. A door handle that stopped working, an intermittent headlight problem, another check engine light for oxygen sensors, an old aftermarket coolant expansion tank that no longer sealed well, a failing high-pressure fuel pump, a dead alternator. 

Kellina Front End
Photo: via author

Bit by bit, we fixed her up. All the while Kellina started to get to know us more, bringing in doughnuts and breakfast burritos now and then. If you want a shop to become your friend, just bring us food. We’re simple folk and we enjoy a good sprinkle doughnut. On one occasion she even brought in a box of Ritz crackers for us to “feed” Minnie. On the one hand, we love Kellina, on the other we were starting to get a little nervous every time a blue R53 Mini pulled up out front, even when it was a completely different car. That poor Mini just had no intentions of behaving like a normal car. 

Mid-summer, I got a dreaded text. Minnie had been minding her business in the Red Lobster parking lot when a big, mean pickup had smacked into her. Kellina had tried to drive her home thinking the damage was superficial but quickly found she wasn’t going to make it the whole way.  Minnie showed up the next morning on a flatbed with a flat tire, broken side marker light and a cracked bumper as the visible damage, but underneath, we found that a coilover and axle were toast. 

At least this was a good excuse to get rid of those poor-quality coilovers; this was just when Pro-Struts had become available for early modern Minis. The little car that refused to stop having problems would make a perfect test candidate as we knew she would probably be back in a month or two and we could get feedback on this new style of part. It was agreed that we would try these new spring, strut and strut mount assemblies on all four corners. And with that success we felt comfortable putting them on several others since then. Minnie proved to be an outstanding guinea pig and about a dozen other first and second-generation Minis have left the shop with significantly more affordable suspension repairs thanks to her.

By now Minnie was finally starting to behave at least a little bit. She had gone long enough without a major engine repair that she finally started qualifying for normal maintenance. After nearly a year she’d finally pulled off six thousand miles to earn herself a normal oil service. Her inspection didn’t even reveal any new catastrophes, just a valve cover seep that had progressed to a fairly common leak. It was a relief to finally see a “regular” sort of issue that happens to many Minis that have reached their 18th birthday. 

At first four weeks passed. Then another four. Our texts remained oddly quiet. Could it be that this Mini—which by now was built from probably about 30 percent replacement parts—could finally be sorted? Of course not! Shortly before Thanksgiving, Minnie developed a washer sprayer problem and an awful noise from the radiator fan. Not satisfied with a mere handful of new parts, she chose to come home for Christmas as well. Somehow through all of this, her battery had been alright until it finally fell victim to a cold snap. Somehow, she ate her brand new alternator as well. We don’t have to warranty too many parts, but if ever there was a car that would have the bad luck to get the one that slipped through quality control, of course, it would be Minnie.

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Minnie and her owner. Photo: via author

As I write this in the spring, Minnie has been out in the wild and apparently behaving herself for nearly three months. A couple of times I’ve looked up from my desk and seen a flash of blue go by with Minnie and Mickey decals on the side and a white polka dot wrap on the spoiler. But the light blue Mini Cooper that should have been declared dead about three or four times over by now hasn’t turned into our parking lot. 

Now, of course, by writing this I’ll probably get a text tomorrow that an alligator somehow escaped the zoo and sank its teeth into a radiator hose or something, but it’s ok, Minnie is probably close to due for her next oil service and she’ll only be up to about 32 percent new parts.

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110 thoughts on “Meet The Unkillable Mini: Tales From A Service Advisor”

  2. I love the car name part. My 2015 Fit EX is Elroy after the Jetsons. Like Kellina, I hope to keep it until I stop driving, then donate it to Honda.

  3. My wife likes car names she wanted a name for her Subaru Impreza I looked at the license plate, the letters are BHNY, so “Bunny” I said and it stuck.
    I don’t have names for my bikes other than “the bike”, but my Mexican made Ford Fiesta is named “Siesta”. (-;

    1. I write them as they pop into my head, but I also have to juggle writing and editing them while actually doing the job that gives me things to write about. Glad you enjoyed it!

  5. As someone suffering from the same sickness, I absolutely understand. There’s not an equivalent car to those first gen MINIs, the tight steering, raw connection to the wheels, and nimble handling. I’ve owned 6 R52-R53 Coopers, and though stuff does break, its typically nothing that leaves you stranded.

