Tales From The Slack: We Pitch The Next Fast & Furious Film

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Let’s be frank: After 10 entries across 22 years, the Fast and Furious franchise is due for some upheaval.

Oh, what’s that? Did you think they’re just gonna stop making these things after the 11th entry, like Vin Diesel says? Absolutely not. This is Modern Hollywood. Everything runs on built-in intellectual property, everything has to spawn a franchise—ideally, several—and everything has to make $800 billion in China on Day One alone just to break even. We will be watching Fast & Furious films until our bones have turned to dust. New sequels, spinoffs, reboots and Surprise Returns of Your Favorite Old Characters will be in the works until the heat death of the universe. The great-grandchildren of Hollywood moguls who haven’t even been born yet already have their USC tuition covered, mark my words.

But we at The Autopian aren’t here to mock the economics of modern filmmaking. That’s a train we couldn’t stop if we tried. Rather, we are here to help.

That’s why today’s Member’s Only (thank you again for subscribing) feature Tales from the Slack is all about our dream F&F pitches. Any of these, if made, would rank among the most successful and critically acclaimed films ever produced.

Our ideas include new directors, new talent, and wild new directions for this venerable series. Call us anytime, Hollywood! We are here and we are absolutely shameless.

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Your turn, reader. Where would you take the Fast & Furious franchise next and who would make it happen?

I also think my Ronin idea has legs. Or hands, in this case, since you seldom see the legs on the Muppets.

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45 thoughts on “Tales From The Slack: We Pitch The Next Fast & Furious Film

  1. Anyone remember the Wacky Races. Replace the cartoon characters with live-action actors. eg; Pedro Pascal as Dick Dastardly and Patton Oswalt as Muttly.

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