Happy Friday, Autopians! It has been one hell of a week here at Shitbox Showdown International Headquarters, and I’m happy the weekend is finally upon us. I’m less happy about the one to eight inches of snow we’re supposed to get, but we’ll deal with that as it comes. To finish off our week of reader suggestions, we’re looking at a pair of Chevys from opposite sides of the country, both available for the same price.
Sometimes when I pit two cars against each other, I have no idea which one is going to win. Other times, I have a pretty good idea, and I’m not often wrong. But the degree to which one car gets beaten sometimes comes as a shock, and such is the case with yesterday’s fake Lamborghini. I knew that little sheep-in-ill-fitting-wolf’s-clothing was going to lose. But by twenty to one? Damn.
I have no choice, therefore, but to offer my salute to the 34 brave souls who did choose the rebodied Fiero. A second-rate ripoff of an ’80s icon deserves a second-rate ripoff of an ’80s hair band, so please enjoy the musical stylings of Roxy Blue. (Hey, that’s what you get.) On a happier musical note, there were some excellent playlist suggestions for the Rolls, by the way. Bravo.
Today’s cars come with their own playlist, whether you want them or not. They’ve been driven to the levee. Night moves have been practiced in them. They’ve been traded in for a Cadillac (ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac). They’ve been customized. They’ve been raced. You get the idea. Chevrolet is America’s car brand – love ’em or hate ’em or don’t think much about ’em at all, you can’t escape ’em. So here is a pair of them, from different times in the company’s history, at opposite ends of the country, for five grand each. Let’s take a look.
1973 Chevrolet Chevelle Malibu – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 307 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Monroe, NY
Odometer reading: 87,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives, but that’s all we know
The Chevy Malibu we know today is a bland rental-car special, sort of like a Camry with what little personality it has sucked out. It’s the official car of “that’ll do, I guess.” But it wasn’t always that way; once upon a time the Malibu was cool. Introduced in 1964 as the fancy version of Chevy’s new intermediate A-body Chevelle and named after a fancy part of the California coast, the Malibu lasted four generations as a rear-drive, mostly-V8-powered car of the people.
This third-generation Malibu still bore the Chevelle name; later it was dropped like the “Cougar” in John Mellencamp. This generation of GM’s A-body is sometimes known as the “Colonnade” style, but really, that only applies to the coupes, which lost their wide-open hardtop architecture to proposed rollover standards. The coupes overshadowed sedans like this, and the wagons (which you almost never see anymore), but I think this is a handsome car. It’s a fairly plain-Jane car, with a ho-hum 307 cubic inch version of Chevy’s small-block V8 and dog-dish hubcaps, which it wears well, I think.
1973 was the first year for five mile per hour bumper mandates, but only in the front. That’s why the ’73 Chevelles have this square-jawed look, with that huge front bumper. It’s probably the car’s least attractive feature, but this particular one is impressive; I don’t think I’ve seen one of these without rusted-out bumpers in about twenty years. The whole car is impressively rust-free, actually. This was almost certianly someone’s parents’ or grandparents’ car, garaged and hardly used.
The odometer, below that magnificent wide speedometer, shows only 87,000 miles, and I can’t imagine it has rolled over. The rest of the car looks too nice. There is a rip in the driver’s seat and some wear here and there, but overall it’s a very well preserved car. We don’t get much information about its mechanical condition, except that it does run and drive, but this is a simple car. Whatever it needs, some basic simple mechanical know-how can provide.
1994 Chevrolet Lumina Z34 – $4,999
Engine/drivetrain: 3.4 liter dual overhead cam V6, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Odometer reading: 106,000 miles
Operational status: “Drive good”
The rear-wheel-drive A-body Malibu was replaced by the front-wheel-drive A-body Celebrity, which in turn was replaced by this car, the W-body Lumina. But this is not your grandma’s Lumina; this is the high-performance Z34 coupe, equipped with a special 3.4 liter “Twin Dual Cam” 24 valve V6. This was Chevy’s answer to the Ford Taurus SHO, along with a four-door version called the Lumina Euro 3.4. A Getrag five-speed manual was available, but this car makes do with a 4T60E four-speed automatic – and ten fewer horsepower.
