‘Twas the day before the night before the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The warning lights were blinking, and they just wouldn’t stop.
The Autopians were gathered, wishing they were in their beds,
While visions of repair bills danced through their heads.
Or something like that. Welcome to another Shitbox Showdown! Today, we’re having a four-way shootout as we often do at the end of the week, but this time there’s a twist: instead of choosing which car you want, you’ll be deciding which car you would want to bestow (or foist) upon one of us writers. I’ll explain in just a sec.
First, let’s see which Studebaker refugee you chose yesterday. It was a really close vote, and I would have a hard time deciding between these two myself, actually. But in the end, the Avanti squeaked out a narrow win, and I think this would be my choice as well. That Packard is just too intimidating. I’d feel a lot more at ease, and have a lot more fun, tinkering around with an Avanti II.
All right. So here is the scenario I’ve come up with for you today: You have the power to give one of these cars to one Autopian writer as a gift. That writer must accept the car, and must write about it throughout the coming year. You don’t get any say in what they do with it, except that they must keep it and use it as a source of inspiration for content. So you’ll be voting for a car, and then commenting on who gets it, and why. Let’s recap our choices:
1982 Avanti II
I have to say, I take some issue with those who would label this a “kit car.” First, they were never available as such; Avanti IIs were sold only as complete cars, smog-legal and everything. Second, this is an Avanti, through and through. It’s just not a Studebaker Avanti. If this is a kit car, then so are fifty years’ worth of Caterham Sevens, except those actually are available as kits. As with Caterham, the Avanti Motor Company bought the rights to a model that went out of production, resumed building it with some small modifications, and sourced alternate existing powertrains for it. Think of it as its own thing, a continuation of what started under Studebaker, not a replica of it.
I mean, call it what you will, I guess, but I call it cool. I’d paint it charcoal-gray, or maybe navy blue, to let the red interior pop, and ditch the Daytons for some Magnum 500s or something. I never much liked wire wheels. I probably wouldn’t even worry about messing with the 305; it’s likely fast enough for me. Just show up to Cars & Coffee or local cruise nights and piss off all the Corvette owners by taking the wind out of their sails.
1982 Peugeot 604 Turbodiesel
This old French tank really appeals to me as well. It’s exotic, but not like a Lamborghini or anything as flashy or gauche as that; this is a humble car that brings to mind exotic locales. You get the feeling that if you flew to Tunisia or someplace and hired a “limo” to take you from the airport to your hotel, they’d show up in a 604 diesel. It feels worldly in a way that far more exciting cars don’t.
And there is that legendary French comfort at work here. I’ve ridden in a Peugeot 504 diesel before, and I was very impressed by the ride and the comfort of the seats. I get the feeling that this 604 is just the same, only more so. No, it won’t be quick, even once you fix its current drivability issues. But I bet it sails along down the highway at 80 just fine.
1986 Nissan 300ZX Turbo
This bright red GT is probably the quickest and fastest car here, and likely by a wide margin. The VG30ET turbocharged V6 under its hood puts out near-enough 200 horsepower, small potatoes today, but a healthy number for the Reagan era. Even better, it’s equipped with the proper gearbox for the job, with five speeds and three pedals, as the sports car gods intended.
And if by chance you get bored with shifting gears, you have a whole bunch of buttons you can push. Most of them probably still even work, knowing how well bubble-economy-era Japanese cars were built. And I just noticed the equalizer below the stereo! Man, I miss playing with those things.
1970 Fiat 850 Sport Spider
But just in case you consider a Japanese car too reliable, here’s a nice cantankerous Italian car to even things out. This little green Fiat has the sort of face you can’t stay mad at when it gives you fits, though, like a puppy who chews up your slippers, but then hits you with “that look” that gets them out of trouble every time. And it doesn’t currently run anyway, so really, there’s nowhere to go but up.
Once you get it running, you put it on (this is a car you more or less wear, not ride in) and buzz through the gears with an angry weed-eater engine pushing you along. It’s like acting out your rally fantasies at one-third speed. Tremendous fun – until some dude in a bro-dozer fills your rearview mirror and reminds you just how tiny and vulnerable you really are.
So there they are. Now it’s time for you to choose one of them, and tell us in the comments who you’re giving it to. We’ve all been very good this year (well, except Adrian, who takes pride in being on the “naughty” list), but you can only bestow one imaginary gift upon one of us. Which one will it be?
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good … Friday morning!
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
I choose the Fiat, to be mutilated with a Tesla drive system swap and a roughly 30 kWh battery, the car repainted in hotrod black, to be gifted to Adrian Clarke.
The Fiat 850 would make a great banner or T-shirt image for the website, but it’s not quirky-enough for this group. Nothing says, “quirky” like Avanti!
I voted Peugeot, though I’m not entirely sure who I’d give it to…. I just really want to see content on it! (Live vicariously, and all that….)
I voted for the Fiat and I choose to gift it to Jason because he’s a connoisseur of things small and slow, and because he needs something he can drive under a deer. Merry Christmas and, oh crap, it’s Santa and his reindeer! Duck Torch!
You hit deer low they come through the windshield.
Overall, I voted for the Z car, because it’s the nicest of the bunch, and I’d give it to Adrian. It’s a damn good design and he deserves a sporty car that’s more reliable and probably handles better than his Mondial. As much as I love the Avanti, and was relieved to see it win over the Packard, it wasn’t nice enough to win today against the Z. If I was choosing one for myself, it would be the Avanti all day, but it wasn’t good enough to gift to someone else.
