There is nothing wrong with a sphere. Far from it.
Without this shape, the planet we live on couldn’t function the way it does, and it looks quite fetching as this green-and-blue ball floating peacefully in space. The sphere makes it possible to have soccer riots, the movie Bull Durham, and constant conversations at work during March that are especially irritating if you don’t care for basketball. Giant red spheres are great for poorly driven giant SUVs to get stuck on in Target parking lots. Having said that, this shape is not universally viable for any use.
For example, a spherical house sucks. People have tried round homes (see the Bolwoningen below) immediately realized that the space utilization with this shape was quite poor. Even if you find a way to hang your flat screen on the curved wall, once you set up your La-Z-Boy sectional to watch it, you’ll see that the space is already filled.
Of course that’s not a problem with the shape itself; it’s just that it’s being misused. The same thing appears to be the case with the latest cause celebre of the automotive world, the Tesla Cybertruck (or just “Cybertruck” in a Madonna or Drake kind of way).
More virtual ink has been spilled praising or criticizing this brutally angular, pyramid-shaped silver machine than any other vehicle in recent memory. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (even if they’re wrong) but subjectively it’s hard to deny that it’s a pretty awful shape for a pickup truck. For example:
-The angular “sail panels” prevent you from having easy access to the bed from the side of the truck.
-A pyramid shape means compromised headroom for rear passengers, yet creates a tall roof “peak” that increases the height to prevent it from getting past your garage door.
-Flat metal with sharp corners is a terrible idea for a production car in terms of panel alignment and gaps.
Tesla and their many fans will likely refute these claims, yet it’s almost impossible to argue that a design for a highly functional pickup truck would look far different than a Cybertruck. Still, that’s not to say that the general Cybertruck shape couldn’t be a reasonable fit for other types of transportation modes. How about an Amish buggy?
You read that right. I’m talking about the utilitarian horse drawn carts still used by Amish people in their communities today, seemingly unchanged from a century and half ago going about their business amongst modern traffic. Can we design a Cyberbuggy?
Not As Low Tech As You’d Imagine
It might seem strange to suggest that the basic aesthetic of a truck spearheaded by a very forward-thinking company could be accepted by a society known for avoiding modern technology. The Amish favor face-to-face conversations and rural self-sufficiency, things that seem at odds with the owner of Twitter (sorry, “X”) and overtaxing EV infrastructure. Humility and living the simple life as the Amish do has very little to do with Vegas tunnels and Mars colonies. Despite all of this, you’ll see how this ethnoreligious group could find the Cybertruck design elements to be very cohesive with their values and needs.
Visually, Amish buggy design has, of course, changed very little over the last century and a half. Still, as this Popular Mechanics article discusses, you’d be surprised how the materials used to make them have advanced. What looks at first like a canvas wrapped box of a body often actually turns out to have more in common with a Corvette: it’s fiberglass.
Aluminum is used for high wear areas, and framing is often done with something called “thermally modified” wood: ash or oak that has been kiln dried to remove virtually all moisture to make it extremely hard to rot. These horse-drawn boxes are typically black or grey with virtually no ornamentation other than the state-mandated reflectors. Still, there are sects of Amish that paint their buggies in other colors – even screaming yellow.
Buggies typically have foot-operated, unpowered brakes (usually drums) on two wheels to prevent the thing from running into the horse when stopping. The wheels feature a wrap of steel or hard rubber to spare the rim from road wear, but pneumatic tires are never used. So, you’re going to get a ride like, well, a modern performance car. Surprisingly, LED lighting is now often used in buggies, and most have a dashboard with controls mounted to a wood panel for the interior lights, outside lighting and turn signals. Commonly used pedestal-mounted, two-sided lamps on each side are red in back and amber in front and blink brighter for signaling turns. Marine batteries or other forms of power are used in a concession to modern technology and needed safety for something sharing roads with 200MPH Teslas.
Inside, a single bench seat sits behind a glass windshield that tips forward for ventilation and the horse reins, and sliding or hinged side doors can keep out the elements in winter. The one below appears to have knob-operated manual windshield wipers. Options such as propane heaters, speedometers, and cupholders are often offered; I would have to believe that rich Corinthian velour seat and shag carpet “firewall” on the example below were upgrades as well.
Either cargo or center facing seats can fill the windowless area in back, accessible from a rear opening or door.
