The Dastardly Plot To Make Americans Use The Metric System: COTD

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Hey America! Look, you and I both know our math is really weird. I mean, journalists measure things in football fields, Empire State Buildings, washing machines, small boulders, and more. You’ve almost certainly seen the joke that America will measure in any unit but the metric system, but it’s not for lack of trying.

As Thomas wrote this morning, a new regulation has been passed requiring that, as of September 1, 2029, “almost all new cars sold in America must have automatic emergency braking that can come to a complete stop and avoid a stopped vehicle ahead from 62 mph.” That sounds like some serious tech, but many of our readers feel this won’t do much more than crank the prices of cars up even further while adding another system to annoy you. But it’s Chris Stevenson with the most hilarious response:

Weird that they’re specifying 62 MPH, which is 100 km/h. Is this all a secret plot to turn the US metric?? (Oh please oh please)

If you like the metric system, I have good news! All you have to do is travel down I-265 through Louisville! Okay, I’ll explain. As Louisville Public Media reports, science and technology were hitting strides in the 1960s. In 1964, the National Bureau of Standards said it would use the metric system. Congress authorized a study and found out that metric measurements were already common in American life and were only gaining traction. Study participants preferred the metric system, too. In 1975, President Gerald Ford signed the Metric Conversion Act, which didn’t actually change America to metric, but provided a roadmap for the conversion.

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Mercedes Streeter

Next came educating Americans about the metric system. Unfortunately, American citizens weren’t as stoked about it as the government and science professionals were. Kentucky was ahead of the curve and it worked to convert its schools to metric by 1980. The signs in I-265 were due for replacement, so those were made metric, too.

Unfortunately, the whole thing fizzled out and America just stuck with what it knew. However, signs are expensive to replace, so Kentucky has left them up, slowly replacing them as needed.

This morning, Jason showed us some brochure content for the Barkas B1000 vans. However, the people in the brochure are weirder than the vans. StillNotATony gives us an honestly believable scenario:

Next week in Tales From The Slack:

David Tracy: hey, has anyone heard from Torch recently?

Matt Hardigree: it has been a few days. Didn’t he go on an assignment in Eastern Europe with Adrian? And where’s Adrian?!?

Adrian: last I saw of him, he was talking to a group of people with lousy fashion sense standing around some old van. Their clothing colors were atrocious, I had to get to the airport, so I left. Did he not make his flight?

MH: dammit, call the deprogrammers. Torch is in a cult again. I knew I shouldn’t have sent him there after last time.

Mike Harrell also gave me a laugh:

“…the Twin Strokes Cult of Thuringia.”

Tempting, but I’m already a practicing Trollhättan Twostrokian, Longnose Reform Branch.

Have a great evening, everyone!

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107 thoughts on “The Dastardly Plot To Make Americans Use The Metric System: COTD”

  1. Doesn’t speak well for the collective intellect of the USA when the measuring system they reserve for scientists and engineers is common knowledge to every third grader everywhere else on planet earth. You have to wonder what that’s done to their manufacturing economy. It is perplexing why the US takes such profound offense at the mere mention of an upgrade to a cohesive, decimal based, rational actual system of measure. As far as I can tell, nobody but Americans are impressed.

  4. Australia changed to metric on 1st July 1974, I was in my twenties. Temperature certainly makes more sense in Centigrade/Celsius, 0C is temp water freezes at, not 32F. However we still have phones, TV’s and tyres measured in inches. The hardest part to get used to was going from mpg to lt/100km, which still seems odd to me, why not km/lt. From what I gather the US is one of the very last countries to convert, even the UK has to a large degree and that’s where the imperial system came from.

    1. I still don’t understand the logic behind L/100km, too. The most logic would be km/L because it’s more reflective of real world use.

      1. It’s easy, and way easier to visualize than seemingly arbitrary MPG. The lower the L per 100 km, the better the fuel economy. The metric system is intelligent and cohesive and not a random jumble of parochial and monarchical units. How does one even USE a mile measure? What is an acre? Seriously. It’s just so anachronistic.

    2. Celsius is too simplistic IMO. The gradations are so huge that you can have a noticeable [to a human] change of temperature within one Celsius degree. It was designed for easy calculation and nothing else.

