Welcome to another Friday edition of Shitbox Showdown! To cap off this week, we’re giving our losing cars a second chance, because as the late great Tom Petty once told us, “Even the losers get lucky sometimes.” So let’s see which car took home yesterday’s participation trophy, and we can get started:
I expected as much. Sorry to say I can’t bring myself to join you in this Subaru love-fest; the only Subarus I’d even consider are a Brat or an XT. I’m not crazy about the Nissan with the slushbox, but I’ll take it over induction into the Cult of the Flat Four.
Having said that, I try really hard to find something positive to say about every car I choose here. There are times I pick something as a foil for a car I actually like, like this week’s surprise-upset Impala, but even that car I don’t actively dislike. So today, to play devil’s advocate, I’m going to try to talk you all into these four second-fiddles, and then you can tell me, via vote and/or comment, if I’ve swayed you. Let’s recap:
1995 Nissan 200SX SE
Let me just start by acknowledging the obvious: yes, this car would be a more enticing proposition with a manual gearbox. Small cars with small engines are ill-suited to automatics, but the fact is that zillions of them have been sold here in the US so equipped. Sometimes it’s all you can find. I’ve spent plenty of wheel time in various small cars with automatics, including a Ford Escort that I drove for many years and on many adventures, and I’m here to tell you that it’s not always about what you drive, or how you drive; sometimes it’s all about where you drive. Would my trip to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan have been more fun in a car with a stick? Maybe. Would the scenery have been any less pretty? Not a bit.
And okay, this car is nowhere near as clean as advertised. But it’s still not bad at all, especially for the mileage. The described “slipping” between gears in the transmission is probably what’s called “shift flare,” a brief lapse in engagement between gears, which is typically a much easier fix than actual transmission slippage (when an automatic transmission actually starts slipping, believe me, you know it), and less detrimental if you just ignore it. It’s not ideal, but it shouldn’t be a deal-killer.
Basically, stop fussing so much over how many pedals it has, and just accept it for the funky little teal jellybean of a car that it is. This would be a great city beater, or first car for a kid.
2005 Nissan Altima SE-R
And on we go to Nissan Number Two. Overpowered, badly abused, questionably titled, and with a reputation that precedes it by a country mile, this car somehow got beat by a dull-as-rice-cakes Chevy Impala. What kind of car enthusiasts are you all? Six speeds! Two hundred and forty horsepower! Red and black leather seats! I mean, come on. Where else are you going to get this much entertainment for less than two grand? Okay, yes, there’s the bad power steering pump, and possibly rack too, but that’s just an excuse to take stuff apart. And some of you expressed concerns that it might be rustier than it looks, but we’re not talking long-term commitment here. This is a fling car, the sort you have your fun with and then unload on the next bright-eyed sucker. Fix the steering yourself, and you might even be able to turn a small profit.
And yes, the fact that it’s an Altima means it includes a full set of custom-fitted cultural baggage. But why not lean into it? Be the safest, most courteous Altima driver around, and that still gives you a lot of leeway. What happens in the fast lane behind the wheel of a Nissan Altima, stays in the fast lane behind the wheel of a Nissan Altima.
1980 Chevrolet LUV
Five grand. That’s what the seller is asking for this Isuzu Faster in a bowtie. Probably not much less than it sold for new, when WKRP In Cincinnati was in its heyday. Little trucks from this era were cool when they were new, then they became dirt-cheap beaters, a condition from which most of them perished. A select few like this one stayed nice, and they’ve gotten cool again, and prices have risen commensurately. And really, five grand is nothing compared to what some Toyotas and Datsuns are going for. You want a classic mini-truck, this is what it costs.
So what do you get for your money? A clean-as-a-whistle little truck, with some half-finished custom work in the interior, a surprising lack of rust, and heaps of character. Did you know these have front-hinged hoods? And check out those rope hooks on the sides of the bed. I mean, kudos to Ford for making a small(ish) truck again, but the Maverick has got nothing on this thing when it comes to cool. And how many other classics can haul a half-ton of whatever you want?
1975 Pontiac Firebird
When you ask most people to categorize a Pontiac Firebird, they would call it a “muscle car.” But it’s not – it’s a pony car, and that’s a whole different animal, so to speak. The Ford Mustang that started the whole pony car craze (and of course gave it its name) wasn’t fast, to begin with. It was just cool-looking, and bargain-priced. It didn’t get fast until Carroll Shelby got his hands on it. This means that when GM entered the fray a couple of years later with the Firebird and Chevy Camaro, they had to make fast versions from the get-go. But at its heart, the Firebird in its simplest form, like this one, is only designed to be cool-looking, and bargain-priced.
