It may come as a surprise to many of you, but moving when you own 10 cars is challenging. And when you have an emotional attachment to many of those machines, it becomes borderline impossible. But I’ve accomplished the impossible on multiple occasions before, so surely I can slay the dragon again, right? If you weren’t able to belt out a hearty “right!” in agreement with my previous sentence, then I assume you need a bit more information. So here it is: Here’s where I stand with just one week before departure. I’ll be honest: It’s not looking good.
Here’s the current situation with Operation DT Leaves Detroit: It’s a shitstorm.
Out front of my house sit two cars: a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee (five-speed manual) and a Scion XB “Autopian Test Car.” The first is a vehicle I’m trying to get to California, except I’ve been unable to secure a loaner press vehicle to act as the tow rig. My plan is to try to get it operable enough to be shipped to CA, though that’s going to be very difficult. The second car, the cubic little Scion, will be parked in some public parking spot until my colleague Jason Torchinsky can get a replacement title and then sell it, possibly to a junkyard.
Out back are three vehicles: a 1992 Jeep Cherokee, a 1985 Jeep J10, and a 2001 Oldsmobile Alero. The Cherokee is my first car, and I’m too emotionally attached to it to part ways, so I’m storing it for now. The second is the greatest pickup truck of all time; it will be the honeymooners’ romantic chariot for the ultimate cross-country roadtrip. And the third, the Oldsmobile, is where things get strange.
Here’s the thing: If I can’t tow that 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee, which I’m going to be building into an off-road machine for this year’s Easter Jeep Safari, then there’s really no reason for me to drive across the country, except to help my two friends navigate their first trip to the U.S. I’m keen to do this, as I want to show them cool things and help them feel comfortable, especially since they’re hauling a truck full of my junk for free. But I’ve been told that going three-wide in a pickup truck with honeymooners is a bit odd, so I need a different car. That car could be a rental car, but I’m too cheap for that. Instead it will be the Alero, which I’m hoping to purchase from my landlords for dirt cheap. (I bought the car for $1 (hence how it got its name) and traded it for my landlord’s totaled Kia Rio, so I’m hoping I don’t have to pay much for it).
I will drive the Olds with my honeymooning German friends for a few days, then ditch it at my brother’s place in Oklahoma (where he can hopefully sell it), then fly to LA and wait for my friends to arrive in the romantic truck full of my junk. It’s a ridiculous plan riddled with risks.
Things that could go wrong or that are currently wrong:
- The Oldsmobile can, and probably will, fail. That’s what it does.
- The J10 could theoretically fail, though it’s a tank.
- The J10’s heater doesn’t work, so things could get chilly for the honeymooners.
- The J10’s brakes need some service. I need to get on that.
- The J10 needs snow tires to keep the honeymooners safe. I have those. They need to be installed.
- The Oldsmobile needs new tires. I’m working on getting some winter rubber.
- I still don’t have a great plan to get the 1994 Jeep operable
What’s more, my garage still looks like this:
And I have a party at my house in five days with an estimated attendance of over 100 people. Plus I need to run this website, which will launch ads for the first time since its inception this week!
There is good news, however. First, I sold the Tracker to this lovely couple!:
View this post on Instagram
And second, my 1992 Jeep Cherokee is set to be towed away after my party by a reader with an acre of property a few hours north. So really, I just need to ditch the Scion somewhere nearby until Jason can pick it up, get the Grand Cherokee running and driving well enough to get onto a trailer, then hit the road in the Olds alongside my friends in the J10, and pray.
This is logical, right?
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I absolutely would love to be able to help. I really would.
Luckily I’m 3700 miles away (thank fuck).
I was confused by your IG handle and thought perhaps you sold to a couple called David and Tracy.
Maybe we should be worried about DT harvesting our organs in that garage on Saturday to fund his move.
Rent a dumpster and I’m sure you’ll have no shortage of people wanting to throw shit into it on Saturday night to help facilitate the move.
