Morning Wood, Hatchback Edition: Cold Start

Cs Woodhatch Top
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There was a strange and fairly short-lived trend in the late 1970s and early 1980s where fake woodgrain appliqués got a little resurgence of popularity, but this time on a new canvas: econoboxes. Yes, once if you wanted to roll around in a vehicle slathered in decals that were designed to look like slabs of tree-meat, you were pretty much limited to a large station wagon (with a few exceptions); but, finally, there was an option for more frugal-minded buyers to enjoy the warm organic goodness of fake wood, and it was embraced pretty widely. Let’s take a look at three examples of this exciting trend that allowed me to use that juvenile headline!

It’s probably worth taking a moment to consider why this was a thing, because, objectively, it’s pretty odd. It’s a uniquely American affectation to, I think, with the woody magic generally happening at the dealer level. The overall look comes, of course, from very early station wagon bodies that were genuinely built from wood, a trend that continued into the 1940s or so.

When almost all station wagons were made with steel bodies by the 1950s, the nostalgia for the old woody wagons was still strong, so most American station wagons offered some sort of faux woodgrain option, and this continued even into the 1990s, when minivans like the Chrysler Town and Country held onto the tradition.

There was an association with the fake woodgrain that meant, I think, honesty and family and tradition and a certain sort of status, perhaps something that people associated with rich people in cable-knit sweaters going antiquing, or something. I’m not entirely clear. But it was A Thing, and by applying it (literally) to little cheap hatchbacks, maybe some of the cheapness could be disguised.

Like on this Dodge Omni:

Cs Woodhatch Omni2

This ad definitely plays on the genteel antiquing cliché, as that hatch is crammed full of antique things, including a creepy old doll head peering menacingly over the rear lip. There’s some dead Victorian kid’s ghost in there for sure.

Cs Woodhatch Omni

There was also an outdoorsy angle to play up with the fake wood, since real wood can be found, you know, in the woods. And the wood maybe made the car look a bit like a cabin, at home out there in the woods. I do have to say, with the canoe on the roof, this little Omni looks pretty great.

Also, look at all the denim on that man! it’s like a denim spacesuit.

Cs Woodhatch Chevette

GM was a master at applying wood decals to cars, and they didn’t leave out their humblest car, the Chevette. The Chevette’s defining characteristic was that it was cheap, dirt cheap, and maybe a little archaic with its RWD drivetrain in an era of the rise of FWD.

Cs Woodhatch Chev2

But maybe somehow the woody veneer managed to hide the cheapness of the car, and add a little bit of console-television class to the machine. At least for the couple years it had before that wood started to fade and peel and look like a nasty skin infection.

Cs Woodhatch Vwstand

The only non-American example I have for you today – though there were others, as I have a vivid image of a Mazda GLC wearing wood decals in my head – is the Volkswagen Rabbit, which had a dealer-installed woodgrain option. These were pretty uncommon, but VW was excited enough about it that a woody Rabbit was seen at the Chicago Auto Show in 1978, as you can see up there.

Cs Woodhatch Rabbit2

I feel like I’ve seen one of these on the road once or twice? The Chevettes and Omni woodys I think were lots more common.

Also, it’s worth noting that shades of yellow seemed to be the preferred color for hatchback woodys. And I think that’s an excellent choice.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind seeing a resurgence of wood-sided cars. I bet they could do some amazing-looking stuff with sustainable bamboo on the sides of a modern Tesla or Hyundai or whatever. The new Wagoneer definitely should have had a wood option, too. 

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Mercedes Streeter

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78 thoughts on “Morning Wood, Hatchback Edition: Cold Start”

  1. I think you should stick to tail lights. You have already carved out that niche. Branching off into these splinter topics just makes you come off like a pulp writer.

  2. Spent a couple of days peeling and sanding off faux woodgrain from a ford or mercury full size wagon of 60’s or 70’s vintage that the owner wanted repainted. That stuff is tough. Used a propane torch, scrapers, buzzers and ultimately a grinder with 20 grit for parts of it. Cleanup and prep fixing the gouges was just as bad. That was the one and only time I would do that.

  3. “decals that were designed to look like slabs of tree-meat”

    I am standing and applauding! Most apt description. Ever.

    Has anyone ever seen a wrap applied to look like wood grain?
    Asking for a friend

    1. Partially, yes. I used to attend a lot of VW shows and I have seen some hoods and trunk lids covered in wood patterned vinyl, this was in the late 90s/early 2000s. Never the whole vehicle though

  4. I also remember a lot of Pinto wagons having the faux woodgrain treatment back in the day. Ours didn’t, but the Plymouth Voyager minivan we got later sure did.

        1. Oh I have experience on that front too.

          OTOH one of the more popular kids at my school drove a Pinto Cruising Wagon. So there’s that.

  7. This was the moment when everything, and I mean everything, had to be covered in fake woodgrain – refrigerators, toasters, microwave ovens, coffee makers, video game consoles, window air conditioners, basement walls, even some personal computers

    Whether it looked at all real or not wasn’t the point, people just liked the pattern and color for what it was, I think there might not have even been any thought of pretending it actually looked like wood

    Sort of the same thing going on now with “luxury vinyl plank” wood-look floors – no real hard wood floors are all bleached out grey like driftwood, but people like the color and pattern regardless of whether it’s at all convincing as the real thing it’s supposed to be duplicating

      1. Yeah, it is, and a lot of it is also just easily scratchable plastic made to look like stainless steel, same thing happened with the brushed aluminum fad around the turn of this century

      2. I’ve got a Cybertruck parked in my neighborhood now, and every time I see it from down the street all I think is “refrigerator.” From the side it looks like a weird video game thing, but from the first time seeing it end-on, the fridge association was made and will never leave.