The 3.4 DOHC V6 doesn’t have a great reputation; it’s high-maintenance, leak-prone, and jammed in there so tight that it’s hard to work on. This one doesn’t have many miles on it, and the seller says it runs well, but it’s for sale at a dealership, so there probably isn’t a lot of service history available. At the very least, you should probably change the timing belt – which, by the way, is a weird design. There’s a chain-driven intermediate shaft in the center valley where the camshaft goes in the pushrod versions of this engine, and that shaft drives a belt that drives all four camshafts.
The rest of the car is in decent condition, but I do see a few worrying signs. I don’t like seeing seat or dash covers; I can’t help wondering what’s under them. The covers may be protecting those surfaces, or hiding their condition. More troubling than that, there is tape residue on the roof around the sunroof, indicating that someone had taped something over the sunroof to prevent a leak. This makes me wonder where the water went when it was leaking, and what damage it did there.
It’s nice and shiny anyway, and there are no signs of damage. I like the styling of all the W-body coupes, with the door handle up in the B-pillar. It’s a good-looking car. Too bad it’s red, though.
So, thank you all for the suggestions this week! Keep ’em coming, and I’ll keep using them here and there. I’m always happy to have help looking for cars. For now, you’ve got a choice to make between two Chevys. What’ll it be?
(Image credits: Malibu – Facebook Marketplace seller; Lumina – Craigslist seller)
This is a total nostalgia vote for me. My first car was a ’75 Malibu Classic. Forrest green metallic with a pea green vinal top and matching pea green interior. 350 with a 2 bbl and a slushbox. Added a clamp on tach, 8 ball shifter, and fuzzy dice. Swapped out the AM only radio for an Alpine tape deck. The interior shots of this car are giving me a serious nostalgia trip.
Also
“I’m happy the weekend is finally upon us. I’m less happy about the one to eight inches of snow we’re supposed to get”
Milwaukee is getting a predicted 12-15 inches today. My kid’s school was canceled, as was his ski club tonight. Lemme repeat that, ski club was canceled due to snow. Irony?
See the USA in Your Chevrolet – the official Chevy jingle used for many many years as sung by the late great Dinah Shore. A sound bite of its day and age.
I voted for the Lumina. Assuming you can straighten out whatever was going on with the sunroof, you’ll have a slightly interesting car for not a lot of money, and one built with modern features like antlock brakes and OBD-I diagnostics. The Malibu, on the other hand, is mainly interesting because of its age.
That 3.4 DOHC is interesting – in the “May you live in interesting times” curse.
Simpler is better in this case. I also like how the Malibu isn’t trying to pretend to be something it clearly isn’t, unlike any of the “sporty” renditions of the W body. I could see The Dude driving that exact Malibu today and saying “It’s, like, a classic man!” while the tow truck driver thoughtlessly drags it out of the fire lane it was blocking.
I had a 93 Z34 in gray, no sunroof, absolutely loved that car. Then in the span of ten days someone turned left in front of me and smashed the passenger side front corner and then someone else slammed into the driver side while parked at Walmart and absolutely totaled it. I was heartbroken. Everything I’ve driven since has been practical and utilitarian, and I can’t bring myself to buy anything “fun” instead while I can only afford one car at a time, so maybe that’s making me have better memories of this car than it deserves.
Having said all that, get that leaky sunroof the heck away from me right this moment and give me grandma’s Malibu.
I’m sold. Not sure why I would consider the Malibu.
That Lumina was on the old lighting site in December for Nice Price or No Dice. It looks like a dealer bought it and raised the cost.
Another runaway vote, I’m guessing. Not gonna get the brakes beat off it like the Fiero, but its gonna be a strong win for the 70s
Malibu, dude.
My college roommate had a maroon BTS ‘73 Malibu sedan that forever reeked of stale beer, mud, and blood (he was a hunter). Great car.
Plus, you got culture, man. The Malibu Colony and Beach itself home to decadent Hollywood lifestyles and cradle of surfing ( … at Huntington and Malibu they’re shooting the pier …). The Chevy Malibu, 60s muscle car legend, family hauler, and platform for the best El Camino ever (1969). Malibu Barbie, spray tan icon to millions of American girls and her beach house where you just know little sis Skipper hung out during parties throwing back abandoned drinks, flaming up ashtray roaches, and scarfing pills from the couch cushions. MB was Farrah Fawcett before Farrah! Ya got the surf-rock band the Malibooz (Malibooz Rule!).
The Lumina? Ask your doctor about Lumina.
“Ask your doctor about Lumina.”
Side effects include misjudging the length of the hood, timing belts flying off and destroying your free Saturdays, and wondering if you should’ve gotten a Camaro instead.
