One of the biggest benefits of being in the automotive media business is that you’re never left wanting for exciting press releases from a vast panoply of companies and organizations. You’re never out of the loop, any loops! It’s just as dazzling as you can imagine. Today, I got an especially good one, from the Fobreze company, which is not even remotely affiliated with other companies with only a solitary vowel’s difference in name and a near-identical logo. This entirely other company told me about a study they did in their automotive stenchification department. They determined, over the course of an entire year, which car air freshener scents were the least popular. They’ve shared with me the 15 poorest-selling scents, and now, as a public service, I’m going to share them with you. So get ready.
Another organization had a similar list of 2022’s least popular scents, which I covered before, and it’s fascinating to see how tastes change from year-to-year.
The Frobreze company specializes in liquid-based car scents, the kind that clip onto your air vents, and they have over 27,500 unique scents in their catalog. In fact, the factory that produces them is so large, it currently takes up all of the land area of Rhode Island, which is why Rhode Island was relocated to Colorado, if you were wondering about that.
Their factory is also one of only two Earth-based objects that can be smelled from space, with 100,000-mile gear oil still retaining the number one position, so please be sure to send your tub of gear oil my heartfelt congratulations on that.
Okay, enough prelude – let’s get to the 15 least popular car air freshener scents, starting with number 15 and going up to number one:
15. Pizza Grease Runoff, 14. Alleyway Loveplay, 13. Electricity
Food-based scents are generally quite popular, but Pizza Grease Runoff never found the audience that Fobreze’s regular $1 Pizza Slice scent did. Alleyway Loveplay was part of Fobreze’s Romantix Encounterz series, but seems to have failed to capture the sensual imagination of drivers. Electricity just made people sick, generally.
12. Traffic Cone Mating Musk, 11. Veiled Threat, 10. Traumas, Unresolved
The idea of capturing the musk of a wild traffic cone in mating season seemed like a powerful idea at the time, but the unwanted reactions of other traffic cones in heat required this one to be pulled from the market after only a few months. Both Veiled Threat and Traumas, Unresolved proved too effective, causing most motorists to stop their cars in abject fear or because they were sobbing too hard to drive.
9. Thick Cheeses, 8. Lingering Dread, 7. Baby Urine (like in commercials)
Cheese-based air freshener scents have always been a hard sell, and the rich, redolent tang of trunk-ripened gouda seems to be no exception. Lingering Dread Seems to simply not be a mood many motorists were seeking, with focus groups stating it was a scent they were generally more than able to generate on their own. Baby Urine (like in commercials) was based on the blue fluid used to fill diapers, but too many customers found they confused it with the blue fluids used to simulate menstrual fluid in tampon commercials.
6. Determined Oscelot, 5. Ignorance Bliss, 4. 2015 Toyota Camry
Determined Oscelot was pulled for two reasons: first, a typo in the name, and second, it was potent enough that it scared the crap out of people’s dogs, who would refuse to get in the car. Ignorance Bliss was determined to be too condescending. The 2015 Toyota Camry scent , which was praised for its ability to make any car smell just like a 2015 Toyota Camry, was a technical triumph but possibly a solution looking for a problem. It’s still available to military clients, who often saturate the inside of tanks with the smell to help keep crews relaxed.
3. Forgotten Butter, 2. William H. Macy, 1. Raw Ambergris
The top three are an interesting batch. Forgotten Butter’s subtle yet unsettling smell tended to cause drivers peculiar amounts of anxiety, mostly due to the chemicals used to convey the “forgotten” part, which tended to affect memory centers of the brain in negative ways. Noted actor William H. Macy’s signature scent was generally found to be too potent and rich for most drivers, and in an added twist, Macy himself was discovered to be buying massive quantities of the air freshener in order to give the illusion of better sales, but he was caught, and is currently being charged under California State Air Freshener Abuse Law.
Raw Ambergris would likely have been a fantastic seller, were it not for the “smell” that made people “vomit.”
Fascinating stuff! I’m told if you can find any of these on eBay, they’re worth quite a bit, especially the Bill Macy ones!
The most memorable car smell I’ve experienced was my second mk1 MR2. The background was the time my cat diarrhoeaed in it on the way back from the vet, causing my other cat to urinate, both fluids escaping from their separate travel cases. The foreground was the time my drunk ex-wife felt sick in it, so I stopped, she opened the door, leaned over and vomited neatly in to the door pocket.
I was going to market it as “feral regret” but it turns out that TVR own that phrase as a trim level.
Rationally smelled, it is quite unpleasant, but actually I do like the characteristic smell of 40+ year old Volvo: Mold, vinyl, damp carpet, motor oil, dirt, all mixed together. they all have it.
I’m a sucker for “old Citroen” which is similar but with LHM fluid and cigarettes.
i siliconed the gear adjustment flap to the tunnel carpet in my 356 recently, so now it almost hasn’t got that sulphur’y 80w90 cabin smell anymore. I still get exhaust in from a rusty heat exchanger though, so only drive it with the windows down. Oh the joy of very old cars 😉
Well, that’s just a variation of “old Renault” with some LHM added to it.
My 56 Lincoln had to have the Mouse Hotels removed, but after that the pee smell faded. Then you could whiff remnants of nice engine oil, barn dirt, and 50 years of windows down cruising.
Traumas, Unresolved could probably be a good name for the real perfume I’ve been wearing lately. It’s actually called poison ivy and comes in a little black bottle. Basically, it’s goth perfume. Also, I once spritzed it on a cabin filter before installing. I really don’t recommend that as it turned out to be extremely strong for about a month.
I’m embarrassed with myself at how long it took me to realize this was satire.
Was it before or after you Googled “Fobreeze?”
(I figured it for certain at “Baby Urine.”)
