Remember When Kmart And Myspace Were Big Deals And Cybertrucks Weren’t A Thing? COTD

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The Internet seems to be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you have near-infinite access to near-infinite knowledge on a computer that fits in your pocket. On the other hand, that same candy bar of glass and metal can be used to spread hate and misinformation. The Internet is so different today than it was 20 years ago.

Today, Matt wrote a Morning Dump about how ransomware is a big issue for companies and for hackers, a lucrative market. CDK Global is going to pay hackers millions to get car dealerships online. Matt concluded his Morning Dump by asking if this whole Internet thing was worth it:

Fuzzyweis remembers simpler times:

I feel like late 2000s was internet peak, had youtube, myspace, Farmville, Amazon but it wasn’t killing Kmart yet. Netflix still shipped DVDs, everybody didn’t have their streaming channels, and cable only cost like $20 a month. Iphone had just started but lots of folks still rocking Nokias and Razrs(the good ones!)

So the internet was fine then, still a thing you could ignore, not everybody had a smart phone, kids still had to talk to each other at school, so just need to hit the reset button on the internet to around then and we’re all set.

Also bring back KMart.

10001010 notes that Kmart had even worse luck than you thought:

Internet alone didn’t kill KMart, private equity deserves a lot of the credit for that.

Usually, I get the references you make, but I don’t get this one from Col Lingus:

“We definitely have to stop at Kmart. I definitely need to buy some new under wear.
And we need to get to a TV before 3 when Wapner comes on. Definitely need to find a TV.”

“Private equity sucks the big one Ray.”

What am I missing here? The only Wapner I know is the one from the People’s Court. Also, I will leave this here:

Do you know what sucks? Having common vehicle functions locked behind menus on a screen. I get that everyone is into minimalist designs without buttons, but come on, headlights and vent adjustment should never be behind multiple menus. Cayde-6 is thinking about James Bond:

#6: Ejector seat.

After all, if you need to get rid of a (probably unwanted) passenger in a hurry, the last thing you want to do is dig through a bunch of GUI menus, giving them a chance to notice what you are up to.

Imagine if poor Double-O had to scramble through menus while the baddie looked at him in confusion. Now I’m giggling again. Have a great evening, everyone!

(Topshot: Vegas Auto Gallery/Autopian/Myspace)

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69 thoughts on “Remember When Kmart And Myspace Were Big Deals And Cybertrucks Weren’t A Thing? COTD”

  1. “Wapner” is a reference from Rain Man, a movie you may have missed. Dustin Hoffman plays Tom Cruise’s autistic brother, whom Cruise sees as mostly an obstacle. “Rain Man” was Cruise’s childhood name for his brother when he couldn’t pronounce “Raymond”.

    In one of the scenes, Raymond is dealing with his loss of routine, which extends to what he watches and what he eats. In that scene, he wants to be home in time to watch Judge Wapner on People’s Court, one of his routines.

    I hope that’s helpful. I kinda don’t care for Tom Cruise, but he’s damn fine in this movie and watching him and Hoffman, who’s fully immersed in Raymond, work together is seriously good. Maybe mid 90s for this film.

    There’s an amazing old car in the movie, but I can’t recall what marque. An Auburn maybe?

    2. Ferrari 400i, plus a couple sketchy federalized Lamborghini Countaches as a plot point. Yes, they were new in 1988, but old now.

      Also, the inherited Buick Roadmaster as Luxobarge mentioned.

  2. I don’t share the nostalgia for Kmart. Even when I was a kid my mom went there begrudgingly because compared to the other options in town the stores were run-down and had claustrophobic, narrrow aisles.

  3. Kmart was cooked in 2003 when Martha Stewart was indicted. All their eggs were in that Martha Stewart Living basket….once that traffic draw to their stores cratered they started circling the bowl as their core customer base wasn’t savvy with those “fancy computer thingys” and their ecomm foundered.

