Happy Friday, Autopians! We’ve survived another one, and to celebrate, we’re looking back at the week that was, and I’ve got a little scenario for you to help you choose between them. Don’t worry; it’s an easy one. But first, let’s see which van you ended up with yesterday:
It’s the incorrectly-spelled GMC by a country mile. Or country kilometer, I suppose, since it’s in Canada. (Can’t believe I got the spelling wrong; I hope you’ll all forgive me.) But that makes two serious smackdowns on old VWs this week. What did Das Auto ever do to you guys?
In any event, we have our four winners, and now you have to choose between them. But there’s one thing I forgot to mention about all four of these vehicles: they all have a tape stuck in the tape deck. By a bizarre coincidence, it’s the same tape stuck in all four cars: the 1997 album It Means Everything by ska-revival band Save Ferris, featuring their hit “Goodbye.” Also by a strange coincidence, each of these cars is about a hundred miles away from wherever you are. The album clocks in at 34 minutes and 43 seconds. What that means is, depending on how fast you drive, you’ll hear the whole thing at least twice, maybe three times, on the way home.
So what you need to decide is, which one of these vehicles do you like well enough to hear the same songs over and over again on the drive home? If you’re a ska fan like I am, this might not be a hardship: all you have to do is choose which car best fits the mood of that music. If not, you can always turn the stereo off – but then you’re subjected to whatever squeaks and rattles and other funny noises the car makes for a hundred miles.
To help you make an informed decision, here’s a quick recap:
2004 Ford Mustang convertible
Pros: Stickshift, convertible, mechanically simple
Cons: Unknown provenance, has lived a hard life
Straight from the mean streets of Brooklyn comes this scrappy New Edge Mustang convertible. It’s got the small engine, but the good transmission, and if you want more power, it’s just a few bolt-ons away. We know virtually nothing about this car’s mechanical condition–the ad is like five words long–but these cars are a known quantity, and generally have a good reputation for reliability and durability. And believe it or not, some of us actually like the styling of them.
It is a convertible, which means it also has crappy rearward visibility with the top up, the potential for water leaks, cowl shake when the top is down, and not much in the way of security from break-ins. And that’s if the top goes up at all, which we can’t be sure of; all the photos in the ad show it down. But for all that, it’s also still a stickshift pony car, and those are always fun.
1975 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham
Pros: Presence, cool factor, general condition
Cons: Questionable appearance mods, hard to park, gas hog
Feel the need for something a little bigger, a little more sinister? We’ve got you covered. This big black Cadillac beat out a rusty yellow Lincoln by about four to one. It’s got eight slappin’ pistons under its hood, and room for five of your friends to spread out and ride in luxury. That big 500 may not make a ton of power, but it’s got torque for days, and I bet it makes a glorious sound through those dual exhausts.
The original vinyl top has been removed and the roof coated in liquid bedliner, a strange move to say the least. The seller argues that it’s to protect against future rust issues, but if that’s the case, why not use it as a base layer and re-vinyl over it? The black steelies and beauty rings are a better visual change, giving it a bit of hot-rod flair, and at least the interior looks like a nice place to be.
1985 Mercedes-Benz 300CD
Pros: stylish, comfortable, should run until the end of time
Cons: no AC, heat stuck on, water leaks into interior, lots of other little things that need fixing
It’s amazing what taking away two doors will do to a car’s styling. The regular Mercedes W123 sedan is a handsome car, but this two-door hardtop coupe variant is downright sexy. It’s a car you’d be proud to be seen in, especially now that it has rounded the corner from “old” to “classic.” The fact that it’s generally reliable and durable is just a bonus.
Of course, before you let anyone see you in this particular old Benz coupe, you might want to fix the climate controls and the (probably) clogged sunroof drains. Right now it’s a hot, swampy mess in there. Oh, and only two of the four windows roll down at the moment. Best to drive this one straight home and right into the garage, and start tinkering.
1998 GMC Savana
Pros: low miles, tough as nails, blank slate
Cons: wheelchair lift (a con if you don’t want it), possible transmission issues, van stigma
Yesterday, this GMC Savana (with one N) beat the stuffing out of an old VW diesel T4, which surprised me a little. I figured that vote would be much closer. Maybe it was because of the rust on the VW. You really can’t go wrong with a full-size GM van anyway. This thing has like six moving parts, and all of them are available cheap from anywhere. And this one has the 4.3 liter V6, so it might not be a total pig on gas, either.
But there’s a downside to van life, and it comes up every time I post vans for sale. The “Free Candy” jokes were flying thick and fast yesterday, and I think I saw the phrase “down by the river” more than once. Vans carry more baggage than just what fits in the back, which is a shame, because they remain just about the most versatile and useful vehicles of all time.
