On the second anniversary of The Autopian, we made you readers a promise: If 200 of you became members of this website, I’d buy a Pontiac Aztek and live in it for a week. Well, more than 200 of you became members/upgraded your membership, so it was time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. Earlier this month, I ended the victor of a bidding war on a beige Pontiac Aztek on Cars & Bids. Now that machine has arrived, and, well, here’s a little teaser of how it looks.
I won’t lie: $250 to ship a car from Phoenix to LA seems like a smoking hot deal, but that’s what the buyer hooked me up with, and now the Aztek is here and, while there are some problems that I’ll tell you about once I dig into them a bit more, for now, let me just show you how this thing looks.
On the outside, there are a few dings, and there is some missing trim that I’m definitely going to want to find, but overall it looks really good — so good, in fact, that within an hour of driving the car for the first time someone asked me if they could take a picture of it:
Inside, though, is where this machine shines. It’s gorgeous. Even the shipper told me he was impressed by just how new that cabin looks:
Here’s a short video of my initial thoughts:
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But cars aren’t just about looks, they’re about function, and, well, the Aztek arrived with what seemed like serious issues that I wasn’t expecting. I’ll get into that soon, but for now, just know: This thing looks good.
I remember watching Survivor TV show, a yellow Aztek was a main price and I was like ‘I’d rather lose’ but now I think I could DD one.
I know every man think that he need some high tone woman
Something built for speed
But you can’t trust a rich girl
No farther than you can throw her
Need a middle class queen riding by in a champagne Corolla
Well done.
Any JTE reference is gonna get a thumbs up from me!
Mint in box tent is a super snag, excited for the adventure!
So… will David wait for this heat to die down before he actually camps in it?!!
He can go somewhere that is not as hot. If he car camps in LA people would mistaken him for a homeless.
A perception that will only be reinforced when he sticks his head out of the tent flaps, shakes his fist, and yells, “I’m not homeless! I live in Santa Monica! With my girlfriend, Elise (not her real name)!”
I Am confused about this Santa Monica / Van Nuys thing.
100 years ago the center of Van Nuys was my great grandparents farm. If only they had farmed 800 acres of Santa Monica instead….
And then he starts yelling about finally completing his collection of Holy Grails.
He’s trying real hard to belong in LA.
My guess is if he does it in LA, it will be in the Galpin parking lot. But yeah it would be a lot cooler (in more ways than one) if he took it somewhere.
Would you like a black pork pie hat to go with it?
Get with Mercedes for tips on finding a Winnebago…
*Fleetwood Bounder
Time changes us all. I now appreciate any older car that’s well kept. Kudos to whoever sent you that tent! It’s your car and you can do what you want, but I hope you guys don’t trash it. Years ago I would have said kill it with fire.
I am always pleasantly surprised by how comparatively reasonable it remains to transport cars decent distances. At least compared to the railroads and dump truck owners I usually deal with at work
Wow that’s a great looking 2024 BMW.
Hey now, don’t insult the Aztek like that! /s
I think we have a winner for tomorrow’s COTD. 🙂
Oh please oh please oh please let it be COTD.
“Arrived with serious issues” I don’t care, the interior is fine, you still can sleep in it regardless! No back pedaling, David! ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
You would have serious issues too if you were a Pontiac Aztek.
You’re right! If I were a Pontiac Aztek I’d have an inferiority complex for sure!
(｡•́︿•̀｡)
Hopefully these serious issues aren’t all that serious. But replacing trim? You keeping this thing long term or just need to recoup as much of that money as possible after resale?
This is going to be interesting.
“Finally a car made with all of the sensibilities of a 14th century Aztec warrior in mind.”
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=ugly_cars
Holy shit, maddox.I’m very happy to see his page is still up!
Thank you for that link. I’m enjoying my morning coffee while on that site along with my daily Autopian.
Yes! Yes!
Very excited for Aztopian content. And yes, I’m shocked such a clean Aztek still exists.
“Oh Wow – is that the new BMW? Can we take a photo?”
“Uh … Sure?”
Split headlights. Subaru-esq unpainted bumpers, acceptable ground clearance, minivan levels of interior space, sloping rear design… GM didn’t fail, they simply arrived 20 years too early.
I keep saying loads of brand new cars are uglier than the supposed “ugliest car of all time”.
If someone was doing their job and added the related stories in, an erudite and devilishly handsome goth car designer has covered this.