  4. Smart phones ruined the internet. Before smartphones the barrier for entry to the internet was knowing how or being willing to use a computer. This kept the dummies and the troglodytes out. Once the normies started to carry the internet around in their pockets at all times it quickly devolved into the cesspit we know today.

    2. Much like the public opening of Facebook killed Facebook. It’s fallen much farther since then than it did in that one episode, but it was the single most dramatic change. Overnight everything became “forward this to 20 people and your crush will kiss you tonight!”.

      We can Tragedy of the Commons anything.

  5. K-mapart was always awful – understaffed, dirty, messy, harsh fluorescent lights, the cheapest possible quality of everything, and ugly, fat housewives buying clothes in hideous fashions. They were notorious for underpaying their staff, who took their revenge on their mistreatment by stealing as much as they could possibly get away with. Every K-mapart had its own horror stories of inventory overcounts to cover up the theft to managers who piled bags of merchandise outside the back door to pick it up after the place was closed.
    The last time I shopped at one the cashier shorted me ten dollars in change and started to rush away from the register. I called her back and made her fix it. That was the LAST time I went to one of those horrible hell-holes.
    The Ship My Pants commercial has shelves with neatly folded jeans. No K-mapart EVER looked that neat.
    And who could forget their tacky “blue light specials”, with a limited-time clearance sale on a table full of junk no one would otherwise be interested in, but would fight over because it only lasted a few minutes. Rot in peace, K-mapart.

    1. The Kraco stereo I put in my first car, a Harvest Gold 1972 Ford Pinto Runabout would like a word with you sir. I got that stereo on a blue light special for 19 bucks f you very much

  6. It is kind of amazing to realize just how much venture capitalists and private equity have ruined everything. They like to spin it as other factors but they’re almost always the ones behind it.

    1. That’s the thing. Money has no soul, it’s inanimate. Its value is assigned. So anyone that desires it needs to meet money on money’s level.

      To expect money to care is a waste of energy. It won’t because it can’t. To ruin something implies that there is emotion involved in the first place. Feelings are intrinsically human, control is heartless. Money is a spreadsheet, which the last time I checked, isn’t exactly mourning over trees in Brazil.

    2. May they all burn in hell!!!!!!!!!!!! Private equity = eternal damnation in my books. Total destroyers of the “American dream” Fuck them all to hell

    3. They are literally build to see only short term profits over everything else (including survival). They are the closest analogues for viruses in human behaviour, latching to a corporation, running it dry and moving to the next one – generating money to expand itself, but absolutely no value.

    4. I literally quit a job I had only been at for 6 months because we got purchased by our competitor who was owned by a venture capital company. It was a good decision.

  7. BTW, I miss Kmart. I still have some model kits I’ve never put together from there. Walmart came to town, and Kmart got the boot. So sad. Kmart had a cafeteria with the greatest fake mashed potatoes known to mankind, and those fun blue light specials. On the stores overhead loud speaker, Yes folks, your in line to check out (no self check out then) and you hear the siren! The siren of savings!!! Attention Kmart shoppers!!! For the next 15 minutes only we have an am/fm kraco stereo for 19.99! It’s usually 59 bucks! Also, back by the blue light in automotive, seat covers for 9, yes only 9 dollars folks. They are regular priced at 24.99 and they are velour!!!! Also 30 weight oil for 19 cents, yes, 19 cents a quart shoppers! Come back to automotive while the blue light shines and you hear the signal during the next 15 minutes for these bargains! please make sure our blue light attendant puts a red sticker on all of these bargains before you check out!!!!! Those were the days my friend. God how I miss them

    1. “Kmart had a cafeteria”

      Yes they did. They served ice cream. I used to love Kmart ice cream

      Until I found half a silver fish after I took a bite. No more Kmart ice cream after that.

      2. I remember the uber-70’s decor, giant wood panels hanging from the ceiling that spelled out “GRILLE”. Always at the back of the store. Wow that takes me back.