So there you have your four contenders. The choice is yours, but keep in mind, you have a long drive home in whatever you choose, with only a brassy horn section, a bouncing ska beat, and Monique Powell’s sultry vocals to keep you company. Or you can turn the radio off and listen to the highway drone, if you’re the sort of person who hates fun. Choose wisely.
Bonus question:
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
The Benz is going to smell bad forever. When the sun finally winks out, a moldy stink will still be rising from that footwell. Van.
I think I’d take the Benz, radio off, drop the windows and listen as we don’t get nasty buffeting because no B pillar.
Call me the Candyman because I pick the candy van. It is the vest survivor and still capable of doing van things. And what is so wrong about a little one room place down by the river? It’s also a lot cheaper camper option than Mercedes funds but not as pretty.
As an aside to the album on repeat question, I once drove from Las Vegas to Cincinnati, non-stop, solo. 31 hours straight. After hitting OKC at the 17 hour mark, I had only one cassette that would keep me awake – a 90 minute Devo mix tape. I listened to that mix tape for 14 hours straight in an ’84 Mazda 626 coupe.
I still have the tape.
Oh, to be young, resilient and stupid again.
I bet you were “through being cool” after that…
More like “jerkin’ back ‘n’ forth”…
The Caddy for me. The 500CID V8 is a novelty item unto itself. And I like the appearance mods and that plush interior.
The Benz, it will always get you there.
And older ones are really pretty easy to work on, fix the AC, clean the drains and spend a few nights detailing it and you’ve got a great car that might outlast this country.
Mustang. Put the top down and there will be so much buffeting I won’t hear a thing from the stereo.
Not sure what the mothercrapper “Save Ferris” is either,and I don’t bother to look it up,but sure what the hell,I’ll play.
I would maybe prefer the Mercedes, bit it’s just got to many issues. The cadillac though should be smooth and quiet all the way home. I guess the van would be nice to sleep in if necessary, but I do not want it and the mustang may be a fun car for a while, but I don’t trust the history of it enough to drive the thing for any distance really,let alone every day.
I was going to pick the Mustang to drown out the radio with wind noise until I saw I had the option to leave the stereo off. I’ll take the Caddy and listen to podcasts with one earbud in, like I already do in my truck.
The heater and moisture issues kill the mood for the Merc.
If it’s an hour of backroads, it’s Mustang for me.
If it’s highway, the Caddy would fit the mood and music.
Note: An hour is not a long drive, but fits this scenario well-enough.
Interestingly, my patience for driving has really only gotten more forgiving after moving to The Big City. Being a rural kid and having everything a zillion miles away is a much different experience from having everything being a few miles away, but taking just as long to get to.
Yep! I’d much rather drive longer distances but keep moving versus stop and go traffic. When I was commuting 45 min, I would take the 50 min route that was more reliable than the 45 minute route that would back up at least once a week.
Blackjack Cadillac here. Not many left in any sort of condition anymore. That era is also Peak Brougham and GM was the ruler of that era. Sink into those couches masquerading as car seats, hook a pinkie through the steering wheel to guide this barge and let that torque monster V8 waft you down the road.
Plans on getting it home: fix the roof and unleash the ponies hidden in that V8. Better brakes and tires too since stopping is of more importance than going.
Y’all voted for so many of the wrong cars all week, SMH. Anyway, the two I dislike the least are the Caddy and the Benz, and I think I’m picking Benz here. Let me explain using Sir Mix-A-Lot songs.
This is the vibe I get from that questionably modified Caddy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIPr4UyiZGE
Bedliner, really? I’m still not over that part. That’s a straight-up hooptie “fix.” That’s a fix you only resort to if you’re keeping it between a deer stand and a meth lab somewhere outside College Station. Hooptie as hell.
Meanwhile, in the Benz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGaN-qBJAjo
It’s not a super-pimpin’ model, and it’s got its own problems, but those old Benzos have presence.
(And that presence hasn’t been ruined by some bedliner-happy hick!!!)
Sadly, you have to balance the presence of that W123 with the likely presence of mold and mildew inside. It only lived to fight on Friday because it went up against a sloppily rebuilt econobox earlier in the week. I think the scruffy Caddy is likely to treat you better once you get past its “My family tree has no branches” presentation.
Ehhh, I still don’t trust what’s under that sub-Maaco-grade exterior.
Gimme the possible Mildew-Benz.
The Mustang is my roadrunner, with the RADIO ON!
I ain’t driving around in Joe Stalin’s Cadillac.
It really depends on the use. City driver, mustang, crap mover GMC.
To me the overall pick is the Benz.
What did VW do? All I can say is friends don’t recommend VMs to friends.
