I’ve left a note on its windshield, I’ve seen it parked on Detroit’s fabled Woodward Avenue, and I’ve seen it in the Walmart parking lot several times, but I’ve never managed to get in touch with its owner. The “it” I’m referring to is a vehicle so incredibly dilapidated, so rotted, so perforated that you’d be forgiven if you thought it had just been dredged up from the bottom of lake. I’m talking about the mysterious Dodge Diplomat that drives around Detroit, leaving a trail of rust flakes like an automotive Hansel And Gretel hoping to stumble back home after each miraculous day of commuting. Yes, I said commuting, for the unbelievably crusty Diplomat appears to be used for daily driving duty, cementing the fact that whoever’s job is is to keep this vehicle maintained may be the most devoted car-person in the history of earth. Or a fool.
I don’t know what the story is behind the mysterious Dodge Diplomat, which I’m calling the Detroit Diplomat in honor of the famously dilapidated but unkillable Chicago Cutlass that is in similar shape. Perhaps the owner bought the late 1980s machine realizing it’d be the final rear-wheel drive V8 Chrysler/Dodge sedan until the LX platform of the mid 2000s, and refused to transition to transverse-engine and front-wheel drive in the interim. Then by the time the LX came out, they were already in love with the old Dodge. Or maybe the owner helped design or build the Diplomat, and therefore has a close connection with it. Perhaps it’s a family heirloom? Or maybe the person just likes driving the car, with its gorgeous red velour interior. It’s not clear.
I’m sensitive to economic struggles that might force someone to keep driving a junker, though I’m not sure how much that makes sense as a reason for commuting in this old Dodge. One can still snag a decent cheap used car for about $1500 these days, and the fuel going into the big 360 V8 in this Diplomat — along with all the maintenance it probably needs to continue its daily-driving tasks — would quickly make it pricier to run than, say, a used Oldsmobile Alero with the fairly-reliable Twin-cam inline-four.
Whatever the reason for refusing to let go of the Diplomat, I respect it, because keeping something this old and this rusty on the road requires hard work. It also requires love.
For someone to willingly continue driving a vehicle this, uh, aesthetically challenged — to keep taping up the windows that apparently want to fall into the doors — one’s affection for this machine has to be off the charts and totally irrational. And as someone who refuses to sell his first car (I’m storing it in the woods in Michigan, far from where I now live — I know, totally irrational!), I understand it completely and I admire it.
The amount of rust creating gigantic bubbles beneath the paint is remarkable. And when those bubbles turn to holes, those voids are either patched with black duct tape or left for us to see the insides of the door panels:
[Editor’s Note: This is so far past normal rust, it looks like a skin disease. I feel like I should disinfect myself after just looking at this! – JT]
And it’s not just the windows and door-rust that require tape; the entire rear bumper appears to be taped (and then spray-painted silver) in order to hide copious perforations:
Many of you are, of course, thinking something along these lines: “This man is no hero, he’s irresponsible! This vehicle could get someone killed!” And there’s some truth to that; that said, I did peek under the car, and its floors and main structural elements appear to be — somehow — intact. You can see some rustproofing on the steel, so perhaps that’s part of it:
That right rear leaf spring hanger doesn’t look amazing, though maybe it still has some strength to it; it’s hard to tell. The rear leaf spring eye bushing is clearly in need of replacement — look at all that cracking! Oh, and the bottle (or whatever that is) falling out of the hole in the outboard part of the rear trunk floor isn’t ideal, either. Neither is the three-foot section of exhaust pipe missing at the middle of the car:
Also, I pray to the heavens that the rubber hose on the brake lines above are just there to prevent chafing, and not to, you know, seal the thing off (brake lines must be hard in order to handle the pressures).
The devotion needed to keep this old M-Body Dodge driving day in and day out is remarkable, and I admire that tremendously. I also admire that the owner continues to use whitewall tires, that they’ve managed to retain all four hubcaps, and that they’ve kept the interior looking so nice (I wish I had a good photo, though you can sort of see it in one photo towards the top of this article). But I just hope that the owner has the means to either restore this machine or send it to the great junkyard in the sky when it becomes a significant safety hazard.
“Freedom” can mean a lot of things. On one hand, freedom can be that the state lets you live your life, and won’t bother you when your car is in this condition. Yet when that’s the situation, it also means that nobody cares, safety or otherwise, and so you are on your own. Still, regardless how you feel about driving such a car in traffic, it was worth it, because now, we can all image David as he takes 50 photos of the car, climbing under it and investigating the solutions and the condition of the duct tapes, like a scientist not quite as mad as the dude driving this car. What an afternoon that must have been.
“Of course this old car is safe, how do you think it got to be this old?”
