If self-driving cars are to be a thing, it can’t be long before lawn mowers go the same way–in fact, you can purchase such a Roomba-for-the-yard right now. However, there’s a lot of people that love the experience of hopping on their lawn tractor and breathing in that fresh cut grass smell as they survey their little chunk of America. Some will use the tractor to tow heavy things or even plow the driveway, so there’s other uses that an autonomous mower can’t answer.
[Editor’s Note: This all started because the Bishop and I were talking about all the “Tesla of…” things and he said he’d be up to do some drawings but didn’t feel like writing, you know, a whole thing about this and then I looked in our drafts and here this was. You can’t stop the Bishop, so don’t even try. Oh, and just a reminder that this is all speculative fiction, even the fake tweet down there, so you know, keep your pants on. – JT]
The Tesla mower will give the owner the best of both worlds. It’s a self-propelled, self-driving mower that can also give owners the peaceful, enjoyable experience of trimming their own lawns if they so choose.
Your Tesla app gives you control of everything; specify the area you want to have cut and walk away. Or, with a touch of your phone, the front of the mower opens up and you can hop onto a comfy vinyl-covered throne to either ride along with the mower or control it via a joystick. There’s a touchscreen that pops out of the armrest like a tray table on an aircraft for manual control of the mowing deck, navigation, or entertainment. The ‘Falcon’ cover for the seat forms a sun shade for the operator when in ride-on mode.
Of course, the Tesla is covered in a stainless steel skin in stark contrast to typical John Deere green machines, but the vast majority of the this pyramid-shaped thing is plastered with solar panels that attempt to give you just a few hundred yards more for that chunk of lawn out back. This is especially nice if the mower just flat out dies halfway through your lawn–you can just leave it until it picks up enough photons to move again.
The clippings are collected in back, and the cover starts to rise as it fills up. Lawn mowing completed, an electric lever pushes the cover down to compress the clippings.
If you placed in a Tesla-issue netting bag before you started mowing, the clipping come out in dense, triangular-shaped blocks. These forms can be then pitched or used to create a variety of objects (you can view plans for on the mower’s touch screen) like lawn seating or lounge chair, little side tables, or even topiary creatures like a llama (or whatever the hell that thing is in the picture).
These grass clipping forms will dry out over the season and become mini hay bales just in time for you to use them as autumn props, like a stand for your jack-o-lanterns, or in this case it would be an Elon-smoking-weed-on-a-podcast-o-lantern:
When it’s time to recharge, you plug into a home outlet after you pop the Tesla adapter into the plug. This device supposedly turns your 120 volts of AC into Tesla power, or BTE (Big Tesla Energy) units. The plug has a strange shape to it so you can’t just plug it into a standard outlet without using the adapter, but some media wags determined that the Tesla adapter does absolutely nothing to the electricity it takes in (it doesn’t even have a power surge protector for Chrissake). Needless to say, the faithful believe that it does, well, something. Oh, and don’t get any ideas; if you try to hotwire it or splice on a standard plug, it will void the warranty. The adapter is Bluetooth on your wifi, so it will know and alert Tesla of your behavior.
The Tesla mower is slated to be released in 2025 (maybe) and nobody outside of the firm has even seen a prototype, but it isn’t stopping the faithful from already heaping praise on this nonexistent object:
Whoa! That’s some brand loyalty there? What would it look like if these guys built a forklift? An espresso machine? Should we find out?
I Just Need To Rant About This Unhinged Tesla Cybertruck Tweet, If You Don’t Mind – The Autopian
Hilarious.Your making it optionally human driven complete’s the joke to perfection.Imagine working in that oven?
And the expanding catcher is perfect.Actual cybertruck add-on tent design sorted!
One problem is that you cannot bale wet grass clippings. If you have ever done any baling, you first cut the hay (grass in this case), then let it dry, then bale it. Not good things happen if you bale wet hay. https://youtu.be/fH-M99vIGF0 On second thought, now the EV product can self-combust as well. Proceed.
You guys have joked yourself into inventing a viable consumer product here.
This is the best Bishop article so far.
I have a 75′ x 150′ city lot and I will have pass on this one.
If I had 3 or 4 acres of lawn there is a an appeal to it.
If I was a Teslastan resistance would be futile.
This is brilliant, and actually remarkably practical. I loved the “Falcon sunshade”.
They don’t call him Elawn Musk for nothin!
The TesLawn Model 3. The only mower certified for Martian yards.