      I do think that Fahrenheit should have made his “zero” the freezing point of water, rather than the coldest temperature that could be reliably measured by his equipment that year.

      1. “The gradations are so huge that you can have a noticeable [to a human] change of temperature within one Celsius degree.”
        That’s the beauty of celsius. A human can indeed sense 1-2 degrees of temperature differential once used to the celsius scale where F has so many superfluous digits between a noticeable temperature swing.
        30 is hot
        20 is nice
        10 wear a jacket
        zero is ice.

  7. I always thought the secret plot was selling liquor in metric units. Then again you ‘murcans lump alcohol, tobacco and fire arms into the same department. I mean, they do go well together, but still; conspiracy!

    At least here in Canada, we generally lump alcohol and gaming together. Still, building materials are sold in imperial units.

    This is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

  8. Worked for a few months down in Louisville and always took the Westport Road exit. Commute was always a little more enjoyable seeing the metric system and now good to know why it’s there

  9. And soon after President Ford signed that important paperwork, me being in 1st grade had to learn standard and metric all at the same time. Because we all know that in our older years, we would need to know where we could get a decent deciliter of drink for 7 credits while my car got 4 fathoms to the peck. It’s all nonsense.

  10. I don’t have a problem measuring temperature and longer distances (miles basically) in American Standard. In fact, in non-science related daily usage, I much prefer Fahrenheit. But GODDAMN, any time I have to woodwork, build something, or work on one of my older American cars, I curse standard with the fury of a billion atomic bombs.

  11. The metric system is just another set of made up numbers, only advantage is it’s units of 10s. I think it’s that a foot is an easier base unit than a meter, similar to Fahrenheit where the degrees are slightly smaller units, which for HVAC systems in cars if they only do whole numbers, Fahrenheit is easier to get comfortable in.

    If a meter was the length of a foot, then decimeters would be about an inch, and then a 5k would be almost a mile, we’d probably have switched already. But a meter is some weird thing that’s not really a yard, and centimeter is some weird thing that’s not even half an inch, so we just don’t care to learn it.

    1. The factor ten approach wouldn’t work easily if a metre was a foot, because then your millimetre unit would be useless for everyday tasks.

      1. A 10mm would be about a (new)4Dm.

        Again these are all made up numbers, someone thousands of years ago said this is a foot, it was easy, we could use forearms and feet and fingertips, then someone hundreds of years ago said 1 10 millionth the distance from the equator to the north pole was a meter and lets just split it up by 10s, it’s just another system of communication among us people. If an alien landed on the planet today and we asked how many kilometers they flew they’d have no idea what we were talking about, probably say it was 1.5 million solaflacs, and then we’d shoot them and take their space ship.

        1. Except my foot isn’t a foot. It’s 25 cm, so I pace 4 “feet” per meter. Using a kings appendage on a metric globe, in the 21st century is just so odd.

    1. I remember growing up pretty much all the interstate signs in TN had KM and miles in an attempt. Did not last a full sign replacement cycle

  14. Anyone on the fence about switching to the metric system should be forced to organize bins of screws, bolts and nuts into their respective system and size.

    1. This. On the rare occasions I have to grab specific screws or bolt sizes at a Lowe’s or Home Depot, my head spins just on the broad selection available (which, for what it’s worth, is mostly a good thing). But of course, you have to basically double what’s available because imperial system.

      1. I did some work for a fastener company (don’t call them a screw company!) years ago, and I think we stocked on the order of 7,500 skus for inch/u.s. fasteners and something like 17,500 skus for the metric equivalent – which seems weird to me that we needed so many more skus for the metric system. A weird footnote on that work – I couldn’t get the detailed sales database to reconcile with the high-level numbers and eventually found there was an uncorrected entry that had the unit of measure wrong and the price recorded in the detailed database was for $/each and the sales entry was in $/thousand.

      1. Man, Whitworth sure threw me for a loop when I first attempted to fettle a ‘59 Morris Minor! Some people Down Under were quite kind (after they had a hearty laugh, I assume) and hipped me to that system. Ah, the 26k modem days…. 😉

      1. Do you realize how many jobs that installing those signs would create though?
        And I’m happy to pay more for transportation maintenance. Clearly we’re not paying enough.

