So, late last night I did a Cold Start about how funny this Tesla Cybertruck video seemed with this Cybertruck taking a big load of dirt and then enclosing it under the tonneau cover, and the video made it look like the dirt was really valuable. Of course, the reason to cover dirt is the same as why you’d put a tarp over it – to keep it from flying out! It was late and I wasn’t thinking, and, if I may kvetch a bit, one of my surgery scars has swollen with this big gross lump, so maybe I was distracted and not really considering all the implications of dirt in trucks. That’s on me.
So, let’s just say that Cold Start is null and void, and I’m going to give you an all-new one, themed around trucks. Up top we have my old ’95 Isuzu Pickup, named just “Pickup” because everyone creative at Isuzu I think was so delighted at the Joe Isuzu ads they just knocked off for the rest of the year. And that’s why we ended up with Pickup trucks named “Pickup.”
Also, please note that it’s hauling some giant space invaders, which were for an art installation I did way back when. That’s when I decided I’d start making sculptures that were modular or at least lighter than those beasts.
Do you remember the old Joe Isuzu ads? They were gold.
You need to see some more old trucks, I think. Like this one, from Prince, the now-defunct carmaker that was bought by Nissan in the 1960s:
I really like the slightly grimacing face of these old Prince trucks. You know what else Prince started? The Skyline! Yes, the legendary Nissan Skyline started out as a Prince!
More trucks, let’s see. How about a really weird Volkswagen one? A Turkish/Indonesian Volkswagen one? It’s called the VW EA489 Basistransporter:
Look at this thing: it’s essentially another version of the VW Hormiga, a primarily Mexican-market very basic pickup truck that used a VW Type 1 engine flipped backwards, up front, driving the front wheels. I’ve written about these before. But there was another version, made in Turkey and Indonesia, that used a different cab than the Hormiga. where the Hormiga used a very crude cab made of all flat panels and sharp angles, the EA489 used modified versions of the normal Type 2 front end, but with grilles that seemed to be made of the fresh air intake louvers of the normal Type 2 and some strange locally-designed doors.
These things are fascinating. I’ve yet to see one in person, but I’m hopeful. They all seemed to have different indicator light solutions, too, which is exciting.
Anyway, sorry about my lapse of judgement regarding dirt and covers in beds.
They’re not going to be happy campers when they get home and find the tonneau cover (& tailgate) jammed shut because the dirt got in the tracks, controls, and mechanisms. Which is indeed an unfortunately highly likely scenario given MuskCo’s track record of slipshod R & D and reliance on the public doing some of the actual testing out on the road (and “offroad”, quote marks being necessary in light of how many CT owners proudly post pictures of themselves offroading their CTs on…dirt roads and gravel roads.)
Apropos of all that, the emergency release for the tailgate if someone should somehow get trapped inside the bed is hidden behind a panel and consists of two ridiculously small fabric loops that have to be pulled at the same time:
https://www.autoevolution.com/news/man-locks-himself-inside-the-cargo-bed-of-a-tesla-cybertruck-here-s-the-trick-to-get-out-232318.html
At least they won’t have to worry about it for long. As soon as they try and force the cover back the resulting cuts will lead to them bleeding out in short order.
Hard to pull both release tabs at the same time with your hands zip tied together.
Fear not, since it’s a CT there’ll be some exposed sharp metal edge with which to cut the zip ties.
Why would dirt be up in the tonneau tracks?
With the original Cold Start overwritten, you will have to go to Tesla’s website here (https://www.tesla.com/cybertruck). The second video subtitled Beyond PREPARED shows them dumping dirt into the bed, and when the tonneau cover is sliding down you can see dirt on the top of the bedside. Easy to assume some dirt would get on top of the tonneau as well and get forced into the track, it doesn’t have a bellows cover or anything over the track area.
I didn’t know you had an Isuzu. Nice!
This is really no sillier than the Mercury brochures on Monday where the car was in the desert, in the park, offroad somewhere. At least covering a load is a reasonable thing to do, while driving your mercury around the Sahara seems… foolish.