Of course it is also a good opportunity to demonstrate survivor bias.
“when it becomes a significant safety hazard.”
WHEN it becomes a significant safety hazard? How with that drivers side front wheel going from 30- to 15+ degrees of camber throughout your picture gallery not NOW a significant (read MASSIVE) safety hazard?
I hope the person gets back to you David. I’d love to hear their story. Maybe a retired auto worker?
That’s pretty rusty, but I’ve seen rustier!
Your image of the rigged fuel line (brake line) shows the presence of a number of unusual cars, some with their hoods raised and a group of guys standing nearby. The white Triumph TR is one I’d expect to see at a car show. So, maybe, the mysterious owner of this rust bucket might even be an Autopian.
We happened upon the Detroit Diplomat because the Michigan Autopian meetup was being held in the same parking lot that night!
Did you ever drive one of these? Nobody fell in love with it. Trust me.
And, you’re right about the gas it guzzles. I took a business trip once in a decommissioned Diplomat police car. My main reaction was for the mileage it got, it should have been faster–a lot faster.
I think I would have left a note that they need to get the car off the road. Seriously. That thing, on the freeway ( assuming it does go on the freeway) could easily have a major structural failure and cause a serious accident. I get a feeling this is probably owned by some old person who doesn’t have a lot of money. So here is an idea: Leave a note and beforehand start a gofundme to help buy them a safer car and indicate that in the note.
So, like, did you read the article? The one where he shows that is structurally not that bad? Meaning it in fact can’t “have a major structural failure and cause a serious accident”?
I went to school in Flint, where I think about 10% of the cars on the road looked at least this bad. I remember a couple pickups I used to see regularly with almost every body panel mostly gone. … They were definitely doing it because of poverty.
As long as the thing keeps driving it is going to look more economical to that person to keep driving it. Part of being stuck in poverty is not being able to recognize or afford forward-thinking tradeoffs like buying something better to save on gas and maintenance over some period of time.
It’s afford, more than anything, if the owner is in poverty. I don’t have the money to buy even a cheap replacement used car, nor could I realistically afford a car payment, so even though over time it will cost me a lot more to keep my current vehicle on the road, it’s functionally that or nothing. It’s expensive to be poor.
This is the kind of car where you can really channel your best Axel Foley impersonation. Go to a nice restaurant for dinner and tell the valet, “Can you put this in a good spot? Because all this shit happened the last time I parked here.”
I love the infamous local car. Where I live in Michigan, we have plenty of infamous cars on the block and in the city.
There is a particularly memorable burgundy colored, clapped out, GMT800 Suburban with large vinyl lettering across the back window that says “Big Red Hoe” with plenty of NSFW bumper stickers. It’s a local legend.
I also have a neighbor, middle aged guy, kinda worse for wear. In the summer he drives his skeletal mother (assuming here, but she looks like the right age) around in their very deflated looking 93′ facelift LeBaron convertible.
It’s wild to me that GMT400 Suburbans and old Cherokees are becoming collectable when I still see people daily driving dilapidated examples.
Big red hoe represent!!!
So Torch is raising the question/concern about EVs sticking around long enough to become classics while David is worried about EVs sticking around long enough to become dilapidated heaps like this.
“Skin disease”? More like leprosy. Wow. David is right – this isn’t just some run-down hooptie someone is driving to get by. It is a choice at this point. They need to track this owner down already. I’m sure there is a good story.
Maybe the owner is the future Mrs. Tracy.
The Hallmark executives probably have AI writing the script right now: “Rusty Hearts: A Christmas Love Story.”
I think I’ve already seen it. Tough to tell for sure though.
Question of the Day: Who would you cast as David Tracy and his love interest in Rusty Hearts?
Bonus QOTD: Who could possibly play Torch?
I put photos of them into an AI app and it suggested Donnie Walberg for DT and PJ Byrne for Torch.
That’s pretty spot on! And they’d both probably jump at the opportunity to do a Hallmark movie.
This is why I don’t fear AI, yet. Giovanni Ribisi is the obvious choice for David.
Torch is harder. I’m going with Johnny Galecki.
I don’t know. Byrne is a pretty great call for Torch. Byrne losing it in Babylon (“WHO SNEEZED?!”) maps pretty well to a Torch rant about missing frunks.
I just watched Raiders of the Lost Ark, and I cannot pretend that David isn’t a dead ringer for the villainous Major Arnold Ernst Toht (Ronald Lacey). Sadly, Lacey died over thirty years ago.
So we’re ignoring the Chicago Oldsmobile?
cmon, at least read the article…
“The Rustiest Daily-Driver In America” becomes entirely pointless as an article, because it isn’t “The Rustiest Daily-Driver In America”
What nation does this diplomat represent? Molvania, The Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry?