Or, since we were told to dress in wrenching attire or coveralls, is this going to turn into an all night wrenching party after we all help him grab any parts he needs from US Auto on the “junkyard tour”? Is this party BYOQOO? (Bring your own quart of oil)
DT will lock the gate behind everyone and proclaim, “Nobody leaves until that ZJ moves under its own power!” Will be a great bonding experience for everyone involved.
Better yet, bring jaws of life and sawzalls and turn those piles into shreds so David doesn’t send his friends to a certain frozen, cannibalistic death in a foreign land.
That is seriously wtf irresponsible behavior that will damage a friendship, a marriage, someone’s health, or all three.
A few thoughts…
Do the interior electrics work in the J10? Could you pick up an aftermarket electric heater for the trip? (AutoZone has some, for example.) I know you’re not keen on spending unnecessarily, but that would be a much quicker solution than resolving whatever is ailing the heater. Even if the interior electrics are janky, you could wire it directly to the battery and still be ahead, time-wise.
Will the landlord be coming to the party? That could be a good time for discussion.
Instead of you driving the Olds, maybe you could put the honeymooners in it and you drive the J10. 🙂
Now that you have sold the Tracker, could some of those funds go toward a rental vehicle and trailer?
Side note: when you mentioned ditching the Olds in Oklahoma, I thought you were going to park it next to the interstate somewhere and “accidentally” drive away without it. 🙂
Gas and tires to take those hunks of crap cross country constitutes spending unnecessarily.
I might have a somewhat ridiculous plan that could solve at least one, if not both of your vehicle related issues.
I have a 2004 Silverado sitting in my driveway that runs and drives, and is regularly used for towing, but is off insurance for the winter, so no one is driving it. I also have a trailer that could be used, under very specific circumstances. Here’s what I’m thinking:
1. Use my truck to tow your Grand Cherokee to California instead of driving the Olds. Will the truck be more reliable than the Olds? There’s no guarantee, but with the problems you’ve had with the Olds in past, it seems likely. Plus, now you’re not paying to ship any else to Cali.
2. Park the Scion in the spot where my truck was, hopefully with plans to be able to get rid of it in some amount of time.
3. When you get to California, either store my truck where you’re storing your other vehicles, or drive it about an hour north to where my girlfriend’s family lives, and park it in their extra parking spot that is never used.
4. At some point within hopefully a few months, I’ll fly out to California, buy something, and tow it home with my truck to get it back to Michigan. Or I’ll sell it to someone there that’s crazy enough to buy a rusty truck in a no-rust state.
I should also mention that I have a trailer. If you could ALSO store the trailer until I can come out and pick up the truck, you could use that too. Heck, if you end up needing it (or the truck) in Cali, you could keep using it until I can pick it up.
This is it, this is the winner.
Win.
Do it. Do it now
Holy crap.
This is would be IDEAL!
I sent you an email at your Autopian address, just FYI in case it ends up in spam.
Do it before somebody gets hurt
The idea of selling Midwest rust to a Californian is delightful.
Added benefit, DT can devote more time to getting the J10 winter trip ready (fixing the fucking heat).
Is it just me or are the cars actually secondary compared to how much crap he still has in that garage?
No, it’s not logical.
And that’s why I read your stuff. You somehow make it work.
I think this is where we all say “Good Luck” and “Have fun storming the castle”.
None of this surprises me. For shits sake, fix the J10 heater!
Are you sure you can’t skip a step and find a non-running jeep in CA?
David, I love you but I’m getting contact stress from these words and pictures.
Oh, my. It’s February 1st, you have a non-running Jeep located across the country from where you now live, and you’re going get ship it across the country, get it safely running and driving, and then modify that Jeep for *Easter*, which is two months and a week away? David, I say this with love, but your move is the definition of a dumpster fire 🙂
How hard can it be to get the heater functioning in a J10?! Also please swing through Kansas City and have a meet up! I’ll swing by in my japanese spec rhd XJ.