Canopysaurus- no, this is the TesLawn Model S. The Model 3 doesn’t have the compactor or the Falcon shade in an attempt to keep the price under $10,000 with tax credits.
I saw the picture and immediately wanted one. That’s the first time I could say that about a Tesla. Brilliant!
Bag grass? (Or bale) Yeah, right! Mulch it!
Although I do like Llamas
I heard that when Full Self Mowing is engaged, a person can make up to $10,000 a year mowing other people’s lawns while they’re away! Which is more than enough to cover the Full Self Mowing subscription costs of $9,499 a year. Thanks Elon!
Just don’t park a firetruck anywhere near a running TesLawn Model S while Full Self Mowing is engaged.
Wow. Also curious how would this Husqvarna lawnmover would like as a car.. https://www.husqvarna.com/us/robotic-lawn-mowers/automower-435x-awd/
andehans- probably like the Sir Vival Car-
This center-hinged car was all about Sir Vival in 1958 – Hagerty Media
Oh man. Going of on a tangent, but wouldn’t a 4×4 center-hinged car makes sense? I mean loaders are often (always?) center hinged. Hmm .. the thought of a Swedish made center-hinged 4×4 Husqvarna..
Bish! Really!?!? You link to a Haggerty article when there are two, newer, articles on the web site that pays your mortgage?
https://www.theautopian.com/the-survival-of-sir-vival-the-strangest-safety-car-concept-ever-now-rests-in-the-hands-of-the-worlds-quirkiest-car-museum/
https://www.theautopian.com/sir-vival-the-strangest-safety-concept-car-ever-gets-split-in-half-by-the-worlds-quirkiest-car-museum/
Max, we’re so dope we can help losers like that fucking insurance company try to be cool and not sweat it.
I wish Sir Vival’s creator had teamed up with Mohs for styling.
For controls, I’d like a joystick like the Subaru XT’s shifter-with the 4wd thumb button on top being for one-touch deck raising.
Yeah, I’m thinking about this way too much
TOSSABL- it’s impossible to think about this too much
I’m trying to figure out how to remote-controlify my current electric mower. Then I could sit on the back patio driving it around. I have dogs so a regular robomower probably won’t do….good.
I especially like the prism-shaped bales. After a few mowings, you could create a small raised-bed garden with them. Or mark the turns for the lawnmower races you could have after you & your neighbors pull your decks off the old plebeian equipment
I really would buy a electric mower once one has the run time for my yard.
Small equipment that can be charged in a garage is the ideal application for electrics. I love my Ego chainsaw and weed trimmer.
We have of ton of great Ego tools including their mower. We also have a Ryobi electric lawn tractor. After converting it to LiFePo4 batteries, it will now for two to three hours. It might be worth checking out.
I mow about 5 acres with a 61″ Husqvarna ZT so I realize my needs aren’t typical and I probably need to wait for commercial grade equipment, but I am tired of small carbureted engines.
You can just be that guy with 24 spools of extension cord trying not to drive over it as you mow back and forth.
Joking aside, my parents had a plugin weedwacker, and I remember it being really annoying to haul it with the extension cord all over the yard.
Yes, that was my youth as well.
Cordless electric > gas >>> plugin
Andrew- yes, we had a corded mower as a kid. Hated dealing with a cord on that thing. Until I got my first gas powered lawn equipment….I see why my dad went electric.
I mow about 2 acres with a Craftsman 46″. But I still bought a Greenworks 21″ push mower for keeping the area around the house tidy. Allows me to procrastinate longer between the 3 hr full yard mowings.
I really like my Ego weed trimmer. Always hated yard work as the vibrations made my wrists itch, then hurt with the old gas push-mowers. My (small) battery runs 25-35 min which is about how much patience I have for yard work. Perfect: do recommend
I have a greenworks mower that’s about 5 years old. Mow 1/3 of an acre with it and usually have battery left over. Unless the grass is wet, or long, or both. The more work the blades have to do, the more draw on the batteries, the shorter they last. I like to think the technology has moved passed my mower (I’m sure it has), but I don’t have a reason to replace it. Yet.
I mow about an acre so the next mower I buy will probably be an Ego electric unit. No point to switch until my Cub Cadet starts giving me too much trouble.
Looks better than the Cybertruck, at least.
I wish that tweet were actually real because I can see a few boys just mailing deposit checks to Elon for this mower.
Also pedantic: the tag on this article is Teala, not Tesla. sorry I feel horrible now for correcting you.
Taco- Just send the money to me; I’ll get it to Elon. Or Elio motors, or whatever company will make it.
Look, it’s a CyberMower.