As such, the six-cylinder engine and three-speed stick in this car suit the Firebird’s mission really well. The “stovebolt” six-cylinder engine, borrowed from Chevy, is a bulletproof design, and connecting it to the most basic of all automotive transmissions keeps the costs down, both for the original buyer, and for repair bills now. And you can’t deny that a long Hurst gearshift lever coming up out of the tunnel isn’t cool-looking. Sure, it needs a little work, and it’s no match for a Hyundai Accent, let alone its Trans Am sibling, in the performance department. But fix it up, and you could enjoy it for a long time. Take it to a classic car meetup, pop the hood, and enthusiasts who have already seen their share of SD 455s and Bandit-styled Trans Ams will flock to it for its base-model novelty.
So there they are, this week’s second fiddles, and my most compelling arguments for considering them. The cars that beat them had their moment of glory in the sun; now it’s time for one of these to shine. Which one moves you?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Luv here. I had a Mazda B2200 years back and loved it, but there wasn’t enough adjustment available to comfortably teach my young daughter to drive a straight, and a buddy needed an actual truck, so…
Yep: I’d buy it for the nostalgia-but the hooks figured large there, too
That little Isuzu pickup has a lot to recommend it. Five K is strong for what it is, but what it is is damned rare anymore.
I’m not delighted by the ugly work done on the dash but the rest kind of appeals. That’d be my vote.
I chose Altima, just to spite the functionally-equivalent Alfa on The Herb’s site.
All of these are awful. I think I’d rather walk.
The Nissan wasn’t nixed solely because it was an automatic, but because it’s an old Nissan – and a hatchback Subaru is infinitely more useable.
“Overpowered, badly abused, questionably titled, and with a reputation that precedes it by a country mile, this car somehow got beat by a dull-as-rice-cakes Chevy Impala. What kind of car enthusiasts are you all?”
We’re enthusiasts who know that plain white toast is a better choice than a plate of half shell oysters that got left on the counter overnight. That used and abused Altima doesn’t even come with a title, for crying out loud. Just get the boring but stout Impala and save up money to get something more interesting in a few years.
For this shitbox free-for-all, gimme all your LUVin’. I would blast that song out of a portable speaker every time I drove that little truck.
LUV’s Labour’s Least. It’s ready to go as is, unlike everything else on this list. It’s ran this long and it’ll run a log longer. You can add bits if you like, drive it as is, whichever you like. It’s maybe overpriced right now, but in about a year or two that’s going to seem cheap for what you’re getting.
Manual trans Poncho with a Chevy heart for me. I would probably leave the TA parts car as it appears all the good parts are gone already. But I would want to pay about half that price as well.
I was close to choosing Altima, but I’d honestly would prefer a mini-truck. I have an absurdly low need for anything with more than 2 seats (and that second seat? If it was a fast remove and install, I wouldn’t need that 95% of the time I drive anyways).
Plus, the LUV is also a stick. So I could learn to drive stick better than I can right now…. which is something to not to be desired….
I went altima, thats fudge it money, the LUV is too expensive for what you get, I just can’t see spending that much on it.
I click on the Showdown articles for the nifty choices, but I stay for Mark’s patter; that really delivered today!
Voted again for the Altima. Don’t care about the cultural baggage at all, and if you avoid that it’s a hell of a good deal with the used car prices today. Sure there are problems, but they are out in the open and up front about them, not something you’ll need annoying diagnostics and a surprise highway breakdown to discover. Even abused and rough around the edges that’s a lot of car with plenty to give.
Gotta go with the LUV here. The 200SX is an unassuming econobox and those can only be salvaged by having 3 pedals. This one doesn’t. As someone who’s constantly being tormented by domestic terrorists…errrr I mean, Nissan drivers in the DC area, I refuse to ever contribute to Big Altima Energy. Every 4th car here is a Nissan that’s been handed to someone who has no business driving on public roads…although I’ve seen nearly as much insanity being wrought by people driving the Rogue…aka the Talltima.
Seriously. Whenever I come up on an accident there’s almost always a Nissan involved. Anyway…I struggled between the Firebird and the LUV but ultimately went mini truck because mini trucks rule. If the Firebird was a V8 it would run away with this, and while I too am a member of the “non V8 pony cars are valid” committee, I still wouldn’t want to own one with less than 8 cylinders…because if I’m going to drive something that ostentatious I’d rather go all in, because at that point who TF cares? V8 go burrrrr.
was gonna say I’d rather just walk, but the dash in the LUV makes me happy. I wish dashes in modern cars could be interesting, instead of what usually looks like a bunch of pleather scraps strewn across a drafting table.
It’s gotta be the LUV. The rest of them are total piles of crap.
The LUV by a mile. And I’d like to remind everyone, the Altima has title issues on top of it’s steering issues.
And way more rust than it’s showing, I guarantee.
Oof, and I just checked, Lemont, IL is a suburb of Chicago. Yeahhh, I’ve got to imagine it’s at the end of it’s life and that everything is getting a little bit “swiss” underneath.
Everything about it gives me “real piece of shit” vibes.
Yeah, Lemont is local to me. Nissans of that era were worse than most about rusting too. I bet you it has no rocker panels under the cladding and not much floor left. I just hope whoever bought it, is using it for parts on a better body shell.