When somebody shoves something under your nose and says “here, smell this,” has it ever in human history been something that smelled good?
“Smell my fingers.”
“Look at this meme.”
finger, singular
I feel the same way about anybody that tries to show me something on their smartphone.
Get that away from me before I’m forced to slap it out of your hand.
Up until I saw the mock ups of the products and read the ridiculous (but ingenious) fake scent names, you had me hook, line and sinker.
It was completely plausible to me that there was some knockoff company selling on Amazon that ripped off Febreze.
Not sure what that says about the state of things in the world but I found it completely reasonable you might have gotten your hands on some of their internal data about lowest selling scents.
Also, “Traumas, Unresolved” leads me to believe there is an entire line of Trauma scents where there would be many options under that umbrella. “Traumas, Teenage Bully” or something is selling like hot cakes.
Well done.
Then there’s a scent “Therapist’s Office” that wipes out the various “Trauma” smells.
We really need a new word for therapist that doesn’t include a horrific trauma trigger word.
“I’ll take Ape tit for 400 Trebec..”
When I worked at a pharmacy with a small retail area as a stock clerk, we received a box of Revlon something or other wherein one bottle had broken in transit. Cleaning that stuff up was a horrible experience. I had to use a whole lot of rubbing alcohol to clean it up. I can still recall the stench some many decades later. I hadn’t learned about respirators yet.
I have ten suggestions:
-Superfund Site Delight
-CAFO (Bovine)
-CAFO (Porcine)
-Turkey Processing Plant
-Truck-stop Lot Lizard
-Burning Hair
-Porta Potty at Woodstock ’99
-Crusty Underwear
-Putrefaction
-Pig’s Blood
-Feminine Discharge
-Mung
You are describing the smell of Shamrock Texas perfectly.
Durian
How did Watusi Bull Excrement not make this list?
IDK, but this is COTD material either way.
Unfortunately, dead skunk decomposing in a barrel half full of water never made it out of the lab.
I can tell you it is truly unforgettable, especially after you have to pour the contents out onto the ground.
That one’s extremely popular—I smell it constantly in MA ever since they legalized marijuana. Dumbest thing I ever voted for.
Me after a five hour drive. I call it “Me NO.5”.
My scent is “Incontinent Mountain Lion” – a strong base of boiling coolant, a whiff of oil on concrete, and overtones of the kitty litter that sops it all up.
How about cat pee in holy grail jeep?
How about cat pee in Arizona? I can tell you from experience that there’s nothing like a car that a cat has peed in when the temperature hits 115.
This reminds me of the time I once spilled a full crock pot of baked beans on the passenger side floor of my SC300 while on the way to a family reunion.
My uncle worked for more than an hour to finally get the stain out, but that smell lingered for weeks, if not months.
I once dumped a decent amount of coolant on the driver’s side rear floor of my Mustang. Even after hours of diluting, scrubbing, and freshening, that sickly-sweet smell stayed for a lonnng time.
I know what you mean. I have bottles of coolant, oil, and brake fluid behind the driver’s seat of my E46 at all times.
The William H. Macy air fresheners are getting hard to find.
Which is sadder than any character he’s ever played.
The scent is surprisingly pleasant.
A woody top note of reviving bergamot, the richness and warmth of geranium, rose otto and exotic frangipani combined with dry base notes of vetiver and sandalwood.
Maybe not worst scents just poor distribution channels.
I read that the problem was quality control at the factory.
One in ten came out a little… off.
An eggy top note of revolting sulfur, the richness and warmth of flatulence, stale beer and exotic dancer combined with moist base notes of shame and halitosis.
WHM bought them all up because he couldn’t get out of the contract and didn’t want to be associated with that smell.
Hard to find because he’s been buying them all up.
No sun-kissed cheddar broccoli soup soaked floormat?
“Autopian Test Vehicle” failed during the focus group phase as the scent was deemed a war crime under the Geneva Convention.
So you’re saying they’re only available in Russia?
And later in ukraine
I am channeling my inner Archer. I want that Determined Oscelot!!
I mean, they could’ve just called that scent “the Babou”.
The only car air freshener I will ever use is Chemical Guys Signature Scent spray. It used to be called Stripper Scent but I guess they changed that as the brand went more mainstream.
New name is uninteresting. But if that’s really the original name… Well now I need to buy it to see.
Thanks.
Ooh, that smell
Can’t you smell that smell?
Ooh, that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Marjorie Taylor Greene sweaty Georgia underwear scent. And Boebert Colorado Crotch rot scented.
I think we need a new word here.
Unsubtling? Subtsettling?
Thought about subtsetting as well, but that would be more like subtle + upsetting which – while potentially accurate – doesn’t really adhere to the strict parameters of the situation. The best approach seems to be to portmanteau the line.
Gotta get me some of that ‘Determined Ocelot’
Ahem. *oscelot*
So much for those Elements of Style and rigorous journalistic standards. This site is better than most but I’m pretty sure there is not much serious spell-checking or proof reading going on.
I mean, Torch very clearly misspelled Oscelot intentionally given that the misspelling is the butt of a joke in the following paragraph.
I just appreciate that they’re keeping their work original, informative, and generally well researched by people who actually give a shit about their craft. Keep that up and I can always live with typos.
My apologies to Torch and the rest of the great Autopian contributors. Clearly I got a little overbent reading Hardigee’s tone deaf article about their New York Times level journalistic standards.
Very trigger shy on clicking on this post….flash backs to the old site.
very glad Fobreze never released an “herbal” scent
Would the “Electricity” scent be more accurately labeled as “Elon Musk Musk”, or maybe just Elon?
I initially thought the “Traffic Cone Mating Musk” was named after him because his cars had a propensity toward things on the highway (/jk).
It’s funny because it’s true.
“Elon’s Musk”