I would be willing to drive my CJ7 with a SBC or maybe the 71 scout if it will start for this meetup if it happened in KC.
I would drive down from the Omaha / Lincoln area just to get a look at David.
I would also drive down to KC from the Omaha area! KC meet!
Are you saying the J10’s heater *might* not work, or are you saying that it currently does not work? If the latter, I can’t understand how it’s safe to drive cross-country (or even more than a few blocks) in February. If it gets below zero (F), the cabin will be unbearably frigid and the inside of the windows will ice over. In my experience, Central European cold is nothing like US Midwest cold – I would be concerned about whether or not your friends know what they’re getting themselves into.
Does the J10 at least have a working radio?
They both need mohair suits and electric boots.
Boots before suit
You know, I read it in a magazine…
jetsssssssss is the sound the heater core makes when it pops.
^^THIS^^
Driving at Interstate speeds in below 20 weather will make that cab unbearable. I wouldn’t imagine that it’s the most weatherproof cab, either.
Please, David, rent them a 2023 Grand Wagoneer as a wedding gift.
This, so very much, dont send someone else out into the dead of winter without a working heater! Heater cores and blower motors are available for these, and if it’s the heater box those can usually be fixed with a bit of creativity, or sometimes a simple as lubing up control cables and careful use of stick on weatherstripping around blend doors and the like.
https://www.autozone.com/cooling-heating-and-climate-control/portable-car-heater/p/kat-s-150-watt-interior-heater/4167_0_0 I think if David is lacking a working cigarette light he can probably hard wire or add a 12 v plug directly to the battery.
My personal experience with these is that they’re better than nothing, but barely. If this is the only option do your best to make sure the cab is as sealed as possible, provide blankets for the occupants and bring a boatload of spare fuses as the ones I’ve used frequently blew both the cigarette lighter fuse and the inline fuse in the plug.
“It may come as a surprise to many of you, but moving when you own 10 cars is challenging.”
I owned exactly ten cars the last time I moved, five of which were able to get to the new place under their own power. At least in my case it was only to the next town over. You have my sympathies.
“And when you have an emotional attachment to many of those machines, it becomes borderline impossible.”
All of them. I was attached to all of them. I moved them all before getting rid of three (two from among the runners, naturally). That gave me room for three more, two of which run…
I look forward to reading about the party. Too bad I won’t be able to attend.
Does the Scion xB run and drive? If not, what is wrong with it? It wouldn’t make a bad EV conversion, and would probably fare better than anything in your fleet.
AC Propulsion used to sell conversions of the called the EBox. They had roughly a 140-180 mile range on a 35 kWh pack and could do 0-60 mph in 7 seconds with a top speed of 95 mph with a 200 horsepower AC Propulsion AC150 drive system, no transmission. In spite of its boxy shape, its aero was fairly slippery compared to other cars of its period and holds up well even today.
I would say contact Tyler hoover in the Wichita area. he has some history with the old site and it would be fun to the car wizard inspect that olds. He likes old Jeeps too, he might even trade the J10 and plus the olds for an offroad worthy Maserati Levante so you can take your honeymooners in style on to Vegas.
David, I have no advice. It is a nice strong mess.
Good luck with it, if you somehow end up in central Florida with your plan, I will be happy to help.
I do kind of second the idea of giving the Olds (and maybe Kia?) to a reader with a truck and trailer in exchange for driving across the country hauling something. Maybe even renting a trailer so the reader doesn’t have to haul it all the way back.
Maybe you could get Beau or someone in Cali to find the reader a nice toy to haul back after they’ve hauled your crap all the way out there?
Dunno, like I said, no advice but I can throw stuff out there and see if anything sticks.
When I wrote the post suggesting that plan, I had zero intention of being the reader in question, because I have no use for the Olds. But if a toy from CA is involved…..