    That Brazilian made Chrysler Tritec motor is surprisingly durable and high revving, capable of going 300k+ miles, easily. Sure, the oil pan/rear main/crank position sensor all seep oil, and yes, the supercharger is likely bone dry. Of course the dual mass clutch takes 11 hours to replace, scaring most shops from even taking on the job in the first place.. Once you replace all the front end bushings and crumbling hoses, and dry gaskets, it’ll go another 200k miles no problem.

    EDIT: Auto/CVT are made of glass, avoid at all costs and get the 5/6-speed MT.

  7. I’m curious if the newer MINIs are better or my wife is just lucky. She has a ’19 Cooper S ‘vert 6MT, bought new. It has not had one single problem in 26k miles.

    2. Current Mini owner and former GTI owner here. The VW lasted 10 months before I traded that POS in. We’ve had our Mini going on 6 years.

      Her name is Sota, because we bought her in Minnesota. Mini-sota!

  10. My folks used to name their cars, so I’m familiar with the practice but have never done it myself. The other day, however, my partner proposed naming the van CARDIS because it’s a blue box that travels through time and space.

    I dunno how serious she was, but it elicited enough of a groan from our teenager that I think we are obligated

  11. Go Minnie, Go!

    Love my Mini Paceman, even though it currently needs a turbo, clutch, and rear struts. Mini people are weird, we deal with the pain and suffering of BMW parts for the sheer pleasure that comes when they decide to all work. I truly get where she’s coming from, once you modify a Mini and make it yours, it’s hard to let go.

  12. I’ve rolled the dice on some real junkers, but have never had the nerve to take on a MINI. They’re notorious for being among the worst out there these days, outside of perhaps of a 16+yr old S-Class or 7 Series.

    Bravo to this brave soul!

    3. loved (driving) my second-hand r50 for six years, but i’m a tightwad, and the constant awareness of the potential repair costs finally outweighed the enjoyment the car provided. Of course i replaced with a fiat 500, which actually stranded me once, which the mini never did.

  14. I worked at a BMW shop that also worked on Minis for a while, and this sounds pretty typical. Mini owners seem to really love their cars despite them being pretty awful to maintain. We had a lot of customers with the base naturally-aspirated automatic R56 Minis, and they had no qualms about dumping thousands into cars that were worth a few thousand on a good day. From a mechanic’s perspective, those cars were moderately awful to work on, with the serpentine belt/water pump pulley replacement being way more of a pain than it should be, to the dreaded coolant pipe on the back of the engine, ugh.

    1. I’ve heard the clutch is an absolute b*tch. My local shop told me a fairly common failure was the fan used to cool the power steering pump (I think) would fail or catch a plastic bag, causing the pump to fail. (Me:”you’d think this massive oil leak would keep it cool”) They were not particularly complimentary about the cars.

      1. yeah, i bought mine with a broken ps pump fan, and never had it repaired. I drove it for 6 yrs, 97K miles, but it had 70K miles when i bought it, and i don’t know how early the fan died.

        1. tho the clutch did go at 130K, it wasn’t that bad. Single-mass flywheel was machinable. i hear the double-mass ones that came in the next model year had to be replaced rather than machined

    2. Huge difference between R50/R53 and R56, the latter were oil starved grenades waiting for some chump to come along. The 02-06 were pretty reliable.

      1. Indeed, we saw comparatively few R53’s in the shop compared to the sheer amount of R56 and newer Minis. The vast majority of issues we dealt with on the R53’s were usually due to the owners modifying them heavily (the supercharged ones).

  15. Stories like this make me wish I’d kept Faith fixed up. ’07 Ion quad coupe with close to 220k miles, needed about $4k in engine work if she’d hope to pass inspection. Ended up putting that money on a Volt down payment and I’m more than happy with Archangel, but… I still miss Faith sometimes.

    1. my daughter had a 2007 Ion quad coupe. Only had 60k miles in 11 years of use. Transmission ate itself. Not sure I’d lament Faith too much

  16. As the stubborn owner of a 2006 Mini Cooper S, I can agree these cars are “unkillable” — but only if you have unlimited funds and don’t care if it’s in the shop half the time. Is that what unkillable means here?