  8. Although I would miss this site, Life was soooooooo much better before cell phones and the internet. I still remember waiting with much suspense for the next issue of motor trend, car and driver, automobile, consumer reports, the real road and track, Euro auto, etc, to hit my snail mail box. Back in my day, no one “influenced” anything. We were trend setters and set trends. Every time I hear that fucking word “influencer” I hold back puke. Oh, and no one tracked my every driving moment behind the wheel back then. I could do dumb shit while driving and my car didn’t nark me out to the government and insurance companies. Also, my car had no idea of my music likes and didn’t play suggestions. Gawd, Gawd, Oh Gawd, I miss the days before the internet! I can blame Bill Clinton for it’s inception, right???? Wasn’t he the politician that took credit for it? or was it Al Gore (Whore), oh wait, Al Whore owns the global warming scheme because you drive a car and it’s your fault when its 135 degrees out in winter of 2179 hoax…..Fuck every one of these worthless career Politician’s! .Hell holds a special place in the back seat of a Trabant with a broken muffler for them. Rant over. purgatory for these worthless bastards is being 6’5″ foot tall on a 23 hour road trip in the back seat of a Mustang two+ two with it’s reduced headroom at that

      1. Ha ha yeah, was just quoting that hilarious line. I actually liked
        K-Mart and the “blue light specials” My Grandpa absolutely LOVED K-Mart though. I never liked Macy’s but LOVED Sears

        1. OMG I miss Sears. I swear their Allstate batteries would live for 10 years no matter what hell winter threw there way. Even just the ‘good’ ones. Remember Sears ratings, they were like trim levels on cars! They had good, better, and best!

          1. Honestly, I wish Amazon bought the Sears name and used the shuttered Sears stores as showroom stores for their wares and using all that storage space the stores have to assist the Amazon warehouses.

          1. Ugh, Macy’s. Bon Marché was way better before it got bought by Macy’s, too. Macy’s also hoovered up Foley’s, which then got hella mid and went out of business. So many decent regional stores that got consumed by the meh behemoth.

            Foley’s had these cool mosaics on a lot of their stores, too. The one on the former store in Tyler is now completely obliterated after the store’s footprint was replaced by a frickin’ Hobby Lobby. Turns out, the ancient art thieves’ stupid craft store chain is awful to modern art, too.

            tl;dr — launch them both into the sun, please. (And then nuke the spot where Hobby Lobby fell, just to be sure.)

          3. Also Famous-Barr. Those NYC a-holes can shove the entire history of their consumerism-celebrating, capitalistic, holiday-diluting, consumption-fest of a parade deep into where the sun doesn’t shine.

            The executives who made those acquisitions and related shut-downs should also have to watch the original “Miracle on 34th Street” on repeat until the general public decides they can stop. Or maybe the newer one instead (the older one I think has a stronger message).

  10. In my delusional alterverse, Facebook remained a small but efficient college-affiliated social network and was eventually bought up by LinkedIn to function as a feeder for their main website. Graduate? Get your profile converted to a LinkedIn and network with employers while maintaining chat and social compatibility with your friends on Facebook! In this world, MySpace remained fairly large until tapering off directly into the Instagram era (which stayed independent and picked up some of the smaller photo gallery companies into the late 20-teens).

    However in my delusional alterverse, kei cars were made legal as a U.S. car category in 2015 as an action of the outgoing Obama adminstration and after a rough few years of the Big Three bringing in their Third World shitboxes crudely federalized, a new generation of small and reasonable city-oriented cars is among us. Our cap is 1.2L though.

      1. No, that kind of corporate bootlicking and hustle culture fanfiction amateur pornography was going to occur anywhere with a professional emphasis.

      2. What is Linked In, my BIL keeps trying to sign me up. Is it some weird kind of online Masonic cult????? He is in journalism
        and that would clear a few things up. He’s also liberal and drives a Tesla. Never mind, I just figured this out all by myself. Do I get ice cream with sprinkles now?