I absolutely love the looks of the Lumina Z34, but that Twin Dual Cam 3.4 is a nightmare. There’s a reason it ended up being replaced by the 3800 a few years into the Monte Carlo’s tenure wearing the Z34 badge. Gotta go Malibu
I appreciate the first-gen Lumina, but this malaise-era kid can’t vote against a crew-cab Colonnade. We’ll take Grandpa’s (the PBA sticker is a giveaway) Malibu.
I was all for the Lumina until you mentioned the tape around the sunroof. I’m not messing with that.
It amazes me that the Lumina Z34 coupe is 12 inches LONGER than a Gen1 Taurus SHO. No wonder I always thought they looked overly large and ungainly! (It was only 8 inches longer than a Gen2 SHO.)
That said, I have a soft spot for 90’s cars, so my vote (and prayers) go towards the Z-34 and all of the future maintenance that goes with it.
Owned a Gen 2, ’94 5 speed. Car was an absolute gem. I also owned a W-body GM before it and a plain Jane ’91 Sable. No comparison in quality and reliability between a Taurus and W-body.
I have no need to hold a boom box over my head while playing “in your eyes”, so the blue Malibu is probably not for me.
Damn, I was going to make a Lloyd Dobler reference, and it slipped my mind. Thanks for having my back.
I voted for the old one, but it is way overpriced. The Z24 price is just a down payment with all the demons it seems to be hiding.
I was taken home from the hospital in a then-new 1973 Malibu. 2-door with the 350. I learned to drive in that same car.
We drove it in the NW with studded tires and a block heater. Took it cross country. Took it to Germany. Our German mechanic thought it was hysterical… but it did just fine on the autobahn. Then England. Eventually it wound up in Alabama – where I learned to drive on it. Vinyl seats and no AC meant no shorts.
I miss that car. If this were a brown 350 coupe… I’d be tempted.
I’ve always liked the look of these Luminas and the Berettas that came after, but that doesn’t mean I want to own one. I’m not too enthusiastic about the Malibu either, but at least its much further removed from the cars I have experience with, and can bring the whole family along, so it gets my vote. However, if I’m going to get a 60s or 70s American car, I’d much rather go for a Corvair…
I’ve always wanted to be an undercover cop in a third rate tv show so I had to go Malibu.
Let’s get fake mustaches and redo the Beastie Boys Sabotage video!!
I’m in, as long as I get to be Cochese.
“…and starring SAABstory as Detective John Wolfe. Law and Order: Car Chase Division, this fall on NBC (streaming the next day on Peacock)”
What a fall from grace; that Malibu is just 1 year removed from a classic muscle car, and had enjoyed close to a decade of being one of Chevy’s most beautiful cars. Then came this, as if emission controls weren’t doing their best to kill car culture.
Given all the lead ladden smog these things belched out it was a simple case of them or us.
I’ll be the contrarian an go Lumina, I have no love for early malaise era boats, and find that Malibu hideous. At least the Lumina has some Radwood charm to it.
I don’t think first-gen Luminas offered factory sunroofs, and if they did it would have been at least somewhat better integrated than that, visibly sitting on top of the car rather than flush.
The seat covers seem reasonably well fitted; so hoping that combined with the cloth dash cover that was the prior owner trying to take good care of it. Not sure what’s going on in the filler panel in the the rear 3/4 view between the taillight and bumper, almost looks corroded away even though I would think that piece is plastic.
Still, despite the iffiness, the haze of nostalgia I have for early Luminas gets it my vote. Even if it is the red too – give me bright blue metallic or something.
Well a lot of good caaaaaaaaaars are Japanese
Yeah, but when we’ re driving far I need my baby
I need my baby next to me
I’ll take the Malibu.
https://youtu.be/qW9mZLnQ7Yc?
A bevy of Chevys. The Malibu seems overpriced for a low-spec malaise-mobile. The Lumina seems like a good deal for a nice-looking car but a shiny red sporty car with hidden flaws is the definition of sketchy. I’ll take some baseball, hotdogs, apple pie, and skip the Chevrolet.
I clicked on the results and was surprised to see the Lumina winning by 2-1! Then I realized that it is literally 2 to 1! I never see these this early. Malibu to tie it up!
Malaise RWD smog-choked V8, or a high-performance(for the time) 6-cylinder with better aero but the penalty of FWD?
I chose the Lumina… I must compliment them both on their trailer park appeal though.