I mean, its The Autopian. Site is run on an old ColecoVision that’s been bastardized with a 300 baud modem and a TeleGuide Terminal to somehow put forth a viable website.
The “toy” from Ca is probably gonna be worth about as much as the Olds.
I had a XB as a company vehicle for 5 years, at which point they gifted it to me and gave me a new company car. It had 100k miles and ran like new. That was a damn good little toaster of a car. I sold it to a nice young couple for $6500 since I didn’t need a second car or have anywhere to keep it.
the first gens were interesting, same MPG in town as the highway, partially aerodynamics at work, but also the motors were only just adequate. Still I saw the logic of max space, low price and great fuel economy. The second gen lost this charm.
I kind of see them as the modern Volvo 245. I wish there were more available to buy that weren’t either too much money or ridden hard and put away wet. They first came out after I was in college a couple years. I got to test drive one and desperately wanted to buy it, but it was just too much a stretch for my budget.
Mine was a first gen. The 2nd gen got a power boost, but I agree they lost the charm of that adorable little box.
“I didn’t need a second car or have anywhere to keep it.” – You are the opposite of DT 🙂
DT, you’re an absolute nutjob, and I love reading about your shenanigans.
Wishing you the best of luck as you complete your move, David. Moving is a pain in general, and I couldn’t imagine the logistical difficulties associated with moving when you have a large car collection. I’m sure you’re up to the task!
I will say that I am a little disappointed that the “Autopian Test Vehicle” won’t be seeing more action. I was hoping that one of the tests would involve obtaining a whole bunch of 12V splitters and connecting hundreds of Fuel Shark devices to it with the goal of a 100 mpg vehicle.
I wanted to see it tackle Moab
I mean, I’ve always wanted an xB… maybe I buy it?
JT still needs to find a title for it. I was first in line months ago but it seems likely to be scrapped now without the title.
I defer to your place in line, should the title be found! Honestly, it is not likely a good idea for me anyway. I don’t fear mold (I grew up in the PNW), but a previous description of it being a mobile check engine light isn’t quite my speed.
I mean I was gonna try to make it a gambler car with just enough safety to be driven on a highway.
You got this, David! But I hope those honeymooners have some basic mechanical ability
Why not gift the Olds to a reader with a truck and trailer, which would then haul the JGC to CA in exchange?
Then a presumably reliable vehicle would be nearby the J10 at all times, and you wouldn’t have to fly.
Autopian readers are too smart to accept a “gift” like that.
I like to think I speak for a number of Autopian readers, not just myself, when I assure you we’re not that smart.
I think we’re juuuust barely too smart for that.
Forget the Olds. Rent a tow vehicle. Take as much pressure off the honeymooners as possible, it’s their honeymoon and they are already doing you a favor. Offer everything not nailed down for sale at your upcoming social event. Of course, you won’t do that, so I am greatly looking forward to reading about the misery awaiting you.
Good Luck DT.
Everything you suggested is entirely logical, pragmatic, likely to succeed, and is exactly why DT won’t do any of it. I look forward to forthcoming articles!
“Offer everything not nailed down for sale at your upcoming social event.”
Perhaps more effectively, offer to autograph any object that a guest promises to take away for free. Make it a competition with the “winners” by weight and by volume receiving Autopian grille badges after submitting photographic evidence that they took the stuff all the way home before disposing of any of it.
Wait. Wait…that’s it.
David, charge everyone that shows up $50 so they can take whatever they desire off your premises.
The caveat is they have to physically carry it 100 feet to the finish line!!!
Whoa! Gets rid of stuff and you make enough coin to make it home to Cali.
Oh my God, it’s the inaugural Autopian Winter Olympics.
Yes! This!!! ⬆️
To encourage competitiveness, second and third places can get some combination of bumper stickers and t-shirts, with additional awards of merit for anyone going above and beyond with respect to particularly filthy items and the like. Everything must go!