I rode in one that one of the early delivery customers got recently. Its build quality was better than my 3 but that’s not a great yard stick to measure by. The doors are HEAVY but I surprisingly had headroom at 6’1 in the back seat. The dash seems like it’s a mile long.
He took the aero covers off the wheels and I asked what he thought it would cost to replace tires. He just shook his head.
So Tesla, an automaker notorious for building cars which contain parts that fly off, has created a cover to prevent things from flying off?
Around my area it would be for clandestine dirt hauling. We tried to level some things in our yard, and there was no place anywhere near us that would take the clean dirt. According to our township, you would theoretically need to pay to dispose of it at the landfill. We happened to be doing some excavation at my work, so I just kept secretly bringing loads of my dirt to dump on the pile that were being hauled away anyway. While I just hid my dirt under a $5 tarp, buying a Cybertruck would apparently also be an option.
Andy Dufrenes? Is this what you’re up to these days?
Explanation: In my city, anyway, there is a bylaw your load must be covered or it’s a big fine. I’ve use my truck to get soil, and have to use a tarp to cover it. I think the Cybertruck is goofy as a platypus, but I do see the benefit of this, as tarping dirt and having the tarp stay in place at 120km/h is not a trivial matter sometimes. Why yes, I have had to stop on the side of the highway to fix a flappy tarp…
Come on, We all know the real reason is so that they can cover up the fact the owner is actually using it as a truck!! “We do have reputations after all!” they said woefully clutching their pearls.
Um…. Rain?
Maybe they’re covering up the dirt so as to not let rocks fly out and smash other motorists windows while driving down the highway? This is why dump trucks tend to have fabric covers that go over their loads. Just a thought.
Fabric covers? Not in Michigan. Any ones that do are expecting to cross state lines, doing it out of habit, or maybe even out of courtesy. Everyone knows that even if it’s the law, it isn’t enforced at all.
I’ve driven behind dump trucks at least 5% full of landscaping rocks or gravel with unsecured rear doors. Every time they went over an expansion joint, a spray of rocks the size of a child’s fist would splash out the rear, all over the road.
Call the State Troopers emergency line about the road hazard the dump trucks are creating and they simply remind you that Michigan is a “no fault insurance state” and they hang up on you!
It’s been especially bad during construction of the new Gordie Howe bridge in Detroit. This has happened to me three times so far. Cost me a windshield on my Toyota, and a few dents in the hood of my Honda.
Now I either fly by the dump trucks as fast as possible on a known smooth section of road, or stay way back, then take an exit and a rest stop. No fun knowing you can get stuck behind a Michigan Highway Meteor Shower when you’re on a tight schedule.
Wow, that’s crazy. I’ve only lived in Colorado and Maryland, but tarps seem to be required in both.
You’re being awfully generous assuming CT owners are considerate of their fellow driver.
Just theory, but I think they’re trying to rub it in Rivian’s face with how durable their tonneau is with dirt…
What I find more curious is that despite all the hype about stainless steel, most of these in the hype posts on Tweater are getting 6000 dollar vinyl wrap jobs. Which is great for the “wrappers”, but you can buy a decent vehicle for 6 grand.
Tools in the bed? That’s about as likely as dirt to happen. How about groceries or a gym bag?
or a golf bag
or hockey bag and stick
Cybertruck, schmybertruck.
Tell us more about this quail chili?
As said below, it’s to keep the dirt from flying out at speed and sandblasting cars behind it.
I live in an area with a large gravel pit so we see gravel trucks all day long. They are legally required to have a tarp covering their loads for the safety of following drivers.
One would think the dirt seen in the back would be some kind of bragging show-off thing.
I once hauled a truck load of pool sand in an open bed. I mistakenly began the trip home with windows and the rear slider open. The cab (and my teeth) ended up with a fine layer of sand before I came to my senses and closed things up. Covering a load is sometimes good
Yeah, and forget trying to ship masonry sand in normal hopper rail cars, at least if you want some if it to still be in the car at the destination
This always makes me laugh so I’m glad someone else noticed. Not to mention even with my most busted old pickup I’d do everything to avoid dumping tonnes of dirt and soil in the back! Stick it in a trailer!
