Screw It, We’re Doing A Car Haiku Quiz

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This week, as you may have heard, I’ve been left all alone running the site. I’m happy to do it! Everyone needs breaks, and at some point I’ll need a bit off as well. Of course, there’s this expectation that I’m just gonna go clamshit superbonkers without anyone to watch me, and while I’d deeply love to, the truth is that mostly I’m scrambling to get enough good stories on the site! I have great writers and contributors, as you know, so I’m deeply fortunate there, but it’s still, you know, work. But, right now, I need some quick content, and I’m tired of being all rational and responsible so, fuck it, we’re doing a car haiku quiz!

I did some of these years and years ago at the Old Site, and there’s always something oddly soothing about writing these. Here’s how it works: I’ve written, let’s see, six haikus, and each one is about a specific car. If you want an example, I put one in the top image, about the Subaru 360.

So, read the haikus and take a guess! I suggest yelling your answer, loudly, after reading each one, especially if you’re in an office or coffee shop or something. Really bellow it out! Or, you can put your guesses in the comments.

I’ll put the answers down below, but no sneaky looking before! Play by the rules! Make your guesses, put them in the comments/yell them, then check! We all cool with that? Good.

Okay, here they are, all following the traditional haiku five syllable/seven syllable/five syllable format. I’ve tried to not make them too hard, and I think all the cars are reasonably well-known. Have at it:

Rednsudivider

1.

Corrugated look

Like a shed and just as fast

French food truck icon

Rednsudivider

2.

Brit charm’s Last vestige 

Framed like a house, all wooden

Somehow still around

Rednsudivider

3.

Looks almost modern

Powered by Hamentaschen

Ahead of its time

Rednsudivider

4.

Named like the space probe

With the seats that stow, and go 

Bet your mom had one

Rednsudivider

5.

Once, it was Morris

Then they took over Delhi 

Big wigs sat in back

Rednsudivider

6.

Named for a ticket

Why’s the radio like that?

Does anyone like these?

 

Okay, got it? After you tell us your guesses in the comments, you can click here for the answers. You’ve earned it.

 

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Mercedes Streeter

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87 thoughts on “Screw It, We’re Doing A Car Haiku Quiz”

  5. Missed on 3 and 6, although I thought my guess for #3 of DKW Schnellnaster was decent. #6 I was able to cheat on with a shrewd Google search as I remembered what was weird about the radio but couldn’t recall the car. Shame on you for forcing me to remember I owned a platform mate of that piece of trash. Man, I hated that car.

  6. I definitely know what the radio thing is about. I had to install a new stereo under the dash because that stupid little radio had to be a weird little vertical thing.

    Of course, I also had to cut holes for speakers and run a bunch of wires because those tiny dash speakers were not built to withstand anything and were tinny little garbage.

    But I thought I had something with my 6 cylinders (I didn’t, but I didn’t know that right away).

    3. This could be one of several old cars: really most old air cooled vws, subaru 360, 2cv*, isetta & I’m sure there are other low power ‘peoples cars using boxer engines I’m not thinking of….
      *and 2cv variants

  10. A jazzy car
    Bigger inside than out
    Yes, it will.

    I got all but the Ro80. And the Citation’s radio for all but the 1985 model year was placed vertically. If I was better with picture posting I’d put up one of the 1/24 Monogram model kit of it that I converted from the seldom seen notchback coupe to a 5-door hatchback.

  11. I got Morgan and Voyager pretty quickly (and yes, my parents drove a Voyager). I was less confident about the Ambassador. I could picture the Citroen food truck, but I didn’t know the name of it. And I’m disappointed I couldn’t guess Citation.

    My struggle with haikus is that I am too distracted by counting syllables to really appreciate the verse.

    Space is limited
    In a haiku, so it’s hard
    To finish what you

        1. Ok, let’s unpack this.

          Roadside ungulates. Assuming you don’t live in Africa, I’m guessing cows and sheep. So their scourge would be wolves, foxes, badgers, mountain lions. A Triumph Stag IS an ungulate so that is out.

          Right-hand drive = a vehicle from UK, Japan, or Australia. I am also assuming it was not officially sold in North America or Continental Europe because then it would be RHD and LHD.

          Eater of Ball-joints. I must assume this is inside knowledge of the brand but since English cars are generally crappy, let’s go that way.

