The Court Orders You To 15 Minutes Of Straight Hooning: COTD

My wife works a difficult job. She works every day to help keep the poorest people in Illinois from losing their homes, from getting discriminated against, or from ending up in a jail cell. This type of law is not lucrative, so she doesn’t have the money to drive expensive German sedans like the big-name attorneys out there. She’s also a one-woman shop, so she’s constantly driving all over Illinois to represent clients in all sorts of cases. This means her cars have to survive a brutal duty cycle. Currently, she’s on track to drive 40,000 miles this year.

Back at the end of last year, her beloved BMW E39 wagon started misfiring so bad that she had to park it. Sheryl found herself in a weird place. She could drive one of my cars, but my wife has a reputation, one notorious enough that people vandalize her cars fairly regularly. She’s so infamous with some Illinois city governments that police know her car and her face. So, driving one of my cars might bring unintended consequences my way. Anyway, the car is fixed now, but one of the problems is that you can’t weasel your way out of court by saying your BMW is misfiring today.

Or, what if you could? Mechjaz made us smile with this:

“Your Honor, the defense request a brief recess to flog their whip in accordance with good ownership practices as well as continued dependability in transportation to and from this Honorable Court.”
“Granted. We’ll take 15 minutes to hoon this bitch up and turn the tires into smoke. Don’t come back until you’ve been sideways, and in accordance with courtroom decorum, make sure you wipe up any spilled dabs of oppo.”

Meanwhile, if you’re a European specialty vehicle builder, the Fiat Ducato Back-To-Back gives you a chassis cab or a cutaway front, but without the rest of the chassis. These vehicles are delivered to builders as conjoined twins. Two joined Ducatos are about as large as just one van, which makes shipping easy. These vehicles weren’t meant to be stuck together forever, but what if they were? From V10omous:

Italian Quadrasteer = guy in the other cab turning his wheel.

And Rad Barchetta:

FIATAIF

This morning, Jason wrote about cars with metal-sounding names. Geoff Buchholz has a story related to this:

I think I’ve posted about this before here … but at our wedding last December, our priest, knowing what a car guy I am, began his homily by joking that God owned a Plymouth — because of the passage in Genesis in which He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in His Fury.

The priest also gave me a Hot Wheels car, which was pretty rad.

Have a great evening, everyone!