On the second anniversary of The Autopian, we made you readers a promise: If 200 of you became members of this website, I’d buy a Pontiac Aztek and live in it for a week. Well, more than 200 of you became members/upgraded your membership, so it was time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. Earlier this month, I ended the victor of a bidding war on a beige Pontiac Aztek on Cars & Bids. Now that machine has arrived, and, well, here’s a little teaser of how it looks.
I won’t lie: $250 to ship a car from Phoenix to LA seems like a smoking hot deal, but that’s what the buyer hooked me up with, and now the Aztek is here and, while there are some problems that I’ll tell you about once I dig into them a bit more, for now, let me just show you how this thing looks.
On the outside, there are a few dings, and there is some missing trim that I’m definitely going to want to find, but overall it looks really good — so good, in fact, that within an hour of driving the car for the first time someone asked me if they could take a picture of it:
Inside, though, is where this machine shines. It’s gorgeous. Even the shipper told me he was impressed by just how new that cabin looks:
Here’s a short video of my initial thoughts:
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But cars aren’t just about looks, they’re about function, and, well, the Aztek arrived with what seemed like serious issues that I wasn’t expecting. I’ll get into that soon, but for now, just know: This thing looks good.
When my son was in high school his holy grail was an Aztek, but with the tent. He loved to camp, and to him this was the sort-of cat’s meow. He might’ve even ended up with one, but in his price range all that was left was roached out head gasket leaking mouse p interior rust buckets where you need a tetanus shot after just looking at the thing. Eventually he came to his senses and picked up a panther platform instead.
Late 90s to mid 00s was peak modern car. Change my mind.
I cannot change your mind, and instead will join you upon this hill. It absolutely was peak car.
All 90s, not just late. I have had several amazing cars that were 94 and 95s, nothing older than that, but the Miata came out in 90, and while mine was a 95, I still have to fight for the early ones to be included too.
Honestly, I couldn’t agree more. Although I would consider 90-95 to be almost of a different era, but worth of inclusion in their own right. More durable mechanical systems, basic but robust features, good build quality overall, hard to complain.
Fair. Yeah 1992-2008 is pretty much the era I look for every time I go car shopping. Currently have an 2011 and I hate it, but the 96 works, or rather it will once I get the cooling fan figured out.
I own a 99, 2000, 2004, and 2004. So you have my support.
If its new enough to have EFI then it’s pretty good in my book. Distributorless ignition is kinda nice but most cars that new I don’t like for other reasons. My 2007 Expedition and 2008 Caravan are obnoxiously new.
Being Cars You’ve Been Sleeping In
I knew it wouldn’t be long before you got caught up in this whole “overlanding” thing. How long until it’s got a jerry can strapped to the back?
Kudos for actually admitting to owning one of those monstrosities.
I’m calling it right now. David’s going to be pleasantly surprised by this.
He’s keeping it at the end of his sentence. Next article coming up:
“Here’s why I kept the Holy Grail of glamping vehicles, and here’s what I’m doing with it next.”
Clean. Still ugly.
Also, is that a weird fungus growing on the seats or a part of the upholstery pattern?
It’s the infamous Aztekiceps Dementius – once the poor unsuspecting subject sitting on those seats breaths it in, it takes control of the host’s cognitive and perceptive funcions, affecting mostly their vision and regions of the brain related to aesthetic perception. The victims start seeing their Aztecks as “not that bad” or even “attractive” and try to convince every poor person that crosses their paths that they were “design icons”, “ahead of their time” and “misunderstood”.
They didn’t look as ugly with the color keyed cladding. I know you got a tent attachment. I also know you have to spend a week living in this. Just FYI, if you sleep in the tent, you are cheating and I will want my money for subscribing back.
Bahahaha, you think the tent is good?
Oh man, way to leave us on a cliffhanger. Sweeeet Aztek, though.
test
Actually, you have to appreciate the Aztec for being so far before it’s time. When it was new, it was famously ugly, but now it just barely registers as unattractive when mixed in with the current crop of hideous car things. Tall for no particular reason with a multitude of extra air intakes and false grills on the front, strangely shaped windows, (but you can actually see through them)
Really the only thing that really dates it is that the driver can actually see over the hood and out the back.
