The Many Credit Cards It Takes To Own A Modern Volkswagen: COTD

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A lot of us here at the Autopian love modern Volkswagens, though sometimes I’m not entirely sure why. As I write this, one of my Jetta diesel wagons has a cracked DPF, a clogged EGR, and a sticking turbo actuator. My Passat diesel wagon has a transmission that leaks and doesn’t like shifting into fifth gear. My Volkswagen Touareg VR6 seems to be leaking power steering fluid from somewhere expensive. Oh, and the transmission doesn’t like being rushed. Do that and it’ll slam gears, oy vey. Add the worn-out suspension and who knows how much money it would take to fix all of that stuff.

Earlier today Jason asked an important question, just what are those slots for on the dashboards of Volkswagen and Audi products? Silly Jason, those slots are for one thing only, from Citric:

The card holders are so you have:

1-The card for your favorite tow truck driver
2-The card for your favorite mechanic
3-The card for your bank so you can clear the major cash transfer to that mechanic
4-The card for the therapist that will help you emotionally deal with the emotional trauma of owning a 2010 VW Tiguan

Since we missed a COTD, I’m giving a second nomination today. Apparently, there’s an actual government surveillance van for sale in Chicago right now. It’s the perfect vehicle for the van owners out there, from MSB:

My wifi network for years was “FBI Surveillance Van” because my across the street neighbor had a white Chevy Astro panel van perpetually parked in front of my house. Good times.

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I love it! I’ve chosen the Simpsons references for my networks. One of my Wi-Fi networks is named “Flowers By Irene” and my other network is “Two Guys From Quantico Pizza.” Have a great evening, everyone.

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12 thoughts on “The Many Credit Cards It Takes To Own A Modern Volkswagen: COTD

  1. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who appreciates a good Simpsons-reference-as-a-wifi-network-name. I’ve been using ScrewFlanders for more than a decade.

  2. You can’t say FBI van for sale without a link!

    Everyone I know who bought from the cult of VAG has paid dearly, water pumps, window motors, door actuators, transmissions…. The money light is perpetual.

    I’ve gone the Honda route, an Accord Euro (Acura TSX for you USians) and a Jazz Vibe (Fit, JDM model) here in Australia. Spent barely anything over servicing.

    That said I had many air cooled Kombis (busses) and bugs and a glorious T3 fastback with a hot Berg motor for years pre kids when safety was never a thought.

    1. Apparently there is a dealership that had a full sized van traded in. It is about 20 years old. It is full of supposed surveillance equipment.
      However, none of it works.
      I’ve also heard that this is an old movie prop.

  3. I’d like to use this article to say a word of hope for anyone stuck on a VW nightmare.

    Last year, after owning a VW beetle tsi EA888 for two years and dealing with three water pump failings, several leaks and the constant fear of bankruptcy on the transmission, I have finally accepted that enough is enough. Sold it with a major loss and got myself a ct200h as a daily driver.

    I now go slowly but I’ll always arrive!

    To address the current lack of emotion on my motorway ventures, I may trade my 94 Corolla dx for a 10′ Subaru outback.

      1. I’ve always been partial to the New Beetles (esp after watching someone – I forget who, Pastrana maybe? race one in the short-lived rallycross series) but wondered why they’re so rare on the roads now.

        I feel I understand now.

    1. How is an Outback your answer for emotion? I guess you could get a 2010 with something that isn’t a CVT but the 2.5 is dull and the 3.6 likes to explode even more than a typical subi mill.

      1. It is the 3.6. I live in Brazil. Our market is weird about power outputs. For years during 80’s untill late 00’s powerful mainstream cars were 2 liters with something around 120-150 HP.

        So for my perspective a 3.6 Subaru with 200+ HP is quite good. It will allow me to cruise fast and get on trails which are abundant where I live.

        I don’t want SUVs.

    2. Matt Farah did a, “One Take” years ago with a extremely well setup Lexus ct200h.

      Was it fast? No. Did it handle extremely well while still also being comfortable? Oh yes.

      Lateral Gs always beat longitudinal Gs. Might be surprised with what a ct200h can do in that department. Plus you get to be the guy in a fancy Prius that people can’t shake on a backroad.

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