There are only a few places that exist in states such as Indiana and Pennsylvania that build these old school transportation modules with varying degrees of labor-saving devices depending on the shop owner’s beliefs and level of acceptance. If electricity is not allowed, a diesel engine creating compressed air is used to power their tools. Buggies sell for around eight to ten thousand dollars which seems like a good deal considering the level of craftsmanship that goes into them. The expectation is that they last for decades; like a classic Aston Martin, they often return to the shops that built them for refurbishment. Naturally, these are not vehicles that people lease for thirty-six-months and then ditch (and they also usually pay cash, as shops claim that bank financing on something without a VIN is tough to do).
Aluminum? Simple construction? Flat surfaces? Longevity? See what I’m talking about? This Cybertruck design for a buggy is starting to make more sense, right?
Cyberbuggy Comes To Life
Stainless steel doesn’t fit our “Cyberbuggy” (and I’m not sure if it’s really a fit for any street vehicle), but aluminum does. Aluminum seems to align with Amish principles better than the fiberglass of current buggies; metal is recyclable, this particular metal is lightweight, and it will never rust. You could paint it black, but I’d rather leave it bare silver to reflect the sun to keep the interior cooler during those hot Indiana and Pennsylvania summers. Here’s what I was scribbling in a very dull meeting in my actual job:
The flat sides of Cybertruck are hell to get right in a mass-produced street car, as the panel gaps on early Cybertrucks have shown. Something like the Aston Martin Lagonda sort of did it (if not as severely), but they were made by hand in small numbers where you can control fit much easier on individual cars. Thankfully, by hand is exactly how Amish buggies are built, and flat plates with straight edges are perfect for the manual bending brakes Amish use to form steel– no need for the monstrous stamping dies that car manufacturers would use. A wood or steel structure underneath would support the panels. Have you seen the quality of Amish furniture? You can be damn sure that a product with poor panel gaps would never, ever, ever leave an Amish shop.
The sort of “pyramid” shape with the sloping roof allows for rain and snow to slide off the back of the buggy, and the angled windshield allows for more light and better visibility than a perfectly vertical one. Side doors might be sliding or hinged, and the lightweight polycarbonate plastic windows can lower manually or simply just be removed for the season (the owners will not be paying tolls or going to the drive-thru).
The image of the buggy below shows special seven spoke “safety wheels” (or sicherheitsraders as the Amish would call them). Optional “stanced” wheels with the spokes angled out slightly as below could be offered for a bit wider track and safer cornering. I assure you, I didn’t come up with that merely to justify the cooler appearance.
… OK, fine, I did.
There could be a number of rear door options, but I’m showing a “clamshell” style where the top half flips up and the lower half folds down with steps on it (which keeps the steps clean when the buggy is moving).
The Cybertruck-style, full-width front and rear reflectors for safety would be LED-illuminated and powered by a battery, possibly charged via a wheel-driven generator or even roof-mounted solar panels (again, technology used within the bounds of not violating Amish beliefs).
Actually, there’s two ways to look at this: depending on the beliefs of the owner, the Cyberbuggy could be outfitted with the aforementioned low-voltage electrics (some buggy-owners are already doing this, if less stylishly), or the accessory systems could be made to function without electricity. How? Well, we might consider something used in Britain where pet waste is used to power a lamp at the dog park. Yup, shit is literally turned into shinola with methane gas providing fuel to a flame. Could horse dung work for Cyberbuggy lighting? Maybe even fiber optics from the burning light going to different parts of the buggy? A drive off of a wheel can also power the windshield wiper by engaging a clutch (not unlike speedometer-cable-powered wipers on early Citroen 2Vs). Yeah, too much, I know.
The wood dashboard is a Shaker-style slab with all of the controls you need. You could say that it looks more modern, but like the outside it’s plain geometric forms not unlike the furniture the Amish make. I mean, if an Amish buggy can have that wood filigree and custom van carpeting like the one shown near the top of this post, to me the below interior seems to be more in keeping with their principle of simplicity. I’ve added a headrest bar since this slow-moving thing getting hit from the back is the most likely collision.
Made For The Masses, Co-opted By The Rich?
You might be asking yourself how a society that shuns all things ostentatious would want an object that looks like a near-six-figure truck. First, let’s pretend the Cybertruck doesn’t exist. There is no reason that a simple, functional design should be associated with wealth and privilege, but it is, and it’s happened before.