        I am currently fighting a strong urge to have stickers of Kitchenaid and Whirlpool logos made and slap them on the front and back.

    2. This is true! Our first Atari 2600 had the wood grain treatment. Same with the plastic holder we got for it and all of the games.

  8. When I was a kid, we had a green 1972 Country Squire. One thing I learned: dark green + wood grain = suburban camouflage. It’s a wonderful we didn’t get wrecked in that thing.

  10. I had no idea Tom Jones enjoyed canoeing, denim and a woody Omni.

    Do you know what would be a cool take on the wood paneling? The Japanese metalworking technique mokume-gane.

    1. I for one found the title to be a little flaccid for my humor this morning. Would have preferred it to stiffen up my mood a bit.

  12. Drive your 3-row Buick Estate wagon to drop off your kid at school. Stick your head out the window and yell “I’m at the high school with a giant woody!” Your kid will roll their eyes so far back that they snap their retinas while the other parents mentally add you to the agenda for the next PTA meeting.

  13. Should econobox-woody hatchbacks be surprising? Just in your selection of ads , the companies are clearly positioning them as more fuel-efficient substitutes for the traditional station wagon (i imagine the idea as, “90% of the everyday usage, 50% the cost”, which sounds like an argument for electric city cars today.)

    And the Chrysler minivans sought the same image parallel with wagons, though in that case, the practicality of the shape took centerstage instead of parsimony.

  14. I’m reminded of a “Plugger” cartoon panel of which the caption was “A Plugger goes to the Auto Show to see what he’ll be driving in ten years”

    Also – I had a Woody. A Morris Minor Traveller. I was perpetually worried that the wood was going to get damaged by moisture, even though it was properly treated. I sold it after not too long.

  15. I spent my formative years driving my parents Buick Electra Estate Wagon with the fake wood paneling.

    I didn’t think much about the wood wrap back then. But I loved the wire hub caps. Those were a nice touch. I used to spend days of my summer polishing that chrome and the chrome rocker panel covers and rest of the trim.

  16. Are there any current vehicles that would look even okay with wood paneling, new Wagoneer included? I suppose the more angular designs might work, but there’s still so much rounded-off bulginess in modern vehicle design that just doesn’t look right. I don’t even really think the PT Cruiser could pull it off.

    On the other hand, a comment above (below? I’m not sure how these comments sort) me mentioned a Honda Element, and I could see that working, sure.

    1. Tangentially related, I wonder if any “small” or medium pickups (e.g., Maverick, Ranger, R1T) could pull off the dual-tone look of the ’70s/’80s. I know that the gigantic brodozers wouldn’t, they’re too busy looking like they’re trying to pick a fight and, if they could talk, they’d say it makes them look gay.

        1. Huh, maybe it’s regional?, because I haven’t seen a single one here in NE Ohio. The examples you gave aren’t bad at all, the Chevy’s actually pretty good.

    2. Yeah, you need slab sides to really pull off the woody look. Old wagons and minivans had slabs on almost every surface. It wouldn’t look right following the contours most modern cars have, unless you made it like a body kit to flatten out the panels. Even then it would still look weird when you had to make cutouts for pointy headlights housings that wrap around into the front fender. Old school recessed lights give you the perfect cutoff point for the wood.

  17. There is a new silver Wagoneer near me that has wood grain vinyl decals the full length of both sides. It doesn’t look great, but arguably the new Wagoneer is ugly on it’s own.

    We had a late 70’s Wagoneer with the 401 cu in. V8. It was originally silver with wood grain, it looked much better than the new Wagoneer with wood grain. After being hit while parked on the shoulder of the road the wood grain was removed.

    1. I just commented that I’m not sure many modern vehicles could pull it off, but I did allude to your mention of the Element, I agree. Maybe the Rivian too, not really sure. If an R3X could pull it off, it’d be amazing. It could be the AMC Eagle SX4 for the ’80s/’90s kids who wanted one but would have no luck in finding a good example nowadays.

    2. I own a 1991 Jeep Grand Wagoneer, in dark green with the factory wood grain.

      Ever since the Rivian R1S was first shown in that dark green, I realized that it’s by far the closest thing to my old Wagoneer.
      I’ve seen mock ups of them with wood grain and it looked great!

      1. Yes – the Town and Country LeBaron Convertible – the rest were the expected wagons and minivans.

        In ’67-’69 we had the Chrysler Newport Coupe and Convertible, as well as the Mercury Park Lane and Monterey Coupe and Convertibles.

        Then in the mid 70’s we could get El Caminos and Chevy Squarebody trucks as woodies too.

        1. The lot of them were meh imo. The original woodies were cool. My parents had the K car convertible in white with faux wood trim. Thing was a wheezing mess as a lot of stuff was in the 80s.

    1. It probably was that weird neighbor kid behind the Omni on the far right of the wider shot, acting out because his parents are always too busy yelling at each other to do laundry so he doesn’t have to wear whatever the hell that court jester-looking outfit is.

        1. Thanks for clarifying that. The smile on that kid’s face does look like he’s either very comfortable with the idea of ethnic cleansing or harboring enough resentment to commit a pretty gruesome act of revenge for it.

  23. My spouse’s father had a PT Cruiser with faux-wood paneling. He called it his “big woody”, much to the chagrin of my spouse.

  24. With the proliferation of vinyl wraps, which honestly would have held up better than 70-80-90’s-anything-Detroit, I’m surprised it’s not still a thing.

    1. I briefly thought about doing it on my Impreza but it was more than I was willing to spend. I figured it was already 2 toned after I smacked up the front end, might as well go full beater.

    2. I was just contemplating that photo. A Scirocco, a woody-fied Rabbit, a Beetle and a Dasher. Can’t say they didn’t have a diverse lineup.

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