    1. Basically yes. Kellina is willing to put up with pretty much anything Minnie throws at her. The picture at the bottom of the post should be in the dictionary next to “dedication.”

  17. That’s how I feel with my winter beater, I put so much money into that thing, I already spent over the value of the vehicle but I know what is wrong, what I fixed so far and the car its been pretty reliable. I am delaying as much as I can to fix the steering rack since its leaking but I am 100% that I-6 atlas engine will survive me and one of my kids

  18. One of my good friends used to be a service advisor for one of the bigger Mini dealers in the US. One thing that keeps these cars on the roads is that their owners are fanatics and will do anything to keep them going. They have a strange attachment to them, and I don’t blame them for it. We are all enthusiasts, right?

      1. Please be temperate on even slightly damp roads. A buddy of mine kind of ‘budded’ bits of glass from his forehead for several years after driving his home road just after dewfall. -And he wasn’t speeding:he knew better.

        1. I have a Lancia Scorpion too, which is just a fancy X1/9 with worse brakes. I also have a Life Flight membership since clearly have zero sense of self preservation

        1. Nah, I primarily play with Italian toys in my off hours. I did see a TR7 on the road the other day and was favorably impressed with the whole moving under its own power thing.

      3. What are the odds, my neighbour had one until a few years ago.

        He gave it up when Parkinson’s reared it ugly head.

        Funny thing, he walks about 5km a day (with his walker!), putting on more mileage than the Fiat was getting at the end.

  21. I named my first modern MINI, it was the same color as Minnie – Electric Blue – and it was an over-optioned 2003 Cooper S JCW, but it was fast and handled well so it became the Blue Meanie. Haven’t named another one since, even tho one of my car loving friends keeps after me to do it, especially with my classics. But they are simply referred to as my blue car, green car or red car. My current classic build is being called the hot rod for now….that’s as close as I get to naming them anymore.

  22. Cutesy names like “Minnie”? No. But currently the fleet is the Limo (2018 Acura TLX), the Great Pumpkin (2021 Bronco Badlands in Cyber Orange), and the latest addition, the Red Sled (2018 Porsche Cayman).

    2. I had an old Volvo with a persistent vapor lock issue that we often referred to as “you asshole”, does that count as a name?

      1. That’s fantastic. Reminds me of the Terry Pratchett book Pyramids, in which the camels were all named things like You Bastard and Evil-Smelling Bugger.

  23. My family named our cars. I did my license test in a 74 Super Beetle named Minnie, and put the first 500 miles on a white Rabbit called Alice. I did name my first vehicle Rocinante after Steinbeck’s camper. ‘Rosy’ is a surprisingly satisfying appellation when cursing a slow VW Westfalia. Haven’t named one since: imo, names should just come to mind naturally. They know who I’m talking to when I tell them, “Listen, now; you will blanking GO up this blanking hill, or I will pull the blanking tags and blanking walk the blank home, you blanking piece of blank!”

    Maybe I should just call them all Blank?

    1. You just made me realize that my mom and dad used to name their cars during my childhood, but the practice ended with my mom’s 1974 Super Beetle (bought used in 1977). Although she did come up with some choice nicknames one time when the gas line separated while we were going through a major intersection…

  25. she’ll only be up to about 32 percent new parts.

    The Mini of Theseus! 🙂

    For some reason I have never had the urge to name a car or a motorcycle. Hmm.

    1. Same. It doesn’t bother me if other people do it, I just don’t have it in me. I even spent some time thinking about it once because I had a friend who’s family seemed to have such a good time with it but nothing ever felt right.

    3. Are you male? That’s probably your answer. While possibly chauvinistic, it is my firm belief that females are much more likely to name a car.

      1. My evidence is purely anecdotal, but it does seem more of our female customers name their cars. There certainly are plenty of men who name them as well, but the majority seems to be women.

      1. My previous car was a grey 2007 Ford Freestar that my late wife had named “Vandalf the Grey”

        After a crash last September, I replaced it with a white 2015 Dodge Grand Caravan, and so named it the only thing that I could: “Vandalf the White.”

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