I originally voted for it over the Impala partly on the basis that the Altima’s drivetrain was worth putting into something else (and partly because I had a well-abused 3.4 Impala as a driver’s ed car…) and the Impala appeared to be about as rusty as I assumed the Altima had to be.
Anyway, I chose the LUV again today. Wouldn’t say no to the Firebird as a project, though.
The Firebird could be a fun beater project, but the LUV is good right now, so I voted for it.
Wait a second, Lemont is just Lemon with a ‘t’ on the end!
So there’s a ridiculous reason to reject it to go along with all the totally rational reasons to reject it.
LOL! Nice!
Firebird for me. You cant browse marketplace without tripping over more fun drivetrain options and they can be swapped in a lazy Saturday afternoon.
I’m half with you. I’d keep the I6 and see what could be done to wake it up a bit. The Aussies have been wringing some pretty decent power from Holden I6s for decades, so a few chats with Lawrence and his mates so generate a plan or two.
Perversely, I sort of want to drop a BMW straight 6 in a pony car. An LS makes way more sense, but it would be fun to take it to C&C early, open the hood, and just stay close enough to watch people’s reactions
I do love a straight 6. I have had a few 250 Chevrolets, 4.9 Fords and even a slant 6. Right now I’m working on a 2JZ in a SC300. Still would have to put a V8 in the Bird.
I dunno, a 2JZ in an F-Bird would be pretty epic.
I’m finding that this engine suffers a bit of the “Supra tax” Anything that also fits a Supra just costs more. It does sound pretty wild at full tilt though. Surely would turn some heads.
I’ve wanted a slant6 for years, but have come to understand that they take a lot of work to get them to breathe well at higher rpms. Recently stumbled into a straight 6 M, and currently am in the first stage of love.
We all know how that goes (wry grin emoji)
it’s the torque after years of 4-popper fwd shitboxes-I giggle like a kid every time I take it out
The classic Japanese pickup wins by default.
Also, the 200SX had those Batman song commercials, so there’s that 😛
I picked the Altima before, and I’m gonna do it again. If it was teal, I’d probably vote for it a few extra times.
My experience with old Japanese mini-pickups tells me they all felt tired and clapped-out right from the showroom floor, so why go through that again? At least it’s not a Ford Courier….
The Tiredbird and Nissan just aren’t in it for me. And for something in this price range, I’m not going to contemplate any powertrain beef-ups.
Luv. It should have won earlier this week, and it should win now.
I voted Altima the first time around, and I was sorely tempted again, but I went with the LUV.
The more I thought about it, I’m a drive it ’til they die person. That LUV might be fun to drive into the sunset of gas cars, and if I keep it clean, it could be a museum piece.
Hold up! The ultimate Altima lost! To a freakin rental car. This is great travesty. Many people are saying this couldn’t possibly happen. They’re like “ESBMW, we all know how great the Altima is.” No one ever talks about the Impala. Impassable Impala, that’s what I call it. That’s why we’re taking The Autopian and specifically this Mark Turkey character to court, in Arizona, Wisconsin and Georgia. Ultimate Altima 9/22/23! MAGAN! Make Altimas Go-Fast Again, Nissan!
Title issues.
You own an Altima, laws, rules and regulations are no longer you’re concern.
This is the one angle I didn’t consider with the Altima. Someone who is making a license plate with glitter markers on a piece of printer paper probably isn’t all that worried about getting a title.
Or registration. Or insurance.
It would be crazy to imagine Altima ownership completely eroding all sense of law and order out of me. Suddenly I’m leaving my car in the road with my hazard lights on to buy scratch-offs. I’m aggressively nailing the cars in front and behind me while parallel parking. I’m trying to race every Civic I pull up next to. There’s a gun in the glovebox I don’t remember putting there, yet I somehow instinctively know how to use it.
What a strange mid-life crisis that would be for me.
It’s the Thomas Paine of cars. Live free, and die in a high speed collision
This must explain why there’s so many ratty Altimas in New Hampshire.
They have a current Altima called the VC Turbo that offers solid power….but it gets put through a goddamn Jatco CVT because Nissan
Yeah that’s truly a depressing combo haha.
I’m going Altima here. I bet the seller would take $1,500 and that seems like not a lot of money to potentially have a lot of fun. Even if it dies you’ll get $350 back when you scrap it.
Purchase from seller for $1,500.
Car dies.
Sell to SWG for $700.
SWG brings it back from the dead.
SWG sells it for $1,500
The cycle of life repeats.
I voted for the Firebird in the first place, and it’s still the only one I am interested in. You almost talked me into the Altima, but still no.
The maintenance it needs bothers me far less than the title status.
Give Luv a chance.
The LUV is the best of the worst. A few bucks and weekends to get to a somewhat daily hauler.
I want that big Altima energy, because I’ve got hooning on the brain.