If the Benz was in slightly better shape, I’d go with that.
But for me it’s the Caddy. Enjoy it until you don’t, then take the 500cuin V8 out of it and shove it in to something else awesome that is still pre-smog. They had extremely durable parts on those V8’s (high nickel blocks, no coolant through the manifold, cast cranks that can take shots of nitrous and/or boost, etc..) and in my opinion is a very underrated V8 design for the era.
I’ve always wanted to shove one of these in something cool, interesting, or at least absurd. Like when Hot Rod magazine put one in a chevette!
I think it would be awesome to put one in a 70’s volvo, GM squarebody, etc..
I still don’t believe that Cadi is rust free.
0% chance of it, IMHO.
SO MANY RED FLAGS (and most of them are visual modifications)
I had a tough 3 way choice between the Caddy, the Van, and the Benz. I ultimately went with the Caddy because of its solid condition and mechanical robustness. The W123 is more desirable, but this one has too many little things wrong. The van could have won in a photo finish if not for the transmission shifting hard. So I’ll cruise in comfort and guzzle gas in an old school Caddy that honestly isn’t far behind the W123 in terms of durability. Build quality is very much in the Benz’s favor, but the Caddy will keep ambling along for decades to come if you can afford to feed it.
It was a close one between the Caddy and the Benz for me. Since we can’t remove the stuck tape, I’m also going to assume we can’t fix the cars any before driving them. It’s too damn warm around here for me to even think about driving with the heater stuck on, so it’s the Caddy.
I’ve seen Save Ferris open up for the Bosstones and have a few of their CDs. I think I can take the song on repeat. I’m going with the Mustang just for the fun potential compared to the other choices.
I know it’s gonna lose, but VanLife4Life.
If I’m listening to Ska then I gotta go with the Caddy. It just looks like the sort of car a ska band would tour in. I mean, it looks more like an Op Ivy car than a Save Ferris car but it is what it is.
This is The Way. Had it been any other band, the Mustang would have been the choice … but in this scenario, it’s gotta be the Fleetwood. Windows down, volume up.
I believe Rancid may have had a song about it as well.
I’m going to bet that instead of the boy, it’s probably the Cadillac that’s the time bomb.
In this case it’s the car that is the time bomb…
It was a coin toss between Save Ferris and Operation Ivy for the stuck tape, actually. I went with the less aggressive-sounding choice. (I originally thought Bosstones, but that’s too obvious.)
Thankfully I no longer have any cassette decks to get stuck but this article inspired me to turn to Spotify and dig up a ska playlist. The first one I found started with Suicidal Tendencies. Don’t get me wrong, love me some ST, but are they ska?
Anyways, I clicked on the second suggestion and now I’m listening to Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra.
This whole idea started with me clicking the wrong button in Spotify and accidentally putting Green Day’s “Burnout” on repeat, then getting into heavy traffic where I couldn’t do anything about it.
Ok that’s funny
I didn’t vote for a single winner this week. And I just voted for the van, which is currently in last place. There may be something wrong with me.
I would have gone with the Benz but if there’s anything I hate, it’s an interior with a moisture problem. Even if you fix the likely clogged sunroof drains, there’s a good chance you’re never getting the mildew stench out of there; I’ve gone to great lengths to fix that in my former Geo and Saab, and never managed to eradicate the smell out of either of them. There’s just something depressing about a damp, mildewy interior.
Of course that van probably smells like something far worse.
I add my own brand of air fresher – Taco Tuesday.
It was between the van and the Caddy for me. I went with the Caddy for the relaxed ride and the V8 sound track if a need a break from the ska.
On the other hand, the van does provide the opportunity for a rolling mosh pit.
I’ll go with the Mustang because it’s a manual convertible…and if you can’t have fun with a manual convertible please seek medical attention. Stereo will absolutely be off. I go back and forth on late 90s/early 2000s ska and ska punk. In some ways I think it gets dunked on a little bit too hard and that there are a handful of excellent bands (Streetlight Manifesto comes to mind for me)…but as a whole I still don’t think most of the stuff has aged well and the fact that ska and swing revival were culturally relevant at the same time shows what a fever dream that era was artistically.
There was also a sizable ska scene in my area when I was in high school in the late 2000s and I’ve just heard way, way too much terrible ska in my lifetime. It makes it even harder for me to appreciate the decent stuff…a horn section in a rock context is almost an instant no from me in my old age at this point. Maybe once a year or so I’ll get the urge to listen to a Streetlight or Goldfinger song for the memories…but deep down I was a metalcore kid through and through, and we just didn’t jive with the ska crowd…
There is no better car in the world for a road trip than a big old caddy. This was an easy vote. As for the radio, ska music is better than no music at all.