It really wasn’t ahead of its time. There was nothing new about an ugly minivan without sliding doors in 2001
I know this concern has already been brought up, but it’s getting to be the time of peak heat in LA. I’m all for fun stunts, but for heaven’s sake please don’t be a statistic! Please do this whole thing with safety in mind and if you have to delay to October or something, so be it.
The,Aztek looks so much better without the grey plastic cladding.
Let’s just meditate on this for a moment. Sometime in the past, somewhere, there was a person who thought a beige Aztec was a desirable object worth purchasing. David must be possessed by this unique and sad person.
Or maybe it was just a raffle prize for a community fundraiser where the dealer gets rid of unsalable inventory for a tax receipt.
The interior condition is a credit to GM’s much-derided Dubya-era hard plastic materials. You could hit the door card with an Abrams shot and there’d be no damage.
Like a good durable condom. Never let you down, but not really bring you up either.
COTD!
Yeah, the “soft touch” plastic fetish is something I don’t get. It either turns to goo, or simply disintegrates. I understand that durable steel dashboards are a thing of the past, but who thought that covering everything with the plastic equivalent of Velveeta was a good idea?
Who strokes their dash?
Please make all the controls nice to touch, but the bits you don’t touch? Make them durable.
And to top it off, they seemingly use it in the wrong locations. Why should the dash we never touch be soft, but the arm rests less padded than the dash?
This is my main complaint. They soft touch the dash all the way out to the windshield, even though it’s not physically possible to get your hand into that area, but plastic next to your knee bones is always hard, even in some luxury vehicles.
Good call. My car has the same issue. Hard plastic and a cramped pedal box
I’m relieved that the week of man-funk is going into the tent instead of that pristine interior.
The Aztek’s still hideous. Good God, that face screams “failure of multiple business processes.”
Pontiac Aztek Mini Toaster Oven Alert!
Van Nuys Airport Detailed Forecast:
This Afternoon Sunny and hot, with a high near 98. South southwest wind around 10 mph.
Tonight Mostly clear, with a low around 65. East southeast wind 5 to 10 mph.
Monday Sunny, with a high near 95. Light and variable wind becoming south southeast 5 to 10 mph in the afternoon.
Monday Night Mostly clear, with a low around 63. East southeast wind 5 to 10 mph becoming light southeast in the evening.
***Tuesday Sunny and hot, with a high near 96. Calm wind becoming south southwest around 5 mph in the afternoon.
Tuesday Night Mostly clear, with a low around 67.
Wednesday Sunny and hot, with a high near 98.
Wednesday Night Mostly clear, with a low around 68.
Independence DaySunny and hot, with a high near 99.
Thursday Nigh tMostly clear, with a low around 70.
Friday Sunny and hot, with a high near 102.
Friday Night Mostly clear, with a low around 70.
Saturday Sunny and hot, with a high near 100.***
That’s what the cooler and the LA river are for! Don’t be a sally, lol.
David… please don’t get the Aztek lodged against an abutment in Van Nuys, just saying.
Yay! Shower spaghetti time! Ha ha
There’s no shower in there!
I know…other commenters and I have told him before to make it work; as a joke. It would be hilarious!
Well as Billy Crystal would say, “it’s better to look good than to feel good”
Yeah, yeah, sniff, now if you were talking about a fiberfab Aztec, I would be impressed.
Oooo! I would so love a FF Aztec, painted in deep metallic green with orange accents just like its Carabo inspiration.
I can’t knock it for that: that thing does look *pristine*.
The main question of course, does it still have the cooler?????
Don’t worry, he has a spare
Watch the video. It’s one of the first things he points out.
Cooler. 7 days.
This is a GM minivan in drag. After it was determined to be a drag on the market, GM execs in Dee-troit were made to bring these home and park them in full sight in their driveways to show the world the confidence GM had in them…to no avail.
The actually wanted to call them Ass-Techs…
I like that, not that I ever see them but if I do I’ll call them the “drag minivan”!
Every time I’ve been to New York or anywhere else on the East Coast, I just had to take pictures of each Aztek I managed to find on my way. I remember seeing a great one in Queens. This is the almost golden ticket, David, so have fun with it.
It’s goldish-beige over beige…it’s *literally* the golden ticket!
You mean “Jewish Racing Gold”? …. Jason from VinWicki