        1. The sign says turn in 4 <units>, the numbers on your odometer go up by 4. What difference does it make?
          I’d rather the billions be spent on the road itself, instead of on changing signs for literally no advantage to the driver besides being less confusing to foreigners. (and very confusing to locals for years/decades before they get used to it)

          1. “less confusing to foreigners” goes both ways, though. Helpful for immigrants and tourists, but also to Americans for when we’re immigrants and tourists in other countries!

            Plus, I doubt we’re the first country to go through a “transition period” between units of measurement. We’ve just procrastinated long enough that it’s a bigger problem than it otherwise would have been.

            1. True, it would have been better to have switched a long time ago. There just isn’t many advantages now in the computer age. Put your Waze in km if you want.
              No country that’s switched recently has remotely as much road network as the US

      3. If it’s that big of a deal, then just change them at the rate of attrition.

        Having said that, it was emphatically not that big of a deal during the Ford and Carter administrations, when they did actually change all of the signs on federal highways.

  15. I could get used to the metric system for everything but weather temperatures.

    I don’t think I could get used to “it’s in the 20’s” being a 40 degree temperature range in Fahrenheit like I’m used to saying “It’s going to be in the 50’s, better grab a light jacket.”

        1. Well, information if it’s below or above freezing point of water is a critical information when considering road/sidewalk conditions when you’re planning a trip outskde during winter. Also I boil water at least few times a day so it’s important information to me.

    2. We don’t really group temperatures by tens, for exactly that reason. If grouping I might say it’s 25-ish which implies a few degrees leeway each direction, or more often “high 20’s”

    3. Cooking temps too.

      Cooking things in increments of 50 degrees makes for an easy shorthand that Celsius doesn’t have.

      250, 300, 350, 400, 450….these are all useful and easy to remember.

      Do people in Canada preheat their oven to 175 or 205 degrees?

    4. It’s all about perspective and frame of reference. I once heard Celsius is a 0-100 scale covering the states of matter for water and Fahrenheit is a 0-100 scale for human perception/comfort/survival.

  16. I just wish American interstates would adopt the Canadian exit numbering system, where the exit is the damn mile marker. So I know exit 118 and exit 114 are 4 kilometers apart.

    Then I use the interstate and it’s a roulette game of how far the next exit is and if i’ll have the fuel to get there.

      1. I like where the state updated to the mile-marker system, but every exit has a sign that says something like, “EXIT 92 – OLD EXIT 14”

        1. Yeah, that definitely varies by state/highway. In PA most of the highways I’ve been on are mile marker-based, but I’ve encountered a select few exceptions (mostly on roads where numerical and mile-marker based are extremely similar, distance-wise).

          1. Ah, Pennsylvania. The state that cruelly reminds you every exit that you still have 4 more hours to drive before getting out of there.

      2. Ah, must’ve been a state highway then. I was on a road trip to CT through NY and VT, I was VERY annoyed with the exit numbering. Especially late at night in low populated areas.
        At least in Canada, our system is consistent across the country.

    2. In my experience interstate/federal highway exits are all mile-based. State highways use whatever numbering system they feel like.

      2. MA has switched over, at least for the stretch of I95 that runs through the state. I literally do not know my exit number now, but I don’t really use that to navigate so it’s not a problem. The switch seemed to happen around the pandemic, so it’s not like I was giving many people directions to my house.

          1. It makes sense in some places, but less sense where there is a higher density of exits. It makes it easy to track your progress through states on a multi-state road trip.

            If they want to use this numbering on RT 1 close to Boston, they’d need to use decimal places since it’s often less than a mile between exits. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for RT 128 north of Boston (which is the same as I95 for a lot of the state).

            1. If I’m driving in an area where I need to know exit numbers, I’m using navigation, so I really don’t need that distance info on a sign.

              I usually track my progress by the exit numbers descending, at least when going that direction. Exit 78, 77, 76 and so on.

    4. This is happening in the Northeast, MA and RI have done it at least, not sure about the others. I still call the exits by their old numbers, IDGAF about miles between exits. I just want to know when my exit is coming up. If I’m looking for exit 8, seeing exit 7 means I’m getting close.

