Tell Me There Isn’t Something Hilarious About This Image: Cold Start

Cs Audibook1
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Yesterday, I got this Audi-published book of Audi’s history for a buck and a half at a used book store, and it’s a lot better than you’d think for a corporate self-published history. Maybe that’s because the history of Audi is actually weirdly complicated: Audi is just the lone surviving name from the companies that formed the Auto-Union (Audi, DKW, Horch, and Wanderer), and there are periods of association with Mercedes-Bnz, NSU, and then Volkswagen. And even now, you could argue that even though VW bought NSU-Auto Union, like a virus they took over VW, and modern VW is, really, modern DKW/Auto Union. Anyway, more importantly, look how hilarious that 17-passenger sightseeing Horch car is up there, from 1912.

There’s something about the length of the car, the slight ramping up of the seats to the rear, the proportions, and all those be-hatted people that make this thing feel, I don’t know, almost cartoonish? If they were animals in those hats, this would feel like it drove out of Richard Scarry’s Busytown.

Also, can you imagine the process of putting up that top? It might take everyone in that thing, requiring the same levels of co-ordination as an Amish barn-raising.

Also fascinating in this book was this:

Cs Audibook Woodtires

So this 1917 Horch was a product of WWI materials deprivation, and, despite having a luxurious three headlamps, had wooden tires. Wooden! Why wood? I’d think layers of leather or something would be better than wood? How do wooden tires perform? Is there any flex? Any grip? Can you do a burnout and it smells like camping? What about compressed paper? Rope? Sausages?

Fascinating stuff in this book! More to come!

48 thoughts on “Tell Me There Isn’t Something Hilarious About This Image: Cold Start

  1. Hilarious. Another thing that’s hilarious is that @Jason talked about publishing stories about last Monterey Car Week and it seems next MCW is already around the corner and there was still nothing to read.

  2. Hmm… I would of though that the 17 passenger Horch would have a wheelie bar for the inevitable weight shift to the rear from sudden acceleration! 😉

    1. Canyonero is a rough approximation of the Spanish word cañonero, meaning “deceitful” which in turn translate to hinterlistig which isn’t even any fun to play with.

  3. Good grief, the boomer-grade Reader’s Digest/Penthouse/Playboy-readers’ comments today… Is there any way of blocking such commenters so one doesn’t have to keep a mental tally of who to skip over when reading the comments?

    1. I don’t know what you’re on about. There’s one, maybe one, comment here that’s a bit off. Have some coffee and relax. Geez.

      1. It can get a little annoying, to say the least, to be reading comments with jokes about a “gang bang” (bearing in mind that the term is usually an euphemism for something absolutely horrible in reality) because there’s one woman among many men or Tim Allen-type jokes about the sole woman being a back seat driver; furthermore, many other articles on this website have similar comments and worse which some people simply don’t care to be reading especially when one is enjoying one’s morning coffee so this particular article with the aforementioned comments just reminded me to inquire about blocking capability.

        1. I didn’t read anything alluding to a “gang bang” unless it was already moderated out. If you’re referring to the one from Canopysaurus, I don’t think that was the intent and you may be reading more between the lines than there actually is.

              1. Ah, geez, me too. TBH, because the first part seemed like a cogent comment, I must’ve skimmed the last part. Not really appropriate.

  4. Eighteen people in a vehicle and only one a woman. Where does she sit? Right behind the driver, of course. Shouldn’t we have taken a left there, Hans? Are you sure you know where we’re going?

  5. Torch bringing the Horch. The top mechanism in my admittedly smaller 1917 Stephens touring car is remarkably easy to operate. You have to stand in the rear seat area to lever it up and over your head. It does extend straight up about 5 feet at one point so you can’t do it in a garage.

  6. As far as leather for tires goes, I know Germany experienced a massive leather shortage all through WWII to the extent that they made synthetic leather out of wood pulp, and, postwar, East Germany never seemed to have a reliable supply of it for basically the country’s entire existence, I have some East German belts, holsters, and map cases from the ’70s and ’80s that are made from the absolute cheapest, thinnest, crappiest low grade vinyl you can imagine.

    It wouldn’t surprise me at all to learn Germany had similar shortages in WWI.

    1. Can you imagine? It’d be like driving with a large, irritating (oxymoron) extended family:

      “I say good sir, I have great need for the lavatory!”

      “Pray tell, when shall be arriving at our destination?”

      “This fellow of poor upbringing will not cease jostling me!”
      “Fie! You beefer!”

      “Gads! Driver! You are committing to that perilous turn too hard and too soon!”

      “Pardon, may we pull this Flivver over post-haste? I suddenly find myself in a most bilious humour!”

    2. Cars weren’t very reliable back then, so the more passengers you had available to push the better. For this beast you could have a rotation so nobody got too worn out.

  7. By the time 1917 rolled around, strips of animal hide were probably more valuable to German civilians as a food source than they were for anything else. Assuming that any leather even made it to the civilian market when it had military purposes. The British blockade choked Germany off to the point that lead water lines and antique church bells were being melted down for war materials out of desperation. Horses would be slaughtered in the middle of a village so people could slice off hunks of meat.

    Lead image- This was clearly the car to get for a good old fashioned Bavarian gang bang. I hope m’lady had her Wheaties that morning.

    1. The scale of the whole thing! It’s gotta be what, 25 feet long?

      I feel the Lane museum needs one in their collection. They should park it amongst the micro cars.

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