I have to wonder if some cars like this are driven and maintained out of spite. Perhaps the owner knows that Michigan salts the roads excessively to rust cars out sooner and encourage more sales, so he’s obsessively maintaining a very dilapidated old car for as long as possible, no matter how ugly and rusty it gets, just to stick it to the man.
Like, if you are determined to make cars rust, you will be forced to witness this rusty abomination in all of its oxidized glory until its doors rust off the hinges and drag behind it as it drives along unperturbed, leaving a trail of brown dust in its wake. This car is meant to haunt Detroit. It exists as a reminder of past sins. It is a performative art piece and an act of rebellion against planned obsolescence.
I can understand this logic. I have a wallet from 1996. It wasn’t expensive, a gift for a birthday or christmas (my birthday is in late December so, hard to recall). The wallet is falling apart and my wife has tried to replace it. I’m just so close to 30 years that I can’t stop now. in 10 years, I may very well be saying the same thing.
I still wear clothing I had from 1999. Planned obsolescence sucks.
Same; luckily my JNCOs are finally coming back into style.
It’s like the 30 year old push mower I keep going because I absolutely HATE throwing things away and love keeping things going that shouldn’t. The self-propel doesn’t work, and I could find parts for it, so I just pulled the gears and push it. The handle finally gave way, so I fixed that with a sleeve and a couple bolts. At the same time, I replaced the pull start coil and head gasket. It is not rational, but brings me a little joy.
I was most captivated by the things that are somehow okay – like the nearly intact red pinstripe. Also, how is there still so much bright trim soldiering on? That stuff should have all flaked and fallen off by now, given the way everything else looks. It’s like the tornado that rips through a town and leaves behind a table fully set with plates, cups, and silverware, waiting for dinner.
Are we allowed to spit take beer here.
I’m unsure, this place is kinda high-brow.
As a former Sooner, I approve this message.
As a current Sooner, seconded!
All that rust and crust, but they’ve got the self-respect to keep it riding on white walls. Hell yeah (…at least I hope those are relatively current).
A car like this just goes to show how tough some Michiganders can be.
Based on the pics, I can tell this is a 1989 model, in Black Cherry Metallic. One thing of note, this car would have a 318 under the hood, the 360 was reserved for police models.
For years my grandfather, a reasonably high level manager with Ford, drove the rustiest and most pitiful looking cars, usually a Ford Thunderbird or Mercury Cougar, of 1977-78 vintage. His reasoning? They were easier to work on, and he didn’t need to prove anything to anyone!
There is a story behind this car. Maybe
several. The front clip seems relatively unscathed. Not a high bar. To the extent we can see it, so does the rear. Roof is hard to tell. Undercarriage rust significant, but does it match the body? How awful is the interior? What happened to this car?
Story 2. Limited evidence shows a decent tire. It’s wearing hubcaps. And the duck tape has been applied with thought.
I speculate that someone with a limited geographical footprint making it work on the cheap.
Obviously David Tracy bait.
I’m guessing the note David left on the Diplomat said “I’d love to buy this, call me!” and the owner thought it was a prank.
Cars like this make me thankful we have safety inspections.
Michigan doesn’t. I love knowing that my insurance will go up if I get t-boned by a Diplomat with load-bearing rust and brake hoses patched with dollar store balloons and old chewing gum. Hooray for no fault insurance! Hooray for no safety inspections!
Ehh, data shows that safety inspections don’t do a lot for actual safety. About half of the states in the US have inspections, and if you compare mechanical-failure-related crashes in inspection states and non-inspection states……. It’s pretty much zero crashes. Mechanical failures cause a pretty insignificant amount of crashes compared to driving on your phone, driving on drugs, or being a moron in general.
It’s the ultimate get away vehicle.
Just keep a Super Soaker full of naval jelly in the trunk and make any evidence of its existence disappear into a reddish brown puddle on the blacktop.
“Where’d it go?”
This is a great car to show Europeans who naturally assume that cars here must be subjec to inspections. Inspections? Who needs inspections? Michigan will let you drive anything that rolls under its own power.
“Inspection Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!”
Washington state resident.
It’s the Wild West out here.
I live in Oregon and can confirm. If it’s got headlights and an insurance card, you can get plates for it.
I lived in Michigan for 20 years. I once accidentally registered a car that I had scrapped 2 years earlier (scrapyard didn’t take the title). You can actually get a plate for a car that doesn’t even exist!
Actually, I think Europeans tend to naturally assume that none of the United States do safety inspections and are surprised to find out that some actually do
When I moved to Indiana the only inspection they did was to confirm there was a car in the parking lot with a VIN that matched my title. Literally nothing else, and I was on my way.