          So, we have a British car with a common predator name that wasn’t sold in the US.

          It could be a Jaguar or Sunbeam Tiger but when was the last time you saw a jaguar or tiger hunting cows and sheep? I am blank. Clearly my logic is flawed.

          1. Impressive attempt and not far off in a couple of places. Let’s just say this one’s a piker, not all ungulates are livestock and scourges need not be of nature, and ball joints is an Autopian inside reference. That should do it.

  15. 1 It’s a Citroen but fuck if I know the name of it. I screamed the haiku out at my desk hoping someone would know and now I have a meeting with HR in a few minutes. I’m hoping they give me the answer.

    2 Morgan

    4 Voyager (although did the Voyager have stow and go? I feel like it left us before that was a thing)

    5 Hindustan Ambassador (it’s not a Tata and I only know the Ambassador so I’m going with that)

    6 Citation

    1. I am contractually obligated to explain the modern Voyager as an owner.

      In 2020, Chrysler brought back the Voyager name for it’s base and fleet trim Pacificas. Why? Probably to pretend that they sold more than two models. The base trim consumer Voyagers do not have Stow N’ Go, and the consumer version of the Voyager was discontinued in 2021. Therefore, only the LXi rental trim version of the van in 2020 and 2021 has the Stow N’ Go. I am unsure if fleet versions of the Voyager in 2022 and later get the Stow N’ Go or not.

      So Torch here is correct about a portion of a portion of vans, but he is technically correct. The best kind of correct.

      Edit: Whoa, apparently the Voyager name was also used for the “brick” vans (as I call them) from 2008 to 2016. So maybe those years got the Stow N’ Go as well? Not sure. Also rebadged as a Lancia Voyager in Europe, which is hilarious.

      1. Oh yea! I completely forgot that they brought the name back! Thank you for enlightening me and for including a Futurama reference for good measure.

        Is it possible to rebadge your Voyager as a Lancia? That would be amazing. Extra points if you wrapped it in Martini livery.

  16. My Uber driver just shit his pants after I yelled out my first answer. Now I have to walk the last 6 blocks.
    Screw you Torch.

    BTW, great shit here and do appreciate the hard work on our behalf.

  17. I guessed Cosmo rather than Ro80 on account of that unpleasantness involving the people of the hamentaschen in the homeland of the Ro80

    What’s the singular of hamentaschen?

  18. Great, now I’ve written poetry at work. Thanks Autopian for inventing more ways to inject time theft into my day-to-day!

    Risen from ashes
    A real feathery flambé
    May the poultry cry

      1. Great clue. Being tribally challenged, I had to Google it. Sounds delicious. I stand by my answer of Mazda Cosmo, but I will grant that there are probably still more Jews in Neckarsulm than Hiroshima.

  20. 1.      2CV
    2.      Morgan
    3.      No idea
    4.      Plymouth Voyager
    5.      No idea
    6.      Chevy Citation – No, no one likes them.

      2. At every speed starting with the 1965 model that had the completely revised suspension 🙂
        Also I love the fact that they have a good following of fans & have remained pretty affordable priced

    1. Citroen H van
    2. Morgan!
    3. Mazda RX7 FC (?)
    4. Chrysler Voyager
    5. Hindustan Ambassador (?)
    6. Renault Trafic (???)

    And screw it, I’ll offer my own.

    Body roll, surprising!
    Drop clutch, drop top, drop worries
    You know the answer.

        1. Could have been the Citroën 2CV – centrifugal clutch you could mindlessly dump, a top that rolled away if you didn’t care getting it back in place later on, and the acceleration of a leadweight on a perfectly flat surface.

          I have a theory that they invented “pedal to the metal” after those: there isn’t much rubber or carpet or anything in these, and it’s the only way to inch them forward the least bit.

          Also the absolute queen of body roll.

          1. I want to to see 2cvs electrified, doors off & used as golf carts. You’d have to install wide turf tires, other than that imagine the fun!
            Oh and they could be used for vacation destination location ‘trail rides’ too!

  25. WOOHOO! TORCH UNLEASHED!!!
    This is what we’ve waited for!
    Here are my guesses

    1) Citroen H van?
    2) A Morgan?
    3) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    4) Voyager!
    5) o.O
    6) Chevy Citation?

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