In the thirties, the Bauhaus design movement developed simple furnishings that were stripped down to their basic elements; clean geometric forms that were intended to be easy to mass produce and affordable by mainstream buyers. However, when members of this group set up shop in the US after fleeing World War II Germany, these items became fashionable to members of avant-garde high society. Soon enough, these proto-IKEA products that were created for the budget of Joe Six Pack became expensive boutique pieces. Take a look at some new, far-cheaper-than-original reproduction versions of these items you can buy today at Design Within Reach below. Obviously these furnishings were never really “within reach”, unless you lived on the Upper West Side and drove your black XJ6 to the summer place in the Hamptons.
The Mercedes G Wagon is a similar case; this is a purely functional object that somehow became a status symbol. Again, do not pin a shape onto a socio-economic group just because they seem to have claimed it for themselves. Fight the power, people!
Which One Is The Joke?
Cyberbuggy began as, of all things, a passing laugh on Slack. However, with a little research it became obvious that things are not what they seem.
The Amish, it turns out, are not opposed to utilizing some newer technologies as long as they can still maintain their overall principals. Today, they do not eschew using things like fiberglass, LEDs, and specially treated wood in their horse-drawn buggies; they help to give them a more useful product. Oddly enough, that’s almost the opposite of the Cybertruck where the materials and shape seem to be employed despite the fact that they’re going against the functionality of a pickup truck.
Cyberbuggy or Cybertruck? Now I’m not sure which one is the joke here.
Our Daydreaming Designer Imagines The Tesla Of Ride On Lawn Mowers – The Autopian
What It Might Look Like If Tesla ‘Gremlinized’ The Model 3 To Make A Tesla Model 2 – The Autopian
As a resident of Indiana Pennsylvania, home of Jimmy Stewart I see a lot of buggies. As for Cyberbuggy those rear clamshell doors need to open side by side you aren’t tall enough to reach the open top one. If you solve that issue I want gull wing doors. Around here the Amish also hire drivers in modern cars and pay decent money to transport them and equipment for their business.
How about a rope? Or for the fancy Amish who wants airflow in the summertime, a rod linkage that goes up to the front cabin so that it can be opened and closed by the wagoner/coachman/teamster.
Yeah that slipped my mind. It just seems so archaic to a modern design. But it did occur to me a interwoven design that opens in all 4 directions might be sufficiently neuvoslick.
This would lead to the most positive association between the Cybertruck and a horse’s ass yet seen
A gullwing door on an Amish buggy? Wow. If this ever makes production we’ll know the Armageddon has arrived!
Also: The “within reach” part of Design Within Reach refers to the fact that you can buy the furniture by showing up and paying for it rather than having to go through your interior designer, so it was democratizing access (heh-heh, again) to the $20,000 sofa in a way that Ferrari won’t do for its cars.
If it’s actually designed by Tesla, then it will need rails extending from the back against which the horse will push, because the Muskmaster will think that it’s cool and edgy to put the cart before the horse. Heh-heh.
And regardless of the manufacturer, it will need to include a USB (A, ’cos we’re not going wild here) port running from the same wheel-driven dynamo and/or dung-fueled generator that powers the lights to top off the cell phone they won’t admit they have.
Oh, but they do admit to having them, depending on the Elders. If you pass an Amish residence and you see a small shack out by the road, that’s where the telephone lives, placed there so it won’t disturb family life. As cell phones took over, some communities allowed folks to replace their landlines with cell phones.
Part of me for real wants to buy one of these buggies, but I would use an electric horse to drive it. This likely would not be okay with the Amish because of the electric motor, but it would be hilarious to my warped sense of humor.
Then again, an electric horse would go perfectly with the Cyberbuggy.
Do Amish Dream of Electric Horses?
Only the really tall ones. The rest dream of sheep.
“let’s pretend the Cybertruck doesn’t exist.”
-Done! Sounds wonderful to me
“Cybertruck? Now I’m not sure which one is the joke here.”
-There’s your answer,
Cyberjunk=Cyberjoke
-Also, AMISH PARADISE!!!
Any video with Carol Brady in it rocks.
Also: Rusty! Rusty! (Too much Beef-A-Rino)
Good stuff! As I just tried to channel you about a shooting brake, I certainly respect what goes into these 😉
Only quibble I have is the placement of the lights: the focus seems to be the horse’s rear! In other cultures this could lead to the fashion of decorating the tail, but Amish don’t go in much for ornamentation. Perhaps a top-mounted light bar instead—or sidelights?