I recall that article.
It has acceptable ground clearance and minivan levels of interior space because it is literally and objectively a minivan.
While that is true, that minivan is unfortunately perhaps one of the worst ever made, only bested (worsted?) by the Windstar.
Pontiac Aztek walked so Mercedes E-Class W212, BMW X4/X6 and 2017 Skoda Octavia could run.
I had a gruesome black 2004 Tek for 8 years so take pity. FYI the camping tent option is referred to as “The Dirty Diaper” by Aztek aficionados. Its engine is prone to head gasket leaks and GM had the motor running hot intentionally for emissions reduction. An over heating Aztek can be all but impossible to fix. I remember it’s not a driver’s car. Winding country roads will wear you out. Mine was a loaded model that Pontiac made some exec drive but he kept it garaged. The kids loved its DVD player and it was truly a useful SUV for all it could haul. But it’s looks, like a prehistoric rhinosarus. Asian students at Indiana University would point at it when I drove through campus.
Head gaskets? I haven’t ever heard that one for the 3.4. They are famous for plenum gasket leaks but I’ve never heard of head issues. It really was a Subaru!
You should have brought it back with your pickup to see how it would do on a tow-road (toad?) trip that’s a little more of a challenge than the one to Pasadena. Compare, contrast, write up from the side of the road and leave a note for whoever finds the three of you to upload it.
Pretty sure David and the J10 would have collectively consumed more than $250 of gas and Slim Jims on the journey.
The hour of reckoning is upon us. This is why I pay for a blog.
You should swap in a supercharged 3800 V6
You misspelled LS4 V8.
No, they didn’t. It’s called class.
Either needs a built 4T65-HD to put down the power for more than a mile. Or 4T80 if it can be made to fit.
But, with gas in CA being so expensive the V8 that runs on regular may be the ticket. If one can be located. Those LS4’s are rare. The L67 or L32 are a good bit more common. But that’s getting into the weeds since both are fairly rare to start….
Aztek SS! Yes!
I wonder how feasible it would be to try to track down and install cladding from a salvage yard. It looks a little naked without it.The condition does look fantastic for $3600, though!
Agree. It looks so, er, un-Pontiac without it and even kinda contemporary. But clad her up and she’s a relic of her time for sure, which would make this even better.
Please, no. The cladding was what made it suck the hardest.
Pretty sure that’s the point.
I agree, need to go full Aztek on it!
If this buggy spent two decades in Arizona, it must been garaged or under a carport/sunbrella most of the time because it’s obviously not sun baked.
Obviously you wouldn’t want to park it where other people could see it.
It spent many of its days in the rust belt. But it’s mostly clean underneath!
As someone from southern Ontario I’m curious what your mostly clean definition is. Only penetrating oil and impacts to get bolts out? Only minor torch use?
To David “Rust” Tracy mostly clean means there are only a few rust holes big enough to pass a six pack through.
Living in western NY, up to propane torch is my definition. Anything that starts needing a trip to a gas supplier versus a box home store isn’t clean anymore.
It’s off-white like not-quite-pure-but-still-good-quality crystal meth. You could call it “The Meth Mobile”.
Even if you don’t, your adventures with it are sure to be interesting.
It probably started out royal blue or dark green before being left in the sun.
I’m sad you didn’t journey out my way to retrieve it, but that definitely was cheaper than flying out and driving back. No question once you factor gas and meals.
Probably would have made for a very uneventful story. Picked it up, drove x number of hours, arrived in LA.
Oh, I was just hoping for a meetup locally, nothing more than my own selfish interest.
Ah ok. That makes more sense.
In our next installment of Beige Cars You’ve Been Sleeping O̶n̶ In…
Beige? That’s Majestic Champagne Sand if I’ve ever seen it.
“They met because of work. They never thought it would go this far. But it cannot be, for he already has too many cars. What will he do? Move on in tears? Let go of some others? Or try to keep them all? Find out tonight, on: ”
Dammit I committed to this bit, and can’t figure out a title. A little help here!
Hoarders: Car Edition.
PS – David, I’m starting to suffer the same malady, but with far less interesting vehicles.
Rustering Heights
Ooohhh that is good!
Followed by a Knots Landing-style spinoff built around the exciting California lives of the i3s titled The Young and the Rustless.
The Bachelor: Greece
Handsome Devil Wears Beige
Bridgertek
And now it is a permanent addition to the fleet.