  17. I know exactly where those road signs are! They’ve been like that since the early 2000s or so, and just on that one section of I-265. Always thought it was strange as a kid. I can’t think of any other road signs in Louisville that also show distance in kilometers.

  18. Sad to see a supposedly grown up country struggle stupidly with such an ancient system of measures… I just switch my vehicles displays to metric units and for cooking I find the Canadian websites and skip the mysterious spoons, cups, etc..

    1. I am getting in to woodworking and am trying to force myself to use metric because my feeble brain can’t process fractions of an inch

      1. My old car you could switch the temperature (internal and external) as well as fuel consumption and odometer to metric if desired. I did temperature in Celsius, but left the odometer and consumption in mpg because it was valid to the information I was being presented by road signs.

  20. We should adopt the metric system for everything but temperature.

    A 1℃ temp difference can be massive when it comes to what to set your AC to. 1℉ not so much.

    2. Pretty sure typical Celsius digital thermostats increment by 1/2 degrees, making it more finely tunable than deg F. I’m sure the Commentariat will let me know if I’m mistaken.

      1. Seems like you’re right. 0.5C change = 0.9F change.

        Figured I’d post since I needed to look it up. C/F conversions still confuse me – probably because it’s one unit of measure I’ve rarely had to convert.

  21. You can keep your fancy French metric system. How in the world am I supposed to measure a freedom-loving American survey system 1 square-mile section of amber waves of grain without my 66 foot chain and my 16 and-a-half foot rods?

          1. Yeah, I think you’re right. That’s what I meant but got it switched up. Just because I work in engineering doesn’t mean I’m good at math.

      1. When you compare what Washington and Lincoln did to modern RTK GPS, it’s actually amazing how accurate they were. Slogging through a swamp with a crew of dozens, camping every damn night, dealing with hostile natives. All I have to worry about is iPhone’s lousy wi-fi hotspot function, and the dubious numbers you get from the GLONASS birds.

          1. I’m not sure about how they do things in Argentina. But in the US, the original survey of any piece of land is still used as the basis for all subdivisions that were subsequently created within that parcel. And if an old George Washington survey disagrees with a brand-new, GPS/total station/CAD survey, George Washington wins.

            1. The original surveys of the southern coast of S America were all done by British geographers I believe, and in my dusty memory they were so accurate the more forlorn areas never really needed updating

            2. My town pre-dates Mr. Washington’s exploits by over 100 years. Property lines are just best guesses based on the location and orientation of the buildings.

              Had a tree that needed to be taken down. It could have been on my side, neighbor’s side or right on the line. Instead of paying a surveyor, I just split the cost with my neighbor. It seemed easier.

              1. I often recommend that very solution to the residents of the municipality I work for. Splitting the cost of the tree guy when the tree is obviously on the line is a lot cheaper than paying a surveyor just to measure a stupid tree.

              2. in planning a new garage I thought I’d have a survey done to get exact property line. I had no idea surveys were so costly and involved, the estimate was over 4 grand. Needless to say I didn’t get the survey.

                1. You need to find an old-timer, someone nearing retirement who still does them for extra cash. Someone without a massive overhead of equipment and personnel.

                2. Wow. That’s more than I thought it would be.

                  It was a huge tree near power lines and overhanging part of my house, part of the neighbor’s house and the neighbor’s garage. The survey would have been almost as much as the tree removal.

                  Now I really regret removing the surveyor stones that were in my yard. I was annoyed running into them when clearing brush. If I knew they were that valuable I would have built little protective structures around them.

                  1. Apparently a full on survey requires lots of record searches and physical surveying. If there’s not a legal dispute it’s much easier to just use the plan the city had for your plot and eyeball it. Here we have iron pins at the corners that are pretty easy to find.
                    Also the company I talked to does huge projects like shipyards and hospitals and stuff so they aren’t really a budget oriented concern.

                3. “garage” ? Sounds like somebody’s already adopted the fancy French system.
                  Just call it a car-hole like everybody else.

              1. Recycled joke:
                There are two kinds of countries. There are those who use metric, and those who strongarmed Nazis into helping them send men to the Moon.

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