        2. Actually, LinkedIn (and other SM) kind of replaced old-school social organizations like the Masons, Elks, Loyal Order of Water Buffalo, Moose, etc. When’s the last time you heard about somebody getting a job through their lodge brother?

  11. I made the board! But yes the Col is making a Rain Man reference, Dustin Hoffman’s character played an autistic which may… not… age… well…, but is very routine based, and as I get older I can totally relate. Like now that Kmart’s gone we can’t get the towels I liked and the ones that Kohls have aren’t the same.

    1. Autism doesn’t age well? Hmm. I’ll leave that to you to tell my 62-year-old brother.

      It’s real. He deals with it. Everyone in his world deals with it just fine, thank you. You should as well. All the hand-wringing around here about “unhoused” and the like, and you go ahead with “an autistic”.

      Good grief.

      1. I completely read this comment as Dustin Hoffman’s portrayal of an autistic man may not have aged well (given he’s acting), not people with autism.

        2. Correct. But, how does it not “age well”? It’s nothing to be touchy about, it exists, and it’s not going away. To pussy-foot around the facts is making it seem like Autism is a bad thing. It isn’t.

          And, to anyone that thinks that saying a “normal” fantastic actor portraying someone with a tweak in their brain, might not “age well”…to whom are you leaving that decision upon? No one is patting anyone on the back for the 9th degree of derisionatory platitudes.

          Half-assed “sympathy” is insulting.

          Anyway, Go Oilers! 🙂

          1. The OP re-evaluated their chosen quote that received COTD as a potential flag given the viewpoints of the film. I absolutely agree that the movie is out there in the ether, but respect that OP is just sharing their feelings about sharing a quote similar to the script of said movie and just adding a personal thought upon hitting send into the ether for their original message. “Aged well” means exactly what it means. The comment was comedic (in referencing a quote from a movie that some take offense to.) The only ones that truly can take offense are the ones offended; speaking for someone else who you think is offended doesn’t justify a clap back, else you’d add that context besides saying that it’s for ‘your brother to decide’ yet you are speaking for them in your response.

            1. I get what you are saying, but part of it is wrong. Most of the time, those that are “offended” have no direct knowledge, only faux empathy to soothe their own conflicting ideas of what is right or not. It tends to be selfish.

              Either way, I’m not going to pursue this further. One gets it or they don’t. In the largest of frameworks, it makes no difference.

        3. Yes that’s what I meant, that hollywood depiction of an autistic man, not autism. I have family that’s on the spectrum and feel awareness is very important, but not sure this was the best example.

      2. I actually got diagnosed on the Autism scale last year, and I’m pushing 60. We all know now why I’ve always been a bit off judged by other peoples standards . If Autism would have been known about in the 1970’s, it would have totally changed the coarse of my life. I got a double whammy back in the day. Gay and autistic. I still, weirdly, miss the old days before the internet though

          2. Thank you for that. So how many scale models of Tuckers and Edsel’s do you have? If you don’t have any, that’s fine. I have over 3000 scale models. That’s how I’ve managed all of these years. Pick a lane and drive in it. This lane has ben long and had many stops at road side attractions with model cars LOL Everyone in my life knows what to buy Blake for a gift. 1/18 scale model, yay, even a hot wheels or matchbox from the dollar tree makes my day. The folks that really really love and know me get me 1/18th scale, or 1/24 or 1/43 if its an odd car I like made in no other scale. All the others get me a hot wheels or match box. Either way, it’s a much appreciated gift and promptly added to my collection..

      3. Not Autism, the movie may not age well. And sorry for my grammar, “played as an autistic man”. It was good that it helped bring autism more into the public conscience, but it depicts Raymond as a savant which isn’t typical so I’m not sure, maybe it does age well, better than Soul Man for sure.

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