Was trying to keep the Tesla joke going but in reality the lights should be mounted to the mirrors to get them further out (just like they do on most current buggies). Of course, Cybertruck won’t have mirrors, or so they say.
Looks to be a real grass guzzler.
Can I put down a deposit in advance to reserve my spot on the delivery list for when these enter production in say … 2032? And are they bulletproof?
This article rules. I love much of the ethos commonly found among various communities of Amish and Mennonites in general, even if I may not share their religious views. Their work ethic, attention to detail in their craftsmanship, and self sufficiency is admirable.
The best part about this buggy is it can be driven black-out drunk without putting anyone at risk, because the horse will find its way home with ease.
I wonder if the Amish would be accepting of a vehicle that puts the horse on two cranksets with operator-selected gears, and encloses both horse and occupants into a streamlined airfoil. Think Dymaxion Car in terms of shape, maybe with a second teardrop up top for the occupants and perhaps the horse kept in the dark unable to see outside so that it never gets scared of the speeds it is travelling. You’d have a 1 horsepower buggy that could probably cruise flat ground at 30 mph all day long and top out at 60+ mph. Training the horse to step onto the device and harnessing the horse in place might be tricky though. You’d need a mechanical clutch to disengage the transmission for emergency stops, and standardized outer-dimensions on the horseshoes so their hooves can fit on the “pedals”.
I have a number of Amish customers, mainly involved in construction & masonry, though they do buy some of my stuff for use around their farms. Great folks to deal with, very genuine and crazy strong work ethic. I’d hire them any time if I was looking to put up a new workshop or something.
Thanks, Toecutter!
I did wonder about a horse treadmill at the front of the unit (if that’s what you’re suggesting) that would eliminate the horse’s actual contact with the ground, and reduce the, uh, eliminations from the back of the horse from hitting the ground.
I was thinking more along the lines of horse bicycle/velomobile. The horse would be harnessed into place and there would be two crankset-like devices designed to allow the horse to move in a natural manner where its horseshoes were locked in, and the vehicle operator would select what gear to be in, and could make the horse move faster or slower as they would in a normal buggy. You could even get fancy and possibly have a brace made for the horse so that the vehicle supports its weight and it doesn’t get as tired o risk falling over. Except “YA!” means make more power and “WHOA!” means kill power while the carriage uses a clutch to coast(and which would prevent mechanical output if the horse didn’t follow the command) and/or disc brakes to stop activated by the operator. A mechanical RPM gauge for the horse’s cadence would be obligatory, where there could be a green range, yellow on each side, and red on each end, indicated where you want to keep the horse’s cadence so as not to harm it.
A treadmill would lose significant efficiency over a chain drive, weigh much more, and be a lot more difficult to control speed. But it would be simpler to implement.
The treadmill would be usable only if the horse walked at a steady speed and there was no need to make it sprint.
Such a device/vehicle might extend the daily range of a horse from 30-ish miles tenfold to 300+ miles, assuming the horse was cooperative and the aerodynamics superb.
Going uphill is still going to be a slog, lugging up what would be 1,500+ lbs with all of one horsepower. But flat ground and downhill, it would essentially perform like an early 20th century car.
All kinds of things could be added. Full suspension would be necessary. So would a parking brake. The entire vehicle could be enclosed, but NACA ducts could cool the one horsepower engine very efficiently while it remains shaded from the scorching sun in the summer, and would provide lots of natural heat in the winter, where the passenger compartment could have vents that can be open or shut at will. There could even be waste receptacles and also vents for any gaseous emissions to direct them away from the occupants.
Maybe a horse elliptical trainer?
That would work wonderfully for this application. I didn’t k now what those were called, but an image of one in use but made for horses instead of people came to mind when pondering this idea.
They are called all sorts of things… glad I could help capture the lightning in a bottle
AKA “Horse exhaust”
So a bag on the back could be the emission control. Don’t even start on the OBD port for that thing.
Good point, Cyberbuggy has Full Self Driving capabilities the Cybertruck does not.
Mmm, that interior shot:
So THAT’S what an Amish bordello looks like.
They know how to boogie down.
Rumspringa!!
That’s buggy down.
That back seat was huge……
My thoughts exactly. Gives a very 70’s PLC vibe for sure.
You’re gonna need a bigger horse.