For the Autopian gift-giving, I’m going with the Fiat. It’s enough trouble to provide interesting stories for a while, and that lime green amphibian face will be a joy to see every time it pops up. Like others, I’d give it to Torch, since that car is for the short in stature, tall in power, narrow of purpose, and wide of vision.
And when present shopping, you’ve got to grab something for yourself, so I’ll take the Z. Pretty good deal, and the red might grow on me.
I’m torn between the sweet little Fiat because I love those things and the rad GenX nostalgia of the digital dash in the Z. I voted Fiat because the dash probably doesn’t work anymore.
I mean, lots of thing in the Fiat probably don’t work, either, but at least I know I can fix them.
I’ll nominate the Fiat because it’s probably underappreciated, still capable of being a fun and attractive car, and also likely to be quirky enough to be worthy of inflicting on any Autopian writer in order to fuel assorted ramblings.
That, and I’m keeping the Avanti for myself.
Of the four, I like the Fiat. It’s light, nimble, tossable in corners, and would make a great EV conversion or even an LS1 swap… I like my deathtraps to be very deathtrappy, and that little Fiat does not disappoint even in stock form. Add an LS1 to it, and oh man, look out for Deadly McDeathtrap!
If you do that you may have to add some ballast in the front to keep the front wheels on the ground. Or don’t, especially if your goal is deathtrap.
There’s no way an LS would fit in there but damn I want to see someone try
You’d be surprised. I saw someone fit one into an Austin Healey Bugeye Sprite, and it had a massive supercharger sticking out of the hood that blocked the driver from seeing the road! Lots of custom fab work required to do it though, given the car was never meant to have such a large lump of metal powering it…
Or more thana couple 9v batteries
I’m going with the Z and I’m gifting it to Tracy but first I’m going to superglue that Dokken casette into the tape deck so he gains some culture (and probably a mullet) over the year he drives it.
Idk if DT has the genes to grow a mullet
What an embarrassment of riches today! Maybe I’m just in an extra good mood going into the holidays, but I like them all!
I voted for the Avanti because I’ve always had a thing for those, but you really can’t go wrong with any of them.
The Z is rad; the Fiat is cheerful; and even the Peugeot is on the right side of quirky. The new owners of all of these will be very happy with their slick new rides for sure.
Like most of the commentariat, I’d give the Fiat (which got my vote) to Jason.
And I also would gift the Avanti to Adrian. Design icon, meet design icon.
The 604 would go to Thomas, because I think Canadians are more likely to appreciate the Peugeot’s charms.
And Tucker, I would gift the 300ZX to you, as a small token for the great Showdowns you’ve provided all year.
I went with the Peugeot, but I can’t really put my finger on why. Content-wise, I suppose I just want articles about it frustrating the owner for very little payoff.
I see below that someone else agrees and went with Matt, so I’m going to second that opinion.
I’d gift that Teal Alfa so I get a year of fun rebuild articles!
Voted for the Avanti because I’d just keep the Nissan for myself…
1982 Peugeot 604 Turbodiesel
This should go to Jason, for him to drive in stately comfort while he recuperates.
Fiat to Torch (absolutely appropriate)
Avanti to David (if he’s going Hollywood, at least do it in Tracy style)
300ZX to Mercedes (perfect match to any early 80’s UJM)
Peugeot to Laurence (send it to Australia: it’s not the Sahara, but it is the Outback)
I’d give the 300 to Mercedes and hope she’d loan it to me since I don’t live too far away.
The Fiat has Torch written all over it. Get David on over to fix the damned thing for him so our boy can smile right back at it and do deep dives on the taillights.
As the owner of a ’92 205, I had to vote for the Peugeot
It is tempting to give the Fiat to Mercedes, but she already has too many vehicles.
So I’m giving the Avanti to Adrian. He appreciates good design and Loewy’s Avanti was one of America’s best. Plus, the fact that it is one of the later continuations with square headlights rather than the much better original round lights in squircle bezels should be just enough to drive him mad.
Nissan for the win.
And give it to Mercedes so she has something reliable, and not a total Shitbox to drive.
Happy holidays to all at the site. Really appreciate all the great stuff and the hard work you all do. But I do miss the days before DT was domesticated. Seriously, a good story about poor decisions tends to make my day.
I am Giving the Nissan to Thomas. I get the feeling he needs to experience the 80s on a more personal level.
That was my reasoning for giving the ZX to David
The 604 should go to Torch. He has had a hell of a year, especially this last month. He and his family deserve to be pampered in a comfortable and dignified, albeit by no means conforming, road chariot.
He may write endlessly about the difference in tail lights design between Euro and US Pugs, and, if the gods are still on his side, find someone who brings him Euro spec headlights, grille and bumpers.
I know he would rather have the rear engined little beast, but for the time being the soothing nature of the 604 seems more fitting. Also, I love ’70s Peugeots, and would love to read more about them.
I chose the Peugeot for Matt Hardigree because he turns out gold when he’s frustrated, and that car’s going to be frustrating.
You are a bad person. I’m all ears now.
to be honest the Avanti probably has the exact same LG4 305 that an California 1982 Vette would have.