This was mistakenly included on the website. Elon Musk is clandestinely buying up entire states one truckload of soil at a time and transporting them to the secret location of Musklandia, his private continent. Soon there will be nothing but gaping canyons where states used to be. We weren’t supposed to see this; that’s why you never see a Cybertruck anywhere near dirt.
Wait, isn’t he shipping prime farmland to Mars one cubic yard at a time?
Presumably to pull a Trump and build an interplanetary golf course
Needs somewhere to bury his ex wives and girlfriends?
My understanding is that the primary function of the tonneau is to improve aerodynamics, and the security is a secondary benefit. I think it’s something like a 15-20% range difference. So if you can close the bed cover, you’re going to.
Same reason I have one on my S10, picked up a few MPG on average
*Paging Toecutter*
Because like most EVs, they don’t particularly want the public knowing where they’re digging for materials.
But Jason! It’s a real truck hauling Real Truck Stuff ™ and is totally valid and not just a vanity project and status symbol. It’s such a real truck that people on the internet can’t be mean about it anymore and I feel totally justified for spending 40k over sticker on this thing because its the future of real work stuff that I a tech bro totally understand! Notice me Elon (/s, of course)
If they want people to take it seriously as a real truck, they need slow motion footage of it bouncing through a construction site, getting air on one wheel at a time, and then getting a load of concrete blocks dumped into the bed from a height guaranteed to cause major structural damage, but it’s fine, because the clip cuts before you can see that. Also, there needs to be a voice over by a guy with a very exaggerated fake southern accent of some sort that’s vague enough to not match up with a specific state
Bring back the good old days of truck ads, we need more Like A Rock. I’d be far more pro-cybertruck if we got good parody ads of some of the classic truck commercials from the 80s and 90s but with a tongue in cheek futuristic/cyberpunk spin. If the truck is going to be a stupid fever dream, lean in all the way, stop pretending this is an F-150 competitor
Oh, that’s a good idea, do them as parodies of the ridiculous, unrealistic truck ads we’ve been getting for years. That would require Elon Musk having a sense of humor though, and, I mean, the guy did an episode modern Simpsons, which says it all
Like hell we do! I didn’t love Seger to begin with, but I quickly came to loathe his voice when that ad campaign started.
The flux capacitor can’t operate on hopes and dreams. Duh.
I would like to think the implication is that the dirt is covering something up that was already in the bed. The tonneau cover is an additional step to prevent the body from being found.
“Yes, officer, I’m just hauling dirt,” the driver says, opening the cover just enough to show a bed full of dirt. A hand is sticking out of the dirt, back in the shadow of the cover, but the deputy doesn’t notice. It just seems like another weird Cybertruck driver is using every available feature, regardless of practicality.
Cue scene from Young Frankenstein in which Gene Wilder pretends the dead hand sticking out is actually his
I believe it may be to keep the dirt in place when driving at faster speeds. You sometimes see dump trucks with a sort of canvas tarp that’s used in the same manner.
^^ This ^^
In some localities it’s required to cover a loose load like dirt, gravel or mulch so you don’t go spraying it all over traffic everytime you hit a bump. I guess the Art Director who decided on the scenarios is that OCD?
I prefer to think that they were demonstrating the hauling ability and the utility of the motorized cover. I wonder if heaping the load would potentially cause issues with the cover mechanism, like in the real world of working trucks.
Oh yeah, I’ve definitely seen that. I think all my trucks have been slow enough that if I’ve hauled crap like that, I’ve not gone fast enough to make any difference. Maybe it just feels different when it’s a metal, powered, segmented cover as opposed to a filthy tarp.
It feels *easy* is what it does. Rigging a tarp for higher speeds is a pain. Pressing a button and getting a better result is nifty.
Along with this, in my experience it’s nice to keep dirt dry. If you get caught in a rain storm before you unload your new flower bed, it can turn into a mess.
Not to mention the significant added weight of that, now, mud both in the vehicle and for the job of unloading.