Something to know about the Amish: one of their goals is to maintain their way of life inside their homes, but their work is handled differently. The Amish furniture store will almost certainly be equipped with phones, credit card readers, and probably a computer or two: this allows them to do business in the modern world, so it’s permitted. In Amish areas in years past you would see a wooden phone booth very close to the middle of nowhere: that was the community phone, located away from the community but still accessible in case of emergencies.
There are various subsets of the Amish as well. (Not the Mennonites; they are their own thing.) Some of them will ride in cars even if they won’t own them. Some will use an engine to run tools or a well pump or something but will not use it for propulsion, so they move the engine around on a horse-drawn wagon.
Fun (?) fact: when we had that recent nationwide alert (for solar flares, I think) I recall reading that a fair number of Amish folk were outed as having mobile phones when the [very loud] alerts went out.
Yes, I deal with some Amish business owners who have cell phones for work purposes – it prevents them from having to have a landline wired into their house, but they just have regular flip phones, calls only, no data, but it is pretty necessary for running any sort of business in this day and age. People have to be able to contact you some way other than the mail or you just won’t be able to function.
A couple of quibbles: I don’t see how the split windshield is supposed to accommodate the reins without also accommodating the rains by letting water pour down the upper section directly onto the dash. As drawn, it doesn’t appear the wiper would be able to move without interference, either.
They currently seem to have the reins go through a slot below the windows, but that would be too low on Cyberbuggy. Maybe needs to be some kind of neoprene seal like I’ve done on some work projects at work or brishes similar to what they used to us on automatic transmission selectors to fill the gap. Might even need a rain gutter along the entire bottom of the upper section.
Wiper is about half an inch too long as well.
It’s all solvable if this ever goes to production, which will of course occur when pigs fly.
This makes a lot more sense than the Cybertruck. Admittedly a low bar.
This makes plenty of actual sense, though, and I like the idea of aluminum instead of steel. The interior could easily be more traditional if desired, but the minimalism goes well with Amish design ethos. The only downside is that the association with the Cybertruck would make this ostentatious, otherwise I’d say the buggy shops should make these now.
Years ago I was in Mansfield Ohio and stopped at a gas station. And this happened.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/7rdXaBnRjdhVC8T6A
I thought it was gonna be a picture of Harrison Ford dressed up as an Amish guy
I did not Witness that.
Fun fact: Mansfield, OH is the location of the prison where the outdoor shots in ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ were filmed.
It is also very near Mid Ohio Sportscar Course which is why I was there.
Yep – I go to Mid Ohio every year 🙂
Electric door handles and steer by wire would make this a no.
Also considering their aversion to mirrors a bare metal body is probably not the way to go.
But they already steer by (leather) wire, no?
Steer by strap
Honestly, as long as the horse has made the trip home a few times, I think I’d trust his “self driving” abilities over a Tesla.
Thank You. Conceptually, fundamentally, constructively, in a word-
Superb!
thank you!
By reading just the headline, I would have sworn this was a Torch article.
It was also highly educational. I love the juxtaposition of the stainless steel with a wood dash in the drawings. Feels 70’s futuristic, like something out of a Roger Moore James Bond film. Probably not what their community is going for but perfect for The Amishtopian.
As others have mentioned earlier, how do you know it isn’t?
It’d be a fun reveal:
DT: “Hey, we have this writer whose identity we’ve keeping secret, and you’ve all grown to appreciate, and we’d finally like to introduce him.”
JT (whispering from backstage/off-camera): “Stall a minute, my mustache glue isn’t holding.”
DT: “Well, we’ve had to hide his identity because he’s–”
JT: “It’s me, the Bishop, Jason’s good twin!”
DT: “Jason, the mustache would have been a lot more convincing in the typical location. Well, everyone, you now know that Jason has been doubling his workload just to see if anyone would notice. Thanks for humoring him.”
JT: “I’m like Batman without the money, crimefighting, or gadgets!”
You got me there! Ummmm…no Ottos were harmed in the buggy’s R&D? It was also a surprisingly coherent read for such a wild idea.
I feel like trying to combine the Cybertruck with an Amish buggy has the potential to create the kind of vortex of contradiction that could consume us all.
Well as long as they don’t get Munsoned out in the middle of nowhere.
I heard you out. Makes a lot of sense.
This… this is good Autopian.
I saw that topshot of the jaunty horse and the first word to mind was … Vroomspringa!